An Idiot Abroad 3 - Sky 1

I have An Idiot Abroad and An Idiot Abroad 2 on DVD so I will get An Idiot Abroad 3 when it comes out on DVD.

It's British comedy gold and Karl is an absolute comedy genius. I'm still trying to work out whether he's deliberately being funny - maybe he's just acting - or whether he genuinely actually like that and he's not intending to be funny.

But the guy has me in tears. He doesn't have to say anything. I always burst out laughing every time I see him in the Mongolian wrestling garb and then he complains and even his shadow looks weird. "My shadow looks gormless, I look like an acorn!

Some great Karl quotes:



Having to ride a camel in Jordan: "Camels were all right in the Jesus times an' that ,but we don't need 'em any more, we've moved on!"

"If your brain was in your foot it would take you ages to say anything."

On the Great Wall of China: “You can see it for miles. Like, it goes over the hills and stuff ….but so does the M6" and "It's not the Great Wall of China. It's the Alright Wall of China."

On giving a Mexican lizard a Hobnob: “I was looking into it when I noticed I was surrounded by lizards. Big ones. I gave one of them a bit of a HobNob. It seemed to love it. It ended up eating two to itself. It’s odd to think the Mayans have probably never tried a Hobnob, yet this lizard had."

At the Pyramids of Giza: “****ty nappy whizzing through the air, you don’t see that in the brochures. They tend to leave that bit out.”

In Israel when the "terrorist squad" capture Karl: Terrorist “Who do you work for?” Karl “Sky. I mean Sky1. No I mean Sky1 HD.”

On friends: “You only need seven mates in life. Snow White with her midgets had it sorted in one go.”

When first setting eyes on the primitive tribe he was to stay with in Peru: “This is proper innit? This is like proper tribe.”

When falling over as he went to greet the tribe's leaders: “He saw me didn’t he? He saw me? What a bloody dickhead. I meet a cannibal and fall over.”

“I fell asleep watching Geckos run across the ceiling. Suppose that was one good thing with Artex – the sharpness kept the geckos out.”

“We’re just a weed in the universe.”

"They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn’t anything else to drown it out at the time?”

“People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug’s aspirin and the monkey’s got a headache, is it right?”

"Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain’t been back. It can’t have been that good.”

“There hasn’t been a single publication from a monkey, and they’ve been around longer than us.”

(On asked how he’d cope with having a doppelganger): ‘How would I know which one was me?’

“Suzanne’s always saying she’d like to hear tiny feet running ’round the flat. I just said let’s just get a little midget cleaner.”

“The toilet is too far from the sink which isn’t what you need in India. Both are often required at the same time.”

(Karl on Siamese twins): "He crossed the road and got run over... I just kind of thought: Why didn't he look both ways?"

(On the the evolution of the giraffe): "Why didn't evolution give them genes to make them good at carpentry then, so they could build a ladder instead of growing long necks?"

"If you live in glass houses don't be chucking stuff about."

On blood pressure: "Leave it, It's happening. Don't be measuring it."

When I think of Karl and Warwick together it reminds me of that time when Karl ended up at the dwarf village in China, populated by dwarfs who live in houses that look like mushrooms and the dwarfs put on shows for the tourists.

He absolutely loved it and, for once, he didn't have a whinge on.

He then came up with the idea of phoning "Ricky's dwarf mate" Warwick up, to tell him that he's at a dwarf village. He assumed that Warwick would love it, too, but they started having a row on the phone because Warwick thought that the dwarfs were just being exploited for entertainment purposes and that it was disgusting.

Karl then says: “There’s a woman who I met who's a little dwarf. She’s only been here 4 months, she’s already got her own mushroom to live in. Now you tell me that’s wrong.”

When I first saw that bit I was in tears of laughter.