Time to change my life around for the better minus drink.

Amazingfun · 20-11-2014 9:12am

The first publication re: the actual AA program was The Big Book in 1939. It was based on contributions from many of the early AA members although much of the content was written by Bill Wilson.

The Twelve n Twelve (12 steps and 12 Traditions) was published much later (1965)and was written solely by Bill Wilson. It's more of a reflection on the steps. It's a great read after one has actually done the steps as opposed to looking to it for directions on how to do them.
The Big Book makes for great meetings as it has that spirit of action and urgency imo (and experience).

Carpet diem · 20-11-2014 9:24am

Amazingfun wrote: »

The first publication re: the actual AA program was The Big Book in 1939. It was based on contributions from many of the early AA members although much of the content was written by Bill Wilson.

The Twelve n Twelve (12 steps and 12 Traditions) was published much later (1965)and was written solely by Bill Wilson. It's more of a reflection on the steps. It's a great read after one has actually done the steps as opposed to looking to it for directions on how to do them.
The Big Book makes for great meetings as it has that spirit of action and urgency imo (and experience).

Thanks for that. The book I have is called Alcoholics Anonymous. Presume that is the former so.

On side note, It's definitely a disease that runs in family. Few of my relations are out and out Alkies but never got help ( that I know off) and another one actually got help recently and has been off it for a while and doing very well apparently. Little do they know about me. Guess it's my issue and I'm entitled to my privacy.

Amazingfun · 20-11-2014 9:27am

I'm entitled to my privacy.

Damn right you are! In fact if you are a big reader you can locate some excellent writings about the place (mostly by Bill Wilson) on Anonymity and how precious and valuable it is to our fellowship.

Have a good day Carpe....you're doing great

Carpet diem · 20-11-2014 11:59pm

Got a meeting in today. It was new venue - all sort of things going through my head, people I knew who lived nearby, where is the place etc..

Eventually found the place, found the room. Once I was in the room, I felt at peace, at ease, immediately felt immersed in the stories, in the facial expression.

I'm going to try a different venue tomorrow night. Not that I didn't like the one tonight. I want to see what out there and go for what I feel is best.

Carpet diem · 21-11-2014 9:34am

I'll Get another meeting in this evening. I think Once I find one near me where I can slip in and out of and retain my privacy I'm happy with that.

Looking forward to a weekend where I can forward if you get me.

Abcxyz12345 · 21-11-2014 7:19pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

What meetings do people go to in AA?

Big book, steps, normal meetings ? Just wondering how they approach them, do they read up before so to get most from them at meetings?

Hi Carpet,

I go to Step & Big Book mtgs mostly. I seek those ones out tbh. I'm find it tough at the moment to listen to some other peoples experiences of their drinking. I think it cause I still feel quite vulnerable & shaky sometimes. The more extreme experiences upset me sometimes & tbh scare me a bit. It's not that I'm judging people it's genuinely I feel rattled when I hear things sometimes. I don't know why. I'm a bit like that with tv programmes at the mo tho too... I steer clear of the Love/Hate type of thing too!!

I've found that the Step/BB mtgs are focused on recovery a lot more than the general mtgs. I like that - even tho I haven't done the Steps etc! They give me hope.

I know I will return to the general mtgs tho. Good luck with it all Carpet. It's always nice to read your posts & others too

Carpet diem · 21-11-2014 8:03pm

Abcxyz12345 wrote: »

Hi Carpet,

I go to Step & Big Book mtgs mostly. I seek those ones out tbh. I'm find it tough at the moment to listen to some other peoples experiences of their drinking. I think it cause I still feel quite vulnerable & shaky sometimes. The more extreme experiences upset me sometimes & tbh scare me a bit. It's not that I'm judging people it's genuinely I feel rattled when I hear things sometimes. I don't know why. I'm a bit like that with tv programmes at the mo tho too... I steer clear of the Love/Hate type of thing too!!

I've found that the Step/BB mtgs are focused on recovery a lot more than the general mtgs. I like that - even tho I haven't done the Steps etc! They give me hope.

I know I will return to the general mtgs tho. Good luck with it all Carpet. It's always nice to read your posts & others too

I'm definitely with you on that. BB and steps I think are the most progressive way forward if you want to be real progress.

Carpet diem · 22-11-2014 2:52pm

Can someone tell me the difference between a "steps" meeting and a "BB" meeting?

Sunnyisland · 22-11-2014 9:35pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

Can someone tell me the difference between a "steps" meeting and a "BB" meeting?

Don't really know, so going by some expearence,

A step meeting is one where each week the steps are discussed and people give there own opinions on how the steps are working for them and they working with the steps.

The BB would be a discussion on different chapters of the book and how it's helping and effecting there journey

:-)

Doublin · 23-11-2014 1:08am

Carpet diem

I don,t know you but your posts are open, honest & you can tell they come from the heart. Hope you get where you want to get. Best Wishes on your journey, take every positive from the day & hold it, feck the rest

Amazingfun · 23-11-2014 2:11am

Carpet diem wrote: »

Can someone tell me the difference between a "steps" meeting and a "BB" meeting?

The 12 steps are in the Big Book (and were there first) so any step meeting is a Big book meeting in some sense

However, since we have two books that tend to be used in literature based meetings, one being the Big Book published in 1939, the other 'The Twelve and Twelve' published in 1965, there can be a difference in how they are described.

So from my experience a meeting listed as a "step meeting" usually uses the Twelve n Twelve as its basis and Big Book meetings use the Big Book. However the Big Book meeting could still be a "step meeting" in practice . For example, the first 43 pages of the Big Book are ALL on Step One. The chapter "We Agnostics" deals with Step 2 etc, etc.

It sounds complicated but it really isn't lol

1. Link to the 12 n 12: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/twelve-steps-and-twelve-traditions

2. Link to Big Book: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/read-the-big-book-and-twelve-steps-and-twelve-traditions

Carpet diem · 23-11-2014 9:21pm

Amazingfun wrote: »

The 12 steps are in the Big Book (and were there first) so any step meeting is a Big book meeting in some sense

However, since we have two books that tend to be used in literature based meetings, one being the Big Book published in 1939, the other 'The Twelve and Twelve' published in 1965, there can be a difference in how they are described.

So from my experience a meeting listed as a "step meeting" usually uses the Twelve n Twelve as its basis and Big Book meetings use the Big Book. However the Big Book meeting could still be a "step meeting" in practice . For example, the first 43 pages of the Big Book are ALL on Step One. The chapter "We Agnostics" deals with Step 2 etc, etc.

It sounds complicated but it really isn't lol

1. Link to the 12 n 12: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/twelve-steps-and-twelve-traditions

2. Link to Big Book: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/read-the-big-book-and-twelve-steps-and-twelve-traditions

Great thanks for clearing that up . Hopefully become more clearer to me over time.

Carpet diem · 25-11-2014 12:22am

"We stand ready to do anything which will lift the merciless obsession from us"

Carpet diem · 25-11-2014 7:56pm

I'm not great at speaking up for myself - I tend to be fairly sensitive and more just fill with anger.

I need to get better at speaking up for myself in a calm composed way.

Anyone associate with that ?

Carpet diem · 26-11-2014 12:13am

Made it to a meeting nearby. Was good because I was in a knot really.

Hope everyone is good here and remember there is help our there. Some good people out there.

Doublin · 26-11-2014 11:24am

Hate this time of year between Christmas stuff & my best mate was shot in Jan couple of years ago & I wasn't around.. and my best friend, my grandfather birthday will fall later in the month, not sure yet what to put on his grave, he never was a flower lover, have to think of something original.. Not sure of the answer yet.

The anger I get totally. When I was younger I was a placid fairly laid back type of bloke, got into the usual type of devilment we all did as teens, but yes my anger has gone up big time, am shorter, more snappy, a lot colder, lose the rag sometimes over something trivial. At the moment I am trying to be nice & reasonable talking with my daughter's mother about Christmas stuff, she wants an argument but I won't get involved in some sort of mud slinging match. The only loser would be my little girl & I won't have that happen.

Carpet diem · 26-11-2014 11:38am

Doublin wrote: »

Hate this time of year between Christmas stuff & my best mate was shot in Jan couple of years ago & I wasn't around.. and my best friend, my grandfather birthday will fall later in the month, not sure yet what to put on his grave, he never was a flower lover, have to think of something original.. Not sure of the answer yet.

The anger I get totally. When I was younger I was a placid fairly laid back type of bloke, got into the usual type of devilment we all did as teens, but yes my anger has gone up big time, am shorter, more snappy, a lot colder, lose the rag sometimes over something trivial. At the moment I am trying to be nice & reasonable talking with my daughter's mother about Christmas stuff, she wants an argument but I won't get involved in some sort of mud slinging match. The only loser would be my little girl & I won't have that happen.

I'm going through something similiar in work trying to get by in work without causing arguments or not losing the rag with people foe insulting me. I need to be more assertive and so people won't feel they can be so liberal with their use of words towards me. Otherwise it will drive me mad literally.

To say I'm finding it tough at the moment is an understatement. This is where I used to go drinking before to hide this torment and issues I had.

Best of luck Xmas time, best complement you can pay your deceased friend is to visit the grave.

KeefF · 26-11-2014 11:49am

Carpet diem wrote: »

I'm going through something similiar in work trying to get by in work without causing arguments or not losing the rag with people foe insulting me. I need to be more assertive and so people won't feel they can be so liberal with their use of words towards me. Otherwise it will drive me mad literally.

To say I'm finding it tough at the moment is an understatement. This is where I used to go drinking before to hide this torment and issues I had.

Best of luck Xmas time, best complement you can pay your deceased friend is to visit the grave.

Hi,
If I could offer you some advice regarding people insulting you in work? I would suggest having a 1-1 with those people and clearly setting out in a very calm and clear manner that you will not tolerate any public or otherwise demaning comments/actions etc. It is very important that you do this in a very controlled manner to ensure that you don't give away your power to these people - approaching it in this way ensures that you are in control of the situation and are taking proactive constructive action. Remember you are the one in control of how you feel, how you think and your actions. If you need to take steps to address them then please do - life is too short. I have to be honest my life is in no way perfect as I keep slipping but in the last 18 months my relationships with everyone (and myself) have improved immensely by adopting these principles. Give it a try!!

Carpet diem · 26-11-2014 12:04pm

KeefF wrote: »

Hi,
If I could offer you some advice regarding people insulting you in work? I would suggest having a 1-1 with those people and clearly setting out in a very calm and clear manner that you will not tolerate any public or otherwise demaning comments/actions etc. It is very important that you do this in a very controlled manner to ensure that you don't give away your power to these people - approaching it in this way ensures that you are in control of the situation and are taking proactive constructive action. Remember you are the one in control of how you feel, how you think and your actions. If you need to take steps to address them then please do - life is too short. I have to be honest my life is in no way perfect as I keep slipping but in the last 18 months my relationships with everyone (and myself) have improved immensely by adopting these principles. Give it a try!!

Much appreciated, Great advice. Hope you are well. Being calm and controlled is probably where I lose out but I'm going to try hard now.

Hopefully I come out stronger from this whole experience but I know I need to put it into force everyday. Sometimes I feel so weak and always looking over my shoulder.

Getting a meeting in at 1 as I have today off. Looking forward to that and now have few different meeting locations so I can fit them in to suit work hours. Having few locations to go to means more security to me really. Although hopefully get a home group over time.

Amazingfun · 26-11-2014 12:07pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

I'm going through something similiar in work trying to get by in work without causing arguments or not losing the rag with people foe insulting me. I need to be more assertive and so people won't feel they can be so liberal with their use of words towards me. Otherwise it will drive me mad literally.

To say I'm finding it tough at the moment is an understatement. This is where I used to go drinking before to hide this torment and issues I had.

Best of luck Xmas time, best complement you can pay your deceased friend is to visit the grave.

Be careful with the buying the narratives the head can conjure up around drinking.

Truth is many alkies drank for any reason at all--or none at all! Happy/sad/elation/despair....there we were with drink in our hand.
It is very rare I encounter someone who only drank when feeling bad/sad. Circumstances or environment are often revealed as being irrelevant really when we go back through our lives and look at our actual drinking history.

I invariably find there really is one one absolutely honest reason for why alcoholics drank: because we feckin loved the stuff lol.

Cunning baffling and powerful is how the BB describes alcoholism. These slick and varying "narratives" around "why I drank" is in my experience one of the most deadly.

Carpet diem · 26-11-2014 12:19pm

Amazingfun wrote: »

Be careful with the buying the narratives the head can conjure up around drinking.

Truth is many alkies drank for any reason at all--or none at all! Happy/sad/elation/despair....there we were with drink in our hand.
It is very rare I encounter someone who only drank when feeling bad/sad. Circumstances or environment are often revealed as being irrelevant really when we go back through our lives and look at our actual drinking history.

I invariably find there really is one one absolutely honest reason for why alcoholics drank: because we feckin loved the stuff lol.

Cunning baffling and powerful is how the BB describes alcoholism. These slick and varying "narratives" around "why I drank" is in my experience one of the most deadly.

I get Ya , Ya I know I would drink a lot anyways whatever my state of mind but I did use alcohol to overcome my issues that I had that day dealing with people, it was a means for forgetting my worries. I used it temporarily as a cacoon. It made things worse and was like a mud ball effect.

Abcxyz12345 · 26-11-2014 12:23pm

I know it the past I drank because it was there & I could & I loved it but more recently I drank cause I felt I really needed it - and it was definitely during times when I really couldn't handle my feelings & negative thinking.

I've been ok when I was happy about something recently I have celebrated without alcohol - last week something really great happened for me after Id worked long & hard at it... I splashed out €3.95 on a large hot chocolate!

But the upset & anger & anxiety & hopeless feelings are harder to sit with & all the while I think of alcohol. It's very different. This is something I struggle with but I'm interested in this idea of accepting things I can't change.... Usually my thinking & upset is around somethin someone hasn't done for me etc

Carpet diem · 26-11-2014 1:17pm

We drank in the past because we liked to drink, we drank to forget stuff, we drank sometimes for no reason at all.

For me drink really took hold of me when things started goin wrong. Missing work, dealing with colleagues, failing exams, breakup of relationships. Behind it all it all came down to one thing drink!

Drinking made a mess of my personal development. I didn't mature, learn how the world works and became self centred, dillusioned and most of angry.

Abcxyz12345 · 26-11-2014 2:25pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

We drank in the past because we liked to drink, we drank to forget stuff, we drank sometimes for no reason at all.

For me drink really took hold of me when things started goin wrong. Missing work, dealing with colleagues, failing exams, breakup of relationships. Behind it all it all came down to one thing drink!

Drinking made a mess of my personal development. I didn't mature, learn how the world works and became self centred, dillusioned and most of angry.

Snap! :-)

Doublin · 26-11-2014 2:26pm

Learned the d hard way but while the drink can numb the pain it makes everything worse eventually.

Re work show them you are better & not a sucker. A bully can always be beaten. Hold no fear about that, stand your ground & believe in your abilities.

Have you ever attended Toastmasters? I attended a few years ago & was an enjoyable experience. Had to stop attending for other reasons, but I am going to start it up again soon. Very nice people, some very funny speech's & like AA you can get involved or just listen, no pressure.

Carpet diem · 26-11-2014 3:30pm

KeefF wrote: »

Hi,
If I could offer you some advice regarding people insulting you in work? I would suggest having a 1-1 with those people and clearly setting out in a very calm and clear manner that you will not tolerate any public or otherwise demaning comments/actions etc. It is very important that you do this in a very controlled manner to ensure that you don't give away your power to these people - approaching it in this way ensures that you are in control of the situation and are taking proactive constructive action. Remember you are the one in control of how you feel, how you think and your actions. If you need to take steps to address them then please do - life is too short. I have to be honest my life is in no way perfect as I keep slipping but in the last 18 months my relationships with everyone (and myself) have improved immensely by adopting these principles. Give it a try!!

Will you nor run the risk of becoming the office sulk or someone who blabs?

KeefF · 26-11-2014 3:54pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

Will you nor run the risk of becoming the office sulk or someone who blabs?

Well if you have a valid reason for taking some aside on a 1-1 basis, I would have admiration for you in that you are standing up for yourself, addressing a problem head on and not going around moaning to everyone else as opposed to doing something about it yourself.
Also - it's your life & you are responsible for making it the best possible so F**k what anyone else thinks if you are doing the right thing for you and not causing anyone else real harm.
As I said it is important to do this in a controlled manner. To do it any other way would be to let others control how you feel and act - you should always try to ensure that you are controlling that as ultimately your life, your actions, your thoughts, your feelings - your responsibility.

Amazingfun · 26-11-2014 3:59pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

Will you nor run the risk of becoming the office sulk or someone who blabs?

I think yes you will run this risk. But that's just my opinion.

Carpe....you are in early sobriety. It's VERY common for newly sober folks to be extra sensitive and be easily hurt during this time. As the weeks turn to months and then years we get thicker skin. Much thicker skin.
In fact there is a bit of a joke around AA that I get a kick out of: I know I am recovered when I am the one giving resentments instead of getting them lol

You may see things very differently down the road is all I am saying.

Carpet diem · 26-11-2014 4:29pm

Have today off so got a meeting in at lunch. Shared for bit - nothing much but it's a start because I didn't share in a long time.

Got work done in the morning as up in good time and plan to do some now.

I'm really grateful of the help I get here, in meetings and also my OH is great as well. I've begin to realise I have a good family too and that'd what really important.

I can get upset about work and all that and it is important but at the end of the day it's just a job. They are not my friends and when I'm in need they certainly dont give a sh it about me. In fact work can be a place where if you are down or vulnerable people use that against you for their own betterment.Thanks for all the advice above, I'll read some notable BB tonight and hand it over to my higher power on what to do.

Carpet diem · 01-12-2014 6:37am

Travelling with work it and amazes to ses people having a pint or two in airport even guys with suits on them.

Doesnt botter me as just an observation.

Had a decent week of meetings and Will get one while im away hopefully.

Just focussing on today and the rest should take care of itself.

Time to change my life around for the better minus drink.

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