visiting graves

PTH2009 · 07-01-2017 2:35pm #1

How often do u visit your loved ones graves ???

I only go to my mother's grave the odd time while my other relatives visit it quite often. A lot of people think its weird that my Dad visits my mother's grave everyday but it's his routine. Grave visiting is not for me that's my personal preference but I feel happy knowing that the grave is in good condition and is looked after

LynnGrace · 07-01-2017 10:02pm

Nobody's business, in my opinion, that your dad visits your mam's grave daily. It's a comfort to him, I am sure. And as you say, the grave is kept well maintained.

Personally, I feel that I don't visit often enough, but I don't live locally to where loved ones are buried.

NIMAN · 10-01-2017 9:46pm

I went maybe every week for the 1st couple of years after my Dad died, but over time (24yrs) that is now out to about maybe 2 or 3 times per year. Other family members would visit more regularly.

I just felt as time moved on and the grief began to fade, the need to visit the grave waned too. After all, its not like you have to be standing at a loved ones grave if you want to chat to them, is it?

Ben Gadot · 11-01-2017 7:30pm

My ma would visit my oul lad's grave maybe twice a week. It's nothing to me really, and whatever helps is fine with me.

I go maybe once or twice a month. I don't enjoy that oh too familiar journey to the graveyard but I do find a level of comfort when I get there.

He's everywhere to me but being where he was laid to rest is different. I could see how much it meant to my brother when he came back from abroad. There's just a certain power it for some people I think.

BrokenWingz · 12-01-2017 2:46am

My dad would visit Mum's grave daily (twice some days), always kept flowers there and looked after it. Lots of people told him he had to stop going so often, he did after 7-8 months but still would be there a few times a week when he was able. My brother died a year after her, Dad still visited a few times a week after that, and often said that when he was gone no one would look after it. He died six months after my brother and now I feel responsible for looking after the grave for all of them. I would have visited a few times on special days like birthdays, now I go once every week or two. I may go less often in a year or two but will never forget him sadly telling me that no one would go there after he was gone and that memory (among others) makes me cry.

The flying mouse · 16-01-2017 2:36pm

When I back in Ireland I always go & see my fathers grave & have a chat, Its not for everyone really & a lot of other family members don't go at all, for there own personal reasons/emotions.

ChikiChiki · 21-01-2017 7:54pm

Go maybe once a month to my father's grave. Personally I don't get any solace from it and don't feel the need to go. I would get more from sitting in the home place with the memories.

aaronjumper · 22-01-2017 6:04pm

I don't ever visit.
As far as I'm concerned whether there is an afterlife or not, the person I care about isn't there anymore, it just contains what they left behind.

I prefer to try and remember the times we had together than concerning myself with going to a specific place.

However that is what works for me and if someone else were to get comfort from visiting then I wouldn't judge them for it.
Everyone is different and what works for one won't work for another.

If it is what helps your father then I would say let him at it and don't mind what others think.

Stopped Clock · 23-01-2017 1:47am

I don't usually visit mum's grave but sometimes I feel like saying hello to her from the graveside so I pop up to the cemetery. I talk to her most days and I don't need a grave for that. I don't know what to think about visiting graves daily. There's a fine line between it being a comfort for the bereaved person and being something that's stopping them from moving on with their lives. I can't help but think of Philip Lynott's mother who's still going to his grave every day. Who am I to judge though? We all deal with this in our own way.

looksee · 23-01-2017 10:11pm

I have no sense of the person that I knew being in the grave so I tend not to go. I am the person who would look after one grave, so I do that, but only as a necessity. If you feel you want to visit a grave, then do it if it gives you comfort. If you do not want to, then don't, it is no-one else's business whether you do or not.

stargazer 68 · 02-02-2017 1:16pm

My mum passed away 2 years ago and the only time I have been to the grave was for the funeral. My dad and other family go regularly but I don't feel I need to. Think about her all the time - don't need to see a stone for that. But it comforts others.

Rubberlegs · 04-02-2017 10:37pm

I only visit my Dad's grave at Christmas, his birthday and maybe a couple of other times in the year purely to remove any dead plants and replace them. I don' t feel anything at all by being there and drive the half hour there and home again to stay there no more than ten minutes. Sometimes I wish I could get comfort or feel something other than numb being there but it has been this way since he was buried. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he is buried with his parents and I visited the grave with him over the years and find it hard to think he is there too. But I think it is more to do with the fact that I don't feel a sense of him there, he is with me in my thoughts every day so no need to go somewhere in particular to remember him.

Ghekko · 08-02-2017 7:55pm

We visit when we are in our hometown. We don't have immediate family there anymore but pass through the town to get to Dh's family every few weeks. Graves have been cemented over with lovely stones now so there's no maintenance apart from cleaning the bird **** off the marble.

Lux23 · 10-02-2017 4:15pm

Not that often, I don't really think of that as focal point to be honest. I find it out that other people get offended by feelings on the subject though, surely grief should always be a personal thing.

Stopped Clock · 11-02-2017 1:33am

I went to visit mum's grave last weekend. The first time in ages that I'd been. This time I felt absolutely nothing when I stood there. No connection to the grave and no sense that she's there. Out of respect I will always ensure her grave is looked after properly but I don't know when I'll visit again.

Bambinoonboard · 08-10-2021 12:12pm

I went every day for the first few months and at the time couldn't nor wouldn't have had it any other way. As time passed, it lessened and now since the headstone has gone up, it feels strange and I don't go as often as I should. I feel my mother would want me to go more often but to be honest it gets me down and instead I shy away from it. My father goes 2/3 times a week. For me, it hasn't changed my grieving nor amount I think and cry over her at all - which is most days/ every 2nd day. She lives on through the memories and stories we share and the photographs we have in our house. I like to think she'd be happy for those things maybe more..

visiting graves

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