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Hi all,
Vanilla are planning an update to the site on April 24th (next Wednesday). It is a major PHP8 update which is expected to boost performance across the site. The site will be down from 7pm and it is expected to take about an hour to complete. We appreciate your patience during the update.
Thanks all.

Ghosted after a few good dates

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Comments

  • #32
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,651 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    Fuzzyduzzy wrote: »
    She hasn't forgotten to text. Someone else didn't block you on her phone. Guys have a lot of competition in the online dating scene these days, as ones who would never have used it now do due to no bars etc. Guys usually date down on it (in attractiveness) and girls date up as they can afford to. Good looking girls get treated like celebrities on those apps and if guys got the same treatment plenty would be ghosting too with all the options they'd have.

    I know it's hard right now but in a few weeks you'll be relieved. If someone showcases this aspect of their personality imagine what other horrible things would surface if you got stuck with her.

    Maybe you should go with the average looking girls with interesting personalities rather than bitching that the good looking ones can pick who they like - that’s life.
    You see so many smelly dirty boring lazy men complaining that super models arent chasing them, turning their noses down at pretty or average looking!


  • #33
    forgottenhills
    Registered Users Posts: 441 ✭✭forgottenhills


    Feisar wrote: »
    It's all in the game.

    Many a tear has to fall..

    https://youtu.be/5dEvMcsFKFI


  • #34
    Fuzzyduzzy
    Registered Users Posts: 269 ✭✭Fuzzyduzzy


    YellowLead wrote: »
    Maybe you should go with the average looking girls with interesting personalities rather than bitching that the good looking ones can pick who they like - that’s life.
    You see so many smelly dirty boring lazy men complaining that super models arent chasing them, turning their noses down at pretty or average looking!

    It's a fact that girls can punch above their own weight in online dating a lot more than guys can. That might not fit with your worldly view of equality but it is what it is.


  • #35
    MyPeopleDrankTheSoup
    Registered Users Posts: 2,708 ✭✭✭MyPeopleDrankTheSoup


    Feisar wrote: »
    It's all in the game.

    this is pretty much it. women have all the power in online dating (but still they're never happy, what's up with that?).

    just move on to the next one, you don't want to become one of those bitter jokes overthinking stuff with a women that you don't even know that well.


  • #36
    Ronaldinho
    Registered Users Posts: 829 ✭✭✭Ronaldinho


    @OP

    How intimate did ye get over those 3 dates? Because if you didn't make a move on her that's probably the best explanation.

    Sounds like you fell for her. In future, don't put girls up on a pedestal - no good will come of it. Falling for someone elicits the same physiological response as heroin. Which is grand, if it lasts. In a few weeks the stress/thinking about her will pass.

    You said ye were texting night and day. Have you nothing better to be doing than texting someone you just met? Job/hobbies etc.
    Don't make yourself so available.

    Delete her number and don't try to make contact again.


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  • #37
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,651 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    That’s a bit broad to say women have all the power online! It is true if a woman wants something casual she can have her pick online. With little effort - she can have a date with a guy she finds attractive and sleep with him.

    When it comes to wanting a relationship from online however - that’s a whole different ball game and in my opinion where if anyone has the advantage it’s men. Because there is a broader pool of women looking for a relationship than there is of men, so men have it easier. There are more men that are looking for hook ups but hiding it than women so women have to navigate through all of that faff if the eye are looking for a relationship.


  • #38
    raclle
    Registered Users Posts: 2,348 ✭✭✭raclle


    yourdeadwright wrote: »
    What kind of nonsense is this ? all the power ?

    The right to decide not to date anymore surely that everyone's right ?

    Men and Women ghost ,
    What I meant was men generally have to make the first move. In terms of online dating there's even more pressure to make a first impression. What I'm really trying to say is that its easier for women


  • #39
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    badabing106 wrote: »
    Have a few beers on weekend and then start sending messages to see if you can rekindle anything

    Do not do this.

    Perhaps she figured you weren't interested if you didn't try to become intimate on some level, you don't say in your OP.

    If that's not the case, if she has any interest or respect for you OP (trust me, she doesn't) she will reach out to you again, but even if she does, proceed with extreme caution. She simply isn't attracted to you enough (not your problem) but doesn't have the cop on or respect to tell you in person.

    What I will say in the future, maybe don't get so invested so early on. Keep your messaging brief and spare otherwise you find out what you can about someone too soon and on the date, you have nothing to talk about or the other person gets bored endlessly messaging. Try set up dates in real life as soon as possible; I find this sorts out the messers from the genuine pretty quick.

    Put it down to experience.


  • #40
    ShatterProof
    Registered Users Posts: 1,734 ✭✭✭ShatterProof


    hellyeah wrote: »
    Get a cat.

    he is looking for pussy


  • #41
    YFlyer
    Registered Users Posts: 9,717 ✭✭✭YFlyer


    Neg her back.


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  • #42
    tayto lover
    Registered Users Posts: 51,428 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    Feel a bit sad for the OP.
    Her behaviour was lousy.


  • #43
    Fuzzyduzzy
    Registered Users Posts: 269 ✭✭Fuzzyduzzy


    YellowLead wrote: »
    That’s a bit broad to say women have all the power online! It is true if a woman wants something casual she can have her pick online. With little effort - she can have a date with a guy she finds attractive and sleep with him.

    When it comes to wanting a relationship from online however - that’s a whole different ball game and in my opinion where if anyone has the advantage it’s men. Because there is a broader pool of women looking for a relationship than there is of men, so men have it easier. There are more men that are looking for hook ups but hiding it than women so women have to navigate through all of that faff if the eye are looking for a relationship.

    I can see what you mean but even before online dating women have been able to be the choosers and date upwards. This has been seriously amplified in online dating and a girl gets to feel like a celebrity while the guys (especially average looking guys) are scavengers.

    A female friend (attractive but not striking) recently showed me her bumble profile and every single time she said 'no' it said she missed a match and it matched for every time she said 'yes'. She even admitted herself it was ridiculous. Am I jealous of this contrasting dynamic? Of course, but wouldn't we be delighted if the tables were turned and girls who would not usually look twice at us in a bar or nightclub were all over us.


  • #44
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,690 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    Fuzzyduzzy wrote: »
    It's a fact that girls can punch above their own weight in online dating a lot more than guys can. That might not fit with your worldly view of equality but it is what it is.

    That's probably true if you're not attractive. I get plenty of messages but very rarely have I any interest in what I receive. I can imagine the whole thing sucks if you don't get any attention.


  • #45
    Surreptitious
    Registered Users Posts: 8,130 ✭✭✭Surreptitious


    YellowLead wrote: »
    That’s a bit broad to say women have all the power online! It is true if a woman wants something casual she can have her pick online. With little effort - she can have a date with a guy she finds attractive and sleep with him.

    When it comes to wanting a relationship from online however - that’s a whole different ball game and in my opinion where if anyone has the advantage it’s men. Because there is a broader pool of women looking for a relationship than there is of men, so men have it easier. There are more men that are looking for hook ups but hiding it than women so women have to navigate through all of that faff if the eye are looking for a relationship.

    I think you are right. I have had guys negging me to try and find my weaknesses so they can intimidate me into sex. I didn't fall for it.
    It is outlandish to say women can have who they want.


  • #46
    buried
    Registered Users Posts: 9,661 ✭✭✭buried


    Feel bad for the OP here too but what the OP should do is chalk it down as a valuable life lesson in this vapid age where a lot of people are running from one thing to another in a very short space of time with no consideration or even recollection of the last thing they were using beforehand. Never put anybody or anything else up on a pedestal or you will ultimately be disappointed somewhere down the line. Look after yourself and try get into different mindset where this craic doesn't affect you. You'll meet somebody better in person utilising this sort of mindset as it will give you better charisma in the real world, not online.

    "You have disgraced yourselves again" - W. B. Yeats



  • #47
    Wallet Inspector
    Closed Accounts Posts: 252 ✭✭Wallet Inspector


    Mrs OBumble wrote: »
    I cannot think of a better place for the OP to have posted. This is the only forum where people can respond freely instead of oozing faux Compassion.
    Why do you automatically think the compassion is "faux"? That's a popular enough expression but without being able to read minds it doesn't really mean anything. I feel awful for the OP out of empathy, as I've been there.
    MyPeopleDrankTheSoup wrote: »
    women have all the power in online dating (but still they're never happy, what's up with that?).
    Women do not have "all" the power in online dating.

    Women aren't "never" happy.

    Good bit of resentment here.


  • #48
    Surreptitious
    Registered Users Posts: 8,130 ✭✭✭Surreptitious


    All the freaks will start coming out of the woodwork now.
    Fat women, women hate men, women don't date short guys.
    Women are ugly but can have any man, pick up artist videos, negging, treat em mean keep em keen.

    Then you will have the guys who are 'do you even lift bro'
    These men have their pick but they aren't interested.


  • #49
    bucketybuck
    Registered Users Posts: 18,088 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    Why do people keep saying this is an online thing?

    He met her 3 or 4 times, sounds like the online bit did its job and was over.


  • #50
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 25,611 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Maybe if yous weren't intimate that's why she stopped texting. Of course it could be the opposite.
    Maybe she's met someone else. Of course maybe not.

    There's no point in worrying. Block her, delete the number and match and just move on with your life.


  • #51
    MyPeopleDrankTheSoup
    Registered Users Posts: 2,708 ✭✭✭MyPeopleDrankTheSoup


    Wallet Inspector wrote: »
    Women do not have "all" the power in online dating.

    Women aren't "never" happy.

    Good bit of resentment here.


    no resentment at all, just stating facts. Maybe 'women never happy' is open to debate lol but women definitely have the power on online dating.

    I met my GF of 3 years on Tinder, if you keep working at it, you'll get a result.


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  • #52
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    When it comes to getting laid, there's no doubt that women have it easier, but that says more about men than women, IMO. Most young lads on a night out just want to score.

    This was true before Tinder, it will be true after Tinder.


  • #53
    Wallet Inspector
    Closed Accounts Posts: 252 ✭✭Wallet Inspector


    Women don't have all the power in online dating.

    Good looking guy isn't gonna pick a plain woman.


  • #54
    Jequ0n
    Registered Users Posts: 6,034 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    bucketybuck wrote: »
    Why do people keep saying this is an online thing?

    He met her 3 or 4 times, sounds like the online bit did its job and was over.

    Waited too long to meet up = hesitation, doesn’t give her the impression he is head over heels.
    You want to swoop in early and make her think she is the best thing since sliced bread and also secure (in cases where there is baggage). OP missed his chance to apply emotional bonding traps


  • #55
    Wallet Inspector
    Closed Accounts Posts: 252 ✭✭Wallet Inspector


    brainboru1104 wrote: »
    When it comes to getting laid, there's no doubt that women have it easier, but that says more about men than women, IMO. Most young lads on a night out just want to score.

    This was true before Tinder, it will be true after Tinder.
    Yeah women usually want more than just a one-night stand, so it's not a huge privilege just to be matched for a one-night encounter (emphasis "usually" - I know there are women who just want a shag, and men who want more than that).


  • #56
    buried
    Registered Users Posts: 9,661 ✭✭✭buried


    bucketybuck wrote: »
    Why do people keep saying this is an online thing?

    He met her 3 or 4 times, sounds like the online bit did its job and was over.

    People stay on these online dating sites to see if something else comes along. Nothing wrong with that, but some people can become kind of addicted to the notion that something better might come along continuously if they stay on these dating sites and keep swiping or whatever it is.

    "You have disgraced yourselves again" - W. B. Yeats



  • #57
    Wallet Inspector
    Closed Accounts Posts: 252 ✭✭Wallet Inspector


    Jequ0n wrote: »
    Waited too long to meet up = hesitation, doesn’t give her the impression he is head over heels.
    You want to swoop in early and make her think she is the best thing since sliced bread and also secure (in cases where there is baggage). OP missed his chance to apply emotional bonding traps
    Traps?

    But anyway, seems like things went really well for the time that they were in contact - both online and in person. Then she just did a u-turn because of a change in circumstances. It happens and it sucks but you're better off OP.


  • #58
    Jequ0n
    Registered Users Posts: 6,034 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    Wallet Inspector wrote: »
    Traps?

    But anyway, seems like things went really well for the time that they were in contact - both online and in person. Then she just did a u-turn because of a change in circumstances. It happens and it sucks but you're better off OP.

    Trap, binding, whatever


  • #59
    shtpEdthePlum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 556 ✭✭✭shtpEdthePlum


    Maybe she didn't respond because ye're officially doing a line together now so there was no reply necessary.


  • #60
    The DayDream
    Registered Users Posts: 508 ✭✭✭The DayDream


    YellowLead wrote: »
    Maybe you should go with the average looking girls with interesting personalities rather than bitching that the good looking ones can pick who they like - that’s life.
    You see so many smelly dirty boring lazy men complaining that super models arent chasing them, turning their noses down at pretty or average looking!

    In fairness that's not what he really was saying as he was talking about the apps rather than IRL. In the apps it's exactly like he said with girls 'dating up' having more choice etc. It's totally different to real life IME (pulling power not so bad in real life, apps I barely get a response most times even with women who matched.)

    On the apps it's the opposite of what you say in the last paragraph. It's the women who are expecting George Clooney or Ryan Gosling to swipe on them. Lots of bitter well past their prime single mothers complaining there are no good men, no real men, too many creeps, long checklists of what they think they should be getting in a partner, etc.

    OP don't try and contact her any more, in fact just block her right back and move on. Why are you even thinking 'oh I'd let her back into my life.' Women don't block dudes they still want in their life, it's done.


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  • #61
    Ubbquittious
    Registered Users Posts: 6,177 ✭✭✭Ubbquittious


    Women on these sites are hard work. Chat away nicely for ages then ghost. Rinse and repeat.
    Chat away for ages, ask to meet up, she gets hesitant about covid and starts coming out with excuses. Next.
    Then so many are just a pain to converse with, they show no interest and expect me to entertain them via text.
    Maybe they are not "never happy" but it's hard to find one who is happy.


    Much easier to get chatting to someone at a real life event whenever those will be allowed again.

    Had one today who I've been chatting with a good while and wouldnt divulge her number because she claims to have had problems with that in the past. The app chat thing is a pain to use. Maybe there is some fawning lapdog of a fella who will chat to her endlessly on the app until she feels reassured enough to meet up but I couldn't be fcuking arsed.


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