Could you spend christmas Alone ?

finix · 21-12-2013 1:32am #1

My brother (Recently retired) Widower, no kids, Lovely apartment car etc prefers to spend Christmas alone. My wife, A softie ! cannot understand why he wont come over for dinner or an hour or anything ! He is a lovely guy, happy in his own skin, very generous and sociable. I can understand him cos I know him, But the wife wont let up about him being alone for xmas day.
Even tonight she sent him a text.
Some people are happy to do their own thing but she cant see it ?

Riamfada · 21-12-2013 1:36am

I worked one Christmas when I was in college. 12 hour shift, 8am to 8pm on tripple time. The mother went mad but it was probably the most relaxing and profitable Christmas I ever spent.

I was working security for a closed hotel and spent the day running around, jumping on beds, sitting in the bar acting out the scene from the shining and getting it perfect, I slept for a bit in the lobby and watched loads of TV in any room I wanted.

Best...Christmas.. Ever!!

finix · 21-12-2013 1:39am

Riamfada wrote: »

I worked one Christmas when I was in college. 12 hour shift, 8am to 8pm on tripple time. The mother went mad but it was probably the most relaxing and profitable Christmas I ever spent.

I was working security for a closed hotel and spent the day running around, jumping on beds, sitting in the bar acting out the scene from the shining and getting it perfect, I slept for a bit in the lobby and watched loads of TV in any room I wanted.

Best...Christmas.. Ever!!

Love it ! Was there any gargle lying about in the bar ?

Celly Smunt · 21-12-2013 1:41am

As a young widower i understand where your brother is coming from.For me christmas day is now my day for reflection,it would've been spent differently if things took another path but for now,i'm content with staying on my own christmas day rather than having everybody "feel sorry" for me as they spend time with their own family.To be honest however it doesn't bother me in the slightest, but it's better not to be the "dead wife" guy and have people tip toe-ing around me thinking they're making me feel awkward , when in fact they're being awkward because they think it's awkward for me.

With no dis-respect to your wife, the situation you've put across above about her asking why your brother won't come over for an hour or the day or whatever is the kind of thing i'd want to avoid, he probably doesn't want to be invited over just because he's a "lonely widower".

finix · 21-12-2013 2:16am

Wow ! That phrase ''Dead wife guy'' sounds horrible but I see what you mean.
My wife means so well as she hates to see anyone down, but his wife died 12 years ago so It's not recent

Digs · 21-12-2013 2:21am

finix wrote: »

Wow ! That phrase ''Dead wife guy'' sounds horrible but I see what you mean.
My wife means so well as she hates to see anyone down, but his wife died 12 years ago so It's not recent

Do you think he's genuinely happy in his own skin or very good at putting on a show?

If he's happier on his own maybe it's because he finds Christmas hard and it's easier for him not to have to put on a front?

I don't know, I'm just putting out possibilities? I'd probably be like your wife, I'd hate to think of him on his own but wouldn't force him at the same time.

mud · 21-12-2013 2:25am

I never have but I think I could.

I live alone anyway and can easily go 3 days+ without seeing another person.

I live near enough the aul' pair's gaff and I sneak home several times on Christmas day when I feel I've had enough of watching everyone snoring on the armchairs :pac:

finix · 21-12-2013 2:27am

Digs wrote: »

Do you think he's genuinely happy in his own skin or very good at putting on a show?

If he's happier on his own maybe it's because he finds Christmas hard and it's easier for him not to have to put on a front?

I don't know, I'm just putting out possibilities? I'd probably be like your wife, I'd hate to think of him on his own but wouldn't force him at the same time.

Not sure but I respect his decision whatever the reason

Celly Smunt · 21-12-2013 2:33am

finix wrote: »

Wow ! That phrase ''Dead wife guy'' sounds horrible but I see what you mean.
My wife means so well as she hates to see anyone down, but his wife died 12 years ago so It's not recent

I can see where your wife is coming from also, i'd be the same if I thought somebody was lonely.But since i know this kind of case from your brothers point of view,i can see why your brother would prefer to be alone on christmas day.Would he visit any other time over the christmas?

Riamfada · 22-12-2013 5:40pm

finix wrote: »

Love it ! Was there any gargle lying about in the bar ?

I brought me own.

Victoria Fortescue · 22-12-2013 7:20pm

finix wrote: »

My brother (Recently retired) Widower, no kids, Lovely apartment car etc prefers to spend Christmas alone. My wife, A softie ! cannot understand why he wont come over for dinner or an hour or anything ! He is a lovely guy, happy in his own skin, very generous and sociable. I can understand him cos I know him, But the wife wont let up about him being alone for xmas day.
Even tonight she sent him a text.
Some people are happy to do their own thing but she cant see it ?

She means well, and I can see why it's distressing her. She sounds like a caring person, and there is no harm in that. You will have to say to her no more texts or invitations to him though. The man knows that he is welcome to your home if he wishes to come, and there is no more that either of you can do about it. I haven't lost a partner or anything, but I can see his side of things. For me personally I'd feel strange being in someone else's home on Christmas day, I'm so used to my own surroundings. My guess is that he is perfectly happy with his own too, it's best that she leaves him be.

Moonbeam · 22-12-2013 9:19pm

I can see how somebody would happily spend christmas on their own.
A day of peace and quite but by choice I would feel sorry for anyone doing it because they had no choice.

monkeysnapper · 22-12-2013 9:27pm

Riamfada wrote: »

I worked one Christmas when I was in college. 12 hour shift, 8am to 8pm on tripple time. The mother went mad but it was probably the most relaxing and profitable Christmas I ever spent.

I was working security for a closed hotel and spent the day running around, jumping on beds, sitting in the bar acting out the scene from the shining and getting it perfect, I slept for a bit in the lobby and watched loads of TV in any room I wanted.

Best...Christmas.. Ever!!

I worked in a bar New Year's Eve 1999/2000 and it was a flop, we were all told 2am to clean up and by 2.30 we were done, they said stay as long as you want and drink the bar dry as far as we are concerned , plus triple time. Was the best craic I ever had . We didn't even drink that much but the craic was mighty

Nino Brown · 22-12-2013 9:29pm

I regularly do because I often work Christmas day, it doesn't bother me at all, Christmas isn't for everybody. Could you spend thanksgiving alone?

Xenophile · 22-12-2013 9:59pm

Also many single people do not want to be mothered when their parents pass on. A smoked salmon omelet with free range eggs and a few nice glasses of wine how bad?

If you are alone and want to be left that way, turn off your phone after five o'clock and enjoy the rest of the evening without being interrupted.

Posy · 23-12-2013 1:26am

Nino Brown wrote: »

I regularly do because I often work Christmas day, it doesn't bother me at all, Christmas isn't for everybody. Could you spend thanksgiving alone?

Thanksgiving isn't celebrated in Ireland so most people are working or going about things as normal.

Xenophile · 23-12-2013 4:39am

Xenophile wrote: »

Also many single people do not want to be mothered when their parents pass on. A smoked salmon omelet with free range eggs and a few nice glasses of wine how bad?

If you are alone and want to be left that way, turn off your phone after five o'clock and enjoy the rest of the evening without being interrupted.

The similarity of these two words : mothered and smothered just strikes me now! Compassion, care and concern are really wonderful but to all of these add wisdom.

naughtyfox · 23-12-2013 5:14am

Why dont you see if he would be up for calling to you a different day over xmas like stephens day, weekend, a compromise of sorts. Kinda like xmas dinner without the pressure of xmas day.

lufties · 23-12-2013 6:21am

Moonbeam wrote: »

I can see how somebody would happily spend christmas on their own.
A day of peace and quite but by choice I would feel sorry for anyone doing it because they had no choice.

Last year I was alone in a poky flat in germany because i was working around it, I didnt like any of my co workers, who were a shower of ignorant pr1cks. It was truly depressing, as its also my birthday around that time. The weather was freezing and dull too. Thankfully this year I'm in a different location

Nino Brown · 23-12-2013 9:23am

Posy wrote: »

Thanksgiving isn't celebrated in Ireland so most people are working or going about things as normal.

That's my point, a lot of people in Ireland work, and go about things as normal for Christmas too, Christmas barely even registers for me anymore, it's just a few weeks of the year that I avoid shopping centers.
Of course when I have kids all that will go out the window.

finix · 23-12-2013 11:53am

Out of the blue last night, my brother called and asked did the offer still stand !
I am picking him up 10am xmas morning and he is bringing a bag IN CASE he wants to stay over xmas night ( His Idea) We are delighted he is coming !
I don't know what changed his mind but who cares. Thanks all and Happy Christmas !:D

Posy · 23-12-2013 12:38pm

That's great! Perhaps he originally felt he wasn't really wanted and was being asked out of politeness/duty, but your wife's persistence persuaded him otherwise.

I hope you all have a lovely day!

finix · 23-12-2013 12:52pm

Only found out now she wrote him a letter ! He is not one for social media/texts etc. He will thank us afterwards but not by text or phone but a letter. He is old school and likes letters ! He is gas when you get a few Jamesons into him and he get's as ridiculous as me ! !

taytobreath · 23-12-2013 2:53pm

finix wrote: »

Only found out now she wrote him a letter ! He is not one for social media/texts etc. He will thank us afterwards but not by text or phone but a letter. He is old school and likes letters ! He is gas when you get a few Jamesons into him and he get's as ridiculous as me ! !

awww, your wife has a heart of gold, be glad you have her and happy Christmas

TommieBoy · 24-12-2013 9:08pm

Am spending Christmas alone... Its really just another day (atleast that is what my old roomy used to say)...
It wouldn't be my first choice, but it won't be so bad, better than spending it with strangers or unhappy relatives I think.

Aoifey! · 25-12-2013 12:03am

finix wrote: »

Out of the blue last night, my brother called and asked did the offer still stand !
I am picking him up 10am xmas morning and he is bringing a bag IN CASE he wants to stay over xmas night ( His Idea) We are delighted he is coming !
I don't know what changed his mind but who cares. Thanks all and Happy Christmas !:D

What a happy ending, that's great, have a good Christmas

Could you spend christmas Alone ?

Comments