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Were You In Love Or Did You Just Settle For What You Had?

  • 25-04-2021 10:26pm
    #1
    Zak Flaps
    Registered Users Posts: 2,332 ✭✭✭


    Hi. For those of you who are married or engaged.......were/are you in love with your partner or did you just settle for what you had (time was running out regarding children or you didn't want to spend your life alone for example) ??

    I'm just curious.
    I'm not married myself just so you know.


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Comments

  • #2
    the beer revolu
    Registered Users Posts: 16,725 ✭✭✭✭the beer revolu


    My wife told me yesterday that she was thinking of signing up for Boards.

    I was head over heels in love when I got married.


  • #3
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,801 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    My missus, who sometimes picks up my phone, is also dearly beloved.


  • #4
    PARlance
    Registered Users Posts: 21,091 ✭✭✭✭PARlance


    I know a couple who met in college, didn't fall madly in love but instead became very good friends. They decided that if neither were married by the time they were 30, they would marry each other.

    They're probably the happiest married couple I know.


  • #5
    Foweva Awone
    Registered Users Posts: 1,740 ✭✭✭Foweva Awone


    *Reads thread title*

    *Checks username*

    ;-(


  • #6
    JeffreyEpspeen
    Registered Users Posts: 555 ✭✭✭JeffreyEpspeen


    Let's be honest. Most people are settling.

    Women are taking risks if they want to have children after 35, and once they've sown their wild oats, financial and lifestyle stability matters more than looks.

    Men, similarly, don't want to end up dying alone having their corpse eaten by their cat or dog.

    If this pandemic has proven anything, it's that most people can't handle being alone.

    The only thing that's open is the supermarket and the streets are still filled with traffic from 9 to 6 every day!

    It's honestly hilarious how much people hate to be alone with their thoughts. Read a book or something for **** sake!


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  • #7
    dxhound2005
    Registered Users Posts: 20,436 ✭✭✭✭dxhound2005


    JeffreyEpspeen wrote: »

    If this pandemic has proven anything, it's that most people can't handle being alone.

    I don't think anyone has proved that. In the 2016 Census 400,000 adults were living on their own, with no pandemic to influence their choice.

    Some 400,000 people were living alone, while 41.1 per cent of the Irish population aged 15 and over, accounting for 1,544,862 people, were single.


  • #8
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users Posts: 3,777 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    Got married because I became pregnant. It was the done thing back in the day and absolutely expected by both families. I thought I loved him but who knows really.
    We stayed together 16 years all the same before he said he never really loved me and left. I felt sad for myself but also for him. I never blamed him for leaving. I can't forgive him not being part of his children's lives though.


  • #9
    JeffreyEpspeen
    Registered Users Posts: 555 ✭✭✭JeffreyEpspeen


    KathleenGrant wrote: »
    Got married because I became pregnant. It was the done thing back in the day and absolutely expected by both families. I thought I loved him but who knows really.
    We stayed together 16 years all the same before he said he never really loved me and left. I felt sad for myself but never blamed him for leaving. I can't forgive him not being part of his children's lives though.


    My mother got pregnant as a teenager and was browbeaten into marrying my father.


    I blame my grandmother for me being born.


    At the same time, if we're being honest, that kind of story isn't unique in this country.


  • #10
    Mad_maxx
    Registered Users Posts: 13,505 ✭✭✭✭Mad_maxx


    Love her but wouldn't be my first choice physically, doubt I'm unique


  • #11
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users Posts: 3,777 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    JeffreyEpspeen wrote: »
    My mother got pregnant as a teenager and was browbeaten into marrying my father.


    I blame my grandmother for me being born.


    At the same time, if we're being honest, that kind of story isn't unique in this country.

    You were born because your parents had sex. I doubt it was your grandmother's fault? :(

    It's not at all unique, it's not even awful. Just saying what happened to me when I settled.


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  • #12
    biko
    Registered Users Posts: 81,223 ✭✭✭✭biko


    I married for love.












    She married for money.


  • #13
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    We celebrated 25 years together last month and we are still in love. I still get goosebumps when I see him :o


  • #14
    optogirl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,974 ✭✭✭optogirl


    Definite love match here - first time I was in a relationship that felt equal, as in we both felt the same way about each other. Together 16 years and married 4. Sure there are times when we want to slap each other but there is a great foundation that we both know is worth a lot. We have very similar tastes in everything so we really do enjoy hanging out with each other. Just as well cos we haven't had much choice this year!


  • #15
    Oops!
    Registered Users Posts: 1,253 ✭✭✭Oops!


    As the saying goes around here... She/He walked up the isle with nothing.... Walked back down with half the farm. Not unusual around these parts anyway....


  • #16
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 14,344 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    KathleenGrant wrote: »
    Got married because I became pregnant.
    We stayed together 16 years all the same... I can't forgive him not being part of his children's lives though.


    16 years seems plenty of time to be part of the childrens lives? Unless I'm reading that wrongly? :confused:


  • #17
    JeffreyEpspeen
    Registered Users Posts: 555 ✭✭✭JeffreyEpspeen


    KathleenGrant wrote: »
    You were born because your parents had sex. I doubt it was your grandmother's fault? :(

    It's not at all unique, it's not even awful. Just saying what happened to me when I settled.

    I'm not the oldest. I've been privy to conversations where it's been made clear that my mother married not because it's what she wanted, but what other people wanted. Hence more children and me further down the line.

    I wallowed in pity but she was just a teenager. She had to make life decisions at 18 that I'm not capable of making in my thirties.

    Thank god people have more options nowadays and the god botherers have less influence.


  • #18
    McGinniesta
    Registered Users Posts: 4,402 ✭✭✭McGinniesta


    I don;t see the point in settling for anything less than happiness.

    I'd rather be single than unhappy.


  • #19
    Hyperbollix
    Registered Users Posts: 913 ✭✭✭Hyperbollix


    Marry for love in your 20's..............

    Marry for financial security, social status, 3 holidays and a new car every year... in your 30's


  • #20
    bilbot79
    Registered Users Posts: 1,980 ✭✭✭bilbot79


    biko wrote: »
    I married for love.












    She married for money.

    She sounds hot


  • #21
    Leg End Reject
    Registered Users Posts: 16,284 ✭✭✭✭Leg End Reject


    Oops! wrote: »
    As the saying goes around here... She/He walked up the isle with nothing.... Walked back down with half the farm. Not unusual around these parts anyway....

    Do you all get married up north?
    https://forumofgames.com/index.php

    >>> Staying Alive <<<



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  • #22
    Oops!
    Registered Users Posts: 1,253 ✭✭✭Oops!


    Leg End Reject wrote: »
    Do you all get married up north?

    Nope, other end of the country is where i am, Also have neither a wife or a farm and happy that way!:D


  • #23
    _Whimsical_
    Registered Users Posts: 7,953 ✭✭✭_Whimsical_


    KKV wrote: »
    16 years seems plenty of time to be part of the childrens lives? Unless I'm reading that wrongly? :confused:

    The oldest is 16. The youngest is who knows?

    Regardless, you can leave a marriage but you cannot just say bye to your kids and have that be fine, particularly during years they need emotional and financial support. 16 is definitely in that bracket. There is no "you've had plenty time" for kids.
    I know people who've had serious parental estrangement as adults and it's caused huge pain. That is not fine for any 16 year old.


  • #24
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users Posts: 3,777 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    KKV wrote: »
    16 years seems plenty of time to be part of the childrens lives? Unless I'm reading that wrongly? :confused:

    You are not thinking it out properly. Children are not all the same age.

    The oldest was 16 when he left. We had a large family. The youngest three were 2, 4 and 7 when he left. Not a phone call, birthday card or xmas present since. I didn't make it difficult for him in case that's what you think. Like i said, i don't blame him for leaving me. I feel sorry for him that he stayed so long in a relationship he was unhappy in. But turning his back on his children I can't forgive him for.


  • #25
    Kerry25x
    Registered Users Posts: 554 ✭✭✭Kerry25x


    Madly in love honestly and its been 12 years now (only married for 2 of those).


  • #26
    KathleenGrant
    Registered Users Posts: 3,777 ✭✭✭KathleenGrant


    JeffreyEpspeen wrote: »
    I'm not the oldest. I've been privy to conversations where it's been made clear that my mother married not because it's what she wanted, but what other people wanted. Hence more children and me further down the line.

    I wallowed in pity but she was just a teenager. She had to make life decisions at 18 that I'm not capable of making in my thirties.

    Thank god people have more options nowadays and the god botherers have less influence.

    Ok I see now what you mean.
    You hardly resent being born though. Are you not glad?
    On the plus side, myself and a lot of people my age had children we never planned and it was not unknown for women to be upset to be pregnant again. But that was just a reaction at the time and those children were loved and cherished the same as those who were planned.
    I really hope that was the case with you.


  • #27
    soups05
    Registered Users Posts: 1,086 ✭✭✭soups05


    I had to go wading through piles of my own BS to find my post from 2011:

    I met a wonderful woman and got engaged 5 months later. 13 months after we met we got married. all of my friends said we were crazy,too young etc. last oct we celebrated our 20th anniversery. four kids, four million rows,no regerts.

    remember, the best part about fighting is making up afterwards .

    I turn 40 this july, when shes around i feel 20.


    I turn 50 this year, still married to her,(31 years this year) still very much in love. now with grandkids :)


  • #28
    KaneToad
    Registered Users Posts: 3,155 ✭✭✭KaneToad


    I definitely didn't settle. Herself might say otherwise. But I don't think so...


  • #29
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Oops! wrote: »
    As the saying goes around here... She/He walked up the isle with nothing.... Walked back down with half the farm. Not unusual around these parts anyway....
    There's also an expression for the opposite of that. If a farmer has married a primary-school teacher, for example, he is said to have gotten himself "a laying hen".

    It's obviously not a serious comment, but there is of course a practical legal and economic element to marriage.


  • #30
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    My mother always told me marry someone with money because love runs out..

    So I married for love, married a year and a half after we met at the tender ages of 21 and 24, still together 12 years and still in love, best friends! Many a argument, 4 kids later.


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  • #31
    pgj2015
    Registered Users Posts: 8,829 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    bilbot79 wrote: »
    She sounds hot



    Are you saying Biko can only fall in love with hot women? :confused:


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