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The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 18,877 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    Just discovered why the Bee Gees are afraid of horses!!


    Apparently the gee gee's give the Bee Gee's the heebeegeebees!!!



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Ever have one of those mornings where you can't even be bothered to get dressed?

    Anyway, I was arrested at the bus stop.



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I bought a suit of armour as I thought it would make me feel young and strong.

    But when I put it on I felt middle aged.



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Recreate the innocent childhood fun of playing Buckeroo by taking turns placing small household objects on top of your sleeping cat.



  • Registered Users Posts: 18,877 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    New Year's Eve is tonight and I'm very nervous.


    I've been diagnosed with auld langxiety.



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  • Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 76,215 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home




  • Registered Users Posts: 18,877 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    Every year seems like a repeat tbh these days 😁

    Happy new year regardless...



  • Registered Users Posts: 66,323 ✭✭✭✭FrancieBrady




  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight




  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Novak Djokovic is the first player to be knocked out of a grand slam after missing only 2 shots.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,087 ✭✭✭dinneenp


    I made this one up today...

    I really enjoy the Sunday newspaper. Mind you, I don't love it, I wouldn't buy it every day.



  • Registered Users Posts: 32,880 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    My parents sent me to a child psychologist when I was younger, but it was a waste of time. Children are not good at psychology...

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



  • Registered Users Posts: 849 ✭✭✭IrishLad90


    If you look at this thread Upside down you would really see it from another angle ...


    (Late night Comedic genius here 🙈)



  • Registered Users Posts: 18,877 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    Sesame Street have announced that the Cookie Monster is unwell with COVID.


    Apparently he contracted the om nom nom nom nom nom icron variant



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I bought a lettuce from a greengrocers owned by The Mamas & the Papas but it’s already gone off.


    All the leaves are brown…



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    In a strange turn of events from Downing Street, it turns out that Boris Johnson can actually organise a piss up.



  • Registered Users Posts: 18,877 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    I just met the head of the Indian Maffia.


    Poppa Don



  • Registered Users Posts: 18,877 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    I support feminism, and white male rappers.


    I'm a Femineminemeninist.



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.

    Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy



  • Registered Users Posts: 24,695 ✭✭✭✭Strumms


    Elton John brought his pet rabbit to the gym, he introduced it to the staff by saying… “it’s a little fit bunny”

    what do you call a fat psychic ? a four chin teller



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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,966 ✭✭✭Heighway61


    I was having breakfast in my favourite French restaurant. I said to the waiter why only one egg, I ordered two? He said, in France one egg is un eouf.



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,966 ✭✭✭Heighway61


    Why do French people look so depressed?

    Because the light at the end of the tunnel is England.



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    The Conservative party have now changed their name to the Conservative work event.



  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 48,008 CMod ✭✭✭✭magicbastarder


    i think i might have seen it on boards at one point;


    i've started using the word 'mucho' in conversation with my spanish friends. it means a lot to them.



  • Registered Users Posts: 18,877 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    A man was arrested yesterday after falling into a combine harvester while trying to steal it.


    He's expected to be bailed tomorrow.



  • Posts: 0 Ameer Great Pail


    We're clutching at straws now 😉



  • Registered Users Posts: 18,877 ✭✭✭✭everlast75




  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 48,008 CMod ✭✭✭✭magicbastarder


    you'd barley call that a joke to be fair.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,816 ✭✭✭BENDYBINN


    The combine was a serial killer.......



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