Adults living with their parents...

Tony EH wrote: »

I don't think anyone is saying that it's the "norm" or that they are comfortable about the reality of such situations. The vast majority of people would rather not live with their parents when they are in their late 20's and into their 30's. But the fact is that it is extremely difficult to make ends meet, with regards to ones future housing concerns, if you are out pissing away money of exorbitant renting costs.

You're saying it's hard to save for a deposit if you're paying out lots of rent. Yes, it is. That doesn't mean that anyone is 'forced' to live at home. Buying a house in Ireland is a choice. I don't own my own home and probably won't anytime in the next decade, especially if I stay here. Someone who is playing the poor me card because they think they're entitled to live at home for free for years on end so they can save for a deposit isn't getting much sympathy from me, sorry. It's a lifestyle choice.

Again, I don't think anyone is saying that it's "impossible", but it is very difficult to do, for most, without help of some kind.

But it isn't. Almost everyone I know has been living out of home since they left college, with little or no financial help and those who stayed at home longer did so knowing they would benefit financially, not because they felt forced to.

You, because of your unfortunately family situation, were forced to move out and go your own way. But that doesn't mean that others should be happy to follow in your footsteps. Moving out of a family home - one that runs with a certain amount of functionality - and into a crappy renting situation where one wastes a large bulk of their wages (which have been largely stagnant since 2008) will never be a superior move to staying in that family home and trying to save enough money to buy a place of your own.

What about being a functioning independent adult? Having to move out taught me life skills which have served me well in my personal and professional life. I could not even imagine the tiny, narrow, boring life I'd have had if I'd spent my formative adult years still eating Mammy's dinners and getting my washing done. Just look at how some of the adults living at home talk on this thread. They literally sound like children. I don't mean those who ended up back at home due to hard times, divorce, failed business, etc. I mean those who never moved out. Stunted development, IMO.

It used to be easier and make more sense in my day, where you'd move into a rented house in your 20's, with a long term view to buying something more permanent later in life. But in the late 90's property prices were mangled into this nightmarish nonsense of unaffordable dreams and that hasn't really changed in the last 20 years, despite the crash. It's only been made worse, too, by leech landlords upping their rents, because they have a captive audience who cannot afford to buy their own place.

Sure, but times have changed and people need to adapt. Staying at home with the folks for a long time is one option but it is by no means the only option and there are plenty of us for whom it was never an option.

None of the above should be happening and it's very damaging to society in serious ways, as we've seen with grown men and women in their 30's and 40's moving back home with their elderly parents, or never moving out in the first place.

As I said, in most cases (not accounting for edge cases such as moving back in temporarily when falling on hard times, or moving back in to care for ailing parents or the like), it is a choice.

I'm well aware of the challenges faced by this generation. I'm also well aware of how many people I know play the poor mouth while going out every single weekend, taxis home, new clothes from Topshop, Starbucks coffees every day. There's a girl in my office pushing 30 who must spend at least 500-600 euro a month on this stuff and claims she 'can't afford' to rent on her wages. Of course she can afford to. She just doesn't want to.

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

You're saying it's hard to save for a deposit if you're paying out lots of rent. Yes, it is. That doesn't mean that anyone is 'forced' to live at home. Buying a house in Ireland is a choice. I don't own my own home and probably won't anytime in the next decade, especially if I stay here. Someone who is playing the poor me card because they think they're entitled to live at home for free for years on end so they can save for a deposit isn't getting much sympathy from me, sorry. It's a lifestyle choice.



But it isn't. Almost everyone I know has been living out of home since they left college, with little or no financial help and those who stayed at home longer did so knowing they would benefit financially, not because they felt forced to.



What about being a functioning independent adult? Having to move out taught me life skills which have served me well in my personal and professional life. I could not even imagine the tiny, narrow, boring life I'd have had if I'd spent my formative adult years still eating Mammy's dinners and getting my washing done. Just look at how some of the adults living at home talk on this thread. They literally sound like children. I don't mean those who ended up back at home due to hard times, divorce, failed business, etc. I mean those who never moved out. Stunted development, IMO.



Sure, but times have changed and people need to adapt. Staying at home with the folks for a long time is one option but it is by no means the only option and there are plenty of us for whom it was never an option.



As I said, in most cases (not accounting for edge cases such as moving back in temporarily when falling on hard times, or moving back in to care for ailing parents or the like), it is a choice.

I'm well aware of the challenges faced by this generation. I'm also well aware of how many people I know play the poor mouth while going out every single weekend, taxis home, new clothes from Topshop, Starbucks coffees every day. There's a girl in my office pushing 30 who must spend at least 500-600 euro a month on this stuff and claims she 'can't afford' to rent on her wages. Of course she can afford to. She just doesn't want to.

I dont know why you have to be so aggressive, I understand why youre bitter, you worked very hard to get everything that you have and that is very commendable but shouting people down, assuming the worst of people and jumping to conclusions about people is a bit ott imo. Good for you on all you have achieved but please lose the holier than thou preachy attitude, youre no better than anyone else and you dont have all the answers or know everything. Everyones path and experiences are different and we all have our own struggles and problems that we have to deal with.
People living at home arent always living rent free and dependent on their parents. I live at home but hand up money every week, buy my own food, wash my own clothes, come and go as I please, anything I own, I pay for.

Technically I could move out and try and rent somewhere but if I did that my quality of life would be massively reduced, I did it for years and thats why I moved back home, living on the bread line, not knowing where id get money for the next meal, unable to buy clothes or shoes even when badly needed, not being able to pay for medication or doctor visits, no social life what so ever, my mental health in a state because of the situation and then not being able to afford the adequate help for my mental health . - I could choose that life but why would I? Why would anyone? I dont think anyone's suggesting that its impossible to not move out of the family home, for allot of people, moving out of the family home will result in a terrible quality of life because most of their wage will go on rent.

You dont know if your work colleague is spending 600 euro of her wages on clothes, coffees, going out and taxi's and if she is, so what? That's her hard earned money and she can spend it as she likes, what difference does it make to your life? Sounds to me like she's enjoying herself and theres no shame in that.

Your attitude is very black and white, just because you had one experience doesnt mean everyone elses is the same.

Macy Salmon Squeegee wrote: »

I’d love know what this actually means “functioning adult” and “learning life skills” to me it generally come from someone who had to go through a lot of hardship to end up in a smiler or worse position that’s people who didn’t but think they are better because of it, well guess what they aren’t.

I can guaranteed you that people sitting in their own homes which they own, with healthy bank accounts don’t give a second thought that someone else thinks their development is stunted (because they lived at home longer) while struggling to pay rent and as far away from being able to buy their own place as you could be.

Agreed. They wouldn't give a second thought to them and they certainly wouldn't be posting on threads on the internet defending themselves.

Macy Salmon Squeegee wrote: »

I’d love know what this actually means “functioning adult” and “learning life skills” to me it generally come from someone who had to go through a lot of hardship to end up in a smiler or worse position that’s people who didn’t but think they are better because of it, well guess what they aren’t.

Worse position? You really can't imagine a life beyond building a house next to Mammy and Daddy and Mammy still cooking your dinner and doing your washing? Fair play if that's your idea of success in life but it sure as fck isn't mine. It sounds like my worst nightmare.

I can guaranteed you that people sitting in their own homes which they own, with healthy bank accounts don’t give a second thought that someone else thinks their development is stunted (because they lived at home longer) while struggling to pay rent and as far away from being able to buy their own place as you could be.

Couldn't care less what you think. I'm giving my opinion. I never said adults should NEVER live at home, I said that in the vast majority of cases, adults who think they can't afford to move out without help are deluding themselves and the responses here have only served to cement that opinion.

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I'm talking about those who don't pay their way and claim they can't. I don't believe for a second that the majority of people 'can't' pay their way.



And this is my entire point. That's entirely your business and your choice, but all these people who reckon an adult of 30ish can't possibly move out without financial help are absolutely deluding themselves.

A 'terrible quality of life' is relative. No doubt there are low earners who genuinely do find it a terrible hardship to rent, but young professionals on 35-40k thinking they're on the poverty line because they can't afford to go out on Fridays AND Saturdays (meal out, pub drinks, club, taxi home)? Pull the other one.

I can't quite believe the absolute materialistic sh1te so many people my age choose to spend their money on. Acrylic nails, 150 euro haircuts, daily Starbucks, etc. and then they wonder why they 'can't afford' rent. Well, no sh1t.



I do know, because she tells me. She can spend her money on whatever she likes, but I'm not going to put up with her 'poor me' whining about her Irish mammy being nosy and picking fights about cleaning up at home. I don't care if you think it's judgemental. I find it utterly pathetic for a grown adult with a decent job to be whining like a child about her parents because she refuses to grow up and move out and treats her salary like pocket money. She's spoiled and sheltered, full stop. A year of roughing it in a flatshare would likely do her the world of good, maybe she'd start appreciating the value of money, appreciating all her parents do for her, and experiencing the world.

I dont think anyone said that an adult cant possibly move out of home without help, I didnt read that anywhere.
Generally people get help at a young age, particularly people starting out and it absolutly helps them to get on their feet earlier than those who dont have help, it also helps them get further than those who dont have the help, nowadays especially. I dont know how they could manage without it.
When I was in my late teens/early twenties even places like Dublin where affordable and this is only 10/12 years ago. I had friends living in Dublin at the time in a house share, all of them working low wage jobs and had decent quality of life, went drinking and had the usual social life that young people have, thats just not possible anymore on a normal wage and job, unless youre willing to live in a box room with 5 other people.
I was renting a room in a small town far from Dublin for 50 euro a week, that same room would cost me 500 a month now, thats more than the rent was for the entire flat 10 years ago and wages haven't changed since then, I know because I was working part time in Dunnes Stores on 10 euro an hour while studying in a further ed college and had no problem paying rent, buying food and having a social life. There is no way I would be able to do that now, I would be homeless or starved without help.

Allot of people in their 20's and 30's arent earning anything close to 35,000 a year, allot arent even earning 20,000 a year, if youre specifically talking about young people on high wages, that is a different scenario altogether, generally these people are moved out or living at home to save, I cant see why anyone who can afford to move out of their parents house would still be living with them? I dont know anyone like this unless theyre genuinely saving. If not, and their parents are happy to let them live there, what business is it of mine?

Why do you care what people spend their money on?
Its nice to have nice things. God for bid someone enjoy themselves or the money they worked hard to earn.

Potential-Monke wrote: »

I take your point, but you're putting everyone living at home in the same boat. Sure, your work colleague sounds like a chancer, but not everyone living with their parents are. There are people living with their parents who genuinely don't earn enough to rent. And I don't believe the 'vast majority' who live at home are abusing it and playing the poor mouth. Most genuinely have no choice, unless you consider barely being able to rent and eat as living.

You quoted young professionals on up to 40k. I've only recently started earning 30k, and there are hundreds of thousands out there on the same or less. It's management and overpaid positions are inflating the average income. I'd imagine the average, removing anyone on over 50k (management and up) would be closer to 20k, but we can't get those figures as all incomes are included regardless of position. In 2016 the 'average' income was over 46k... Average me balls.

But in fairness, I never earned more than 27K at any point in my twenties (and often much less), and have been renting since I was 18. It can most definitely be done by all but the very lowest earners or those in very bad situations. That's my point. I houseshared with plenty of Poles and Romanians during my years renting rooms in Dublin and they were mostly on minimum wage. You can bet they weren't spending money on twice-weekly takeaways, fancy haircuts or manicures but none of them were ever late with the rent.

Mad rant here lads. It's since the collapse this thread started. All things been equal everyone will start out on their own. Kids are being forced to live with parents because it's absolutely impossible to strike out on their own. I'm a parent who has kids stuck at home. We know who's to blame for this, exercise your vote or shut the **** up. I had the opportunity to get my own house and life. My kids with a much better education than I had will struggle. This thread isn't a discussion. It's bull****.

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Think of all the wonderful characters you can meet.

I can only think of the stress of living with other people!

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

You're saying it's hard to save for a deposit if you're paying out lots of rent. Yes, it is. That doesn't mean that anyone is 'forced' to live at home. Buying a house in Ireland is a choice.

Of course, but it's a choice that takes a lot of forward planning and most of all saving, which is extremely difficult to do when one is pissing all those savings up the wall on extortionate rent.

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I don't own my own home and probably won't anytime in the next decade, especially if I stay here. Someone who is playing the poor me card because they think they're entitled to live at home for free for years on end so they can save for a deposit isn't getting much sympathy from me, sorry. It's a lifestyle choice.

It's a "choice" that's generally forced upon someone these days, because the basic cost of living is so high. Years ago, you could move out and save for a mortgage, but this is becoming much harder to do and in many cases, exceedingly difficult, thus necessitating the need to retreat to the family home or just wait until later to make the move.

There are few adults that still want to be in their parents house out of a fully agreeable choice they've made. That choice is usually one that's taken because the alternative isn't the best option.

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

But it isn't. Almost everyone I know has been living out of home since they left college, with little or no financial help and those who stayed at home longer did so knowing they would benefit financially, not because they felt forced to.

Of course. But that's still something that's forced upon them, in relative terms,, due to the costs of living being so artificially high. Simply put, it makes far more sense to stay in the family home and save the money you'd be wasting on rent and put it towards a deposit on a flat or house. Otherwise, it only ends up taking much, much longer to do that saving, because renting in this country is little more than a farce.

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

What about being a functioning independent adult?

Adults function differently and have to take societal restrictions into account. There is no one size fits all approach here. When I was younger, it was very possible to move out, like I did in my 20's, rent a place and save some money towards a home one day. Because renting in Ireland is not something that you can do long term, with any kind of comfort. Our renting situation is a joke, unlike certain countries on the continent.

Over the years, this has become extremely difficult to achieve because the costs of everything have gone through the roof, with house costs and rents being the most egregious examples and if that wasn't the case, you see far less adults living at home with their OAP parents.

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Sure, but times have changed and people need to adapt. Staying at home with the folks for a long time is one option but it is by no means the only option and there are plenty of us for whom it was never an option.

Some people can't just readily "adapt", due to the ridiculous costs of everything these days, that's the problem. Their finances don't allow that adaptation and therefore they find themselves in a situation that essentially forces their hand, and it's one which I'd bet they find to be the lesser of to evils.

Are their some who are out there just riding a wave? Sure there are. But I wouldn't make the mistake of assigning that attitude to the vast majority of people.

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

As I said, in most cases (not accounting for edge cases such as moving back in temporarily when falling on hard times, or moving back in to care for ailing parents or the like), it is a choice.

Everything is a choice. But that doesn't mean that those choices are taken lightly or that there is actually a good option either. In many cases people are taking the least worst option.

As for "edge cases", they are becoming more and more common, again due to the high costs of living in this country <- which is the real problem here.

In fact, I know more people who have had to move back home because a piece of their "life puzzle" went awry, than people who've never moved out in the first place. We live in a country where one thing, such as a breakup, business difficulties, or losing a job, can dump you back to square one.

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I'm well aware of the challenges faced by this generation. I'm also well aware of how many people I know play the poor mouth while going out every single weekend, taxis home, new clothes from Topshop, Starbucks coffees every day. There's a girl in my office pushing 30 who must spend at least 500-600 euro a month on this stuff and claims she 'can't afford' to rent on her wages. Of course she can afford to. She just doesn't want to.

Sure. She's developing her own narrative to suit herself. But, I wouldn't damn the many because of the sins of the few.

Antares35 wrote: »

OH and I will be paying reduced rent to my parents. We will pay them 800 per month.

I'm paying that per month for a 5 bedroom in County Galway. Are you in Dublin?

Dublin is bonkers

each to their own, i love my parents, get on great with them, but couldnt spend any more than a couple of nights with them.

I went away to school at 13 and was only home at weekends, went away to university and was home less and then started working post university away from home and rented my own place.

I was fortunate in the my folks covered my rent while in university but once i left university i paid my own way.

with my own kids now i would love for them to go away to university and have that experience of freedom and growing up, its a little less likely as we live in Dublin now but id support them going elsewhere for university.

facehugger99 wrote: »

I think this is a big thing - a lot of people from the country go to College in Dublin and live away from home whereas most Dublin students will continue to live at home during University.

It becomes a comfortable existence for them and there's no real push for them to get out and stand on their own feet.

I'm sure they have all the excuses and justifications made to themselves, but it's funny how so many people from outside of Dublin are able to manage paying rent while saving a deposit.

As a parent myself, I'd certainly be encouraging my own children to fly the coop when the time comes, it's an important part of developing and maturing as a person in my view.

Perhaps because it's cheaper to rent and buy a house outside Dublin?