Dental plan!

Can't just post a meme anymore without adding some extraneous commentary...

perish the thought...

Insurance Clerk: Now before we give you health insurance, I have to ask you a few questions.

Homer: Questions! Questions! My whole scheme down the... I mean ask away.

Clerk: Oh good, now, under "heart attacks", you crossed out three and wrote zero.

Homer: Oh, I thought that said "brain hemorrhages".

Clerk: Uh huh, and do you drink?

Homer: I do enjoy a snifter of port at Christmas

Clerk: All right. Here's your policy.

Homer: Now let me tell you something, Mr. Sucker. I just--

Clerk: Oh hold on there, you still have to sign it

Homer: Oh, yeah, I-- [gags] ... must... sign... policy!

Clerk: I'm sorry, sir, we can't insure you!

Homer: I made an H!

Clerk: That doesn't count!

Homer: Looks like an X.

Clerk: We better get you to a hospital.

Homer: Can I have a free calendar?

Clerk: OK.

Homer: Spare some salt, Tubby?

Sumo Wrestler: Tubby? [Japanese subtitled:] The name "Tubby" is hurtful, as my weight problem is glandular. Are you going to eat that?

Homer: Hey, that's mine!

"You've got it set on whore!"

Kirk: You're letting me go?

Cracker Factory Executive: Kirk, crackers are a family food. Happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without.

Kirk: So, that's it after 20 years? "So long, good luck?"

Cracker Factory Executive: I don't recall saying "good luck."

Bosun Willie: I warn ye, captain, push this crew too far, and there'll be mutiny.

Bligh: Mutiny? On the "Bounty"? Heh, heh, heh, heh. What have you been smoking.

Bosun Willie: Opium.

Bligh: Besides that.

Homer: Where have you been?

Bart: Playing with Milhouse.

Homer: No, you haven't! You've been out gallivanting around with that floozy of a bigger brother of yours, haven't you? Haven't you! LOOK AT ME!

Why do you want to be a big brother?

(Don’t say revenge)

Union strike song

Luigi: Yes, and it's-a making-a me so mad, I'm-a gonna throw the meatballs at the screen!

Mr Burns: Let me make one thing clear. I want your legal advice. I even pay for it. But to me, you're all vipers. You live on personal injury, on divorces. You live on pain and misery! But I'm rambling. Anybody want coffee?

Lawyer: I'll have coffee.

Mr Burns: Want it black, don't you? Black like your heart. It's so hard to listen. I hate you all so much! I'm sorry. It's my problem. I'll deal with it. Please continue.

Lawyer: If you offer Mr. Simpson a couple thousand, he'll be so dazzled... he'll sign anything you shove under his nose.

Mr Burns: Oh, a cash settlement. I could have figured that out, you buttoned-down maggot!

Lawyer: You have cream?

Mr Burns: Why yes, where are my manners?

Waylon Smithers' favorite band.

Impervo the Painless : Oh! Oh! Man, that hurts! Oh, I can't stand it.