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Love V's Lust?

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  • 01-05-2002 10:43pm
    #1
    fi
    Registered Users Posts: 596 ✭✭✭


    I am recently in a new relationship, and people in work keep slagging myself and the guy, saying it is just lust, as he is absoloutly georgous, six foot tall and a fantastic phisic [cant spell it but im sure you get the gist:)]

    i havent known him very long yet he is telling me he loves me... can anyone help me and try to tell me the difference between love and lust....

    i know this has been covered somewhere else before i seem to remember readin about it, but im talking about spefically in a new relationship....


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    #2
    Baz_
    Registered Users Posts: 2,660 ✭✭✭Baz_


    hahahaha so basically youre asking us to define the undefinable?

    Well lust usually wears off, and love gets stronger so you just have to give it time, and while youre at this stage just enjoy it for whatever it is, because its one of the best stages of any relationship (or so TV conditions me to believe), although I've only been through it once myself, and it was a most enjoyable year indeed.


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    #3
    fi
    Registered Users Posts: 596 ✭✭✭fi


    yes, it is so nice and such a nice feeling, havent felt this way is such a long long time, but m so scared of falling for this guy, [if it isnt already too late] and then to find out it was jsut lust, he tells me he loves me but he hasnt known me long enough, but as e says it just feels so right.........


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    #4
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,243 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Sounds like he's a toy-boy / giggilo (maybe I'm wrong). How is he around the kids?


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    #5
    fi
    Registered Users Posts: 596 ✭✭✭fi


    no hes not like that atall, he is grand around the kids, and the kids like him, it is so unlike me to even tell the children about a new man let alone introduce them


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    #6
    ykt0di9url7bc3
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,155 ✭✭✭ykt0di9url7bc3


    of all the things you've done together over the last 2 weeks, what defines them fi, love or lust, as Baz says lust does give way to love but you've got to take a good look of where its been to see where its going


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    #7
    fi
    Registered Users Posts: 596 ✭✭✭fi


    Originally posted by SearrarD
    of all the things you've done together over the last 2 weeks, what defines them fi, love or lust, as Baz says lust does give way to love but you've got to take a good look of where its been to see where its going

    he is kind and caring and the reason i would say it is not lust was i ahd a wee problem girls stuff ehre lads ;) and i told him and he was so concerned and worried and he made me go to the doctor and rang me when he knew i was out to see was i ok.

    he is asking me what i would like to do on saturday and i ahvent a clue he said he wants to do anything that will make me happy.....

    he went home at 10pm tonight as he said i eeded the rest, and the guys at work say when he sees me his eyes light up as do mine when i talka bout him


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    #8
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,243 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Originally posted by fi
    i havent known him very long yet he is telling me he loves me...
    Can anyone 'love' anyone after 2(?) weeks? Is he just trying to play on the emotions associated with the word? Is there a little voice sayin 'too soon'?


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    #9
    ykt0di9url7bc3
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,155 ✭✭✭ykt0di9url7bc3


    Originally posted by Victor

    Can anyone 'love' anyone after 2(?) weeks? Is he just trying to play on the emotions associated with the word? Is there a little voice sayin 'too soon'?

    it could be the love of lust in his heart victor....

    i'd say fi to take it slow, but usually these things have a habit of folding out themselves


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    #10
    PHB
    Registered Users Posts: 20,617 ✭✭✭✭PHB


    I don't see why you think love can't be possible after 2 weeks.
    Perhaps personally it to you means that you need to know the other person much better but to some people its what you feel at the time. You might look back on it and say you weren't in love but its now thats importent.


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    #11
    Baz_
    Registered Users Posts: 2,660 ✭✭✭Baz_


    man victor youre very negative, but I guess you do need someone to play devils advocate.

    The thing I wonder is, why do you want to find out so quickly, to me its more fun to let it run its course (and tbh I dont think you have a choice) and find out all in good time. Youll know when you know is about the most definitive answer I can come up with, and I dont think anyone here can tell you one way or the other anyway.

    The only answer I can come up with that is that you dont want to be hurt (or for your kids to get too attached) and if it was just you I would say "well thats life" but with kids involved I can understand that you might need to know as soon as possible to avoid hurt of all parties.

    So to sum all that up, ???.


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    #12
    Baz_
    Registered Users Posts: 2,660 ✭✭✭Baz_


    Originally posted by PHB
    I don't see why you think love can't be possible after 2 weeks.
    Perhaps personally it to you means that you need to know the other person much better but to some people its what you feel at the time. You might look back on it and say you weren't in love but its now thats importent.

    no you see thats what love is all about, its about knowing the other person, and its about knowing you love them and its about knowing they love you, if you look back and say it wasnt love after all, then it never was love which means its not just the hear and thats important. If you break up with someone you love you never stop loving them, you love them right up to the day you die, its not possible to love someone today and not love them tomorrow, if that ever did happen then it was lust and not love, and thats what fi wants to know "will I wake up in a [place length of time here] and no longer have feelings about him" thats is the difference, and its very hard to see at the start (hormones are kuhrazy


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    #13
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,243 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Originally posted by Baz_
    man victor youre very negative, but I guess you do need someone to play devils advocate.

    Yes, I am, that is the way I am. At the same time, I am genuinely suspicous of anyone that says stuff like that, that soon, and I suspect fi might be also, maybe just slow to say it here (to get our genuine opinions).


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    #14
    Khynareth
    Closed Accounts Posts: 323 ✭✭Khynareth


    Originally posted by Victor


    I am genuinely suspicous of anyone that says stuff like that, that soon, and I suspect fi might be also,

    Agreed... Don't give too much too soon, or you will most certainly be disapointed and hate yourself for it...

    Love I don't believe in. Trust I do. How could you trust somebody so fast? What proofs do you have he is genuine.

    If it's meant to last, you have plenty of time for you, so don't rush.


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    #15
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Originally posted by Victor


    Yes, I am, that is the way I am. At the same time, I am genuinely suspicous of anyone that says stuff like that, that soon, and I suspect fi might be also, maybe just slow to say it here (to get our genuine opinions).

    I agree with you 100% Victor, there is no way under the sun you can call it love, it takes months to work that one out, the first few months are spent just being on a high, you can't be sure what that is besides lust until things have calmed down and you can actually think straight! I never decide whither I am in love or not until at least 6 months have gone by! Better to be safe than sorry! I would agree too that I would be suspicous of him saying it too soon, I'd be wondering what he's looking for!! lol - yes, I am exceedingly suspicous, just call me Scully :D


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    #16
    bombidol
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,638 ✭✭✭bombidol


    its not love, pure and simple (A yeah yeah a yeah yeah) when you see that googly eyed little smile and "we'll do anything you like" think of every girl (Or guy) you have ever gone out with, every bloke does that in the first month or two, then he slowly mutates into himself and starts farting and belching, love isnt lovey dovey crap, love is trust its when you think of your life and all you can remember is the time you soent with the girl and its hard to remember what you done before you met her.
    Every bloke turns on the charm, he will gladly give up his football match to go for a walk in the park or whatever, give it a month or two and its a completly different story.


    Bomb


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    #17
    Saruman
    Registered Users Posts: 11,389 ✭✭✭✭Saruman


    I have not read all the replies.. but i would imagine if you think you live him for WHO he is and what he looks like is not important.. think about him and done see his face or his body so much but more the feel of his presense when you think about him then its close to love... though im probably just waffling!


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    #18
    ToxicPaddy
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 9,764 Mod ✭✭✭✭ToxicPaddy


    So far he sounds like a nice guy and all his traits you've pointed out both physical and emotional seem to be very positive...

    But like the others said, take it slowly and there is plenty of time for you two to fall in love, just enjoy the time u have together now without the worry of whether you love him or merely lust after him..

    If in 8 - 10 months time, you are still together, then take a step back and see how you feel, then you will know if you feeling are still as strong or stronger as when you started seeing him, it is more than likely love...

    And I hope that is the case..

    Good luck.. :p


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    #19
    fi
    Registered Users Posts: 596 ✭✭✭fi


    wow peoples thankyou for all the replies and help, i have so many answers here......

    yes i feel 2 weeks is far too soon to know you love someone, but then again i do believe in love at first site and the "chemnistry" that has been missing from so many other relationshps in my life is here in this one i can feel it.

    when he says he loves me i simply melt..... every day when i get in touch with my feelings i know i am falling in love with him, and its does scare me for a number of reasons already stated by some of you..... teh children getting hurt is a great deal to me, i can cope if i get dumped on i can move on, but they are small and still need protecting, and my boys just adore him and he hasnt even done anything for them,, he is like one of them and plays thier gameboy and takes thier side and stuff.....

    he has dated women with children b4, but i havent really asked much about it as although i want to know more about this man im not really wanteing to know about his past.

    my feelings now care me as, i am so scared i am falling for him and for him just to walk away, after all the one thing that is paramount in my mind is this guy is 33 and never had a relationship longer then 6 or 8 months.

    there is deffinatly something between us and i guess i need to know if i cant trust it, but only time will tell i think

    right now i am very very happy and love the feelings, but as i said its not just me here.......


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    #20
    fi
    Registered Users Posts: 596 ✭✭✭fi


    Originally posted by ToxicPaddy

    thankyou i do too........ i do try to stop letting him get under my skin, but doesnt always work :)


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    #21
    Gaz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,586 ✭✭✭Gaz


    .


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    #22
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    you ARE an Agony Aunt


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    #23
    Batfink
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22 ✭Batfink


    Agony aunt Garford ! who would have know it ? Didn't realise you were actually studying for your new found career when you were reading "Dear Deirdre" every day online on the sun. :p


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    #24
    Baz_
    Registered Users Posts: 2,660 ✭✭✭Baz_


    Originally posted by Batfink
    Agony aunt Garford ! who would have know it ? Didn't realise you were actually studying for your new found career when you were reading "Dear Deirdre" every day online on the sun. :p

    ROFL batfink, although darth I was think the same thing after my first reply (i.e. im turning into an agony aunt) and then I wrote two more, i mean wtf do i know about anything *shrug* pinch of salt all round ;)


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    #25
    Bard
    Registered Users Posts: 12,309 ✭✭✭✭Bard


    For something that is apparently so indefinable, Dictionary.com makes a pretty big attempt at doing just that... whether they succeed or not, I'll leave to your own judgement.

    You sound like you've got a pretty good thing going there fi, - and forgive me if I'm wrong, but you sound also like you're not used to it. Enjoy it - I hope it lasts for you. If you're asking yourself now whether it's lust or love, then it's apparent enough that only in time will you really know for sure.


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    #26
    The Sweeper
    Registered Users Posts: 10,658 ✭✭✭✭The Sweeper


    There seems to be a consensus here that where lust stops, there love begins. I don't agree. I don't think they're remotely mutually exclusive. I couldn't be truly in love with someone I didn't lust after. If I love someone it's all encompassing, unselfish and very, very simple. They're happy, I'm happy. Everybody's happy? Excellent, lets go to bed. Or couch. Or floor. Or whatever's handy.

    I'd argue the toss on the difference between loving someone and being in love with them though. I've loved people in the past without being in love with them. The difference?

    I love them: I care deeply about them, I wish them no harm, I hold affection for them, I am attracted to them, I enjoy their company, I like being with them.

    I am in love: there are no words.

    /me skips off to make daisy chains in Stephens Green because it's sunny.


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    #27
    fi
    Registered Users Posts: 596 ✭✭✭fi


    Originally posted by Bard
    For something that is apparently so indefinable, Dictionary.com makes a pretty big attempt at doing just that... whether they succeed or not, I'll leave to your own judgement.

    You sound like you've got a pretty good thing going there fi, - and forgive me if I'm wrong, but you sound also like you're not used to it. Enjoy it - I hope it lasts for you. If you're asking yourself now whether it's lust or love, then it's apparent enough that only in time will you really know for sure.

    thankyou Bard, what you say is true, i am not used to it atall, this is all so new to me.
    infact today i actually had to talk to him about it as i was so scared of what is happening here, and he said he was in love with me and that he had enver felt like this about anyone, he said that i should relax and he is going nowhere, he said he thinks the kids are great and im fantastic, he also keeps saying i am so georgous, which makes me so embarraced :eek:

    im the happiest ive ever been i think would be fair to say. but fear is a dreadfull thing.


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    #28
    fi
    Registered Users Posts: 596 ✭✭✭fi


    Originally posted by Minesajackdaniels
    There seems to be a consensus here that where lust stops, there love begins. I don't agree. I don't think they're remotely mutually exclusive. I couldn't be truly in love with someone I didn't lust after. If I love someone it's all encompassing, unselfish and very, very simple. They're happy, I'm happy. Everybody's happy? Excellent, lets go to bed. Or couch. Or floor. Or whatever's handy.

    I'd argue the toss on the difference between loving someone and being in love with them though. I've loved people in the past without being in love with them. The difference?

    I love them: I care deeply about them, I wish them no harm, I hold affection for them, I am attracted to them, I enjoy their company, I like being with them.

    I am in love: there are no words.

    /me skips off to make daisy chains in Stephens Green because it's sunny.

    nicly put girl!!!!

    however.... i feel lust if a far more carnal thing, like i want this guy maybe it is lust but i so love being with him........

    he is my first wakin thought and every morning there is a txt message waiting for me when i switch on the fon :)

    every night another one to wish me a good nights sleep, i havent seen him tonight and i miss him so much it is like someone is pulling my heart. after now 13 days....... totall madness!!


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    #29
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,243 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Originally posted by fi
    my feelings now care me as, i am so scared i am falling for him and for him just to walk away, after all the one thing that is paramount in my mind is this guy is 33 and never had a relationship longer then 6 or 8 months.

    Hey, stop knocking us thirty-something guys! :)

    I suggest you go see the film "About a Boy"


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    #30
    fi
    Registered Users Posts: 596 ✭✭✭fi


    Originally posted by Victor


    Hey, stop knocking us thirty-something guys! :)

    I suggest you go see the film "About a Boy"

    OH petal im not putting you down it just amazes me that all along i had it in my head i was going to fall for an older man, maybe 38 / 42 age group, hed be gray or going there, and mature....

    this guy is none of the above!! he is mature and you can have a proper conversation with him but he is not your adverage business type, anywa he is bringing me off tomorrow, and he is still saying there is something about me that has him hooked, and his friends have aperently said to him that he has fallen, he said how would you know and they said to him he is different!! not sure if this is good or bad :)


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