Relationship advice?

Well definitely don't get into a relationship anyways, it doesn't sound like you're in the right space for one at the moment and nor should you be! Focussing on work and personal stuff at 21 is absolutely and demonstrably fine.

I think it might help to deal with that question from society as a kind of protocol on their side when talking to you. I think, if you really think about it, they don't give a crap at all if you're in a relationship or not. It's just one of those 5 or 6 questions you'll constantly hear from people who are trying to suss out what's taking centre stage in your life right now. They'll ask about job, college, sports, girlfriends, holidays and family. I mean they like you and everything, but they're not lying down at night thinking about it all. Treat it as a kind of relationship building question. Help them find something about yourself which they can talk to you about. Are you thinking about moving company, planning a trip, considering a career change? Essentially that's all they are looking for. Before you start talking about Tik Tok, and memes, and Billie Eilish and other things they don't understand.

OP, other posters are right, you are only 21 and still have loads of time - HOWEVER, 21 becomes 25, and 25 becomes 30 quicker than you think. If you think you would actually like a relationship, quite honestly now is the time to put some feelers out (no pun intended) while your peers may also still be young and single. What is your experience so far with women? Have you ever dated, kissed, hung out with someone etc? Do you want to do those things? Maybe concentrate on casual dating, just getting used to the whole concept of sharing your time with someone and feeling things you may never have felt before. Maybe sign up to Tinder or another app/site and see what happens.

You do work long hours, and while that's fine now, it could be a stumbling block for dating or relationships. And unless you work with women, you are also unlikely to meet someone naturally working those hours unless you play hard as well as work hard. If possible, could you finish work at 5 a couple of evenings a week, and (once the pubs open again) head out for a couple of pints with mates or join some sort of group that interests you, where you might meet someone interesting?

Finally: take it from someone who has never had any luck with relationships: the longer you are single, eventually the less you will have in common with your friends who are having relationships, and further down the line getting married and having kids etc. Also, the more awkward those 'are you single?' conversations will become. Don't panic or start obsessing about it, but if you are thinking about it now, then NOW is the time to start dipping your toe in the dating pool and seeing how you feel about it. Be proactive, and don't leave it TOO long.

OP you definitely need to socialise, even if only a couple of times a month, especially as you work with mostly/all other males. Otherwise your chances of meeting someone (ever!) are basically nil, and like I said in my previous post, time doesn't be long passing, and you'll find yourself realising that you're being left behind in terms of life experiences. I have personal experience of that.

If you don't have a group of mates to go out with, please join some sort of group or team activity where socialising is part of the deal. GAA, hiking, drama group, anything where you really get to interact with the other participants.

As cannotlogin said above, your job would replace you in a heartbeat if you left and your name would hardly be mentioned after a week had passed. You are just a number there. Don't make your entire life revolve around work, no matter how much you like it.

Wife hasn’t talked to me in 3 days. It’s not all its cracked up to be kid..

Enjoy being single.

ireland4141 wrote: »

Reflecting on this, and having spoken to some people recently, you may be right. I will carry on as I am. If I happen to meet somebody in the future, so be it. If not, that's okay too. In reality I can be happy and single. As they say you can't miss something that you never had. I think I just momentarily wanted to be "normal", whatever that is.

You’re very young still. Go out there and make friends. The friends you make now will be much more rewarding than forcing yourself to get into romantic engagements for the sake of it and you never know who you might meet along the way who becomes more than just a friend

cannotlogin wrote: »

Don't ever be married to your job. If anything happened any single one of us, our employers would just replace us and move on.

Disagree with this to be honest. The OP seems to genuinely like what he is doing and I don't think he is working in Tesco or something. At 21 now is a great time to be obsessed with work. I think the OP has a fantastic attitude when a lot of his age group are more likely obsessing over video games or having their head wrecked by girlfriends.

OP I think you should be very careful of the first love. Don't let it take over your life as its easily done. If you get into a relationship your work will suffer tremendously. If you're in a job/career with a good future, then put in the work now, keep earning, make yourself financially strong and stable and in ten years you'll have your pick of women. That's not to say don't have your fun in the meantime. Good luck.

Focusing on your job is great and if you have no interest in a relationship there is no need to pursue one just for the sake of it.
But if you never socialised in your teenage years and don’t socialise now, never went to discos etc, and don’t know anyone your own age you are going to be in a really tough position in a few years and will be at a massive disadvantage when you do decide you might want a girlfriend.
You will be starting from the ground up then when you could be working on some of those things now.

Because while internet dating is great, if you don’t have a well rounded life with a friend or two, some hobbies/interests and enjoy a bit of socialising you are going to struggle to attract a woman.
Not to mention the fact that your social circle is so limited it will reduce your chances of meeting someone through friends greatly.

So my advice would be to try to to improve your work life balance a bit, try to make a few friends and widen your social circle and maybe make a bit more of an effort to be sociable now and then.
If you start building on these skills now, you will be in a much stronger position to attract a partner in a few years when you are ready to do so.

I wouldn’t go leaving it till your late 20’s to start trying to make friends and develop interests, as a PP said that is the age where a lot of people start settling down and making friends is much harder, let alone getting into relationships.
Give yourself a head start now and I promise you, your future self will thank you for it.

Op relationships both romantic and platonic are wonderful and add colour to your life. It's great you love your work. But don't hide behind it to avoid the rest of your life.

The pub and club scene is definitely not for everyone especially for anyone who doesn't drink. Try pursuing some hobiues.

artdecko wrote: »

You sound like me 25 years ago and that is why I am replying on this thread. I have always had a tendency to be introverted and I made the mistake of burying myself in my work. It never bothered me that I wasn't out there dating or had much of a hectic social life. Suddenly I was 30 and then I was 40. Time flies by at a shocking rate when you get older and you will hear many people say that. Be careful you don't let your life drift the way I did.

Now that I am in my mid 40's I am reaping what I sowed. The last few years and Covid have brought my life into sharp focus. I have come to realise that I am lonely and scared about my future. I always wanted to buy a house and i don't regret having it from a security point of view. It has also become my prison, especially with Covid-19. I live alone and am working from home. Often, the only people I speak to face to face are shop assistants. I still have friends but they've got busy lives of their own and are scattered around the place. One of my parents has died and I know the other one isn't going to be around forever. I have one sibling who lives away and has their hands full with their own family and issues on their spouse's side of the family. If I take holidays I have nobody to go with. I have nobody to go with to concerts, to the cinema, to weddings. I know a partner isn't going to solve my problems but god, I'd love to have somebody to share my life with. I wish I had tried harder to meet somebody when I was younger and that I had a fuller life. My good job and my nice car and my house are not filling the emptiness in my life. Be careful you don't marry your job and use it to fill the social gaps in your life.

Take note of the parts I highlighted above. I'm female, a similar age to artdecko and now in a similar situation. Don't end up like us (no offence artdecko!!) when you can do something about it now. I would hate for you to turn around in 10 years and realise that you have never been on a date or kissed a woman, and have missed out on 10+ years of experience in these matters.