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New Jesus

2

Comments

  • #32
    Steve012
    Registered Users Posts: 935 ✭✭✭Steve012


    Cortina_MK_IV wrote: »
    Is your friend 33ish wears Jerusalem Docs, have long hair and a beard and never got his hole?

    ha ha!! pmsl ..... :D


  • #33
    Omackeral
    Registered Users Posts: 32,956 ✭✭✭✭Omackeral


    me_right_one wrote: »
    I'm not. But I am consciously choosing to believe.

    You said you were fairly sure. I went with that as my reason for asking.

    me_right_one wrote: »
    The Bible. Read it, THEN comment. Makes me laugh when people spout sh1te like experts when they havent been at Mass in years and never even read the Gospels.

    Makes me laugh when people make assumptions about people they know nothing about. I was in Mass last Sunday as it happened, supervising people in my care. When the priest says ''the great mystery of this faith'' I can't help but laugh. That's basically saying it's all a bit wishy washy. Also, how do you know which branch of Christianity is correct? Catholic, Protestant, Jehovah's Witness, Mormons?

    me_right_one wrote: »
    Its in the Bible- basically they're exempt, but they will still be judged on whether or not they were arseholes to other people.

    Oh yes the Bible, the man made book of repute. If anyone wrote a new Gospel today they'd be considered an absolute mad man. If a woman said an angel got her up the duff, she'd be laughed at. Gas how none of these miracles happen in the age of the Smartphone isn't it!


  • #34
    me_right_one
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,043 ✭✭✭me_right_one


    Omackeral wrote: »
    Makes me laugh when people make assumptions about people they know nothing about.

    Same here. Thats why I dont do it.

    Omackeral wrote: »
    Also, how do you know which branch of Christianity is correct? Catholic, Protestant, Jehovah's Witness, Mormons?

    Well I'm going with Catholic, because its the original. The rest were made up afterwards.

    Omackeral wrote: »
    Oh yes the Bible, the man made book of repute. If anyone wrote a new Gospel today they'd be considered an absolute mad man. If a woman said an angel got her up the duff, she'd be laughed at. Gas how none of these miracles happen in the age of the Smartphone isn't it!

    You're dead right its manmade, Jesus was a man! Christians were considered mad men those times too, nobody believed Mary and even aul Joe was going to fcuk her out.

    Look, I choose to believe, you dont have to, jog on.


  • #35
    Omackeral
    Registered Users Posts: 32,956 ✭✭✭✭Omackeral


    Ha ok. Tell Jesus I said hi when he returns from the dead again or seperates himself from being a weird trio with his own father and some holy ghost. Oh and tell him to tell his da to stop giving kids cancer. K Thanks bye


  • #36
    Allinall
    Registered Users Posts: 6,521 ✭✭✭Allinall


    If he can post in Motors and After Hours without getting banned then he's the real deal.


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  • #37
    J Mysterio
    Registered Users Posts: 11,035 ✭✭✭✭J Mysterio


    I'm Jesus and so's my wife.


  • #38
    me_right_one
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,043 ✭✭✭me_right_one


    Omackeral wrote: »
    Ha ok. Tell Jesus I said hi when he returns from the dead again or seperates himself from being a weird trio with his own father and some holy ghost. Oh and tell him to tell his da to stop giving kids cancer. K Thanks bye

    You can tell him yourself when you meet him. Jesus didnt give cancer to kids, modern life which you helped create did - and he's gonna ask you what YOU did to prevent it?


  • #39
    Ulysses Gaze
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,570 ✭✭✭Ulysses Gaze


    DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »
    And he's a devout Christian.

    Maybe he actually is the second coming of Christ.

    If he wins the title he will be.


  • #40
    Didas
    Registered Users Posts: 191 ✭✭Didas


    me_right_one wrote: »
    You can tell him yourself when you meet him. Jesus didnt give cancer to kids, modern life which you helped create did - and he's gonna ask you what YOU did to prevent it?

    No he's not. He's a man who has been dead 2000 years


  • #41
    kirb42
    Registered Users Posts: 168 ✭✭kirb42


    everlast75 wrote: »
    *hands over 2 barrels of water*


    "Merlot, please!"

    We could do with him, When can he start....


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  • #42
    Fleawuss
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,681 ✭✭✭Fleawuss


    everlast75 wrote: »
    *hands over 2 barrels of water*


    "Merlot, please!"

    Cant be done.



    Request has to be made by a Virgin.


  • #43
    Steve012
    Registered Users Posts: 935 ✭✭✭Steve012


    me_right_one wrote: »

    You're dead right its manmade, Jesus was a man! Christians were considered mad men those times too, nobody believed Mary and even aul Joe was going to fcuk her out.

    Where did ya hear that from, Joe wanted her to leave !?! in z bible was it?!


  • #44
    Rented Mule
    Registered Users Posts: 5,152 ✭✭✭Rented Mule


    Cortina_MK_IV wrote: »
    Is your friend 33ish wears Jerusalem Docs, have long hair and a beard and never got his hole?

    Mary Magdalene would say otherwise.


  • #45
    me_right_one
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,043 ✭✭✭me_right_one


    Steve012 wrote: »
    Where did ya hear that from, Joe wanted her to leave !?! in z bible was it?!

    Yep. He wasnt happy at all. Have a read of it yourself if you dont believe me.


  • #46
    Steve012
    Registered Users Posts: 935 ✭✭✭Steve012


    me_right_one wrote: »
    Yep. He wasnt happy at all. Have a read of it yourself if you dont believe me.

    I believe ya!, poor auld Joe, I often thought that when I was a wee one. He must of thought she cheated.


  • #47
    me_right_one
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,043 ✭✭✭me_right_one


    Steve012 wrote: »
    I believe ya!, poor auld Joe, I often thought that when I was a wee one. He must of thought she cheated.

    It gets better. They weren't married at the time, so Joe thought that he might be accused of raping her. If she wasnt leaving, then he would. He was getting ready to leggit. Different times, same problems.

    So the whole myth about the Catholic Church being anti-single mothers and anti-unmarried sex etc. is utter, utter, bollox. Usually espoused by those who know nothing about the church or the Bible. Jesus himself was born to an unmarried mother.


  • #48
    Cortina_MK_IV
    Registered Users Posts: 2,350 ✭✭✭Cortina_MK_IV


    It'd make a great episode of Jeremy Kyle.


  • #49
    Glenster
    Registered Users Posts: 2,626 ✭✭✭Glenster


    This whole thing seems like its generating a lot of fuss, hes a pretty chill guy, he doesnt really do conflict.

    This might all be a bit much for him. I'll recommend that he lays low for a while and when he does come out as jesus I'll tell him to do the whole float from the sky thing if everyone thinks it will help.


  • #50
    SEPT 23 1989
    Registered Users Posts: 43,024 ✭✭✭✭SEPT 23 1989


    He is going to be angry as fcuk over the treatment he got the last time he was here


  • #51
    Pherekydes
    Registered Users Posts: 16,109 ✭✭✭✭Pherekydes


    Em, guys, we've already had the second coming. He died and two days later he rose from the dead. That's it. That's the whole shebang. No more coming back, especially after 2000 years.

    And he won't be judging anyone. He's dead.


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  • #52
    Pherekydes
    Registered Users Posts: 16,109 ✭✭✭✭Pherekydes


    SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »
    He is going to be angry as fcuk over the treatment he got the last time he was here

    He's going to be super pissed when he hears what happened the Jews.


  • #53
    Mr. FoggPatches
    Closed Accounts Posts: 681 ✭✭✭Mr. FoggPatches


    The new Jesus would put his phone away for 40 days and 40 nights, have a cheeky nandos with 12 of his mates on good Friday, be arrested later that day and sentenced to 4 years but be let out on the Sunday as there is no space.
    He returns as a hero to his skanger mates for beating the system.


  • #54
    jamesbere
    Registered Users Posts: 5,022 ✭✭✭jamesbere


    I could be the new jesus. I've a beard.


  • #55
    Esel
    Registered Users Posts: 21,999 ✭✭✭✭Esel


    me_right_one wrote: »
    It gets better. They weren't married at the time, so Joe thought that he might be accused of raping her. If she wasnt leaving, then he would. He was getting ready to leggit. Different times, same problems.

    So the whole myth about the Catholic Church being anti-single mothers and anti-unmarried sex etc. is utter, utter, bollox. Usually espoused by those who know nothing about the church or the Bible. Jesus himself was born to an unmarried mother.

    So the Magdalen laundries never happened? What about the Holocaust?

    Not your ornery onager



  • #56
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    One of the best pieces of literature and philosophy ever written in any language is a sort of 'What if Jesus returned' from Dostoevsky:

    The Grand Inquisitor

    Well worth taking time out to soak its impact up.


  • #57
    Omackeral
    Registered Users Posts: 32,956 ✭✭✭✭Omackeral


    me_right_one wrote: »
    You can tell him yourself when you meet him. Jesus didnt give cancer to kids, modern life which you helped create did - and he's gonna ask you what YOU did to prevent it?

    He's not gonna ask me that I don't think. Also, I can't speak Hebrew.

    You know how God is all knowing and omnipotent etc and made everyone here on Earth. Then why did he make some people gay and then turn around and condemn homosexuality? Why did he make them that way in the first place like?


  • #58
    Rented Mule
    Registered Users Posts: 5,152 ✭✭✭Rented Mule


    Omackeral wrote: »
    He's not gonna ask me that I don't think. Also, I can't speak Hebrew.

    You know how God is all knowing and omnipotent etc and made everyone here on Earth. Then why did he make some people gay and then turn around and condemn homosexuality? Why did he make them that way in the first place like?

    You have to admit that Jesus really is an auld ****.


  • #59
    Arghus
    Registered Users Posts: 14,309 ✭✭✭✭Arghus


    If he could turn Buckfast into wine I'd follow him anywhere.


  • #60
    J Mysterio
    Registered Users Posts: 11,035 ✭✭✭✭J Mysterio


    Arghus wrote: »
    If he could turn Buckfast into wine I'd follow him anywhere.

    Buckfast is more exspensive than wine ffs.


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  • #61
    johnty56
    Registered Users Posts: 822 ✭✭✭johnty56


    Wouldn't most of these replies, whilst indeed funny, be technically prosecutable offences under our blasphemy laws?


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