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Helping someone struggling emotionally

  • 23-07-2019 8:24pm
    #1
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,086 ✭✭✭✭


    Not sure this is the right place to post this but I can’t think where else.

    Someone I know is battling cancer and not doing too good. Not officially terminal but just not doing well. I checked in to enquirer how they were doing and the reply I got was “I’m scared and depressed”.

    I’m just not sure what I can do or say to help.


Comments

  • #2
    _blaaz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,646 ✭✭✭_blaaz


    Gael23 wrote: »
    Not sure this is the right place to post this but I can’t think where else.

    Someone I know is battling cancer and not doing too good. Not officially terminal but just not doing well. I checked in to enquirer how they were doing and the reply I got was “I’m scared and depressed”.

    I’m just not sure what I can do or say to help.

    Just ask em how their treatment is going/have they long left


  • #3
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    Fk it wrote: »
    Load of ****

    .....nah, fk it.


  • #4
    sullivlo
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 9,994 Mod ✭✭✭✭sullivlo


    _blaaz wrote: »
    Just ask em how their treatment is going/have they long left
    Long left on the treatment. Not long left in life.


  • #5
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    Fk it wrote: »
    before Sky TV times and you can ignore it if you want but there's plenty of elements there. A simple Google of Chelsea/Rangers brings up 100's of links and loyalist images. Linfield are a smaller club but they're there too. The Chelsea of today is different to the Chelsea even of the mid 90's but the element is absolutely still there and woven into the fabric of a portion of their fan base who'd be very fond of the ''No Surrender'' crap. Obviously it's not officially endorsed by the club!

    Chelsea isn't just this megabucks superclub that you see on TV. Put it this way, you wouldn't bring an Irish tri-colour into one of their supporters bars if you knew what was good for you.


    It got so bad back in the mid '80's & into the '90's at Stamford Bridge with Nazi Nuremberg style salutes by the thousands, vile racist abuse particularly of Black players & fans, that many of their Irish supporters changed over to supporting Arsenal. Chelsea supporters even used to sing racist songs about Welsh people.

    Was over in Baku for the EL final, walked past a Chelsea / Rangers pub, still singing loyalist & racist songs, Linfield / Rangers shirts, UDA/UVF flags so nothing much has changed . :rolleyes:

    Is this really the thread you want to troll? Why not pick a more trivial one for the short amount of time you'll be here?


  • #6
    Yer Da sells Avon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,737 ✭✭✭Yer Da sells Avon


    Gael23 wrote: »
    I’m just not sure what I can do or say to help.

    There might not be a lot you can say, but maybe just being there for them and listening could help.


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  • #7
    _blaaz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,646 ✭✭✭_blaaz


    sullivlo wrote: »
    Long left on the treatment. Not long left in life.

    :pac:


    Yes that is what i meant!.....though then people be glad to chat crap about anything else then afterwards


  • #8
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users Posts: 23,650 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    Gael23 wrote: »
    Not sure this is the right place to post this but I can’t think where else.

    Someone I know is battling cancer and not doing too good. Not officially terminal but just not doing well. I checked in to enquirer how they were doing and the reply I got was “I’m scared and depressed”.

    I’m just not sure what I can do or say to help.


    On the little bit of information you’ve given, there’s not much anyone here is going to be able to do or say that’ll help all that much either really.

    You could do worse than ask the person themselves what they need or if they need anything, and if they tell you they don’t need anything, I wouldn’t push it. I’d literally play it by ear tbh.


  • #9
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,086 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    On the little bit of information you’ve given, there’s not much anyone here is going to be able to do or say that’ll help all that much either really.

    You could do worse than ask the person themselves what they need or if they need anything, and if they tell you they don’t need anything, I wouldn’t push it. I’d literally play it by ear tbh.

    When someone tells you they feel down and are scared they might be going to die in a short space of time I don’t find the right words easily


  • #10
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Deleted User wrote: »
    .....nah, fk it.
    I love his posts.

    :D

    Sorry to hear about your friend OP.

    Hide yourself so you don't bother them yet at the same time be there in the shadows in case they do.

    Maybe you could drive them to appointments. Or clean their house cook etc.

    Be calm around them. Just be nice. Give them a lot of space as well.

    Tell them they just have to hold on and do nothing else. This time next year will be better.


  • #11
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Gael23 wrote: »
    When someone tells you they feel down and are scared they might be going to die in a short space of time I don’t find the right words easily

    And its okay to tell them that. They aren't looking for you to provide them with all the answers. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give is just listening.


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  • #12
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users Posts: 23,650 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    Gael23 wrote: »
    When someone tells you they feel down and are scared they might be going to die in a short space of time I don’t find the right words easily


    I don’t think anyone does tbh, your situation is completely understandable.


  • #13
    Leg End Reject
    Registered Users Posts: 16,313 ✭✭✭✭Leg End Reject


    Gael23 wrote: »
    When someone tells you they feel down and are scared they might be going to die in a short space of time I don’t find the right words easily

    The reality is there's nothing you can say to help. Tell them you're sorry they're feeling like that and let them know you're there if they want to chat.

    They might prefer to talk about mundane, non-cancer related things too. Sometimes a conversation you would have had before being unwell is welcome, a lot of people will simply tiptoe around them afraid of saying the wrong thing.
    https://forumofgames.com/index.php

    >>> Staying Alive <<<



  • #14
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    let them make the running in the conversation.


  • #15
    OldGoat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,631 ✭✭✭✭OldGoat


    I'd start that conversation by telling them "I’m just not sure what I can do or say to help".

    I'm older than Minecraft goats.



  • #16
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,086 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    OldGoat wrote: »
    I'd start that conversation by telling them "I’m just not sure what I can do or say to help".

    That makes sense. Just let them know your there to listen


  • #17
    Thoie
    Registered Users Posts: 6,344 ✭✭✭Thoie


    This page might help. There's links to some PDFs at the bottom including "Lost for words - how to talk to someone with cancer".

    https://www.cancer.ie/support/coping-with-cancer/caring-for-someone-with-cancer/emotional-care#sthash.T7M9Ogjq.dpbs


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