You see a lost child in a shop. What would you do?

28-04-2015 08:24AM

CruelCoin wrote: »

People (men mostly) would stop ignoring lost kids if we weren't being accused of being molesters whenever we step within five yards of a child.

Whoever makes those accusations is an absolute tool of the highest order. Call them on it. Confront them right back and say why would you even think something so vile.

CruelCoin wrote: »

I have just moved into a (rather lovely) estate and my house is on the end of a cul-de-sac. Issue here is that kids love to play football around here, and i ****ing hate driving in, because i have to drive right up to them to park the car at my house.

Similar on my mother's road. Do you know what I do? After I park the car I might have a kick about with them for two or three minutes. Or challenge them to see who can do the most volleys, winner gets a euro. They love it. And if I see their parents I give them a wave and have a bit of small talk with them. It's probably different for you granted as it's a new estate so that's fair enough until you get to know people.

CruelCoin wrote: »

I'm just waiting for the day a hysterical neighbour accuses me of being a molestor. I'm dreading it, but its an oncoming train...

I think that's rather sad. I think id laugh in their face though. Some of the male primary school teaches were exceptional where I went and it's a sad indictment of society that there's such a disproportionate ration of male to female primary teachers. That's probably getting off topic but I think it's maybe related? Thoughts?

Oasis1974 · 28-04-2015 08:25AM

Is Jimmy Saville still alive?

Qualitymark · 28-04-2015 08:29AM

I'd note where the child was and go quickly to the checkouts and say "There's a lost child in aisle X", then go back to that aisle. Our shops aren't that huge!
In general, if an adult stops to talk to a child that small who's lost, the child will panic and run; that's my experience, anyway, and I'm not particularly scary.

osarusan · 28-04-2015 08:43AM

CruelCoin wrote: »

People (men mostly) would stop ignoring lost kids if we weren't being accused of being molesters whenever we step within five yards of a child.

I have never, ever had this happen to me (or anybody I know, to the best of my knowledge). And I've two kids that I spend a lot of time with and go places with.

LynnGrace · 28-04-2015 08:45AM

Yes, I'd help. I'd probably enlist a staff member's assistance as quickly as I could so that they could announce that a child had been found.

MrWalsh · 28-04-2015 08:47AM

If the child wasnt showing any signs of distress then Im not sure Id even notice that there was a child there at all. Children tend to fall below my radar unless they are being particularly noisy.

StewartGriffin · 28-04-2015 08:49AM

Stheno wrote: »

I'm female and have no kids, I'd still not go near them

From your previous comments, I'd say thats probably best for everyone.

Slicemeister · 28-04-2015 08:55AM

Can't understand those who wouldn't help at all. I wouldn't give a fiddlers what people thought of my actions, give me a day out if they want, so long as the kid is ok. Any mother or father who's normal can lose a kid, it's what children do.

Qualitymark · 28-04-2015 08:58AM

I'm forever rescuing lost dogs (sometimes to the irritation of their owners); I call the number on their collar. Would it be a good idea for kids who are too young to talk but old enough to walk to wear a mobile number?
(One of the first things I learned as a small child as soon as I could talk was my parents' phone number, and then address.)

Akrasia · 28-04-2015 09:04AM

Slicemeister wrote: »

Can't understand those who wouldn't help at all. I wouldn't give a fiddlers what people thought of my actions, give me a day out if they want, so long as the kid is ok. Any mother or father who's normal can lose a kid, it's what children do.

yep. Contrary to popular belief, Baby's Day Out was a documentary and not just a hilarious romp

Kids are curious, and stupid, and that's what gets cats killed every day.

Kids internal monologue:'I wonder whats over there'
Kid: 'Oh, it's a piece of chewing gum stuck to the floor, I wonder what it tastes like'
~moments pass~
Kid: Where's mammy, I gotta show her this!
Kid: Mammy? Mammy? where is she? I'd better wander off in a random direction to look for her.

Dravokivich · 28-04-2015 09:05AM

If I knew the kid, I'd wait about and try to see if their parents are about. If I didn't. I'd be going to a customer service desk with the kid. They can make announcements like.

i can't believe the amount of people that'll just leave the kid there. They'll be gone from the spot you saw'em before any staff you notify go over. Have ye never watched that Arcade episode of Futurama with with Space Invaders battle at the end, "You should have aimed for where I was going instead of where I was."

zeffabelli · 28-04-2015 09:06AM

It's much easier to lose a child than one might think. Not many times, but a few usually in playgrounds, I;ve come across a distressed small child, who can't locate the parent....before anyone gets judgy pants on this, it is always possible the parent has dashed off to rescue another of their kids from impending injury or escape from the playground...one can't be too presumptuous here...

I find it utterly incredible that a person could ignore the distress of a lost child, having gotten lost myself once in the vastness of a huge department store in a metropolitan city, having encountered that distress in other children, for fear of being accused of child molestation.

By omission, that contributes to putting the child in danger.

AstraOwner · 28-04-2015 09:08AM

The only time I've ever experienced this type of situation was in an indoor playground. I was there with nephews. I left the adult area to go down to my nephew as you do. In front of me a little girl, maybe 18-24 months, fell over and started crying because of her fall. I looked around and nobody was coming (we were mostly in view of the adult area but quite a bit away and the place was quite loud). She was still crying so when I got to her I just picked her up off the ground and popped her on her feet. Instinct. But as soon as I did it I started to wonder if this was 'allowed'. Was it the right thing to do? I still don't know.
I suppose I was hoping she'd run off to Mammy once on her feet but she just stood there crying. I crouched down asking if she was alright, turned around and noticed a woman was coming down to her. Thankfully she wasn't any sort of a mentalist. I smiled and headed on down to my nephew.
Now I don't even know if she seen me picking up the child. So I still don't know if it was the right thing to do. Was it?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 28-04-2015 09:11AM

I don't know what Id do to be honest. I don't think Id approach the child but don't think Id walk off and leave it there either. That fear of being a kidnapper or a pervert would be enough to keep me from not helping.

Back last autumn, driving into my estate, was late enough, a kid fell off his bike and was pretty upset. I parked up the car and walked him home because jesus if anyone saw me putting him into the car Id be just so freaked out theyd call the guards.

I think its just a situation you can't do right in.

zeffabelli · 28-04-2015 09:16AM

Stheno wrote: »

I'd ignore them nothing to do with me
and I've no interest dealing with hysterical parents accusing me of all sorts
and tbh if they lost their child they are craps parents

Ah right they are crap parents therefore the child deserves to sustain the distress and not be able to find them.

One eyed Jack · 28-04-2015 09:17AM

osarusan wrote: »

I have never, ever had this happen to me (or anybody I know, to the best of my knowledge). And I've two kids that I spend a lot of time with and go places with.

Ahh it doesn't happen with any regularity or anything, but nowadays when it does, I've simply learned that there's no point in even entertaining them -

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Standing waiting with one of the other parents for my child to get out of school, making small chat and all the rest of it when she says "oh here comes (my son) now, looks like he's got himself a girlfriend, he sure knows how to pick them". I couldn't see anything but I figured I'd just be polite anyway, casually replied "aye, he does alright", without even thinking about it...

Didn't need to be able to see anything after that, I could feel the daggers she was shooting at me thinking I was eyeing up children, thought best not to try and explain, would only make things even more awkward :pac:

Their vigilance in some cases is understandable, commendable even, like the time I was seeing my wife off at the airport, young lad was going nuts, he was only about four at the time, and we were getting on the bus to go back into town. The bus driver started asking me a couple of questions before I copped she probably saw me walking out of the airport with a screaming child! That was an awkward bus journey alright as she kept looking in the mirror to check up on us :pac:

I'd get the odd shifty eyeball when I'm down in the park alright, but I think to myself "either I give into that clown, or I ignore them", I choose to ignore them, whether they think I'm scoping out their children, or whether they think it's unusual to see a man with a child. They're the person who needs to get out more.

Qualitymark · 28-04-2015 09:19AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think its just a situation you can't do right in.

You did right, though. Not a good idea to give a kid the idea it's ok to go in a car with someone he didn't know, and a kind thing to walk him home. Alternative could have been to call his parents and let them give him permission to get in your car over the phone.

In a way it's crazy that we're so paranoid about adults and kids now. In another, it's kind of a good thing, not in itself but as the furthest swing of the pendulum from the total and misplaced trust of earlier years.

Hopefully we'll get back to the point soon where it's safe for adults to hitch-hike, and kids to know which adults to trust.

StewartGriffin · 28-04-2015 09:23AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Ahh it doesn't happen with any regularity or anything, but nowadays when it does, I've simply learned that there's no point in even entertaining them -

Their vigilance in some cases is understandable, commendable even, like the time I was seeing my wife off at the airport, young lad was going nuts, he was only about four at the time, and we were getting on the bus to go back into town. The bus driver started asking me a couple of questions before I copped she probably saw me walking out of the airport with a screaming child! That was an awkward bus journey alright as she kept looking in the mirror to check up on us :pac:

I'd get the odd shifty eyeball when I'm down in the park alright, but I think to myself "either I give into that clown, or I ignore them", I choose to ignore them, whether they think I'm scoping out their children, or whether they think it's unusual to see a man with a child. They're the person who needs to get out more.

Man, when you start quoting your own posts, maybe it's time to put down the keyboard.:p

zeffabelli · 28-04-2015 09:23AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I don't know what Id do to be honest. I don't think Id approach the child but don't think Id walk off and leave it there either. That fear of being a kidnapper or a pervert would be enough to keep me from not helping.

Back last autumn, driving into my estate, was late enough, a kid fell off his bike and was pretty upset. I parked up the car and walked him home because jesus if anyone saw me putting him into the car Id be just so freaked out theyd call the guards.

I think its just a situation you can't do right in.

This was absolutely the right thing to do.

Plus now in schools kids get these safety talks, where if they are carried or with a stranger told to yell "THIS IS NOT MY MOM. THIS IS NOT MY DAD."

I think also parents and educators have lost the will or discernment to cultivate in children, and ability to use their guts and intuition to develop a sense of whom to trust.

Stranger danger is over emphasied, most danger is in someone who has regular access and spends a year or two earning the trust of the child and the parents before the real sinister **** happens.

cormie · 28-04-2015 09:24AM

Where do those saying they wouldn't help draw the line? What if it was a more dangerous situation like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjdrC7ybcoQ

The thing is, if everyone chose to ignore the child based on the fear of being accused of ill intent, then the child can get itself into a far more dangerous situation. OP, did your friend say he'd still do it again? I hope so

28-04-2015 09:24AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

That fear of being a kidnapper or a pervert would be enough to keep me from not helping...

You don't know if you're a kidnapper or a pervert and you fear this might be unleashed?

Or you fear being branded as one?

MrWalsh · 28-04-2015 09:28AM

zeffabelli wrote: »

Plus now in schools kids get these safety talks, where if they are carried or with a stranger told to yell "THIS IS NOT MY MOM. THIS IS NOT MY DAD."

Last year myself and himself heard this being screamed in panic outside our home and he took off running out the door and after a man who was manhandling a child (maybe 11 years of age) down the road. He had the child in a headlock and the childs feet off the ground and was tearing along with him, with the child screaming bloody murder.

Anyway, himself intervened and there was a bit of an altercation, end result he made the guy let go of the child and the child took off running. In the meantime I called the Guards etc....

Anyway, the point I wanted to make was this - that man had run through a busy and densely populated area with that child screaming his head off and besides one aul wan who stepped outside to watch, no one except my husband intervened to help the child.

LynnGrace · 28-04-2015 09:32AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Back last autumn, driving into my estate, was late enough, a kid fell off his bike and was pretty upset. I parked up the car and walked him home because jesus if anyone saw me putting him into the car Id be just so freaked out theyd call the guards.

I think its just a situation you can't do right in.

I would do the same. I've sometimes enlisted the help of an older child, known to a small one, to take them home, if I'm passing and I see they are in distress, on the street, or on the green.

I overheard two kids in a clothes shop one day, about six and seven, saying they were lost. I asked were they okay, and the older one immediately said yes.
I just pointed to a cash desk and said to go over to the staff member, which they did. She made an announcement for them, and all was well.

SpaceTime · 28-04-2015 09:33AM

Unfortunately, hysterical over reactions and accusing all men of being pedophiles is just going to mean wandering children in danger will just be walked right past and ignored.

Someone attempts to do a good deed and gets basically defamed and humiliated in public.

Weird paranoid society that we're creating!

Reoil · 28-04-2015 09:39AM

Even worse, he's in the biggest lingerie section in Ireland...

Tell me how · 28-04-2015 09:41AM

I was in a large national shopping centre some time ago and noticed a trolley with an infant sitting in their carrier on it. The child can't have been more than a year or so old. It was in the bakery/veg section and no one seemed to be near it. For the reasons a lot of posters have mentioned above, I didn't approach directly but did walk around for a bit trying to see if anyone came back or looked like they were connected with this.
After a couple of minutes and no one seemed to be involved I approached a worker who was arranging bread on one of the shelves to point out the child. The guy said it was fine, that it was his child and he was keeping an eye on it. His wife had to work late and so he had no option but to bring the child to work for 2 hours until she got off. He was thankful that I had been concerned for the child's welfare.

My next thought was should I tell him that he shouldn't be doing that or that if his employers found out that he may be disciplined for effectively leaving a child unsupervised on their premises while he was at work but I figured, He's trying to keep a job, the child was sleeping comfortably and looked well taken care of, I didn't want to be Mr Totheletterofthelaw and so I cut him a break. I did mention to him that he'd want to be careful that not everyone could be trusted and then went on my way.

Akrasia · 28-04-2015 09:48AM

zeffabelli wrote: »

It's much easier to lose a child than one might think. Not many times, but a few usually in playgrounds, I;ve come across a distressed small child, who can't locate the parent....before anyone gets judgy pants on this, it is always possible the parent has dashed off to rescue another of their kids from impending injury or escape from the playground...one can't be too presumptuous here...

[Judgy pants]
Well they should have thought of that before they had more than one child [/judgy pants]

Qualitymark · 28-04-2015 09:50AM

LynnGrace wrote: »

I would do the same. I've sometimes enlisted the help of an older child, known to a small one, to take them home, if I'm passing and I see they are in distress, on the street, or on the green.

I'd be cautious of that approach, considering the tragic case in a Liverpool shopping centre some years ago. Better to phone the parents.

SpaceTime · 28-04-2015 09:53AM

Just phone social services - they'll get to the case by the time the child is 37.

zeffabelli · 28-04-2015 09:53AM

Qualitymark wrote: »

I'd be cautious of that approach, considering the tragic case in a Liverpool shopping centre some years ago. Better to phone the parents.

That was a really strange one...no one would ever suspect that ten year old boys could or would do such a thing.

And this is where we are now..... people are in a place where there is no way of being able to assess.

THere has been so much shock around discovery.

You see a lost child in a shop. What would you do?

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