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Now ye're talking - to a Helpline Volunteer

  • 15-10-2018 2:06pm
    #1
    Boards.ie Employee Posts: 5,461 ✭✭✭✭✭Boards.ie: Mark
    Boards.ie Employee


    Our next guest is a helpline volunteer. They answer calls to people who are distressed, need emotional support or just someone to talk to - people in many emotional states.

    If you are experiencing tough times, we would recommend speaking to someone. We have a list of organisations with people trained to help you in difficult times here: https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057178293

    If you have any questions for a helpline volunteer, please ask them below.


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 610 ✭✭✭Redser87


    Fair play to you for doing this kind of voluntary work OP, it is so important.
    How do you leave the work at the door when you leave, do you have a routine?
    Have you ever recognised a voice at the other end of the line, e.g. a neighbour or colleague? What would you do if that happened?


  • Registered Users Posts: 27,317 ✭✭✭✭super_furry


    What kind of training and/or qualifications do you need?


  • Registered Users Posts: 245 ✭✭Cockadoodledoo


    Do you get many prank phone calls? Do you have to continue even if you know it’s a prank?


  • Registered Users Posts: 719 ✭✭✭Gwen Cooper


    Hi there,

    Thank you for doing this. I just want to say how much I admire people who are on these helplines. I had a mental breakdown when I was 18, alone in the middle of nowhere, with no way of getting to the hospital. I was ready to kill myself. I rang a helpline and spoke to a lovely lady for over an hour. She saved my life, just by talking to me, listening to me, acknowledging that my problems are real and legitimate. She talked me into getting help. She talked to me when nobody else would. I don't know if I would still be here if it weren't for her and the helpline. I don't even know her name.

    On behalf of anyone who ever needed to dial that number, THANK YOU. You're so massively important in this day and age and I will never stop being grateful for having access to this service in the middle of the night 12 years ago when I decided that I don't want to exist anymore.

    From the bottom of my heart, thank you.


  • Company Representative Posts: 22 Verified rep I’m a helpline volunteer, AMA


    Redser87 wrote: »
    Fair play to you for doing this kind of voluntary work OP, it is so important.
    How do you leave the work at the door when you leave, do you have a routine?
    Have you ever recognised a voice at the other end of the line, e.g. a neighbour or colleague? What would you do if that happened?

    Leaving the work at the door is extremely important for our mental health. Volunteers support each other emotionally from difficult interactions with service users. I guess everyone is different, but I just give myself time to absorb the upset. I don’t try to ignore my feelings, and if I need a cry or some time out after an interaction, then I allow myself that. If I neglect to take care for myself I do expect to burn out quicker. What I think could be worse than burning out is stop caring about the service users and what they are feeling in that moment.


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  • Company Representative Posts: 22 Verified rep I’m a helpline volunteer, AMA


    What kind of training and/or qualifications do you need?

    I can only speak about my training- which involved several hours per week over about 3 months. All training was provided by the organization itself and definitely prepared me well for the experience.

    There are no qualifications needed, however each volunteer does undergo an interview process to identify suitability. What I have noticed is that many volunteers share certain values. While they come from many walks of life, they all care about the service users. They care about helping people and therefore care about their fellow volunteers as much as the service users.


  • Company Representative Posts: 22 Verified rep I’m a helpline volunteer, AMA


    Do you get many prank phone calls? Do you have to continue even if you know it’s a prank?

    Yes unfortunately we get a lot of prank calls. A significant portion would be sexually abusive which can really hurt the volunteers emotionally. In my experience, female volunteers get many more sexually abusive calls than male volunteers. In some organizations you do continue if you know it’s a prank while in other organizations you do not continue. To avoid anyone recognizing the organization I will decline to answer your second question.

    *I should clarify prank calls are people who call us names or try to abuse the service we offer. 'Prank calls' does not include calls from people who think their problems are 'not that bad' or 'not important enough'. If you feel you need emotional support from lowliness/suicidal thoughts etc. please call!


  • Company Representative Posts: 22 Verified rep I’m a helpline volunteer, AMA


    Hi there,

    Thank you for doing this. I just want to say how much I admire people who are on these helplines. I had a mental breakdown when I was 18, alone in the middle of nowhere, with no way of getting to the hospital. I was ready to kill myself. I rang a helpline and spoke to a lovely lady for over an hour. She saved my life, just by talking to me, listening to me, acknowledging that my problems are real and legitimate. She talked me into getting help. She talked to me when nobody else would. I don't know if I would still be here if it weren't for her and the helpline. I don't even know her name.

    On behalf of anyone who ever needed to dial that number, THANK YOU. You're so massively important in this day and age and I will never stop being grateful for having access to this service in the middle of the night 12 years ago when I decided that I don't want to exist anymore.

    From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

    That is such a lovely message for you to take the time to write. I’m sorry you have experienced such a difficult time. Your story is not uncommon- we talk with many people who are in a situation where just talking helps. Unfortunately it doesn’t help everyone every time- but it can change a lot when it does help.

    I am so glad you could reach out in the middle of the night and talk with someone when you needed it most.

    I can’t speak on behalf of the lady you talked with but I would not be surprised in the least if she remembers you too. I am sure she was so glad you called.

    Several of our volunteers (like me) have used the service in the past. If you ever would like to know more about volunteering I would encourage you to reach out to the organizations in Mark’s original post.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,499 ✭✭✭Sabre0001


    Thank you for doing this AMA and for the service you provide.

    You mentioned people ringing up with problems that they feel aren't that bad. Do you get many of these types of calls? Is it just someone looking for an outlet to vent or how do you help them?

    Have you noticed an increase in people availing of helpline services as mental health started getting talked about more?

    How long have you been a volunteer? And did you have a realisation that you were bottling it up / dwelling on an interaction with someone or was it very clear from the off that you should let it out to take care of yourself and avoid burning out?

    🤪



  • Company Representative Posts: 22 Verified rep I’m a helpline volunteer, AMA


    Sabre0001 wrote: »
    You mentioned people ringing up with problems that they feel aren't that bad. Do you get many of these types of calls? Is it just someone looking for an outlet to vent or how do you help them?

    I get a lot of calls where people say something like "I'm sure there are people out there with worse problems" or "I'm sure you have someone worse off to be talking to" or variants thereof. I obviously make it clear I am happy they called, and try to make clear that getting emotional support before an issue gets much bigger hopefully means the issue is dealt with earlier. Regardless how big an issue looks, people still suffer. If people are suffering, they are entitled to support with that. Hopefully the support they receive from us works for them.

    Sabre0001 wrote: »
    Have you noticed an increase in people availing of helpline services as mental health started getting talked about more?

    I can't say I have noticed a specific change. I expect calls to mental health services in Ireland have increased, but that may be due to increased volunteers, increased outreach etc. I will say we have a long way to go before mental health is taken seriously. I often hear volunteer helplines are used by public health officials to provide support to their patients outside normal business hours. Mental health support needs to be available 24/7, just like physical health. Until that happens people's mental health issues won't be triaged correctly and people experiencing emergencies will continue to experience setbacks in their efforts to manage and sometimes recover their mental health.

    Sabre0001 wrote: »
    How long have you been a volunteer? And did you have a realisation that you were bottling it up / dwelling on an interaction with someone or was it very clear from the off that you should let it out to take care of yourself and avoid burning out?

    I have been volunteering between 2-5 years. I never felt I bottle things up, however I have had situations where I felt overwhelmed with emotion over a call. this usually hit several hours after talking with that person. That situation would leave me in tears and require some quiet time. A situation like that would usually arise pretty quickly after starting to volunteer so you learn coping mechanisms pretty quickly. And if you don't- the volunteer organisation should help you to!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,861 ✭✭✭Nokia6230i


    Are the shifts day time and night time (not trying to identify who you volunteer with)?

    Do you get similar calls across both shifts if so?


  • Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭shellycub


    Hi, well done on doing what you do. It must be hard but I'm sure it makes a huge difference to so many people.

    Do you have rules to follow regardimg what you can and can't ask? If someone rings you as a result of them being in an abusive environment can you ask them questions to try to help them or do you have to stay neutral? Do people ever get back in touch to say thanks?


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,125 ✭✭✭mistersifter


    Hi OP, well done on giving up your time to do this important job. A couple of questions.

    Why did you start doing this work? Is it related to something you studied, for example?

    What is your procedure if someone is in serious trouble and says they're going to take their own life? What way does your training teach you to respond somebody in really serious danger?

    Then, at what point can you call emergency services or other third parties to intervene in some way (presuming you know enough about the caller to do so) i.e. at what point does the person's right to privacy get left aside to protect their own safety and the safety of others?

    thanks


  • Company Representative Posts: 22 Verified rep I’m a helpline volunteer, AMA


    Nokia6230i wrote: »
    Are the shifts day time and night time (not trying to identify who you volunteer with)?

    Do you get similar calls across both shifts if so?
    Like some of the other helplines our service is 24/7 so there are shifts spread across all times. You definitely get different calls depending on the time. In the middle of the night you are going to get people who can't sleep. I mean- if you are anxious or upset who can you call at 4am in the morning? In the middle of the night you get people who can be coming down from certain substances, people who are contemplating suicide because they can't face the next day, people who are taking stock of their lives and wondering where to go from here. I find there is definitely less prank calling at that time, and people are more willing to be vulnerable.


  • Company Representative Posts: 22 Verified rep I’m a helpline volunteer, AMA


    shellycub wrote: »
    Do you have rules to follow regardimg what you can and can't ask? If someone rings you as a result of them being in an abusive environment can you ask them questions to try to help them or do you have to stay neutral? Do people ever get back in touch to say thanks?
    I guess we would be as neutral as non-judgemental listening would allow us. Many people in abusive situations would say they need to leave or change, and we could explore options for change with them. We can always encourage people to act in a way they think is beast for them, but we never judge what is best for them.
    The exception to that is where we are bound by law to pass on information. If we think there is a risk to a child and we have information TUSLA can use to identify the child(ren) then we may pass it on. Not passing it on can make us individually liable of a criminal act under Children First Act (a legal obligation priests are also subject to).
    We do get letters and words of thanks regularly. Some people would call us to tell us good news or how well they have been doing recently (if they had called previously feeling down). Those contacts are always appreciated, and sometimes by the end of a call someone feels better and says so.


  • Company Representative Posts: 22 Verified rep I’m a helpline volunteer, AMA


    Why did you start doing this work? Is it related to something you studied, for example?
    I started volunteering between 2 and 5 years ago and am still active. It is completely unrelated to what I studied. For most volunteers it is not related to what they work/study at. There are also many volunteers involved in the social care and psychology industries.
    What is your procedure if someone is in serious trouble and says they're going to take their own life? What way does your training teach you to respond somebody in really serious danger?
    We are limited by what the caller would like of us. If they share their address and ask us to call an ambulance then we may do that, If they are going to take their own life and want us to remain on the phone with them while they do that then we will stay on the phone with them. We hope they choose not to take their life, but if they make that choice then we will respect it if legally possible (see piece about Children First Act above).
    Then, at what point can you call emergency services or other third parties to intervene in some way (presuming you know enough about the caller to do so) i.e. at what point does the person's right to privacy get left aside to protect their own safety and the safety of others?
    thanks
    Assuming we have the information, and the caller is an adult, we would likely call an ambulance in most circumstances. In the few situations where a caller wants to take their own life with us on the phone then they would likely be careful enough not to reveal their location.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,245 ✭✭✭myshirt


    Is it true that if one of your helpline colleagues tries to ring in sick, there is a policy of trying to talk them out of it?


  • Company Representative Posts: 22 Verified rep I’m a helpline volunteer, AMA


    myshirt wrote: »
    Is it true that if one of your helpline colleagues tries to ring in sick, there is a policy of trying to talk them out of it?

    Haha! We just forward all calls to their mobile:)


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,245 ✭✭✭myshirt


    Haha! We just forward all calls to their mobile:)

    That's a great idea.

    On a serious note, I commend you for your voluntary work and in helping people out. It makes a serious impact for people in need.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,981 ✭✭✭funkey_monkey


    Why did you start doing this work? Is it related to something you studied, for example?
    I started volunteering between 2 and 5 years ago and am still active. It is completely unrelated to what I studied. For most volunteers it is not related to what they work/study at. There are also many volunteers involved in the social care and psychology industries.
    What is your procedure if someone is in serious trouble and says they're going to take their own life? What way does your training teach you to respond somebody in really serious danger?
    We are limited by what the caller would like of us. If they share their address and ask us to call an ambulance then we may do that, If they are going to take their own life and want us to remain on the phone with them while they do that then we will stay on the phone with them. We hope they choose not to take their life, but if they make that choice then we will respect it if legally possible (see piece about Children First Act above).
    Then, at what point can you call emergency services or other third parties to intervene in some way (presuming you know enough about the caller to do so) i.e. at what point does the person's right to privacy get left aside to protect their own safety and the safety of others?
    thanks
    Assuming we have the information, and the caller is an adult, we would likely call an ambulance in most circumstances. In the few situations where a caller wants to take their own life with us on the phone then they would likely be careful enough not to reveal their location.
    Woah! That is intense. Have you ever been in this situation?

    It is a brilliant thing you are doing and I commend you all for doing it. What was the moment that prompted you to do this?

    Genuinely don't know how you do it. I'd be messed up after one evening.


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  • Company Representative Posts: 22 Verified rep I’m a helpline volunteer, AMA


    Woah! That is intense. Have you ever been in this situation?

    I have never been in the situation where I had information while a person took their own life. Nor have I ever called an ambulance on anyone.

    I have been in a few situations (2 or 3) where someone was taking their own life on the call. I wouldn't talk them out of it. I always remember thinking to myself "if this was my brother/sister then I would not want them to be alone in this situation". I can't imagine how scary it must be to take ones life after being in so mcuh pain. I would prefer they were not alone at that moment.

    Surprisingly, I never felt like I was powerless or not doing "all I can" by not convincing them to stop or get help. Those people are often at the end of their rope (bad pun- sorry). I did feel I was doing something by providing company. Obviously I wished it wouldn't happen, but suicide will always happen. Providing company is the humane thing to do. Everyone I have ever talked to deserved humanity in their final moments.
    It is a brilliant thing you are doing and I commend you all for doing it.

    Thanks for your support!
    What was the moment that prompted you to do this?

    I always wanted to volunteer in a committed ongoing basis. I was licky enough to receive some nonjudgemental listening in a moment I needed it, so I knew the power of it. Once I got to know the organization and their approach to suicide and emotional support I believed fully in their mission and am quite proud of the work they do, and the opportunity they have given me.


  • Registered Users Posts: 395 ✭✭Gangu


    I

    I have been in a few situations (2 or 3) where someone was taking their own life on the call. I wouldn't talk them out of it. I always remember thinking to myself "if this was my brother/sister then I would not want them to be alone in this situation". I can't imagine how scary it must be to take ones life after being in so mcuh pain. I would prefer they were not alone at that moment.

    Great you are with them but that you would not try to talk them out of it????😟


  • Company Representative Posts: 22 Verified rep I’m a helpline volunteer, AMA


    Gangu wrote: »
    Great you are with them but that you would not try to talk them out of it????��

    I understand that sentiment entirely. I think there is a place and a time for an approach like that.

    Allow me to outline a call: You are talking with someone you don't know. They are in pain. Getting out of bed is a struggle and taking a shower is a mountain they can't climb right now. Existance itself is painful for them, and has been for the past 5 years. They have engaged with mental health services which has not changed how they feel.

    You could either:
    1. Tell them they have so much to live for, tell them things will get better, tell them what they feel is not as bad as other who manage to continue living.

    2. Emphatize with their feelings. Try to understand the pain they are in and tell them that whatever they choose to do you will support their decision and stay with them for comfort.

    I believe option 2 will work over all on average, because if people only hear judgements from you in their moment of need- they won't call. People don't call to be told what to do and judged. They call to be listened to and supported. The people I talked with are more than capable of judging themselves (unfortunately). They don't need me to do that for them.

    I would be interested to hear your thoughts.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,248 ✭✭✭Gloomtastic!


    I understand that sentiment entirely. I think there is a place and a time for an approach like that.

    Allow me to outline a call: You are talking with someone you don't know. They are in pain. Getting out of bed is a struggle and taking a shower is a mountain they can't climb right now. Existance itself is painful for them, and has been for the past 5 years. They have engaged with mental health services which has not changed how they feel.

    You could either:
    1. Tell them they have so much to live for, tell them things will get better, tell them what they feel is not as bad as other who manage to continue living.

    2. Emphatize with their feelings. Try to understand the pain they are in and tell them that whatever they choose to do you will support their decision and stay with them for comfort.

    I believe option 2 will work over all on average, because if people only hear judgements from you in their moment of need- they won't call. People don't call to be told what to do and judged. They call to be listened to and supported. The people I talked with are more than capable of judging themselves (unfortunately). They don't need me to do that for them.

    I would be interested to hear your thoughts.

    What a wonderful thing to do, well done. Because women are generally empathisers and men are fixers, are there mostly women volunteers?


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,509 ✭✭✭Purgative



    Allow me to outline a call: You are talking with someone you don't know. They are in pain. Getting out of bed is a struggle and taking a shower is a mountain they can't climb right now. Existance itself is painful for them, and has been for the past 5 years. They have engaged with mental health services which has not changed how they feel.

    You could either:
    1. Tell them they have so much to live for, tell them things will get better, tell them what they feel is not as bad as other who manage to continue living.

    2. Emphatize with their feelings. Try to understand the pain they are in and tell them that whatever they choose to do you will support their decision and stay with them for comfort.

    I believe option 2 will work over all on average, because if people only hear judgements from you in their moment of need- they won't call. People don't call to be told what to do and judged. They call to be listened to and supported. The people I talked with are more than capable of judging themselves (unfortunately). They don't need me to do that for them.

    I would be interested to hear your thoughts.


    Hi and thanks for doing this.


    I probably would not be a great volunteer. You see whilst I certainly believe in a person's right to life, I also believe in a person's right to a death of their choosing.


    Maybe as we seem to be on a referendum roll, that will be the next one.


  • Company Representative Posts: 22 Verified rep I’m a helpline volunteer, AMA


    What a wonderful thing to do, well done. Because women are generally empathisers and men are fixers, are there mostly women volunteers?

    As far as I can tell, it is 50/50. Feeling empathy may come more naturally to some people but displaying empathy it is a skill you can learn.


  • Company Representative Posts: 22 Verified rep I’m a helpline volunteer, AMA


    Purgative wrote: »
    I probably would not be a great volunteer. You see whilst I certainly believe in a person's right to life, I also believe in a person's right to a death of their choosing.

    It sounds like we agree on one point. I believe a person can choose their own death and if they choose to take their own life I will support their right to make a decision like that.

    I don't think believing the above disqualifies you from being a great volunteer. I think the opposite is true.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 870 ✭✭✭Kuva


    I understand that sentiment entirely. I think there is a place and a time for an approach like that.

    Allow me to outline a call: You are talking with someone you don't know. They are in pain. Getting out of bed is a struggle and taking a shower is a mountain they can't climb right now. Existance itself is painful for them, and has been for the past 5 years. They have engaged with mental health services which has not changed how they feel.

    You could either:
    1. Tell them they have so much to live for, tell them things will get better, tell them what they feel is not as bad as other who manage to continue living.

    2. Emphatize with their feelings. Try to understand the pain they are in and tell them that whatever they choose to do you will support their decision and stay with them for comfort.

    I believe option 2 will work over all on average, because if people only hear judgements from you in their moment of need- they won't call. People don't call to be told what to do and judged. They call to be listened to and supported. The people I talked with are more than capable of judging themselves (unfortunately). They don't need me to do that for them.

    I would be interested to hear your thoughts.

    Do you jump straight to 2?

    Could be the last push they need to go through with it?


  • Registered Users Posts: 21,489 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    I understand that sentiment entirely. I think there is a place and a time for an approach like that.

    Allow me to outline a call: You are talking with someone you don't know. They are in pain. Getting out of bed is a struggle and taking a shower is a mountain they can't climb right now. Existance itself is painful for them, and has been for the past 5 years. They have engaged with mental health services which has not changed how they feel.

    You could either:
    1. Tell them they have so much to live for, tell them things will get better, tell them what they feel is not as bad as other who manage to continue living.

    2. Emphatize with their feelings. Try to understand the pain they are in and tell them that whatever they choose to do you will support their decision and stay with them for comfort.

    I believe option 2 will work over all on average, because if people only hear judgements from you in their moment of need- they won't call. People don't call to be told what to do and judged. They call to be listened to and supported. The people I talked with are more than capable of judging themselves (unfortunately). They don't need me to do that for them.

    I would be interested to hear your thoughts.

    I must admit OP, I'm a bit disconcerted by this.
    I too would like to believe that people can control the end of their life, such as the dignitas model (and I do have some reservations about that), but, I understand that most who take their life via suicide, and certainly those who had used a support helpline do so as a consequence of despair, loneliness and fear as opposed to a genuine desire to die as the natural end of their life approaches anyway.

    Are the steps you outlined above the by the book approach of the organisation you work for.

    Could this mean that some working there might not see their role as helping someone to not commit suicide, and, perish the thought, that it is open to some actively encouraging such action?


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  • Company Representative Posts: 22 Verified rep I’m a helpline volunteer, AMA


    Kuva wrote: »
    Do you jump straight to 2?

    Could be the last push they need to go through with it?

    The problem I have with #1 is that it is judgmental. Who am I to tell anyone their pain is bearable or whatever they are experiencing is not 'bad' enough to contemplate suicide.

    I no way would anything we say to people be considered 'pushing' them into suicide. The organisation aims to reduce suicide. If someone were to come to us contemplating suicide but wanting help, we would explore all their options with them and support whatever choice of help they wanted. We would support them every step of the way however we could.

    That said, some people do not want help. Some people have tried for years to get help and it hasn't worked for them. Some people speak of peace and relief the day they decide to take their own life. We will not withdraw support when they make that choice, leaving them to face their last moments (sometimes) scared and (sometimes) ashamed.

    Caring for people involving respecting choices they make and not punishing them when they make a choice you wish they hadn't.


This discussion has been closed.
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