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Asking work colleague for money for giving lift to work

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,322 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    Generosity and not being mean spirited seems to be a thing of the past. Sounds like a Polish or German way to think - many of whom are so defined by the stereotypical mean minded penny pinching that you’d wonder where they came from. No doubt you utterly resent your colleague by now - use the covid to stop giving them lifts & never offer again. When they see you going by as they wait in the lashing rain for a bus they will have their regrets and you can enjoy your pyrrich victory.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,687 ✭✭✭✭wonski


    Generosity and not being mean spirited seems to be a thing of the past. Sounds like a Polish or German way to think - many of whom are so defined by the stereotypical mean minded penny pinching that you’d wonder where they came from. No doubt you utterly resent your colleague by now - use the covid to stop giving them lifts & never offer again. When they see you going by as they wait in the lashing rain for a bus they will have their regrets and you can enjoy your pyrrich victory.

    Ironically the penny pinching individuals are the ones who need a lift all the time and they always come out better than you.

    All it takes is to offer to pay their share.

    They would rather sit there at the bus stop and hope you feel guilty.

    It's not about giving people a lift. It's about people earning similar money and one having it planned to get to work and another expecting everyone else to look after them.

    From environmental point of view car share and lifts are the way to go forward. Unfortunately it's me and you going forward and them expecting you to pick up the bill.

    They will never offer, always accept, though.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,491 ✭✭✭bb1234567


    Generosity and not being mean spirited seems to be a thing of the past. Sounds like a Polish or German way to think - many of whom are so defined by the stereotypical mean minded penny pinching that you’d wonder where they came from. No doubt you utterly resent your colleague by now - use the covid to stop giving them lifts & never offer again. When they see you going by as they wait in the lashing rain for a bus they will have their regrets and you can enjoy your pyrrich victory.

    He should resent the colleague, at best the colleague is inconsiderate and ungrateful and at worst conciously being mean and selfish with his money and allowing a person doing him favours constantly to have to take all the financial burden.


  • Registered Users Posts: 927 ✭✭✭BuboBubo


    Ahhh work beggars!

    Every workplace has one. They never have any fags, always giving the puppy dog eyes asking for things. Poor mouth on them, begging for painkillers for a terrible headache every other day.

    They never have money for anything, very often they earn more than the ones they beg from.

    Op, I'm probably a lot older and much more cynical than you, but my advice - get rid.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,763 ✭✭✭✭Potential-Monke


    If you don't want to go to the bother of asking for money or telling them you don't want to give them lifts anymore, start collecting him while coughing like a loon and leaving snotty tissues in the car. Especially on the seat he's in, and just as he's about to sit in stop him and apologise while you remove the snotty tissue from under them. They won't be long stopping asking for a lift.

    More realistically, start organising stuff to do after work which takes you in the opposite direction. Tell him you're off walking, or exercising, or whatever, but you're going the opposite direction. Even if you only drive off that way and take 3 lefts. Then some nights send a text saying you're not at home that night so won't be able to collect him in the morning. A while of that and he'll have found someone else to sponge off of, will start using public transport, or will start giving you money.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 100 ✭✭10fathoms


    Push him out of the car one morning while he's distracted on his phone or something. He'll probably get the message then.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 122 ✭✭Chicoso


    Tell him he needs to contribute a fixed fee to continue receiving the lifts


  • Posts: 7,792 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Abort mission.

    Leave half an hour earlier (or say you did) ostensibly to go to the shops/laundrette/hairdressers/bring a relative to the chemist etc.. and when they ask you why you didn't show up bull**** them. If any of those reasons are passable that is - unless they know your life story then they can't know you're shinin' them on - and then when they ask tell them something came up or somesuch and you forgot. Also say that you can't be guaranteed to be passing by their pickup point at a given time "going forward" as your personal circumstances/obligations/whatnot have changed.

    Even apologise profusely (you don't have to mean it - quite the opposite in fact), that way you can laugh all the more when you think of your "duplicitiousness" later on. They're taking you for a mug and could well be laughing at you with their friends. Think of it as revenge, how many books/Hollywood Blockbusters are based on this premise.

    At this stage it's highly unlikely they're gonna offer to contribute or that you're going to ask them to do so. If you can take a circuitous route every now and then, then do so, so you won't be passing them by.

    Fk em. Bad enough that they're tight, but what happens if you take a day off or some force majeure type stuff crops up then there's the added stress of keeping the leecher in the loop.

    I don't know the relationship/dynamic between you and the "liftee" or your geographical position between your abode/their location/your place of employment but this craic can't stand and you know it.

    Go with the bs approach if it's at all feasible.

    I'm trying to imagine your situation and put myself in your position. Fk it - get mad if you have to one morning and leave early or go a different way. You owe this person nowt. If they complain then make them feel guilty and if they have no shame go on the offensive and tell them where to go.

    Again I don't know the personal/geographical/colleague dynamic or indeed how close you are to them in your workplace or indeed even how much influence/social cachet they have there.

    Life's too short. Don't be afraid of lying - it doesn't make you a bad person.

    Best of luck.... If you need a negative emotion to pull this scheme off then hold onto that sheet.

    It's just one poster's opinion but you know there's something in there that makes sense.

    TLDR lie your ass off and come up with an excuse as to why you can no longer be relied upon to convey them gratis on the daily..


  • Registered Users Posts: 48 eprndrgst


    Like the poster above said make your excuses and don’t collect your colleague again.
    What are they gonna do question you??
    There is a very thin line between helping someone and being taken advantage of and once that line has been crossed you can’t go back!
    If you’re too good you’re no good!


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,175 ✭✭✭✭fits


    Jes Irish people are so weird. Just ask him for a contribution to petrol going forward. It’s not that difficult and it’s not in any way impolite!


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  • Posts: 7,792 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    ^^^^^^

    Damn straight :pac:


  • Posts: 7,792 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    ^^^^^^

    Damn straight :pac:

    That was for 2 posts above :P. Early in the morning here :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,158 ✭✭✭frag420


    How does the sponge get to work when you’re on your hols?

    Maybe change your routine for a while, go to the gym before or after work or start making social plans with mates after work which will be easier now that the evenings are longer!

    Or say the car is busted and you too take the bus for a couple of weeks until such time as they find someone else to sponge off, a small sacrifice to make!


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,000 ✭✭✭mad m


    I used to pick up work colleague on way to work, wasn’t out of my way. My situation was slightly different as I had company vehicle. No skin off my nose. Anyway all was well until he started showing up later and later, oh I used to drop him home also. Anyway one day I got a call my wife had bad fall so I flew home early. This work colleague rang my phone 10 times wondering where I was. I didn’t answer. He got all shirty about it next day.

    People can take you for granted,I just told him to make his way into work himself in future.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,132 ✭✭✭✭sammyjo90


    I find it strange the majority of people here wouldnt ask him for money.
    Its not giving a lift. Its carpooling

    Every one I know who has been the person in need of being brought to work by carpooling has contributed something to the driver, be it weekly or monthly.
    Granted this is probably laid out at the start.

    Tell him you need the money and if he doesnt chip in he's gonna have to find alternative arrangements.
    You are both adults after all..just stopping picking him up is a bit childish.talk to him properly


  • Registered Users Posts: 43,756 ✭✭✭✭Basq


    So you don't have to go out of your way to collect him and you want reimbursement? Jaysus, call it even given his company on the drive! :D

    I wouldn't ask given it's hardly an inconvenience by the sounds of things.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,763 ✭✭✭✭Potential-Monke


    Basq wrote: »
    So you don't have to go out of your way to collect him and you want reimbursement? Jaysus, call it even given his company on the drive! :D

    I wouldn't ask given it's hardly an inconvenience by the sounds of things.

    That could be part of the problem! I love my own time in my car, especially on the way to work. I've collected people a few times, but I've also been late because of this so had to stop offering, made excuses, but I was well covered as they lived in the city centre and we work on the outskirts, so it was out of my way and 5pm city centre traffic was killing my fuel economy!


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,659 ✭✭✭4Ad


    Book annual leave..dont tell him (you dont have to) after a couple of days or it happening a few times he might cop on...

    Or just ask for money ?
    He is going to bad mouth you anyway, but you will feel much better..


  • Posts: 7,792 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    fits wrote: »
    Jes Irish people are so weird. Just ask him for a contribution to petrol going forward. It’s not that difficult and it’s not in any way impolite!

    "Just" - possibly one of the most hateful/annoying words in the dictionary!
    If doing or saying something is so easy that on a whim a person can say to themselves: I'll 'just' do that and presto jobs a good 'un my problem is solved then they're operating on a different level than the majority; but unfortunately it's not as easy or as simple as that in reality.

    Why else are there shrinks/therapists etc making a killing and also forums catering to relationship/personal issues on this very site. If you're that confident/self assured yourself then all I can say is fair play.

    Also, I don't know or care if you're Irish or not but fair play for making that sweeping generalisation (truthfully - no joking or sarcasm). It's a pity other stereotyping is considered some kind of ist/ism/phobic.

    And a happy Friday to all of ye who are engaged in gainful :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,583 ✭✭✭✭mrcheez


    engaged in gainful?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,522 ✭✭✭chooseusername


    Play Daniel O' Donnell non-stop.
    He'll soon find his own way.


  • Registered Users Posts: 43,756 ✭✭✭✭Basq


    That could be part of the problem! I love my own time in my car, especially on the way to work. I've collected people a few times, but I've also been late because of this so had to stop offering, made excuses, but I was well covered as they lived in the city centre and we work on the outskirts, so it was out of my way and 5pm city centre traffic was killing my fuel economy!
    That's a bit of a different problem though..

    .. if you enjoy your commute (like I do.. podcast's etc) and/or you find yourself being made late etc. as a result, then indicate to him that it's not going to be a regular thing or stop it entirely.

    This thread is asking said person for money for the 'inconvienience" of picking him up.


  • Posts: 7,792 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    mrcheez wrote: »
    engaged in gainful?

    "gainful" - employment, that is, or working.

    A big part of the subject matter threadside :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,938 ✭✭✭Bigus


    Years ago , when fuel and cars were relatively much more expensive relative to income , contributing petrol money was almost automatic.
    This practice was so ingrained in irish people back in the 70’s, that I still get offered it from older people on long journeys, even today.

    So being advised not to ask for it is silly and arrogant, however I’d go further and ask for a decent contribution to motoring expenses which would be more substantial then fuel money only. Broach the subject by saying can we have a chat about you contributing to my motoring expenses in the morning as he shuts the door when you drop him off.


  • Registered Users Posts: 774 ✭✭✭Musefan


    It’s a tricky one. I was giving a manager of mine a lift for 3 months due to their circumstances of having no car. 1 hour extra in my commute each day, up to 3 hours on a few days there was snow. Week one they offered to pay when I stopped for petrol. Thought it was just a temporary arrangement so I said no. Fast forward 3 months later, no mention of money at all and I couldn’t say anything given their manager role & them evaluating my performance for a higher up manager. In retrospect, I should have nipped it in the bud and set the time limit for how long I could give the lifts. They caught a lift with another colleague a few times who outright said to them that they couldn’t do it again as it was taking them out of their way.


  • Posts: 7,792 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Musefan wrote: »
    It’s a tricky one. I was giving a manager of mine a lift for 3 months due to their circumstances of having no car. 1 hour extra in my commute each day, up to 3 hours on a few days there was snow. Week one they offered to pay when I stopped for petrol. Thought it was just a temporary arrangement so I said no. Fast forward 3 months later, no mention of money at all and I couldn’t say anything given their manager role & them evaluating my performance for a higher up manager. In retrospect, I should have nipped it in the bud and set the time limit for how long I could give the lifts. They caught a lift with another colleague a few times who outright said to them that they couldn’t do it again as it was taking them out of their way.

    That's how it starts. One can only hope that others reading this thread will take heed. Not much you can do really once the initial refusal to accept payment is accepted by the passenger; hard to bring the topic up after. It's a rock and a hard place - not to all posters though!


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,666 ✭✭✭irelandrover


    Basq wrote: »
    That's a bit of a different problem though..

    .. if you enjoy your commute (like I do.. podcast's etc) and/or you find yourself being made late etc. as a result, then indicate to him that it's not going to be a regular thing or stop it entirely.

    This thread is asking said person for money for the 'inconvienience" of picking him up.

    It is an inconvenience. You lose all the freedom that having your own car should give you. You have to start at he same time every day, you cant leave early or work a bit later to build up a few overtime hours.


  • Registered Users Posts: 43,756 ✭✭✭✭Basq


    It is an inconvenience. You lose all the freedom that having your own car should give you. You have to start at he same time every day, you cant leave early or work a bit later to build up a few overtime hours.
    But what I'm saying is monetary gain not going to fix any of the above..

    .. to fix that, you need to stop picking the person up entirely.


  • Registered Users Posts: 24,537 ✭✭✭✭Alf Veedersane


    Basq wrote: »
    That's a bit of a different problem though..

    .. if you enjoy your commute (like I do.. podcast's etc) and/or you find yourself being made late etc. as a result, then indicate to him that it's not going to be a regular thing or stop it entirely.

    This thread is asking said person for money for the 'inconvienience" of picking him up.

    The OP specifically said that its not inconvenient.

    It's the principle...the passenger has saved €500 from getting a lift from the OP and most people feel it would be appropriate and polite and common courtesy to offer at least a token to the OP given that the OP is saving them that kind of money.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 13,175 ✭✭✭✭fits


    "Just" - possibly one of the most hateful/annoying words in the dictionary!
    If doing or saying something is so easy that on a whim a person can say to themselves: I'll 'just' do that and presto jobs a good 'un my problem is solved then they're operating on a different level than the majority; but unfortunately it's not as easy or as simple as that in reality.

    Why else are there shrinks/therapists etc making a killing and also forums catering to relationship/personal issues on this very site. If you're that confident/self assured yourself then all I can say is fair play.

    Also, I don't know or care if you're Irish or not but fair play for making that sweeping generalisation (truthfully - no joking or sarcasm). It's a pity other stereotyping is considered some kind of ist/ism/phobic.

    And a happy Friday to all of ye who are engaged in gainful :)

    I am Irish but lived abroad for some years and shed a few habits. There is nothing wrong with being straight with people and asking upfront for what you need but many in this thread would prefer to get out of situation rather than ask. I don’t get it.


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