How common is it for people to never find an other half or have kids?

worded · 11-07-2019 1:55pm

lashes34 wrote: »

Christ I hate this attitude - life has a purpose without procreating. How patronising to say otherwise. Maybe your life has nothing in it before kids, thankfully its not that way for others.

A lot of people dedicate their lives to themselves and that is perfectly fine. They want to travel, see the world, have money to have a comfortable standard of living and that is ok.

Each to their own but the patronising crap from some parents needs to stop. Wrecks my head.

Chill out there it’s just my own opinion.

I don’t speak for others

I have got great joy from being a parent and couldn’t imagine it any other way.

Me thinks thou doth protest too much

You are now on my list of enemies :-)

Thelonious Monk · 11-07-2019 1:56pm

I find it mad that so many people end up having kids tbh. I mean isn't it just easier not to have them? I think lots of people have them because they're in a relationship and that's what they're supposed to do. Doubt I'll be having any but my brother just had one at 43 (an accident) so at least that keeps my mother happy and gets me off the hook.
I also think if you need kids to be happy you're not very interesting and don't know how to enjoy life properly.

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo · 11-07-2019 2:02pm

One thing I particularly noticed about census data from the past is the number of people who didn't have kids. It seemed to either be married with 7 kids or not married at all.

I think a lot more people have kids nowadays, just not as many.

You don't need to have children to feel fulfilled in life. But there is the big biological clock in the room that nobody is allowed talk about.

Cina · 11-07-2019 2:02pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

I find it mad that so many people end up having kids tbh. I mean isn't it just easier not to have them? I think lots of people have them because they're in a relationship and that's what they're supposed to do. Doubt I'll be having any but my brother just had one at 43 (an accident) so at least that keeps my mother happy and gets me off the hook.
I also think if you need kids to be happy you're not very interesting and don't know how to enjoy life properly.

Nonsense.

People want kids because they like kids and want their own kids, just like people want pets because they love dogs/cats and want them. People also don't want kids for plenty of reasons (I'm sort of torn, myself) and that's fine too.

Why does one side or the other have to be better? It seems people without kids can't accept that having kids can be a really good thing, and likewise people with kids seem to often look down on those without them. There's no wrong decision, either way.

Let people do whatever the f*ck they want and stop making sweeping generalizations, basically.

Thelonious Monk · 11-07-2019 2:04pm

I just think lots of people have them because they don't know what else to do. We all have an existential crisis at some stage.

Gimme A Pound · 11-07-2019 2:06pm

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo wrote: »

One thing I particularly noticed about census data from the past is the number of people who didn't have kids. It seemed to either be married with 7 kids or not married at all.

I think a lot more people have kids nowadays, just not as many.

You don't need to have children to feel fulfilled in life. But there is the big biological clock in the room that nobody is allowed talk about.

Nobody is allowed to talk about it? News to me.

Gimme A Pound · 11-07-2019 2:11pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

Women who want kids, unfortunately for them, need to make serious plans about getting on with it as they hit 30, especially if they are single.

This modern image of a woman being a high flying corporate type doesn't tend to tag along the caveat that, should she want kids, she can't wait for forever.

Waheeeeey, you got it in there.

Hardly just 30. Loads of women are having healthy babies in their 30s now - and you know this.

There's always at least one person who thinks women are idiots, and that they don't know their fertile years have a limit.

TuringBot47 · 11-07-2019 2:13pm

Persepoly wrote: »

I have no children and my life is full of purpose. I'm very lucky

Reality TV doesn't count as a purpose.

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo · 11-07-2019 2:16pm

Gimme A Pound wrote: »

Nobody is allowed to talk about it? News to me.

The massive biological differences between men and women of child bearing years.

I don't see it talked about nearly enough.

Thelonious Monk · 11-07-2019 2:19pm

TuringBot47 wrote: »

Reality TV doesn't count as a purpose.

Well neither does raising a kid. Nothing really counts as a purpose. Existence is pointless really and then you vanish forever.

TuringBot47 · 11-07-2019 2:23pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Well neither does raising a kid. Nothing really counts as a purpose. Existence is pointless really and then you vanish forever.

We are programmed to procreate to keep our successful variation of genes going to the next generation.

Thelonious Monk · 11-07-2019 2:25pm

TuringBot47 wrote: »

We are programmed to procreate to keep our successful variation of genes going to the next generation.

Well it's bad programming if you ask me because there are far too many of us. Plus the programming didn't work for all of us I've no desire to be anywhere near any children!

SusieBlue · 11-07-2019 2:27pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

Women who want kids, unfortunately for them, need to make serious plans about getting on with it as they hit 30, especially if they are single.

This modern image of a woman being a high flying corporate type doesn't tend to tag along the caveat that, should she want kids, she can't wait for forever.

I always find this image of the high flying corporate career woman to be amusing because I genuinely have never come across anyone IRL who fits that description.

I certainly know some women who are career orientated, but I don't know any would would put off meeting someone or sacrifice having any kind of romantic relationship for over a decade (12 years, if you count ages 18-30) to focus on that career.

Most people who find themselves single at that age are in that position because the relationship(s) they were in throughout their 20's didn't work out, not because they spent the previous 12 years being a cut throat corporate career woman living out of a briefcase.

Purple Mountain · 11-07-2019 2:29pm

How can you find another half when you're already a perfect whole?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 11-07-2019 2:30pm

worded wrote: »

Ever the romantic there kid :-)

It gives life purpose having a kid or kids

The same joy can’t be got from material things

On the other hand the material possessions are unlikely to sneeze directly on your eyeball, follow you into the bathroom and quiz you on what's going on between your arse and the bowl, and then progress onto things like telling you you look fat when you stretch, masturbating with your electric toothbrush and stealing your fags, so...swings and roundabouts I'd say.

Bredabe · 11-07-2019 2:30pm

I never had bio kids as there are many educational/learning/processing issues in my family(at least 3 generations back and 2 beyond me), the endless fight for equality or even tiny supports in education, alongside the seemingly unabated acceptance of taking advantages of ppl with these issues, made me feel that any children I would have would just be ignored, discriminated against or taken advantage of until they are at the end of their sanity.

Didn't and still doesn't seem like a fair deal to hand a child, especially those who would have the higher than avg IQ that also runs in the family.
I see the bio nieces and nephews struggle with these issues and feel I made the right decision for me, I dont miss not having bio children at all.

Former Observer · 11-07-2019 2:30pm

TuringBot47 wrote: »

We are programmed to procreate to keep our successful variation of genes going to the next generation.

Yeah and some of us are more programmed than others.

TuringBot47 · 11-07-2019 2:30pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Well it's bad programming if you ask me because there are far too many of us.

No, the programming was right and the human race is hugely successful.
Spread across the planet in every environment.

It's just that other species have their population kept under control via predation, disease, lack of food/water, environment and habitat issues.
Humans have cheated that mechanism.

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Plus the programming didn't work for all of us I've no desire to be anywhere near any children!

It "works" if you're sexually attracted to the opposite sex.
But again, humans created contraception to control that.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 11-07-2019 2:31pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Well neither does raising a kid. Nothing really counts as a purpose. Existence is pointless really and then you vanish forever.

That's the spirit!

Zaph · 11-07-2019 2:32pm

lashes34 wrote: »

Christ I hate this attitude - life has a purpose without procreating. How patronising to say otherwise. Maybe your life has nothing in it before kids, thankfully its not that way for others.

A lot of people dedicate their lives to themselves and that is perfectly fine. They want to travel, see the world, have money to have a comfortable standard of living and that is ok.

Each to their own but the patronising crap from some parents needs to stop. Wrecks my head.

I agree. Unfortunately there is a certain cohort of people who, once they become parents, develop this massively sanctimonious “my life is better than yours” attitude, with the whole “kids giving your life purpose” crap being the primary manifestation of it. They heap pity on the rest of the population whose humdrum lives haven’t yet been blessed by the wonderful “gift” that has been bestowed upon them. They also don’t differentiate between those who plan to do so but haven't started a family yet, those who simply don’t want kids, and those like my wife and I who would like kids but are unable to do so. As far as these people are concerned we’re all part of a single, amorphous blob called “The Childless”, that is to be pitied for they know not the joy of procreation.

Well you know where you can shove your pity, because I, my wife, and all those other people who don’t have, or won’t have children don’t need it, we’re doing just fine without it thank you very much.

[Deleted User] · 11-07-2019 2:36pm

I love children and babies. Being around them comes naturally to me and I instinctively know what to do. But. To be a parent is in my eyes one of the biggest roles a person can take on. Sometimes I wish I had more of a "sure time is running out and we'll give it a go" attitude. I just can't though. Children must have their needs put first. Your life needs to change hugely in order to be a loving and competent parent.

I love being free and feeling that I can go anywhere, do anything. That's so important to me. Right now I am sitting in Insomnia at a service station with no pressure or expectation. Maybe I'll pop in to Kildare village or maybe I won't. If I was a parent my child would change that and I don't want that to happen.

TuringBot47 · 11-07-2019 2:38pm

Talia Late Crosswalk wrote: »

.. masturbating with your electric toothbrush ...

:eek:

Maybe put some deep heat or equivalent irritant on it next time, just before you change the heads on it.

Mad_maxx · 11-07-2019 2:39pm

rireland wrote: »

I often meet some women in their mid 30's who are single and planned on having kids. How common is it for them to not have them?

I feel bad for them.

I was on a date with one who was 35 and she said she had planned on having kids but it's too risky for her now.

Even men and other women, how common is it for them to never find someone they love?

My fiancé had her first child at thirty five, her second at thirty seven

Of course some people never meet anyone, you can't conquer bad luck

anewme · 11-07-2019 2:39pm

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo wrote: »

The massive biological differences between men and women of child bearing years.

I don't see it talked about nearly enough.

There's a bloody thread on it every other day.....borefest.

Gimme A Pound · 11-07-2019 2:44pm

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo wrote: »

The massive biological differences between men and women of child bearing years.

I don't see it talked about nearly enough.

Really? I see it utterly non stop. And woman's magazines may as well be called "Tick Tick Tick". Silly assessment.

SusieBlue wrote: »

I always find this image of the high flying corporate career woman to be amusing because I genuinely have never come across anyone IRL who fits that description.

I certainly know some women who are career orientated, but I don't know any would would put off meeting someone or sacrifice having any kind of romantic relationship for over a decade (12 years, if you count ages 18-30) to focus on that career.

Most people who find themselves single at that age are in that position because the relationship(s) they were in throughout their 20's didn't work out, not because they spent the previous 12 years being a cut throat corporate career woman living out of a briefcase.

Exactly. Real life isn't always a comedy drama set in New York.

TuringBot47 · 11-07-2019 2:46pm

Zaph wrote: »

I agree. Unfortunately there is a certain cohort of people who, once they become parents, develop this massively sanctimonious “my life is better than yours” attitude, with the whole “kids giving your life purpose” crap being the primary manifestation of it. They heap pity on the rest of the population whose humdrum lives haven’t yet been blessed by the wonderful “gift” that has been bestowed upon them. They also don’t differentiate between those who plan to do so but haven't started a family yet, those who simply don’t want kids, and those like my wife and I who would like kids but are unable to do so. As far as these people are concerned we’re all part of a single, amorphous blob called “The Childless”, that is to be pitied for they know not the joy of procreation.

Well you know where you can shove your pity, because I, my wife, and all those other people who don’t have, or won’t have children don’t need it, we’re doing just fine without it thank you very much.

Alternatively... you might be a tad sensitive about it ?
Why intentionally jump into a thread about it.

Don't think people intentionally give anyone pity unless they care about them.
One of my sisters is married and still child bearing age, but various factors mean it's not ideal to start now. They get a passing thought now and again, more good wishes that things work out.

Zaph · 11-07-2019 2:56pm

TuringBot47 wrote: »

Alternatively... you might be a tad sensitive about it ?
Why intentionally jump into a thread about it.

Don't think people intentionally give anyone pity unless they care about them.
One of my sisters is married and still child bearing age, but various factors mean it's not ideal to start now. They get a passing thought now and again, more good wishes that things work out.

No, well past being sensitive about it at this stage, it's something I've long since accepted. However it doesn't mean that I won't get annoyed when I see someone posting that sort of patronising nonsense, in the same way that I would have been annoyed by it long before I knew I wouldn't be a parent. Plus I like arguing with people on the internet sometimes.

Badly Drunk Boy · 11-07-2019 2:59pm

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Different people have different priorities - I personally feel people prioritise careers way more than they should. Sure it's nice to have money, but you also need time to spend it and someone to spend it on. Money on it's own is nothing to write home about.

Kids are what make life worth living, (well mine anyway) not holidays or cars, certainly not a job, or in fact anything material. We're all going to end up in a box at the end of the day (metaphorically speaking, I'd be fairly sure most of us will see tomorrow:eek:)

No one ever lies on their death bed wishing they'd worked longer hours!

Kids are grand, but I wouldn't want a whole one for myself. That's why nieces and nephews are great. You can have a lot of the good times without the more serious responsibility of them actually being yours!

I'm mid-40s, single, not at all career-driven but with a decent job, and a mortgage paid off two years ago. I never particularly wanted kids but I probably would have been open to it, but I'm not bothered that it hasn't happened. I get to do my own thing, but see my family too, including my nieces and nephews, so I can be the 'cool uncle' for a bit and then go back to my everyday life.

That might be other people's version of Hell, or at least might seem a bit pitiful, but it suits me just fine.

Gimme A Pound · 11-07-2019 3:03pm

I just don't get anger towards people who don't have children. It's become extremely fashionable now thanks to mgtow etc. Of course we all know when I say "people", I mean "women".

Men get a bit of grief for it too, but the insults are usually reserved for women - cat lady, unattractive, crazy, etc. And it's mostly FROM men too. They seem like men who aren't getting laid themselves though. Happy men in relationships/with children don't tend to talk like that. So a fair bit of projection I'd say. There's a meme about the age women settle down nowadays - and it shows an old woman. Um... who are these women settling down with?

But they should forget about what Gavin McInnes (a guy I don't always disagree with btw) or whatever YouTuber says, and think for themselves: there are several reasons why people don't have children, and it's not always because of the two reasons that are popular to churn out over and over (she's a high flying career bitch/she's unattractive and a "low quality" person).

Some people just don't want to have children too. And they don't have to. It is not a life that seems appealing to everyone. Babies are divine, but after that... And they know they won't have people to look after them when they're old. So be it. And if they have a partner, friends, siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews, godchildren, stepchildren... how is their life empty? Some people seem to think it's children or nothing.

There was a time when people had children because they had no choice. And some people really were not fit to be parents. Some still aren't. Isn't it better now that only the people who want to be parents can be?

I dislike when people are sneered at for HAVING children too though. And they don't all act smug. None of my friends do in the least.

Just accept people's choices in this regard - no need for anger over what others do/don't do when it has zero effect on you.

sullivlo · 11-07-2019 3:04pm

From when I was a teenager I knew I wanted to have kids.

Now I'm 33 and I don't have kids and I laugh at teenage me.

How common is it for people to never find an other half or have kids?

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