Dad support

Congrads on the twins.

I'm a first time dad with a 3 month daughter...

Was deffo hard in the very begining, wasn't doing anthing right! But has got easier.

The first few months are tough. The mother really struggles with the feeding and I found my wife was very lonely as she missed the social aspects of working.

When she went back to work then it was a lot more balanced as even tho she pumped I could also feed the baby. She also had the social aspect back so didn't feel as isolated.

I don't think it got easier to be honest but you get used to it. You settle into your new life, at least I did as I accepted my life changed. I kept some hobbies so I still played football on a Sunday morning. I felt that was very important as it allowed me to keep a bit of me.

Congratulations on the twins, I can't imagine the double effort and stress required but you'll be through the most chaotic parts shortly. It's a great experience but it is indeed one of the most stressful times for a couple, each in different ways.

With regard to 'not being able to do anything right', I think there's often an element of the Mum being frustrated with the babies but she can't express it other than to take it out on you. It sounds easy to explain it that way and say to suck it up and deal with it in the cold light of comparing it to what she's dealing with... it's slightly more difficult to put it into practice under the heat of battling with nappy changes and feeds and crying after your days at work. I'm sure she appreciates your efforts when she gets a moment without the stress but when she hits peak stress and you arrive on the scene unfortunately you being the stress release is part of the job. That said, you can't be machine either so make sure to have your own method of coping or you risk escalating the situation rather than being a help.

It will get easier for everyone when you all settle into a routine. Then the only thing that you'll get accused of not being able to do right is coodinating their outfits properly!

For me it was the sudden lack of sleep that nearly killed me! And I believe that his is the hardest part for both you and your wife. So where possible, get as much power naps in.

Also, give up the beer, it does nothing. Good bottle of whiskey is much better 😁

Hi my twins are 1yr old now and i can completly empathize with you. as others have said its normal to have a bit of tension because everyone is so tired !!

Try to understand what your wife is dealing with, shes on her own all day and is probably thinking she is a bad mother (even though she is doing a great job) that is normal and most mothers i know think this at one time or another. Add to this the extra load when dealing with twins it can cause a lot of stress. for example if one or both of your twins are cluster feeding or suffering from colic it is a nightmare.

The key in my opinion is to be there for her and to try and get her to talk about it. If you get out for a coffe try to talk about something else though, often i found my wife could get upset when we spoke about how she was getting on. thats not what you want when out for coffee.

I used to encourage my wife to go out and meet her friends for at least an hour each weekend when she could. that hour or so break is pricless to just be free for a bit.

As for the Twins congrats !!! welcome to more than double the work, meerly changing the nappies takes forever.

The good thing is that when they get a bit older they start to take care of each other, they will play beside each other and won't get upset that your not there.

Hi Op. I feel your pain. My twins turned 3 last month. To be honest it was the worst 3 years of my life. Only in the last few months they are going to bed ok without any drama, no naps anymore is great as the stress to get them to sleep was horrendous. They can feed themselves. Potty training is over (I could write a book on how bad it was to get them trained, took MONTHS).

The stress of trying to get home after work to give my wife a break is gone, I actually went for a pint last week and for the first time didn't feel guilty for leaving her on her own. My wife goes out now too without the dread of leaving me alone with them.

Luckily we both could snap at each other when needed to get it off our chest, as we knew it was twins induced! Keep talking to each other, try help out as much as you can.

And guess what.. she wants another one now!! If that's not a sign it's gets easier I don't what is ;)..

As a single father of a now 9 yo , get as much time in your own with them as you can , it’s great fun and sometimes partners don’t know as much as they think

Well baby twins are particularly intense. And yes get her to nap if she can. That’s what I did. Husband did all the housework in the initial months here so I could focus on the feeding

I'll echo above, the first few months are the toughest. The lack of proper sleep is a killer. But it all moves on so quickly. My daughter is 2 next month 😮 She's a great little child. Very funny and sociable.

She has being sleeping around 7am-7pm for what seems like a long time now, hardly remember the tiredness now. Lucy Wolfe's book on sleep is good. She starts sleep training at 6 months. It worked for us.

Nothing wrong with talking to your wife about it when the time is right rather than taking the suck it up forever stance. Sometimes going for a drive or a walk helps, especially if the baby (or babies) sleep for a bit.

It's really hard on everyone - working from home, or trying to, while your wife is struggling is no picnic either. You want to help, you can't help.

I'm a new Dad too and our lad is 6 months and we feel like we've got a handle on things maybe 25% of the time, but there's been days where he's overtired and not sleeping, my wife is crying with tiredness and frustration while I'm on some pointless call waiting until it wraps up so I can give her a chance to shower where I've been on the verge of a panic attack.

Then you walk into the room he's rolling about on the floor and stops to look at you and beam the biggest smile and none of the bad stuff matters.

I'm a stay at home dad. It's rewarding and frustrating, amazing and terrible. My wife worked shifts for years so I was looking after my first daughter a lot.

Child 2 is six months old and the wife is going back to work in March, so that'll be fun since I'm training to be an SNA and volunteering with kids to get experience.

Its a little bit frightening tbh, as a father you have less tools to use to look after kids (I can't booby feed, for example). But I managed it with Child 1 and she's great, so Child 2 will be fine.

Its quite the privilege really, and I'm glad I have the opportunity.

I’m a dad to twin boys who are 18 months old and we have a nearly 3 year old daughter also.

It’s starting to get a little bit easier now, mainly because all 3 are starting to sleep better.

i knew it would be very hard, but it proved to be much harder than I expected. Honestly, we have had almost 2 years of very very little sleep. It has been so stressful. The relationship between my wife and I had suffered. Both of us work and neither of us have the support of parents. There have been a few occasions where I thought I was having a breakdown due to the stress of it. My mental health is not good after the last couple of years and am hoping to speak to a professional about it soon.

my wife has definitely struggled too but she seems to have handled it better than me.

the biggest positive that kept me going was reminding myself that we have 3 healthy children, and that is like winning the lottery.

like I said earlier it is getting easier lately with the better sleeping but at the same time the 3 children have consumed my life completely.

I used to have so many hobbies before kids. Golf, surfing, SUP, guitar, tennis and a bit of gaming. All of these are gone aside from some gaming because it’s immediately accessible and doesn’t require planning. My physical health and fitness has really gone downhill and my diet has gone to absolute hell.

im trying to get back to fitness with some home based weights workouts and am eating better. Also getting out for late night walks helps clear the head.

It’s been a very tough couple of years but I’m optimistic that the situation is improving, for both of us.

I wish you the very best OP!

It's a wonderful time being a father but it is very hard, exhausting and difficult but the little hand wrapped around your finger. That's incredible.

Wonderful things are often difficult.

This gets better in my experience. Initially you arent around as much as the mother so her way gets accepted and she takes over whenever the uncontrollable crying happens. The baby also gets used to the mother being the comforting parent.

As you have your child more then you become more familiar and confident, your child gets more used to you and i believe senses you are more confident.

I realise that this isnt the answer you are looking for as it is basically just wait.

But when both you and your partner are there then dont hand over the child as quickly if they start crying. I found thats what helped me. It will be hard for your wife but both the baby and your wife need to learn that you can also calm and comfort the child.

I'm a father of 4 under 6 with our youngest 6 months. My wife works from home and I'm working from 6 until 3 ish mostly 5 to 6 days a week. Whilst each child was so different and routines had to be adjusted and scrapped we both would not change it for the world. Very few of our friends are in relationships or have kids so it's very hard to bounce ideas and gain advice and I get the feeling the majority of them thought we were crazy for having so many so close together, we had numerous miscarriages in between so we felt we were blessed with what came our way and feel the luckiest parents in the world. My wife and I tend to agree on the majority of things which definitely makes things alot easier and there is no expectancy from anyone of us on the other that one has to do a certain thing. Whilst we were both exhausted we always prioritized what needed to be done there and then and the weekend was for everything else. The most important thing we felt was trying to spend as much time as possible with them which in the end is extremely difficult with such a busy home life. We love including them in cooking and cleaning and they love helping and feel so special in helping us. The only problem was seemed to be nearly spending no time together as a result, I would sleep on a rock and when the kids went to bed I would sit down and would be asleep in minutes, we would try watch something but it would Inevitably lead to me falling asleep which I know frustrated my wife and I completely understood this but felt helpless. The strain of the hectic pace at home ultimately led us to argue so much more about silly things but we would always talk about it and realised it was tiredness, frustration but it kept on happening until we ultimately sat down and discovered that we were both trying to do so much to help the other that we both actually felt like we were weren't contributing at all if that makes any all. Since then especially since out fourth was born we are flying, we both really appreciate each other without taking each other for granted and we both started our own sporting activities outside of the family circle. I suppose the important thing for us was we always communicated good or bad and we never ever set expectations of what both should be doing. We always worked as a team even though sometimes it didn't feel like that. What always got me through was without this amazing woman I wouldn't have these amazing people in my life