conceiving/pregnant with ED

Hi everyone

has anyone here had experience of / known of anyone becoming pregnant while suffering an ED (eating disorder)?

I know it is not the best scenario for either the baby or mother, but I need hope..

I've had bulimia for nearly 20 years... have tried many times to treat it. I think at this stage it is as much a physiological addiction as emotional crutch (I would have believed this was the reason it started). I've a very wonderful, understanding & patient partner. We would dearly love to start a family.

I've been for pre-natal health check up (ie ovary scans, bloods, hormone levels, ovulation tests etc).. all came back good (surprisingly) and I take my Folic Acid.

Perhaps naively I believe the bulimia will 'stop' when I find out Im pregnant, as I wont want to further risk my baby. It's severity at the moment however is bad.. And to add to the stress (which perpetuates the ED even more) is the fact i climb into bed every night thrashing myself for 'wasting' another day... I am 39 by the way, so I feel I am running out of time..

I am so depressed some days, I feel I am denying my partner a child by not 'doing enough' to make myself better, yet I dont know where to start.

Doctors just hand me pamphlets.. Group Therapy meetings seem to occur in the evenings primarily (when I have to work) and I cant afford private counselling at the moment.. I feel I have to basically 'recover' by myself and it is very hard....

has anyone any advice or stories of hope please?

thank you