Anyone else enjoy being single?

realdanbreen · 03-04-2019 8:58am

Dale Doback wrote: »

Im married and can do pretty much whatever I want.

Wanna hook up?

[Deleted User] · 03-04-2019 8:59am

Yer Da sells Avon wrote: »

29 is not, I repeat, not 'getting on in years'.

29* is precisely the year everything starts going pear-shaped, just like [insert year]** is old.

* Year can be adjusted with great ease to suit need for self-flagellation.

** Rule: This year is always older than me.

suicide_circus · 03-04-2019 9:06am

Yer Da sells Avon wrote: »

29 is not, I repeat, not 'getting on in years'.

if you want to have children, it is. Having a baby at 35 is classed as a geriatric pregnancy.

[Deleted User] · 03-04-2019 9:13am

Not sure why anybody would want to be single when you can get married and have sex on tap for the rest of your life, and never see a lonely day again. It's a well-established fact that only people who live alone could feel lonely...

They also have these new self-drive considerate toddlers, too, so they get up at 8am every weekday morning, and lie on until midday at the weekends. My 2-year-old walked up the stairs last night, climbed into his cliabhán, and went quietly to sleep just as the programme says at 7am.

They are working on new chilled-out MILFs, also, who never ask men to do jobs at home and just jump into their arms the minute they walk in the door.

Why would anybody choose to sit at home alone in their rocking chair reading Jane Austen and drinking cups of tea well into your 20s or even, God save us, your 30s when it could be chilled-out sex-crazed fun, fun, fun all day everyday in marriage?

Mad_maxx · 03-04-2019 9:19am

Sorry about that wrote: »

I'm a married woman and don't have all the power in my marriage, and I'm not in an abusive one either. Most marriages work because they're partnerships, not because one person is whipped.
You're uninformed and incorrect.

Just because you don't exercise power, does not mean you don't have it, if you decided you wanted a divorce in the morning, it's you who would be firmly in control and your husband who would see the sharp end of the state beit in terms of access to his kids or dividing of assets

In most cases when a couple get married, the woman instantly sees her net worth go up where as his goes down

Ulysses Gaze · 03-04-2019 9:20am

I am 41 and love it. Wouldn't change being single for anything.

Have my own place and can come and go as I please and pursue my hobbies after work for as long as I like.

TomasMacR · 03-04-2019 9:33am

Ulysses Gaze wrote: »

I am 41 and love it. Wouldn't change being single for anything.

Have my own place and can come and go as I please and pursue my hobbies after work for as long as I like.

When you say you wouldn't change being single for anything, does that mean that if you chanced by meeting someone who you were attracted to, there was a spark and you had a lot in common with you would consciously decide to avoid any type of occasion or event which may give the opportunity for it develop into something more?

I have enjoyed the periods where I was single for the same reasons that you outlined but there were often moments where I craved companionship, particularly some evenings where you would end up pulling the skeleton out of yourself watching some of the most depraved sh*t on the likes of youporn.

BrokenArrows · 03-04-2019 9:35am

Im happily married and obviously there are things you cant do in that situation. Mainly just decide to move at a drop of a hat, travel solo for long periods of time etc

But i did a lot of that while i was single so im happy being somewhat restricted. We still travel together a lot anyway, so its not like we are just stuck at home.

I guess whether being single permanently will work depends on what that person does with their time and what they want from life.

If someone is permanently single but all they do with their life is head down the pub with their other single mates and have the craic then this will eventually grind to a screeching halt as soon as their mates settle down, move away, die, stop boozing etc. Eventually they will be left on their own and be that sad old man who sits in the pub alone getting smashed all day.

Then there is the person who travels the world, ambitious in finding new work opportunities, finding new life experiences, new hobbies etc. They might grow old alone, but they will have a lot to show for it.

While i was single there were a few times when i did think to myself "how long would it take before people noticed i was dead" and unfortunately more than once that time was too long, like people would notice the smell long. That motivated me to try and little harder to stay in contact with family and friends.

When you're old its not necessarily who you are with that matters, its what you did in your life that you can sit and remember.

For me it will be a combination of my single life traveling and my married life with the woman I love.

[Deleted User] · 03-04-2019 9:36am

I am in the middle on this as I think I would be happy both ways. I have am totally happy and committed to my current relationship and never intend to leave it. If it ended however through death or break up or anything I think I would never pursue another one. I would have a "been there done that" feel about it and would just continue on in life single and happily intend to stay that way.

There are advantages to both and I am enjoying all the advantages of not being single and intend to stay that way. If I end up single I will happily explore and enjoy the advantages of that instead.

I do not think I will ever do one and pine for the other.

Sorry about that · 03-04-2019 9:37am

Mad_maxx wrote: »

Just because you don't exercise power, does not mean you don't have it, if you decided you wanted a divorce in the morning, it's you who would be firmly in control and your husband who would see the sharp end of the state

Yes, this is true, when a marriage ends. But usually both parties are worse off financially, and kids' lives are turned upside down, so it's never a casual choice.

You can't make blanket statements about who has "all the power" in an existing marriage. Being married and separated are two different states.

....... · 03-04-2019 9:43am

Mad_maxx wrote: »

Just because you don't exercise power, does not mean you don't have it, if you decided you wanted a divorce in the morning, it's you who would be firmly in control and your husband who would see the sharp end of the state beit in terms of access to his kids or dividing of assets

In most cases when a couple get married, the woman instantly sees her net worth go up where as his goes down

You seem very uninformed and bitter about the reality of relationship break ups. Or maybe you just hate women, there used to be another poster around here with similar views and it turned out he had gotten himself involved with some woman who was denying him access to his child - but if his behaviour in real life was anything like his postings it was no surprise really.

The state doesnt side with the woman. If you are at a point that the state are making decisions then one of you has been spectacularly ignorant and unfair in your dealings with the other person when a fair deal could have been hammered out in mediation.

I know lots of divorced people and more cases where the woman has been left in a worse off situation than the other way.

Anyway, I loved it when I was single and I love being married to my husband because we are good pals and our personal freedoms have not been curtailed by being married. But I know if we broke up or he died tomorrow that once Id gotten over the sadness/loss I would be grand on my own again.

sbsquarepants · 03-04-2019 9:48am

Dale Doback wrote: »

Im married and can do pretty much whatever I want.

That's the important part.

I'm not married but I may as well be, I can do pretty much what I want too - so long as what I want to do isn't her sister, or sister in law, or friends, or that one across the road with the body of a porn star, or strangers or anyone really.

So not exactly like being single.......not in my case anyway;)

sbsquarepants · 03-04-2019 10:00am

Mad_maxx wrote: »

Men are better off single, women have all the power in marriages nowadays

You aren't one of these red pill / blue pill gobshítes are you?

I think there is too much bolloxology about "power" in relationships - if your goal in a relationship is to attain power to use over the other person, it's a dysfunctional relationship and you'd be much better off out of it - whether you are the one with the power or not.

Thinking like that is the sign of an unhealthy mind in my opinion.

I have no desire to control my missus, I'm sure as fúck not going to let her control me. That doesn't mean you just go do whatever the hell you want, same as you just don't go take whatever you want in a shop - there are consequences to actions, the price of the action is the payment of the consequence.

I would very much like to bang the one across the road with the porn star body - but not at the expense of hurting my missus, or possibly upending my kids lives. It's a price I wouldn't be willing to pay - that's just reality, not control.

I choose to not do it, my hand is not forced!

Beta Ray Bill · 03-04-2019 10:01am

Things I like about being single
1: I can talk innocently to what ever wimminz I want (IE people I work with), without getting: You're talking to her an awful lot, who is she?, How do you know her?, What's going on with you two?, yada yada yada!
2: I can go and have a few beers with the lads with getting: What time will you be home?, who's going?, who's there?, where did you go? - and then the same set of questions asked again 2 or 3 days later
3: I can leave a plate on coffee table and clean up when I get up off the couch, rather than as soon as I've finished eating.
4: I can go and do BOIKES! whenever I want and not have to listen to: You were out last Sunday, Why do you have to do that?, I don't like you doing that
5: I can eat what I want without getting: Ya know that's bad for ya, you should eat more Veg, bla bla bla
6: I can get up when I want and go to bed when I want without getting a running commentary on my dodgy sleep patterns.
7: I can watch TV/Play computer games without hearing Pause that, I want to talk to ya about something - YOU CANNOT PAUSE AN ONLINE GAME I'VE SAID THIS TO YOU A MILLION TIMES!
8: I can go to the Gym as much as I want
9: I have total freedom!!!!!

Things I like about being in a relationship
1: Riding.

sbsquarepants wrote: »

You aren't one of these red pill / blue pill gobshítes are you?

Don't be slagging the Incels!
It's the new COOL thing!

Gimme A Pound · 03-04-2019 10:05am

Mad_maxx wrote: »

You can't legislate against people turning out to be poor partners but when things go before the state, the woman completely has the upper hand

You should clarify that. Saying men are better off single and women have all the power in relationships (depends, but you specifically mean legally) is a bit woman hatey. Also, you're married/in a relationship aren't you?

sbsquarepants · 03-04-2019 10:14am

grahambo wrote: »

Things I like about being in a relationship
1: Riding.

Doesn't matter if something only has 1 selling point, if it's a really good one!:D

grahambo wrote: »

Don't be slagging the Incels!
It's the new COOL thing!

Those fúckers give me the creeps - has to be the saddest most pathetic group to spring from the bowels of the internet in a long long time, possibly ever. Arseholes one and all!

Beta Ray Bill · 03-04-2019 10:16am

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

You should clarify that. Saying men are better off single and women have all the power in relationships (depends, but you specifically mean legally) is a bit woman hatey. Also, you're married/in a relationship aren't you?

What he means is, if the relationship goes south and there are kids involved the Man is generally screwed if he is someone that's put a lot of time and effort into his career.

He's stuck paying maintenance for each kid until the youngest kid is 18 (21 if they go to college)

Ultimately the combined wealth of the relationship is split, with the Lions share going to whoever has the kids. If there is a mortgage etc involved then getting that sorted is difficult too.

Men tend to go for Jobs that pay more where as women tend to go for job that they like more which is a big factor in pay disparity.

I'm going through this right now (wasn't married), but bought a house and had a kid with a woman, she ended up being with someone else and now I'm stuck with less than 36 hours a week with my kid and I'm handing over €600 a month, plus it's costing me €150 a month in logistics just to see him.

I don't hate women, but I defo won't ever get into a serious relationship with one ever again. Given what can go wrong, there is to much risk involved and I don't see the point.

jim o doom · 03-04-2019 10:16am

grahambo wrote: »

Things I like about being single
1: I can talk innocently to what ever wimminz I want (IE people I work with), without getting: You're talking to her an awful lot, who is she?, How do you know her?, What's going on with you two?, yada yada yada!
2: I can go and have a few beers with the lads with getting: What time will you be home?, who's going?, who's there?, where did you go? - and then the same set of questions asked again 2 or 3 days later
3: I can leave a plate on coffee table and clean up when I get up off the couch, rather than as soon as I've finished eating.
4: I can go and do BOIKES! whenever I want and not have to listen to: You were out last Sunday, Why do you have to do that?, I don't like you doing that
5: I can eat what I want without getting: Ya know that's bad for ya, you should eat more Veg, bla bla bla
6: I can get up when I want and go to bed when I want without getting a running commentary on my dodgy sleep patterns.
7: I can watch TV/Play computer games without hearing Pause that, I want to talk to ya about something - YOU CANNOT PAUSE AN ONLINE GAME I'VE SAID THIS TO YOU A MILLION TIMES!
8: I can go to the Gym as much as I want
9: I have total freedom!!!!!

Things I like about being in a relationship
1: Riding.

It's the new COOL thing!

Married 10 years and 38 years old - to respond to each of these points:

1. I can talk to any woman and my wife doesn't get annoyed because she's not paranoid.
2. I can drink with my friends whenever I want too, she doesn't mind. We can do our own things.
3. Ok the dishes do disappear mad fast. This one is true for me.
4. I don't really have problems here either, my wife lets me do what I want, I let her do what she wants. We both go training and socialising whenever we want and spend time together when we want to.
5. I am the house cook for the majority of meals, she doesn't lecture me on food ever.
6. No commentary on sleep patterns ever. I stay up late every weekend, go to bed when feels appropriate during the work week.
7. We both have a PC each and a room to ourselves so we can enjoy entertainment separately some of the time as we enjoy different shows, and watch what we both like together. So I can game in peace online as can she.
8. Gym in the shed, work out there 5 days a week and twice a week in martial arts, she's a member of a gym near her job and goes regularly.. no commentary or issues there.
9. I do not have total freedom, but I have a heck of a lot of it and a very understanding partner.

I think maybe the problem you've had isn't that you like being single, it's that you've been going out with controlling and incompatible women.

Finding the ideal person is pure luck though.

This is it · 03-04-2019 10:17am

grahambo wrote: »

Things I like about being single
1: I can talk innocently to what ever wimminz I want (IE people I work with), without getting: You're talking to her an awful lot, who is she?, How do you know her?, What's going on with you two?, yada yada yada!
2: I can go and have a few beers with the lads with getting: What time will you be home?, who's going?, who's there?, where did you go? - and then the same set of questions asked again 2 or 3 days later
3: I can leave a plate on coffee table and clean up when I get up off the couch, rather than as soon as I've finished eating.
4: I can go and do BOIKES! whenever I want and not have to listen to: You were out last Sunday, Why do you have to do that?, I don't like you doing that
5: I can eat what I want without getting: Ya know that's bad for ya, you should eat more Veg, bla bla bla
6: I can get up when I want and go to bed when I want without getting a running commentary on my dodgy sleep patterns.
7: I can watch TV/Play computer games without hearing Pause that, I want to talk to ya about something - YOU CANNOT PAUSE AN ONLINE GAME I'VE SAID THIS TO YOU A MILLION TIMES!
8: I can go to the Gym as much as I want
9: I have total freedom!!!!!

Things I like about being in a relationship
1: Riding.

Don't be slagging the Incels!
It's the new COOL thing!

I could do any of that, any that I wanted to do that is, when in my last relationship. There are compromises to be made in relationships but you don't lose your life just because you're in one. If you do, he or she is not the one for you.

[Deleted User] · 03-04-2019 10:22am

Like most things it's not a pure yes or no. I enjoy being able to do what I want, when I want. But there are relationships that have fewer restrictions. :P I do have some friends who are also single who talk about others' relationships and how they shouldn't have to compromise. Not realising or not accepting that in a relationship everything is a compromise.
While I like talking the dog out for a nice walk when I want, watching what I want on TV and travelling alone (but that's only a week or 2 a year) it would be nice once in a while to have someone to fall asleep with. :pac:

ancapailldorcha · 03-04-2019 10:25am

is_that_so wrote: »

Thirties (and beyond) is where you care less about the things that you felt you "had" to do in your twenties. It is far more chilled. Enjoy.

That's good to hear. Some people have posted that men that age find themselves having a much easier time with women. Never really got that.

jimgoose · 03-04-2019 10:25am

Personally, I would say that life is better with Woman in it. I came out of a long-termer in 2016 that had gone toxic after about fifteen years. I have a new Toaster now for the last a year and a half, and life has never been better. Rock on. :cool:

SusieBlue · 03-04-2019 10:26am

Noo wrote: »

Exactly this. Everyone saying they love the freedom of being single. I'm in a LTR and we both pretty much do whatever we want. I go on girls holidays, nights out, enjoy all my hobbies with no one holding me back. Yes, I'll let my partner know when I have plans etc. But that's just courtesy, not asking permission. And hes the same with me. If people sacrifice all their freedoms for a relationship then they are in the wrong relationship.

I totally agree.
I think if you feel like you aren't missing out, or like you aren't sacrificing anything, you are in the right relationship and are well suited to your partner.
There is clearly love, trust and respect there.

I'm happier single because all of those things were missing from my last relationship for quite some time before we broke up.
I'm sure I'll get sick of being on my own sooner or later, and at that point, I'll start properly looking to meet someone.
For now I'm just happy to go with the flow and am enjoying my own company.

Basically, my point is that if you are happy in your relationship, or happy single, you are doing something right in your life.

Gimme A Pound · 03-04-2019 10:29am

grahambo wrote: »

What he means is, if the relationship goes south and there are kids involved the Man is generally screwed if he is someone that's put a lot of time and effort into his career.

He's stuck paying maintenance for each kid until the youngest kid is 18 (21 if they go to college)

Ultimately the combined wealth of the relationship is split, with the Lions share going to whoever has the kids. If there is a mortgage etc involved then getting that sorted is difficult too.

Men tend to go for Jobs that pay more where as women tend to go for job that they like more which is a big factor in pay disparity.

I'm going through this right now (wasn't married), but bought a house and had a kid with a woman, she ended up being with someone else and now I'm stuck with less than 36 hours a week with my kid and I'm handing over €600 a month, plus it's costing me €150 a month in logistics just to see him.

I don't hate women, but I defo won't ever get into a serious relationship with one ever again. Given what can go wrong, there is to much risk involved and I don't see the point.

I know what he means (and I'm sorry to read of your situation which is horrible; I do hate that there are women like that - on a selfish level they really bloody well let the side down) but it's the phrasing - "men are better off single" as if every woman is potentially out to ruin him. Radical feminists shouldn't say men are all potential rapists - and broad strokes shouldn't be acceptable in relation to women either.

As if there is no man happy in his relationship. And as if there are no relationships where the woman is the one treated badly.

Beta Ray Bill · 03-04-2019 10:31am

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

I know what he means (and I'm sorry to read of your situation which is horrible; I do hate that there are women like that - on a selfish level they really bloody well let the side down) but it's the phrasing - "men are better off single" as if every woman is potentially out to ruin him. Radical feminists shouldn't say men are all potential rapists - and broad strokes shouldn't be acceptable in relation to women either.

As if there is no man happy in his relationship. And as if there are no relationships where the woman is the one treated badly.

I totally get what you're saying!
Course there are happy relationships out there that have lasted a long time.

I think though it's a case of once bitten twice shy.

....... · 03-04-2019 10:34am

grahambo wrote: »

I'm going through this right now (wasn't married), but bought a house and had a kid with a woman, she ended up being with someone else and now I'm stuck with less than 36 hours a week with my kid and I'm handing over €600 a month, plus it's costing me €150 a month in logistics just to see him.

Would you not want to pay maintenance to see your child looked after though? I cant imagine that you would rather not?

jimgoose · 03-04-2019 10:39am

grahambo wrote: »

...bought a house and had a kid with a woman...

I understand the kid part, but do you mean to say you and this woman are some sort of joint-owners of the house?

Hector Savage · 03-04-2019 10:39am

When I was single I fantasied about having a wife and kids, now that it's here , some nights I just wish I could be a bachelor for a few weeks/months!!!

Beta Ray Bill · 03-04-2019 10:39am

....... wrote: »

Would you not want to pay maintenance to see your child looked after though? I cant imagine that you would rather not?

I'd rather if I looked after him and she could pay me maintenance seeing as she was the one that went off with someone else.
But guess what!!!!!! Even if the man gets custody of the kids, the women are not legally obliged to pay maintenance the way men are.

It's just the way things are.
I've learned the lesson, so I wont make that mistake ever again (Relationship)
the only good thing to come from it is my kid! He's the best!

Outlaw Pete · 03-04-2019 10:43am

Best thing about being single is you get to anthropomorphise household appliances without someone saying 'You know it's kinda weird that you have conversations with the washing machine'.

She said that shit right in front of Beko. So long darling. We'll be fine.

Anyone else enjoy being single?

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