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A Million Ways to Lose in the West (Conn v Lein)

  • 13-10-2022 11:00pm
    Posts: 0

    Bi-Annual Grudge match between two of Ireland's top three provincial sides kicks off tomorrow evening at 19:35 (local time).

    Have heard from a reliable source that things have been very sour in Galway this afternoon. The Leinster delegation were welcomed by Connacht Management upon arrival and from the outset it was clear there was no love lost. The Leinster Head of Rugby Operations and Connacht's Director of Rugby had to be separated after what had initially appeared to be an amicable welcome became heated.

    Easterby: "Hi Friend"

    Andy: "I'm not your friend Guy"

    Easterby: "I'm not your Guy friend"



    Before the pissing contest got completely out of hand, Sean O'Brien stepped in between the pair to douse their escalating ire.

    Alighting the bus at the same time was Leinster head coach Leo Cullen followed by Stuart Lancaster.

    Stuart: "Good on Sean for Racing In like that"

    Leo "Shut the fcuk up Stuart, it's not funny"

    Stuart "What... I just thought it was impressive that Sean came to Guy's La Défense" (sensible chuckle)

    Leo "I swear to god Lancaster..."


    Most of the Connua... Cunnoah... Connaugh... rugby players who play out of the Sportsground were there to welcome the Leinster team and shook hands enthusiastically with their former team mates. Jack Carty made a b-line for Ross Byrne.

    Jack: "Has Farrell called you?"

    Ross Byrne: "Eh yeah earlier in the week"

    Jack: "Did he say anything about me?"

    Ross Byrne: "Ehhh... we were talking ab...."

    Jack: "Did he see the Munster game? Did you ask him if he watched the Munster game...?"

    Ross Byrne: "Eh I'm not sure it came up"

    Jack: "Next time he calls you're to tell him to watch the Munster game, but, and this is important - tell him to fast forward through the kicks - have you got that?"

    Ross Byrne: "Perhaps you can tell him when he arrives?"

    Jack: "Andy Farrell is coming here?"

    Ross Byrne: "That is correct Jack, and he is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress"

    Jack: "I shall redouble my efforts"

    Ross Byrne: "I hope so Jack for your sake, the Farrell is not as forgiving as I am"


    Despite his ban Bundee had made his way down to greet the Eastern province upon their arrival. Robbie Henshaw and Gary Ringrose (who had sat beside each other on the bus) got off at the same time. Bundee immediately wedged himself between them and placed his hand affectionately on his former team mates shoulder.

    Bundee: "HEY ROBBIE"

    Henshaw: "Well lad"

    Ringrose: "Hi Bundee"

    Bundee: "........."

    Bundee: "Can you believe I got banned again, Ref's are ruining the game"

    Henshaw: "Yeah it was unfortu..."

    Ringrose: "It was pretty high..."

    Bundee: "Who asked you Kate Winslett?"

    Ringrose: "Please stop calling me that"

    James Ryan: "Kate Winslett?"

    Ringrose: "Yeah." "Kate Winslett... Titanic... Rose... Ringrose"

    James Ryan: "That's hilarious"

    Ringrose: "How have you NOT heard that before, he's been calling me it since 2018 - you know - the year you peaked".

    James Ryan: "Ok Kate"

    Bundee: "So Robbie, wanna hang out after the Captain's run"

    Henshaw: "Actually myself and Garry need to run through some analysis on my laptop... maybe after the game..?"

    Bundee: "Oh. Ok. Nah, no that's totally cool, it's fine - yeah."

    3 Hours later

    Henshaw: "Eh, WTF has anyone seen my laptop"

    Bundee: "WHAAAAAT? Someone's taken your laptop...???? Who would do such a thing???!?".

    Henshaw: "I can't believe this is happening again"

    Bundee: "Don't stress, we'll find it - Kate, you wait here in case someone hands it in - Robbie and I are going to go hang out"

    Henshaw: "You mean find my laptop?"

    Bundee: "Yeah yeah totally...."


    Connacht 15 : Leinster 36



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,963 ✭✭✭connachta

    Love the look of Connacht pack, backs a bit more unstable

    26-32 predicted

    Post edited by connachta on

  • Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 10,144 Mod ✭✭✭✭aloooof

    Post edited by Mike on

  • Registered Users Posts: 8,448 ✭✭✭lawrencesummers

    Some lads have wayyyyyy to much time on their hands

  • Registered Users Posts: 24,745 ✭✭✭✭molloyjh

  • Registered Users Posts: 223 ✭✭Legion2008

    Made me chuckle on a Friday morning ...... keep it up.

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  • Subscribers Posts: 40,944 ✭✭✭✭sydthebeat

    Best one yet venjur!!!

    You are definitely Paul Howard.

    The guy friend sketch had me laughing out loud.

  • Subscribers Posts: 40,944 ✭✭✭✭sydthebeat

    Leinster tbp win

  • Registered Users Posts: 16,615 ✭✭✭✭Clegg

    Leinster look very light in the back three. JOB is a good player, but has the rather daunting job of marshalling rookie wings. Glad to see Turner make his return from injury, but he's a decentish centre being asked to do a job on the wing.

    Our pack is quite strong though and it's the guts of the one which started the Champions Cup final, albeit most are yet to find top form so early into the season. Even though it's a good pack, it'll be interesting to see how they perform without Jason Jenkins. The latter has been a huge asset to the lineout maul in attack and defence. Also been a very good carrier and keeps making metres post tackle.

    I like the look of the Ngatai/Ringrose partnership. Both are quasi playmakers in their own right and could cause a lot of damage. But as mentioned earlier, it would be more effective of we had even a semblence of a first choice back three.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,512 ✭✭✭arsebiscuits1

    Connacht have picked us apart to great success with an inexperienced back 3 before. Jan 2021 they beat us at home with a combination of their pack being much more up for it than we were and Carty making an inexperienced back 3 really pay for poor positioning. He found grass all evening. Kearney, Smith and O'Reilly were our back 3 that day.

    Thankfully we have a much meaner, stronger pack out who wont be easily dominated as they were that night.

    What can't be discounted is the ex Leinster players who will be out to prove a point. It's only natural to want to lay down a mark against your former club. Happens at all levels.

    Josh Murphy and Pete Dooley are going to want to show Leinster what they're missing and Hawkshaw was able to get the better of the Munster centers last week a few times.

    I think there will be a good few (mostly metaphorical...) punches thrown and we're going to see a decent interpro

  • Registered Users Posts: 882 ✭✭✭Lsdrugbyfan

    Liam Turner is 5'8 and doesnt have much experience catching kicks, so I expect he will be targeted heavily.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,437 ✭✭✭Wegians89

    Think you’ll see Connacht kick a lot in this game. The pack preformed pretty well last week at set piece and they’ll need to go another step with that tonight.

    Carty needs to have his kicking boots but himself, hawkshaw and fitz could target that back three. Reilly is probably Connachts best kicking nine too.

  • Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 13,971 Mod ✭✭✭✭pc7

    Ha ha really enjoyed that V, any guidance on what you take for your morning drink, think I need some! :)

  • Registered Users Posts: 12,920 ✭✭✭✭stephen_n

    Brilliant OP venjur. Really funny.

    Although Connacht won last week, I don’t think they are in a great place. You would always expect them to be up for an interpro at home, especially against Leinster. However I think Leinster will win this comfortably enough. The back 3 is a concern but I would expect the pack to win it for us.

  • Registered Users Posts: 24,745 ✭✭✭✭molloyjh

    This should be an interesting one. A few Leinster players with little to no game time, a defensive system that’s been opened up a few times now by teams playing some good attacking rugby and an extra inexperienced back 3. This is one of those games that Connacht could win. If they kick well (and they will definitely target Turner) they could make hay there. And I’m sure they’d love a crack at our midfield defence off set piece.

    I’d favour Leinster based on the form the sides have shown so far, but I think there’s enough in there to make this Connacht side a tricky one for Leinster. We’ll need to score a few tries because I think Connacht will manage a couple themselves.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,042 ✭✭✭Stephen_Maturin

    Thank the gods we haven’t got that absolute pillock Daire O’Brien presenting tonight, drives me round the bend

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,414 ✭✭✭Former Former Former

    So soft from Porch

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    Bit too much on that for Kate to regather.

  • Registered Users Posts: 16,615 ✭✭✭✭Clegg

    Has VDF improved his carrying?

  • Registered Users Posts: 16,615 ✭✭✭✭Clegg

    Ringrose boomfah

  • Registered Users Posts: 16,615 ✭✭✭✭Clegg

    Excellent from JoB. That Fitzgerald who completely lost the flight of the ball for Connacht?

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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,122 ✭✭✭SqueakyKneecap

    Porch is having a mare. Horrific missed tackle in the run up to the Jimmy O'Brien chance.

  • Registered Users Posts: 16,615 ✭✭✭✭Clegg

    Ryan winning turnovers at the breakdown is not something he's ever been strong at.

    But that's an excellent steak from him.

  • Registered Users Posts: 731 ✭✭✭phily2002

    Some start Leinster, defence looking very strong

  • Registered Users Posts: 16,615 ✭✭✭✭Clegg

    Leinster are letting Connacht off the hook here. Lots of possession and territory and getting into decent attacking positions. But handling series at crucial moments are letting them down.

  • Registered Users Posts: 14,397 ✭✭✭✭cson

    We're absolutely brutalizing that Leinster line out.

    We'd be in big **** if we weren't though!

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,902 ✭✭✭leakyboots

    Leinster lineout is getting destroyed, the young scrumhalf been charged down a couple of times now. Couple of silly knock ons. But then playing some lovely attacking rugby at the same time

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,122 ✭✭✭SqueakyKneecap

    Foley does not know how to set his cover to blockers

  • Registered Users Posts: 14,397 ✭✭✭✭cson

    We've moved to uncontested lineouts I see. 😂

  • Registered Users Posts: 14,397 ✭✭✭✭cson

    Porch is getting absolutely rinsed.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 23,776 ✭✭✭✭Larbre34

    He's also passing into people's shins. Must improve.