Friendship Ending After a Decade; Would Like Feedback

No, I'm just really hurt. Really, really hurt.

It's a fair question because when I consider it, I can't imagine him doing that at all (i.e. what I have done). In fact, I would consider it a bit weird if he went to those lengths for someone he doesn't spend that much time with (either online or offline).

As it turns out, I didn't receive any reply to my emails to date nor is it looking likely. As much as I don't like it being the case, I think I should do as others have recommended to be here and just try to forget him / the situation, as soon as possible.

Just to clarify a few things:

• I sent two follow-up emails over the course of a week. Nothing more than that. I have no intention of sending any more.
• I talked with his ex-fiancé as she is a friend of mine and my partners. We get on great, and have both been burned by similar selfish behaviour from him. In fact, we spent more time discussing her break-up and she appreciated the conversation.
• I'm not demanding he pay me back. I'm saying it's disappointing that he twice chose to receive money from me and then block me out of all his life. In neither email did I demand payment. In both cases, he told me he would pay me back.
• I did not exploit his mental health situation. He came to me saying he was depressed and sad and so on, yet he came here without an ounce of depression. When I got angry, I stupidly brought up his condition (which I shouldn't have done). He was staying on his brother's sofa and I offered to help him out as I have a spare room. That's not exploitation. That's called generosity and being a friend.

I've said all I wanted to say in those emails. Last night all I did was apologize for going way over the top with my reaction even though what I was reacting against was a legitimate issue. So I tried to say that perhaps we can forgive and forget and move on from there. If he replied, I would only continue on the basis that I wouldn't provide any more money - ever - and that the loan from 10-years ago is paid back, as per what we agreed. As it turns out, he hasn't replied - meaning I've lost that money, and I have no longer need to contact him. I had nothing to lose by trying, and now I know where I stand.

As for his ex-fiancé, it has been almost a week since we spoke. We haven't spoken since about him or any matter.

I disagree with your characterization that I wanted to "play Florence Nightingale". That trivializes the matter. I had genuine concern for his circumstances and he suggested that he come here. I made the mistake of offering to purchase the flights when I had no need to. I admit that was a gigantic error of judgement on my part.

As for the seeking a therapist, I really don't think I need to. I'm very cynical when it comes to therapists and things like that. I will simply learn from this mistake and ensure it doesn't repeat itself in the future. Yes, it has happened several times in the past but I'm confident this time that it will not repeat in the future again.

Ideally, yes.

From his closing email to me, it seems that the "psychological toll" that I allegedly inflicted upon him "outweighs" any financial contribution I made toward him or his circumstances i.e. that it's effectively compensation for anything I did to cause him stress.

My partner did feel that I was going too far buying flights, but he also knows I'm too generous by nature.

I have had a tendency to do too much for friends, who probably knew that I was going too far.

There is no direction toward the end of our relationship. He knows how I feel about friends and how I do sometimes go too far.

I would never sacrifice my relationship for any friend.