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Washing my boyfriend's clothes...

  • 12-10-2010 8:07pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey, this might sound a bit silly, but here goes... How do you feel in general about a girlfriend washing her boyfriends' dirty laundry?

    I don't live with my boyfriend, but when he stays in my place, he always leaves his boxers/tee shirts behind, and expects me to wash them. I'm not sure how it started... I think I just popped them in the wash with my stuff cos I didn't want to leave them lying around.

    It's not any hassle to put them in the wash etc, but it makes me feel a bit like his mum. I personally never leave things in boyfriend's house (not even a toothbrush) because I feel it's a bit like "moving in". I don't have commitment issues or anything - I'm mad about this guy, and everything is going really well. Also, before you ask, he's not a slob or lazy, and totally looks out for me - he's great in every way. I mentioned the laundry thing lightly, to give him a hint, and he said it's handier to have some spares here for when he stays over.

    What do you lot reckon?


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 357 ✭✭Lucyx


    i think if he also does nice things for you then it really shouldn't be a problem. especially if its only a few bits of washing.

    but i've a feeling that he doesn't say thank you and this might be bugging you. if this is something that is annoying to you then you should stop doing it. theres no point in doing something for someone if its causing you annoyance. and you don't want him to get into the bad habit of taking your good deeds for granted ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 110 ✭✭missmelo


    Hey,

    I too do my boyfriends laundry and he does not live with me, but i dont mind in the slightest as he does stuff for me too, and he appreciates it, so maybe as lucyx pointed out your annoyed because your boyfriend doesnt say thank you??


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    I'm just wondering if the issue is that he's OK leaving stuff there, considering that you view such things as "moving in" ?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3 Starry Night


    hey op, do you mind me asking how often he visits?

    personally I do the same for my boyfriend, it doesn't bother me in the slightest.. we live a few hours from each other and only see each other at wkends.. so instead of him packing a bag every week he just leaves some bits at mine..

    But he did ask me first if it was ok for him to do this. Maybe that's the difference? Your b/f just kinda left them hanging round the place so now you feel like you're picking up after him..

    You said he's great in every way so it's obviously not out of laziness and is like he said - handy to have some spares in your place. The only thing I could fault him for is not 'clearing' it with you first..


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,239 ✭✭✭✭WindSock


    Is it really that much of a hassle to throw in a few of his clothes with yours while you are doing a wash? It sounds like it is a convenience thing for him to have some clean clothes in your place which is not that big a deal. It's not as if he is calling over with bags of laundry and asking you to separate the whites and iron his shirts.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,339 ✭✭✭tenchi-fan


    Do you actually iron his tshirts too? Or are you seriously complaining that he doesn't want to take dirty tea-shirts and boxers all the way home, only to bring them back clean so he can leave a change of clothes in your place?
    That's pretty pathetic, op.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    It's not like he's asking you to change your name by deedpoll to Widow Twanky in fairness. Makes perfect sense that he leaves a few bits and pieces and yours and why wouldn't you throw them in the wash if you're putting on a wash anyway?

    If he was phoning you up asking him to come round and mow his lawn or wash his car then that would be an entirely issue, but he just sounds like a typical boy tbh. If everything else is rosy in the garden then you really don't have anything to worry about OP!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 109 ✭✭darad


    Try leaving some spares at his, see how it feels for you, see if he has any issues with it?


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,290 ✭✭✭✭Supercell


    My wife does my clothes, I do "man" things that are heavy as well as other stuff.
    Overall we both share the normal houshold stuff about 50:50 so i dont see any problem with it.

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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭LighterGuy


    Op, two words:

    "nit-picking"


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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,523 ✭✭✭ApeXaviour


    I did it with for my ex when she stayed over because I'm tidy like that. If you feel like his mum that's kinda your issue. Pick your battles. You should reciprocate though, leave some socks behind at least (hardly a nesting gesture)... that should remove any maternal issues from the equation. What boy goes around washing his mums socks ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,776 ✭✭✭up for anything


    It sounds to me like you feel he's taking you for granted and that you may be worrying that it's give him an inch and he takes a mile. You are the only person that can ensure that that does not happen. If you don't want to do his washing regardless of the fact that it's a few socks and jocks, tell him and if he 'forgets' tell him again and again and again.

    I have a friend who did this with her then boyfriend/now husband of 20 years. They are the only couple I know with true equality and no resentment in their relationship. There are no roles in their house. Each is as capable of every task as the other.

    It doesn't make you a petty, bad or nit-picking person because you object to this.


  • Registered Users Posts: 642 ✭✭✭Contessa Raven


    I personally don't see anything wrong with him leaving some his things there, especially if he's staying over regularly. It's handy for him to have two or three extra t-shirts or whatever. However, if it bothers you maybe you could limit how much he leaves. E.g. He can leave 2 t-shirts, 2 pairs of boxers and 2 pairs of socks. And that he leaves them in a specific place where they aren't on top of your stuff. That way it won't feel like he's moving in. Also, by limiting the number of items he leaves, it's less likely that he will leave more and more each time he stays.

    As to the washing of his things, I think if it's limited to a small number of items then it won't be any extra work for you to just throw a couple of pairs of socks etc in with your wash.


  • Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    It sounds to me like you feel he's taking you for granted and that you may be worrying that it's give him an inch and he takes a mile.
    More-or-less, but I think she's more worried that because she's doing this now then she's "stuck" doing this if/when they move in together.

    OP, if you're unhappy that he's partially "moved in", then just hand him back his stuff and tell him that you're not washing it any more because it makes you feel like his mum. He'll be very eager to break that association :D

    On the other hand if you're worried that this'll lead to you doing all the laundry in future, then the next time you give him his cleaned clothes, just tell him in a light-hearted way; "I hope you're not expecting that service if we ever live together, cos you've two chances of that happening..."

    My wife and I wash our own clothes. She has delicate clothes where she uses stain removers and gentle washes, colour catchers and non-bio powders and hangs half of them up to dry. I have men's clothes which get bundled into the washing machine in a big ball, covered in biological powder and then bunged into the dryer to dry out. The only exception is my one pink shirt which goes into her "pink wash", because she has that many pink clothes.


  • Registered Users Posts: 189 ✭✭Fox McCloud


    Does he ask you to do this or does he just leave his worn clothes on the ground for you to pick up?
    If its the latter then I would suggest simply stopping washing his stuff, just put it in a bag for him to take home next time.

    If he's asking each time could you throw this tshirt in with your own wash, and then he looks after whatever iron/putting away after its washed I would say its fine.

    Still, if its making you feel like his mum, dont do it. He'l manage just fine to wash his own delicates if you can do the same when you stay in his place. He's an independant grown man, treat him any differently and dont be surprised if he stops acting like one.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 35 hybridmouse


    If he's not lazy or a git generally I wouldn't be worrying about washing a few items of clothing. I'm sure if you left you bits and bobs at his, he'd do the same for you.

    I used to wash the odd item or two for my BF before we lived together and still do. Mostly we do our own washing but if I've a half-load or if I notice his stuff piling up I'll lash them in. He'll do the same for me, or I'll come home and my stuff is hung up to dry without me having to ask. It's all about give and take.

    I'm sure he must do things for you? Cook you dinner etc....if he doesn't do similar things for you, that's a different issue and maybe you need to have a chat with him.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,258 ✭✭✭Walls


    I'm married to my husband and before that, we lived together, and before that, we spent a lot of time together.

    I DON'T DO LAUNDRY. Sure, I keep our house nice, and cook and wash up. But I wash my own clothes. I expect him to take care of his own clothes and I always have.

    OP, this bugs you. Him doing this bugs you. Guess what, you get to SAY that it bugs you, you don't have to do it IF YOU DON'T WANT TO. You're an adult now, you get to say what goes. Tell him to bring home his own dirty underwear because, frankly, it is not the kind of gift you were thinking of getting from him.

    See, what bugs me about this is he didn't ask, he just left them behind, as if you were the maid and it was already your job. Why would he think that is okay? Why would you? Seriously, this does bug you, so stop swallowing that and say what you think.


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    My OH and I live together and we both do laundry. We put all our washing into one basket in the bedroom and whoever thinks it's full first bungs on a wash.

    OP I don't really see the problem as long as he's not all "Woman, wash my clothes" about it. As others have said try leaving a couple of t-shirts in the washing basket at his place if he has no problem washing those then ye have no problem as far as I can see.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here.

    Thanks for the mixed feedback! It's interesting to see how differently different people think about it. I'm not majorly bugged by it, but I just have a bit of a "thing" about getting domestic too quickly, so this kinda pushes that button.

    My boyfriend does lots of things for me and I do lots of things for him, so it's not an issue that either of us are selfish or lazy, or resent each other. I love doing things for him. I just don't wanna find myself as a little wife when I'm not a wife, if you know what I mean, and think we shouldn't take anything for granted from each other. I've never lived with any of my ex-boyfriends for that reason (and also none of them were quite right anyway!).

    Anyway, thanks again - some food for thought. x


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    I have a friend who is a single parent and she still hems her ex's pants.

    To me this is beyond the beyond but to each his own.


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  • Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    I understand where youre coming from, op. You dont want to wake up some day to find somehow you do all the washing and its taken for granted, because 'thats what women do'. And it does happen. Some women take over where mammy left off.

    Its up to you not to let that happen, by speaking up if you ever do feel like you are being taken for granted.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭Novella


    I honestly wouldn't be bothered by my boyfriend leaving stuff at my place, or having to stick a t-shirt or two of his or a pair of boxers in the washing machine with my own stuff. I suppose if it's something that annoys you, say it to him but seriously, it's not exactly a big deal.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,064 ✭✭✭Distorted


    I just wouldn't do it. If he can bring clean clothes with him, theres no reason why he can't take them away again. He's your boyfriend, not your husband, or even live-in boyfriend. Its just rude. And lazy. But then I must admit I would probably only go out with a boyfriend who had lived on his own, in his own place. I don't think people are fully rounded individuals if they haven't, and that affects relationships.

    I live with my boyfriend and we have a whites linen basket and a normal linen basket. Theres no rule as to who puts the washing on. If ones needing done or he needs something washed, he does it, ditto me. He also puts in the colour care sheets to stop the colour running, although admittedly that was my idea to start with. Neither of us find this in any way stressful. Theres never been any arguements about it.

    I don't cook either. Clearly I am not fifties housewify material...


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Yeah I used to wash stuff my girlfriend left over in my place too....no big deal.

    I actually quite liked the fact that she'd have clean tops and underwear when she was back over.

    My housemates thought I was a right ponce for doing it too, not that I cared, but it works both ways...!


  • Registered Users Posts: 257 ✭✭MrMojoRising


    Distorted wrote: »

    I don't cook either. Clearly I am not fifties housewify material...

    no, just lazy.

    op - he prob doesn't even realise he's left a few things behind you. is it really that big a deal to throw them in the wash? honestly, if this is the biggest issue you two ever have, you're lucky.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    no, just lazy.

    Maybe her partner likes to do all the cooking, so there's no need for her to do it? Not all women are put on this earth to satisfy man's needs.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,740 ✭✭✭Asphyxia


    Hey OP

    My fella used to leave some of his clothes at my place before we moved in together, I used to just throw them in with my clothes in the wash he never asked but he usually came up in his work clothes and he would stay over so it was nice to have clean fresh clothes to get in.

    I don't think you should too much especially considering he isn't a slob and treats you right :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 135 ✭✭Johnny Favourite


    jesus, its just a few bits of clothes. Are you really that put out by it?


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Are you mad? Why are you washing his dirty clothes???

    Would you feel alright leaving your dirty knickers on the floor for him to wash? Or would you feel better handing them to him?

    Children have their clothes washed for them, by those who are responsible for them.

    Yes, it's nice to have clean clothes to wear when you're with your bf/gf. That's why you bring them with you when you go there.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 6,423 ✭✭✭tinkerbell


    I live with my bf and I do most of the laundry, every now and again my bf will do it but I usually keep on top of things laundry-wise so I just do it.

    However, I think it is kinda odd that your bf doesn't live with you and just leaves his dirty clothes there? If he brought them over, tell him to just bring it back! I just find it strange that he can bring stuff over yet can't bring it back. If you ain't comfortable washing his clothes and getting too domesticated, just tell him!


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