Suicide

Midnight_EG · 24-12-2009 11:09PM

I swear some people are trying to send me on a guilt trip now, another has said he'd have liked to do it >.<

The first guy is now talking to an original carrier so I'm sitting out of that, let them sort it, already have enough on my plate without this childish behaviour

star-pants · 24-12-2009 11:12PM

Midnight_EG wrote: »

I swear some people are trying to send me on a guilt trip now, another has said he'd have liked to do it >.<

The first guy is now talking to an original carrier so I'm sitting out of that, let them sort it, already have enough on my plate without this childish behaviour

Sorry, but UGH some people, seriously like this situation isn't hard enough.
Aye let them sort it amongst themselves if they want to swap places with someone. You don't need the hassle *hugs*

Midnight_EG · 24-12-2009 11:14PM

Thank you, the second person has let it go already and don't know what's happening with the first. To be perfectly honest I don't give a flying fuck, it's their choice not mine, I was just asked to choose and he clearly didn't accept that decision =[

star-pants · 24-12-2009 11:16PM

Well that's someone who I would perhaps like to highfive in the face for you.
Hopefully other people leave you out of their squabbles, don't let it get to you

Midnight_EG · 24-12-2009 11:17PM

He's gotten his way and somebody has stepped down >.<

I'm not even gonna try argue.

star-pants · 24-12-2009 11:18PM

Don't - let them sort it - you just concentrate on what you have to do.
My heart really goes out to you, and your friends family/friends.

Midnight_EG · 24-12-2009 11:19PM

Thank you

I like that sideways ice cream :P

brian ireland · 24-12-2009 11:31PM

Sorry to hear about your sad loss of your best friend. Its so sad. Hope you are getting through it but, I can only imaging it must be hell. Sorry pal my thoughts are with you..

Novella · 25-12-2009 12:07AM

So sorry for your loss. I can't think of anything to say here that hasn't already been said but my thoughts are with you.

shinny · 25-12-2009 12:49AM

Midnight, just wanted to say sorry for your loss as well. It's always hard on friends because sometimes they get overlooked with everything that is going on and ironically probably know the deceased better than anyone. It sounds like his family are involving you in everything, which is great.

I'm guessing you must be around 18/19 yourself? Well, you are handling this unbelievably well. You sound like a young man with a lot of sense

Make sure to spend some time with his other close friends and remember the good times you all had with him. I lost my best friend in a car accident over a year ago and we made a point of reliving some of the good times the night of the funeral.

LadyMayBelle · 25-12-2009 12:55AM

Thought with you tonight Midnight EG. Have no words to support you but just hope you'll be alright. Such a sad thing to happen and especially at this time of year x

Midnight_EG · 25-12-2009 01:09AM

shinny wrote: »

Midnight, just wanted to say sorry for your loss as well. It's always hard on friends because sometimes they get overlooked with everything that is going on and ironically probably know the deceased better than anyone. It sounds like his family are involving you in everything, which is great.

I'm guessing you must be around 18/19 yourself? Well, you are handling this unbelievably well. You sound like a young man with a lot of sense

Make sure to spend some time with his other close friends and remember the good times you all had with him. I lost my best friend in a car accident over a year ago and we made a point of reliving some of the good times the night of the funeral.

Yeah I'm 18 and have a lot of things to worry about and care for this year such as family, leaving cert, car and girlfriend, so t'is hard enough without this.
I was pretty much his only mate, save another guy (the one causing the fuss over the coffin carrying) who doesnt know him as along as I do, so I knew quite a lot about him, and sort of know why he did it. Well...I have reasons floating around my head, but I'm not releasing my thoughts to anybody at all until I find out the complete truth.
His family are including me yeah, which I think is amazing at such a hard time and am so honoured to be able to say I'm doing this for him and them.
Today was brilliant though, a lot happened that helped ease some peoples pain and I truly hope his family can overcome all their thoughts and just let him be, the words said at the wake today made me think they're moving on gradually, which is a good sign I suppose. He looked so happy, his face was made up in a smirk, looked as if he'd just burst out laughing and scream " I got you all, bahahahhah!", but alas it wont, he was stone cold, in a better place, somewhere he wants to be.

So I guess I'm happy for him and his family that he doesnt have to put up with everything that seemingly made his life hell, now he can literally Rest in Peace and carry on in a spiritual way because I know he's looking down on his Father and guiding him...he loved him so much, heartbreaking to see his Dad today. Although he seems intent on believing myself and the deceased had a falling out, which we did in some sort, but I was only with him on Friday, he seemed fine, I tried to tell his Dad that, he just won't see it from my side. Being able to bring all of our social circle into the house and letting them pay their respects meant so much to me, and I know his parents appreciated it a hell of a lot too, his Mam was amazed at how many people came, as was his Sister, his Dad couldn't respond, maybe in happiness or he was disillusioned, who knows. All I know is he's happy, he's where he wants to be and I'm glad I could help on this side of it to give him a proper sending off.

I have a plan for the funeral procession, I want to follow the family car in my Civic, and have a friend drive the deceased's Civic behind me, both are black so they correlate to the event, he loved his car and I hope he can see what we're doing for him, we'll be right behind him, making noise as lads do and smiling to ourselves knowing he would have liked it. It's perfect in my head and I hope it goes to plan.

I'm borderline eye floods now, I'm glad I could say all this here, and hopefully be able to help somebody else that might be in this situation and tell them there is always something you can do, be it a little thing or major thing, anything helps, anything matters :')

opinion guy · 25-12-2009 01:59AM

I'm sorry for your loss OP. I found this thread from the AH thread on the same topic by someone else. Sounds like you are dealing with things extremely well. Stay strong brother.
As regards the Dad getting some notions - word of advise. Don't let it bug you. However this is for you, its times ten for his immediate family. They are totally overwhelmed and doubtless probably not thinking entirely straight. It will take many many months and years for them to fully process this (as it will you too). All you can do right now - is bear witness to everything. Be the strong one - be there for them all in however you can be until they don't need you anymore. Trust me, not only will it distract you from your own grief which you can deal with in time, also it will make a difference to his family that words cannot begin to convey. Because at times like this the only thing you can do of any consequence is be there, bear witness to it, hold hands when needed and provide a shoudler to cry on when needed.

My sympathies.

WesternNight · 25-12-2009 02:30AM

I'm sorry to read this.

What you're doing though, helping to organise things, that's something that the family will be so grateful for in the future. People have so much to sort out for a funeral that they barely have time to even process what's going on before it's all over. And often, by then, they feel like they haven't really been able to say goodbye. So them not having to do everything means the world...even if they don't know it.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with it at all though.

hunter164 · 25-12-2009 02:39AM

Midnight_EG wrote: »

I have a plan for the funeral procession, I want to follow the family car in my Civic, and have a friend drive the deceased's Civic behind me, both are black so they correlate to the event, he loved his car and I hope he can see what we're doing for him, we'll be right behind him, making noise as lads do and smiling to ourselves knowing he would have liked it. It's perfect in my head and I hope it goes to plan.

Play his fave song out of your car?

Midnight_EG · 25-12-2009 02:41AM

He wasn't one for music, just the note of his exhaust, which I think will do more than enough, thanks though

Jigga · 25-12-2009 02:49AM

Hi Midnight EG, sorry to hear about your friend's death, I've lost friends the same way, a very close one in particular which still hurts. Your friend causing the fuss over the coffin carrying might be just reacting to your friend's death in a different way to you, people react to suicide in different ways as it is such an awful shock and he may want to isolate himself to grieve himself, look out for him too as I'm sure he is hurting too. Fair dues to you and look out for his family particularly whenever its his birthday or at Christmas.

Midnight_EG · 25-12-2009 02:50AM

His birthday is not even a month away

Jigga · 25-12-2009 02:55AM

Midnight_EG wrote: »

His birthday is not even a month away

Dear god what a tragedy, good friend of mine killed himself just 3 days before his 20th birthday. It's a very sensitive topic I know, so fair play to you for being able to grieve here and stay strong man.

Aurora Borealis · 26-12-2009 01:42AM

I am so sorry for your loss.

A very close friend of mine hung herself this year so I know how you're feeling. I, like you, was very involved in the funeral arrangements and it was the hardest week of my life to date having to sit down with family members trying to thrash out the whys and what ifs of it all. She left a note but it wasn't the girl I knew writing and it confused me more than anything. You cannot figure it out, no one knows but them and I think it will only deepen your pain trying to. I hope you've someone to lean on yourself at the moment because it is a very confusing time.

Sending you strength.

A.B.

Midnight_EG · 26-12-2009 01:44AM

You wouldnt believe the amount of people that have pulled me aside and offered an ear or a shoulder, mostly girls, it's simply amazing

opinion guy · 26-12-2009 02:24AM

Midnight_EG wrote: »

You wouldnt believe the amount of people that have pulled me aside and offered an ear or a shoulder, mostly girls, it's simply amazing

Midnight_EG it goes to show you how many people have been affected by suicide and will offer what support they can. Its somewhat of a taboo topic but I'd say the vast majority of people know someone who committed suicide.

Midnight_EG · 28-12-2009 04:35AM

Quick update: The family are doing sooo much better now, and the deceased's Dad pulled me aside yesterday and simply said "fair play", and then he went on to say that Tuesday is 'my' day, which I wasn't sure what he meant by it, but oh well it was nice

The body has turned a purple colour and I can't bear looking at him anymore unfortunately, but still continuing to go up to the family anyway

The Civic plan/procession has been given the go ahead by both parents, so I'm delighted to say it's going to happen

WesternNight · 28-12-2009 02:13PM

Midnight_EG wrote: »

Quick update: The family are doing sooo much better now, and the deceased's Dad pulled me aside yesterday and simply said "fair play", and then he went on to say that Tuesday is 'my' day, which I wasn't sure what he meant by it, but oh well it was nice

The body has turned a purple colour and I can't bear looking at him anymore unfortunately, but still continuing to go up to the family anyway

The Civic plan/procession has been given the go ahead by both parents, so I'm delighted to say it's going to happen

That's lovely of his dad.

I think you helping them is also helping you. Believe me, they won't forget what you're doing for them.

pikachucheeks · 28-12-2009 06:25PM

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I can't imagine how tough it is, to lose someone so close to you, so unexpectedly - and without reason.

It's a terrible thing to happen.

Just know that there is support out there to help you cope, and that there's always people willing to listen and wanting to help you. You're not alone.

From experience I've had with it, I'd recommend taking comfort in those close to you right now. Try to be as open as you can with your emotions - and don't be ashamed of how you feel; It's only natural.

I'd also suggest keeping in touch with his family, if you feel that's possible. Considering you were close to him and a good friend, they'd most likely be very grateful of your support and company - and vice versa, perhaps.

Also, know that it's not your, or anyone's fault your friend did this. There was no way for you to know what he intended to you.

R.I.P.

EDIT: I'm a bit out of date with some of my points ... Wrote them before reading the whole thread!

Davindra · 29-12-2009 12:38AM

My Grandmother hung herself, without warning, in 1954, and then, earlier this year I had the sad privilege of dealing with a family who's, much loved, successful, and, frankly, drop dead gorgeous, son did the same...

It is incomprehensible.

The only precedents I can find are Japanese.

In those terms, you have done your friend great honour by your tears, your posts here, and the nobility of your grief.

Among Samurai, in the tradition of Seppuku, it is the closest, most trusted, friend who delivers the mercy blow.

It seems to me that the occidental equivalent is to do you friend the greatest honour in his dying and then, with swift mercy, let him go, and live the rest of your life to the fullest in his honour...

...and drive that Civic with great pride in his honour.

I think his father is very wise, tomorrow is, indeed your day...

I salute both you, and your friend.

Stargazer7 · 29-12-2009 12:59AM

So so sorry for your loss Midnight. From what I've read here it sounds like you are a wonderful guy who has done the absolute best he can to help his friend's family and honour his friend. I hope you look after yourself because while you're probably on autopilot now, taking care of everyone else, there will come a point where you will need to take care of yourself.

Midnight_EG · 29-12-2009 01:09AM

11 hours away now, I'll be up really early to sort out everything, wish myself and the family well.

WesternNight · 29-12-2009 01:13AM

Midnight_EG wrote: »

11 hours away now, I'll be up really early to sort out everything, wish myself and the family well.

Good luck.

That seems a weird thing to say for a funeral...but you know what I mean

29-12-2009 01:35AM

Jesus man im so sorry for your loss. its so awful.

The saddest thing i noticed reading this thread is is that everyone knows someone who has taken this course if action. the finality of it all shakes you to the very core.

its in women and men and men especially bottle things up and don't express their problems enough. im as guilty as anyone of trying to get by on my own and not involving those close too me.

i knew a young neighbour of mine who exactly 5 years ago, a week before xmas, and a week before his 18th birthday party who took his own life.
It was devastating to his family and all that knew him and shocking as he was such an infectious bubbly bright chap with his whole life in front of him.

Its something that will have to be dealt with a govt level. its becoming so serious especially in this recession where people are under more pressure and strain and there is too much emphasis on money and making something of your life and the general shallow notions people have which heap so much pressure on young people like your friend

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