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Opinions/Advice

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  • 14-11-2019 4:15am
    #1
    Smile111
    Registered Users Posts: 536 ✭✭✭


    Hi all,

    I am just looking for a bit of advice.
    The main jist of it is my 2 sisters behaviour and inlaws behaviour.
    I think it is bully behaviour.

    When there is a family event. I.e wedding.
    One sister purposefully ignores me and goes out of her way not be photographed beside me. It is very hurtful.
    She ignores me at weddings and family events. She is good looking and knows it. Also v confident. I dunno if that is the reason she ignores me at all these events. She would go out of her way to talk to everyone else and purposefully ignore me.
    This is not a one time thing. Has been going on for years. If it was just a one time thing I would be over it.


    Last few years I have noticed inlaws making faces at me.
    I also noticed the above sis and husband making faces at me last year. I am sure there are many a time it went unnoticed by me.
    I confronted her about it last year. She denied it happened....and played innocent. I seen it with my own eyes.


    2 yrs ago I was beside her in photo and while she was taking it she cut me out so not be photographed beside me...
    I did not wanna believe that but then I got her to send me photos I was 100% right:(.


    At events my 2 sisters will totally or almost totally ignore me when inlaws there.

    This year there was gonna be a family event. I decided not to go. Even though there was a group already set up for this.
    The 2nd sister decided to set up a new group so I would be excluded. I had already decided not to go before this.
    I wouldn't have minded that at all but there was a group already set up. I think this was to get in with sis in law. All I can think of.


    Anyways the making faces of my sister and bullying by inlaws has been really getting me down the last few months.

    The bro in law and sis in law making faces at me has prob been going on longer than I know but I don't have to put up with it any longer.

    Obviously it's not nice but my own sisters behaviour is what gets me down the most.
    I mean going out of her way not to talk me at weddings/christenings etc and going above and beyond not to be photographed beside me.
    We get on grand when meet on own but when in group she acts totally different.

    I am an easy target and they know I won't say anything. I am quiet.
    Even now I am upset about this.
    I have decided not to go to any events in the future and only go to immediate family events. Even those will be difficult but I know I will have to go to them.

    I don't think I have to live my life being bullied at events and then being upset about it for months thereafter.

    I hope this makes sense. Feel better having typed it anyway.


Comments

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    #2
    Bigbagofcans
    Registered Users Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭Bigbagofcans


    I'm so sorry OP you have to go through this.

    Have you spoken to other family members about this, or have they noticed your sisters' awful behaviour?


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    #3
    Smile111
    Registered Users Posts: 536 ✭✭✭Smile111


    Hi,
    Thanks for getting back to me.
    2 know and aware that it is common of sister to do this. A second sister has jumped on the bandwagon too of ignoring me/pretending not to hear me when in laws are about.

    I think it's in my own best interests to avoid events and only go to ones I really have to.
    I.e sibling wedding or sisters child christening or something.
    This as I said will still be v difficult.

    I will still have to attend things that those sisters have for their kids but I won't be attending their partners anything


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    #4
    Loveinapril
    Registered Users Posts: 2,326 ✭✭✭Loveinapril


    Have you posted about this before? It seems very familiar.

    The only thing you can do is limit your interactions with your sisters. Just because they are family doesn't mean that they have permission to treat you badly. It also doesn't mean that you have to have a relationship with them. Look after yourself and stop putting yourself in a position where they can hurt you.


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    #5
    Smile111
    Registered Users Posts: 536 ✭✭✭Smile111


    Hi,

    I did years ago I imagine. I tried being bigger person but the last 2 years after events I am really down and upset so now I am no longer going to them unless immediate family or unless it's for the kids.


    Thanks.I will


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    #6
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    She is acting like a child.

    They sound horrible. It must be very emotionally draining and hurtful.

    If you have tried sorting it out maturely etc and being kind and tried speaking to other family members about it.

    The thing is though if you DO speak to family members about it then it can be perceived as talking behind her back or speaking badly of her. It can just make you look bad.

    If you have tried this.

    Then at this stage the only thing you can do is avoid her really. Just be classy polite and civil.

    You avoid her but be classy when you DO have to be around her and polite. Keep it short and sweet. But only if you HAVE to talk to her. Otherwise really just avoid her as much as possible.

    Its the opposite of what she is doing ...which is going into your space etc ..and being rude by not speaking.

    I knew someone who always wanted to be around me so they could be SEEN to be ignoring me. I just started to avoid them so they weren't around me any more.


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  • Options
    #7
    Smile111
    Registered Users Posts: 536 ✭✭✭Smile111


    If anyone asks why I am no longer attending some events what does anyone suggest I say?


  • Options
    #8
    StinkyMunkey
    Registered Users Posts: 1,398 ✭✭✭StinkyMunkey


    Smile111 wrote: »
    If anyone asks why I am no longer attending some events what does anyone suggest I say?

    No reason to stop going to any events. You just gotta teach yourself to stop investing so much feeling into people who do not deserve your time or effort.

    You can't change the badness in people, but you can learn to not invest so many feeling into how they act towards you.

    When younger I'd be more affected by how I thought others perceived me, now I'm older and have more experience it's never really more than a minor irritation if someone shows a disliking towards me.

    You need to have more faith in yourself and the fact your a decent human being, you don't need these people's acceptance or permission to attend a family event.

    Next time your at a family event spend time talking to the people who matter, not worrying about the people who don't.


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    #9
    Smile111
    Registered Users Posts: 536 ✭✭✭Smile111


    The thing is at the last few events I have seen the making faces and I did not mention it but my inlaw made a horrible comment last year too at one of these events.
    So much so it upset me the very day.
    I honestly don't think I have it in me to go and get hurt at these things.


    If I go, I am putting myself directly in firing line to be hurt.
    I will go to things I really have to but that's all.

    Thanks all for your advice.
    If anyone has gone through similar please let me know how you dealt with it.


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    #10
    joeguevara
    Registered Users Posts: 7,993 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    Forget about your in-laws. Nothing to do with you and they are only following your sisters lead.

    Don't put yourself in the position to be hurt. Don't stand beside sister in photo and don't request photos. It will only lead to being hurt. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good.


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    #11
    Smile111
    Registered Users Posts: 536 ✭✭✭Smile111


    Thanks. I never request photos ever.
    She requests photos all the time and then runs not to be photographed beside me. At weddings she would make sure never to be photographed beside me in family ones. This I think is because she does not want her kids to see her beside in them. I honestly don't know. And really as I said she goes above and beyond not to to talk to me at weddings. Be nice to have a normal sister but sure.

    I will forget about the inlaws. I will avoid them now as much as I can. They unfortunately are bullies.
    The bro in law used to prey on 2 other sisters but now because the wife my sister talks to them he has stopped and moved onto me.


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