Family home after separation

You obviously missed my second post where I made reference to funds to buy him out. I am not nor have I ever expected my ex to walk away with nothing. I have made fair and reasonable offers to buy him out in mediation. Mediation failed because he is unreasonable.

The point I am making is if one party is unreasonable and decides to dig their heels in the other party is practically powerless, unless you have an endless supply of money for solicitors of course. You can be forced to not only live in a toxic environment but to fund the other spouses lifestyle too. I was making this point as there seems to be a cohort here who believe that the woman always does better in separation & divorce proceedings and will "get everything". If you look at my circumstances this is clearly not the case.

And for the record my ex is not nor never was a stay at home dad, hes a lazy stoner.

So without any knowledge of the details of my circumstances, according to you it’s my own fault for marrying someone who became a stoner years after we married (should have used my crystal ball) and I low balled him on a buy out offer?

The one valid point you make is regarding the courts frowning on his refusal to engage in mediation and refusal of a fair buy out offer. But again, he gets free legal aid while I have to pay through the nose for legal representation as well as magic up the money to buy him out. To say nothing of the stress and time such proceedings take, all the while holding down a responsible job & rearing a child.

The criminal part of it is the mental anguish he is causing to our child and I by remaining in a home he does not contribute to in any way (either financially, practically or emotionally). If it were a woman behaving in the same way I would of course call that criminal. That comment is not based on gender, but on the behaviour.

So I’ll say again, if one party, male or female is unreasonable the other, male or female is snookered in family law, with a very long, difficult and expensive road ahead.

Thank F**k im Single

Yes if you leave it and she goes legal she will likely get use of the house until the child is 18/finished education. If you have a spare room move into that.

Start the buying her out process straight away and try to come to a fair amicable arrangement without getting solicitor involved (yous will need a solicitor for the deed assignment/mortgage but this will not cost much)

She does have close family here yeah but moving there isn't really an option for her.

I would strongly recommend mediation if you can manage it. There is the possibility of her wanting to go home to have a support network. Factors such as is she in full time employment - does she have earning capacity to fund a mortgage? Mediation will give you both space to try and work out the details.

I (wife) separated in 2016 two kids, no property involved. He is unfortunately is impacted with severe mental health issues - so a messy sad situation.

Mediation helped me work with him to move out of a family home rental. Mediation helped us agree reasonable parenting boundaries. It was very hard work but it has paid dividends in setting us up for the day to day after separation. He says he is never going to agree to a divorce and I dont have the funds to get legal advice. Honestly it helped me see how challenging communicating with him was and having a professional explain boundaries was really helpful to myself as it stopped me feeling everything was my fault. There is guilt in calling time on an unhappy/unhealthy marriage - mediation was helpful to put a light on ours and show up the issues.

Honestly there are cases where you can clearly see unfairness in the past. I would like to think the number of divorce cases and research into the aftermaths for kids would inform judiciary going forward in making balanced child centric decisions. Try the mediation I hope it is helpful to you.

Unfortunately I don't qualify for legal aid. Conversation with solicitor and citizens advice indicated it will cost way out of my budget which honestly is just breaking even pretty much every month. If things were agreeable it might be achieved but the non agreement means it will cost money. I also have to be mindful of (emotional blackmail) his mental health and any action which would impact it will impact our kids.

I know it is a control issue. When the kids are older (no childcare cost) hopefully I can move forward then. I admit my guilt may be a factor also as I am often reminded I made a life long vow. I will get there one day, my kids joke I can then marry Aquaman.