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Why the Serious Fuss Over Weddings?

  • 14-11-2019 1:36am
    #1
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 12,467 Mod ✭✭✭✭JupiterKid


    So as the thread title asks - why are weddings such a huge fuss for people?

    I’ve heard it said that women make much more of a huge deal of their wedding than men do, and that the stress, anxiety and expectations can become completely overwhelming for some. You hear of the “bridezilla” stories, of super lavish affairs with hundreds of guests, people getting into serious debt over their “perfect” day etc. And that’s not taking the increasingly lavish and expensive hen and stag parties into account.

    It really seems crazy and ridiculous to me. My OH and I have been talking about marriage for a while now and if and when we do get hitched, it will be a relatively simple, low key affair, with family and closest friends invited. As it would be a same-sex wedding, there would be no church service (which suits me) and the reception would be low key but relaxed and classy.

    Most of my good mates had their weddings 10 to 15 years ago now, some were very big and lavish, others were smaller and more intimate and TBH the smaller ones were nicer and more fun.

    Do you think, due to social conditioning and materialism, that people have lost the run of themselves when it comes to weddings? Isn’t the marriage the really important thing, not the actual wedding day itself?


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 7,447 ✭✭✭Calhoun


    Depends on a couple of things, first its the couple getting married. Allot of people forget that your essentially hosting a good party to celebrate an important occasion in your life and that the focus should be on making sure the guests have a good time and enjoy it.

    The other variable is family, your bringing two families together for a day and that can complicate the hell out of things. My generation would have been one of the first where divorce was a regular occurrence and that complicated the hell out of it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,242 ✭✭✭AllForIt


    Calhoun wrote: »
    The other variable is family, your bringing two families together for a day and that can complicate the hell out of things. My generation would have been one of the first where divorce was a regular occurrence and that complicated the hell out of it.

    Yeah it does sound a bit complicated to get divorced first and then get married.


  • Registered Users Posts: 32,802 ✭✭✭✭NIMAN


    From reading reports of recent weddings in Ireland, it appears the boom is back.
    And people are back to spending small fortunes on them, some in the hope of impressing people or getting on social media.

    Probably taking dancing lessons again for the first dance, thinking up some wacky thing to do to get likes.

    I was in a Donegal hotel about 2 weeks ago. Was sitting having a pint when 2 young 'uns had a meeting with the hotel wedding planner. They were within earshot (ok so I was listening).

    I heard them chat about the band, thats fair enough. Most of us have had a band. But they also said they were getting a comedian and a comedy hypnotist for the evening do.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,447 ✭✭✭Calhoun


    AllForIt wrote: »
    Yeah it does sound a bit complicated to get divorced first and then get married.

    Lol i meant the parents were divorced so trying to blend parents and their new spouses and all the baggage it can bring is a ****ing nightmare.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,474 ✭✭✭Obvious Desperate Breakfasts


    One of my husband’s friends is getting married in the US next summer. He’s not being decadent there; his bride-to-be is American. But he’s having the stag abroad too, on the continent. I can’t get over that. I’d be making the stag as affordable as possible. I thought maybe the groomsmen planned it without his knowledge but apparently he was keen on a foreign stag.

    One of the groomsmen is wealthy and a bit oblivious and all the groomsmen are like “Sure, the two trips can be your holidays next year!”. There’s a lot of behind the scenes grumbling. Between the two, you’re talking thousands and thousands of euro. To be honest, it’s a lot of money for anybody, even the well-paid. I’d be mortified asking people to pony up so much for my wedding.

    I already know I’m not going to the wedding. I felt bad until something shocked sense into me. A friend of ours who is financially pretty comfortable said she can’t really afford to go and that made me realise “Hang on, you’re on welfare, of course you can’t go to a wedding in the US!”. So I don’t feel bad anymore. I’m not putting myself in debt for it.

    Hubs thinks the stag is the only thing he’ll do. It’s mad if people have to choose between the two. Decadent weddings need to go. My MIL showed me her wedding album recently and it was so elegant and pared back.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 32,802 ✭✭✭✭NIMAN


    If people want to get married abroad, they can't expect hundreds of people to follow them out.

    Simply not possible for a lot of people.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,474 ✭✭✭Obvious Desperate Breakfasts


    NIMAN wrote: »
    From reading reports of recent weddings in Ireland, it appears the boom is back.
    And people are back to spending small fortunes on them, some in the hope of impressing people or getting on social media.

    Probably taking dancing lessons again for the first dance, thinking up some wacky thing to do to get likes.

    I was in a Donegal hotel about 2 weeks ago. Was sitting having a pint when 2 young 'uns had a meeting with the hotel wedding planner. They were within earshot (ok so I was listening).

    I heard them chat about the band, thats fair enough. Most of us have had a band. But they also said they were getting a comedian and a comedy hypnotist for the evening do.

    That sounds brutal. Imagine how bland a comedian would have to be in order to offend nobody?

    The last three weddings I was at had no gimmicks (photo booths etc.) and they weren’t missed at all. It never even crossed my mind.


  • Registered Users Posts: 32,956 ✭✭✭✭Omackeral


    NIMAN wrote: »
    If people want to get married abroad, they can't expect hundreds of people to follow them out.

    Simply not possible for a lot of people.

    I even think these two day weddings at home with a brunch or whatever the next day is pushing it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    Pressure from families?

    When I was fairly new to Ireland I knew a young woman, with a small child, living with the father as they had had to decide, because of family pressures, to build their home instead of getting married.

    Both had large famiiles and would demand a big "after" wedding "do!

    She was upset as marriage meant so much for religious reasons.

    Well, I was able to help organise a small secret wedding! ( knew the Franciscans)

    Just half a dozen folk and the toddler running round. Flowers and cake and a meal after. It was for the wedding itself, not the hype. A lovely occasion.

    Their plan was, after they had told the families, to wait until the house was finished, then have a huge housewarming party

    Just family pressure and social pressure.


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    I hate weddings. I would have not been able to cope with a traditional affair, we got married very quietly with just a few people there who thought they were going to a house warming. Simple with no fuss. Why do people go mad? Who knows but it's one of the reasons the wedding forum on boards is so entertaining.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 9,195 ✭✭✭maximoose


    They are only as crazy/ridiculous/over the top as the couple involved want them to be

    Got married 3 weeks ago - no stress, had a lot of fun planning it, saved for a year and paid for the whole thing ourselves. No wild spending, no debt, no expectation of gifts etc.

    There's always crazy stories (see the wedding forum here) but they are outliers surely


  • Posts: 7,712 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Wedding wankery and the thirst to go viral is all they're about these days.


  • Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    Wedding wankery and the thirst to go viral is all they're about these days.

    Not everyone.. heard of other couples having secret weddings and even at least one elopement!


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,248 ✭✭✭✭salmocab


    One of my husband’s friends is getting married in the US next summer. He’s not being decadent there; his bride-to-be is American. But he’s having the stag abroad too, on the continent. I can’t get over that. I’d be making the stag as affordable as possible. I thought maybe the groomsmen planned it without his knowledge but apparently he was keen on a foreign stag.

    One of the groomsmen is wealthy and a bit oblivious and all the groomsmen are like “Sure, the two trips can be your holidays next year!”. There’s a lot of behind the scenes grumbling. Between the two, you’re talking thousands and thousands of euro. To be honest, it’s a lot of money for anybody, even the well-paid. I’d be mortified asking people to pony up so much for my wedding.

    I already know I’m not going to the wedding. I felt bad until something shocked sense into me. A friend of ours who is financially pretty comfortable said she can’t really afford to go and that made me realise “Hang on, you’re on welfare, of course you can’t go to a wedding in the US!”. So I don’t feel bad anymore. I’m not putting myself in debt for it.

    Hubs thinks the stag is the only thing he’ll do. It’s mad if people have to choose between the two. Decadent weddings need to go. My MIL showed me her wedding album recently and it was so elegant and pared back.

    One of my mates got married abroad years ago, as it happened he was one of the first weddings so very few had children at that stage so loads of us made it our summer holiday and it worked out great, for the stag he wanted a big trip abroad and the best man just shot it down straight away and said your not inviting people to a wedding away and also getting the lads to pay for another trip. People get caught up and probably need a reality check sometimes.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,212 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    Weddings? Rites of passage.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    Couldn't face spending that money on one


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,357 ✭✭✭✭kippy


    I think it's down to the couple but I think there are many more options for people now to have far less elaborate weddings and to be fair as others have said I think I've seen far more intimate/nonstandard weddings the past few years than over the top ones.
    As others have also said weddings can be complicated by family issues where a lot of the stress comes from.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,565 ✭✭✭Trekker09


    Been to 3 family weddings in the past 5 years where it's the other end of the country and is 3 nights in a 4-5 star hotel. As the kids were invited, for 2 of the weddings we had to book 2 rooms @ approx. €300/night/room! With food, drink (my kids are of drinking age and at uni!) and usual extras, it hit us for about €4k per wedding. What pisses me off most though is the fact that in all cases, the couple getting married were local to our area but picked the wedding venues for 'wow' factor.


  • Registered Users Posts: 19,369 ✭✭✭✭road_high


    Trekker09 wrote: »
    Been to 3 family weddings in the past 5 years where it's the other end of the country and is 3 nights in a 4-5 star hotel. As the kids were invited, for 2 of the weddings we had to book 2 rooms @ approx. €300/night/room! With food, drink (my kids are of drinking age and at uni!) and usual extras, it hit us for about €4k per wedding. What pisses me off most though is the fact that in all cases, the couple getting married were local to our area but picked the wedding venues for 'wow' factor.

    You must be soft in the head. You booked and paid for €300 per night rooms for your grown up kids as well as everything else. I really drew a short straw with my folks!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,565 ✭✭✭Trekker09


    road_high wrote: »
    You must be soft in the head. You booked and paid for €300 per night rooms for your grown up kids as well as everything else. I really drew a short straw with my folks!

    Why soft in the head? I didn't have any option! We're lucky enough to be able to afford it but I know some of the couples that went had to take out loans!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 19,369 ✭✭✭✭road_high


    Trekker09 wrote: »
    Why soft in the head? I didn't have any option! We're lucky enough to be able to afford it but I know some of the couples that went had to take out loans!

    They pay for themselves or stay at home- weddings aren’t compulsory or life threatening like say needing brain surgery.
    Taking out loans for stuff like this is insanity. So glad I’m not one of these people that has to fit in just because everyone else appears to be doing it


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,761 ✭✭✭Pinch Flat


    Work colleague spent €40,000 on the wedding. €40k ffs! The boom is getting boomier


  • Registered Users Posts: 19,369 ✭✭✭✭road_high


    Pinch Flat wrote: »
    Work colleague spent €40,000 on the wedding. €40k ffs! The boom is getting boomier

    Crazy. No doubt the poor parents will be expected to stump up also. Easy credit and full employment a big factor


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,512 ✭✭✭ Molly Prickly Mudslide


    Trekker09 wrote: »
    Why soft in the head? I didn't have any option! We're lucky enough to be able to afford it but I know some of the couples that went had to take out loans!

    Insanity, If I even have to dip into my savings for a wedding, I'm not going. I'll go to a local wedding and get a taxi home. For close friends, I will stay for one night in a hotel, if its out of town, but none of these 2-day weddings.

    Couples expect you to get excited about their big day, but apart from very close friends, normally of the bride, nobody really cares - most would rather not be there.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,565 ✭✭✭Trekker09


    road_high wrote: »
    They pay for themselves or stay at home- weddings aren’t compulsory or life threatening like say needing brain surgery.
    Taking out loans for stuff like this is insanity. So glad I’m not one of these prior that has to fit in just because everyone else appears to be doing it

    So why would we leave our kids at home? As I said, we're fortunate enough to be able to afford it, but my point is that there were plenty of other people, close family on both sides, that struggled.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,565 ✭✭✭Trekker09


    Insanity, If I even have to dip into my savings for a wedding, I'm not going. I'll go to a local wedding and get a taxi home. For close friends, I will stay for one night in a hotel, if its out of town, but none of these 2-day weddings.

    Couples expect you to get excited about their big day, but apart from very close friends, normally of the bride, nobody really cares - most would rather not be there.

    100% bang on. It seems that unless the couple put on a mini Electric Picnic then the marriage is doomed to failure!


  • Registered Users Posts: 97 ✭✭WengerOutIn


    I want to throw this out there. People getting married at Christmas. I have two weddings I have been invited to, but I do not know how the hell I can afford to go either of them. Literally right after Christmas when everyone is broke, apart from the lovely couples in question. Why do people do that?




  • are ye afraid to say that 99% of the daftness is driven by the women?

    ive never heard a single justification for the ****e that goes on and the money that gets spent, it all seems the greatest spoof going to me.

    thirty grand for "my big day", jesus its toddler mentality stuff really


  • Registered Users Posts: 19,873 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    JupiterKid wrote: »
    ...the reception would be low key but relaxed and classy...

    Some people think a classy wedding involves lots of being ostentatious. Some people try to organise a big event which they have to manage and be the star of for the day. So on a pretty significant day in their entire life, they also have to be an event manager.

    If you go somewhere like a hotel, the staff will be well able to manage a small wedding without much input on the day. It takes some organisation beforehand but if you have realistic expectations, like knowing things don't always go to plan, then you'll be grand.

    Some people see value in being stressed (shows your working hard) others see value in being relaxed and chatting to guests and having a nice time.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,627 ✭✭✭Wildly Boaring


    Trekker09 wrote: »
    Been to 3 family weddings in the past 5 years where it's the other end of the country and is 3 nights in a 4-5 star hotel. As the kids were invited, for 2 of the weddings we had to book 2 rooms @ approx. €300/night/room! With food, drink (my kids are of drinking age and at uni!) and usual extras, it hit us for about €4k per wedding. What pisses me off most though is the fact that in all cases, the couple getting married were local to our area but picked the wedding venues for 'wow' factor.

    Ha. The boom is deffo back. 4k to attend a wedding!!

    You realise you are not obligated to do anything in life?
    Not obligated to do 3 nights.
    Not obligated to stay in same hotel.
    Not obligated to even go.

    Couple lovely B&Bs in Adare, handy walk to Adare Manor. Mount Juilet same.


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