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Children at Weddings

2

Comments

  • #32
    fits
    Registered Users Posts: 13,206 ✭✭✭✭fits


    lazygal wrote: »
    I didn't bring any of mine when they were babies. They were left with one or other of the grannies. Youngest was 4 months when I went to a wedding. Just left expressed milk and went home about 10pm.

    Not all babies can be left with minders though. I wouldn’t have left one of mine for any length until he was a year old. He was very unsettled. I would have declined an invitation rather than leave him if it had come to it.


  • #33
    sekond
    Registered Users Posts: 263 ✭✭sekond


    aoife1991 wrote: »
    When did you get married? Any relatives throwing a strop about not being allowed bring their kids should be told where to go!

    I'm not really a kid person so I don't think I would be able to contain my temper if some far flung cousin refused to give back my bouquet. Their parent should absolutely have made them give it back. I have no patience to deal with bratty kids! :p

    It was quite a while ago, to be fair :D And my family are really good at guilt trips.

    I was accused of being mean and selfish when I suggested that I would have liked to do something with my bouquet (by the child's parents, grandmother and my own mother). Apparently I should have been touched that the child (who I had met maybe once before) "loved" me so much she wanted to keep my bouquet. I had enough on my plate keeping everything else going (as well as being slightly sleep deprived - non-sleeping 11 month old, plus recently back at work), that I decided it just wasn't worth the fight.

    Pettily, I still hold it against the child - in my head.

    If I ever get married again I'll just elope and bring my closest friends as witnesses!


  • #34
    paw patrol
    Registered Users Posts: 2,314 ✭✭✭paw patrol


    our kids came to our ceremony only, went home after

    no other kids allowed.
    surprisingly some family took offence that our kids came and theirs were not permitted.
    well maybe not that surprising as weddings bring out weirdness


  • #35
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    lazygal wrote: »
    You'd never ask to bring a baby to a 21st or 50th party like!

    That's a very good point!!!


  • #36
    BnB
    Registered Users Posts: 1,079 ✭✭✭BnB


    As a parent nothing would possibly interest me less than bringing my kids to a wedding. Especially when the kids were small, the only time myself & my wife ever got a night away to ourselves is when we were going off to someone's wedding. After a busy morning of rushing around packing bags for kids, dropping them to granny , getting your own sheeet together etc, I love that feeling of freedom I get when heading off in the car to a wedding with the Mrs for the day without a gang of kids in tow.


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  • #37
    SusanC10
    Registered Users Posts: 2,432 ✭✭✭SusanC10


    Personally, I think it depends on the size of your families and the style of wedding/venue.

    We had 2 Teens at our wedding - my Husband's niece and nephew. No other kids. I had no nieces or nephews at the time and they were his only 2. My 1st Cousin who I am closest to had 2 kids at the time but left them with her in-laws.

    Our own kids (now almost teens) have only been to family weddings. We have gone to all weddings of friends without them. Our eldest was 3 months old when we went to very close friends' wedding. We left him with my Parents for the weekend.

    If we had had more children in our immediate families when we got married they would have been invited. But I always assume ours won't be invited particularly to non-family weddings.


  • #38
    Treppen
    Registered Users Posts: 4,550 ✭✭✭Treppen


    BnB wrote: »
    As a parent nothing would possibly interest me less than bringing my kids to a wedding. Especially when the kids were small, the only time myself & my wife ever got a night away to ourselves is when we were going off to someone's wedding. After a busy morning of rushing around packing bags for kids, dropping them to granny , getting your own sheeet together etc, I love that feeling of freedom I get when heading off in the car to a wedding with the Mrs for the day without a gang of kids in tow.

    I don't think anyone is berating anyone for not bringing kids.
    Problem is when you've no childcare.
    One of our friends ,or more specifically his fianceé, asked for a "no kids" wedding (except their own of course!)
    We had no childcare available, I told the groom that if it was no kids then we couldn't go. There were a couple of us in same scenario, so eventually he said don't worry about it and bring them along.
    I dunno if the bride got the hump or not, in any event we took it in turns to mind the kid in the room , next morning the child was pottering about our feet and not really bothering anyone. So didn't amount to a hill of beans after all that kerfuffle.
    I could imagine if it were older kids around terrible two or Fu four ages then it might cause a scene, but I've been to a couple of those weddings and if the place is busy enough it's fleeting not as bad as the adults sloshed off their faces with ties on their heads doing air guitar.
    So I dunno, brides can specify whatever they like but sometimes it can be a bit of the "everyone look at me precious Princess" syndrome .


  • #39
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    Treppen wrote: »
    I don't think anyone is berating anyone for not bringing kids.
    Problem is when you've no childcare.
    One of our friends ,or more specifically his fianceé, asked for a "no kids" wedding (except their own of course!)
    We had no childcare available, I told the groom that if it was no kids then we couldn't go. There were a couple of us in same scenario, so eventually he said don't worry about it and bring them along.
    I dunno if the bride got the hump or not, in any event we took it in turns to mind the kid in the room , next morning the child was pottering about our feet and not really bothering anyone. So didn't amount to a hill of beans after all that kerfuffle.
    I could imagine if it were older kids around terrible two or Fu four ages then it might cause a scene, but I've been to a couple of those weddings and if the place is busy enough it's fleeting not as bad as the adults sloshed off their faces with ties on their heads doing air guitar.
    So I dunno, brides can specify whatever they like but sometimes it can be a bit of the "everyone look at me precious Princess" syndrome .

    Cant imagine not being able to find childcare with the several months notice you usually get for a wedding

    But then some parents can have a bit of the "look at my precious prince/princess" syndrome i spose


  • #40
    witchgirl26
    Registered Users Posts: 2,049 ✭✭✭witchgirl26


    lazygal wrote: »
    You'd never ask to bring a baby to a 21st or 50th party like!

    I actually have brought a baby to a 50th before - I was breastfeeding & there was some issues. I checked with the person involved and they had absolutely no problem at all with it. My baby was only 4 months old at the time. Anyone I could have left him with was at the party or not available.

    That's why I've no issue with any of our friends bringing "babes in arms" (as my mam puts it) as sometimes it can be very difficult when they're very little to leave them.


  • #41
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    snoopsheep wrote: »
    Cant imagine not being able to find childcare with the several months notice you usually get for a wedding

    But then some parents can have a bit of the "look at my precious prince/princess" syndrome i spose

    No need for a sly dig at that poster. Finding suitable child care isn’t always easy. Not everyone has kids who will settle with a sitter or has people they can call on. And sometimes if you do they are going to the wedding too.


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  • #42
    Tilden Katz
    Registered Users Posts: 379 ✭✭Tilden Katz


    I’ve been to weddings with kids, without kids, with only older kids, with kids of all ages and there’s not one wedding that I remember their presence or absence being a big deal. I’m not a child person myself but I’ve never felt annoyed by the presence of children at weddings.

    One will never please everybody so on the inviting children issue, so just have a think about what ye want as a couple and go with that, OP.


  • #43
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    Treppen wrote: »
    We had no childcare available, I told the groom that if it was no kids then we couldn't go.

    I honestly feel like that is some kind of emotional blackmail.

    Like, either you change your mind and invite our kids, or we're not bothered going to your wedding.

    If someone tells you their wedding is no kids, then you should either accept or decline on that basis, not try to change their mind about inviting kids.


  • #44
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    Don't see the issue with kids being there. Hire a bouncy castle for 150 quid and job done. Push the boat out and have a clown / entertainer for similar price and everyone gets to enjoy the day.

    Or no kids at all which means a few drop outs but this thing of 'some kids are ok just not YOUR kids' bugs me.


  • #45
    fits
    Registered Users Posts: 13,206 ✭✭✭✭fits


    Loueze wrote: »
    I honestly feel like that is some kind of emotional blackmail.

    Like, either you change your mind and invite our kids, or we're not bothered going to your wedding.

    If someone tells you their wedding is no kids, then you should either accept or decline on that basis, not try to change their mind about inviting kids.


    My kids are four now. For various reasons I don’t really want to go into we find it very very difficult to leave them overnight with suitable minders. And I’m Not being precious. There can be all sorts of reasons.

    That said I would never expect them to attend a meal etc. But if we had to travel a distance we’d probably need to have a minder look after them in hotel room and on grounds.

    Anyway it’s all theoretical for us!


  • #46
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    I would never ask you to go into detail, and I never accused anyone of being precious.

    But I do think what the bride and groom wants for their wedding day, trumps all.

    As a guest, I would never expect a B&G to make exceptions or deviate from what they want for their wedding day to suit me as a guest, i would never approach them and ask them to.

    If finding a suitable minder for the kids was truly that difficult, I would gracefully decline, rather then try to convince the B&G to change their plans and invite my kids.


  • #47
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Loueze wrote: »
    I would never ask you to go into detail, and I never accused anyone of being precious.

    But I do think what the bride and groom wants for their wedding day, trumps all.

    As a guest, I would never expect a B&G to make exceptions or deviate from what they want for their wedding day to suit me as a guest, i would never approach them and ask them to.

    If finding a suitable minder for the kids was truly that difficult, I would gracefully decline, rather then try to convince the B&G to change their plans and invite my kids.

    If you are asked why you can’t go though what do you say? I don’t think it’s expecting a couple to change their plans to suit you, it’s simply saying, when asked why you won’t be there.


  • #48
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Niner leprauchan wrote: »
    Don't see the issue with kids being there. Hire a bouncy castle for 150 quid and job done. Push the boat out and have a clown / entertainer for similar price and everyone gets to enjoy the day.

    Or no kids at all which means a few drop outs but this thing of 'some kids are ok just not YOUR kids' bugs me.

    Why should the couple have to pay for extra entertainment for children they even don't want there though?

    Also some venues can't accomodation bouncy castles or clowns. I'm getting married in a restaurant and there's literally no extra space for that kind of thing.


  • #49
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    eviltwin wrote: »
    If you are asked why you can’t go though what do you say? I don’t think it’s expecting a couple to change their plans to suit you, it’s simply saying, when asked why you won’t be there.

    I would be honest and say its because I don't have suitable childcare. No issue with that.

    What I wouldn't say is "it's because kids are not invited".


  • #50
    JayRoc
    Registered Users Posts: 1,564 ✭✭✭JayRoc


    Treppen wrote: »
    I don't think anyone is berating anyone for not bringing kids.
    Problem is when you've no childcare.
    One of our friends ,or more specifically his fianceé, asked for a "no kids" wedding (except their own of course!)
    We had no childcare available, I told the groom that if it was no kids then we couldn't go. There were a couple of us in same scenario, so eventually he said don't worry about it and bring them along.
    I dunno if the bride got the hump or not, in any event we took it in turns to mind the kid in the room , next morning the child was pottering about our feet and not really bothering anyone. So didn't amount to a hill of beans after all that kerfuffle.
    I could imagine if it were older kids around terrible two or Fu four ages then it might cause a scene, but I've been to a couple of those weddings and if the place is busy enough it's fleeting not as bad as the adults sloshed off their faces with ties on their heads doing air guitar.
    So I dunno, brides can specify whatever they like but sometimes it can be a bit of the "everyone look at me precious Princess" syndrome .

    As a matter of interest, did the couple say that the No Kids policy was specifically the bride's idea or are you just assuming that to be the case?

    Tbh as a bloke I find people argued with me a lot less about this stuff cos they can't accuse me of being a bridezilla if I'm the groom, like.

    We wanted one kid at my wedding, my little brother (8). That was it.

    Apart from anything else I could guarantee his behaviour...and I could give him a clip round the ear if necessary, which you can't do with other people's little darlings.

    I don't recall anyone saying it, but maybe some people couldn't make it, or didn't want to, cos their kids weren't invited.

    Pity but such is life.


  • #51
    Dr Turk Turkelton
    Registered Users Posts: 2,887 ✭✭✭Dr Turk Turkelton


    Why in sweet suffering fcuk would anyone want to bring their kid to a wedding?
    As far as I'm concerned it's a day out for adults not a day to be running around trying and failing to look after a kid.
    It's actually a pet peeve of mine seeing kids at a wedding of they are not immediate family of the bride and groom.
    Also don't get me started on kids in a bar.


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  • #52
    BnB
    Registered Users Posts: 1,079 ✭✭✭BnB


    Loueze wrote: »
    .....But I do think what the bride and groom wants for their wedding day, trumps all.

    As a guest, I would never expect a B&G to make exceptions or deviate from what they want for their wedding day to suit me as a guest, i would never approach them and ask them to.....

    That's the long and the short of it really. Whatever the feck the Bride and Groom want... kids/no kids, dress code etc etc then that's the plan for the day. If it doesn't work for you as a guest, then just politely decline the invitation and wish them best of luck. It's a real dick move to go putting pressure on the Bride and Groom to change their plans just to suit you as a guest.


  • #53
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    eviltwin wrote: »
    No need for a sly dig at that poster. Finding suitable child care isn’t always easy. Not everyone has kids who will settle with a sitter or has people they can call on. And sometimes if you do they are going to the wedding too.

    I agree with the first part of your post et but that person had no problem getting their own dig in with assuming brides can have 'special princess syndrome'.


  • #54
    niallers1
    Registered Users Posts: 799 ✭✭✭niallers1


    No kids .. adults will be drinking and most likely getting drunk.
    It's not the 80's .


  • #55
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    woodchuck wrote: »
    Why should the couple have to pay for extra entertainment for children they even don't want there though?

    Also some venues can't accomodation bouncy castles or clowns. I'm getting married in a restaurant and there's literally no extra space for that kind of thing.

    Because of altriusm? Because its a nicety? Because it facilitates your guests that may not otherwise be able to attend?

    Do what you want at your wedding but an extra 300 at an event thats upwards of 10k isnt the deal breaker normally


  • #56
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    Dr Turk Turkelton wrote: »
    Why in sweet suffering fcuk would anyone want to bring their kid to a wedding?
    As far as I'm concerned it's a day out for adults not a day to be running around trying and failing to look after a kid.
    It's actually a pet peeve of mine seeing kids at a wedding of they are not immediate family of the bride and groom.
    Also don't get me started on kids in a bar.

    Not everyone attends an event intending to get ****faced and if its not your child, I fail to see why you would be running around after them.

    Kids at my wedding, it went on until 7am with the guests that had kids leaving earlier. No one objected and the kids werent under any feet.


  • #57
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    Niner leprauchan wrote: »
    Because of altriusm? Because its a nicety? Because it facilitates your guests that may not otherwise be able to attend?

    Do what you want at your wedding but an extra 300 at an event thats upwards of 10k isnt the deal breaker normally

    Extra costs can make a real difference to a budget. €300 might be a lot for some couples.


  • #58
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    Niner leprauchan wrote: »
    Because of altriusm? Because its a nicety? Because it facilitates your guests that may not otherwise be able to attend?

    Do what you want at your wedding but an extra 300 at an event thats upwards of 10k isnt the deal breaker normally

    I'm sure the venue would have to be insured to cover these inflatables if set up on their grounds, in case of accidents.

    Children of guests have to be fed too. I've heard of some venues charging childrens meals at €20 per head, half adult price or some even charging the full adult plate price for over 12s. All these extra costs add up quickly.

    But ultimately, its not just about the costs involved. It's about the kind of atmosphere the couple want to create for their day. For some, they want a more adult, child free atmosphere, and thats fine. Some want a more family orientated day and thats fine too. It's whatever the bride and groom wants. After all, they are paying for it!


  • #59
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    and in the morning Diamonds of Frost wrote: »
    I agree with the first part of your post et but that person had no problem getting their own dig in with assuming brides can have 'special princess syndrome'.

    Exactly- thank you. That poster has been decidedly injudicious on the topic in this thread imo and i dont think it unfair to cast a similar tone back

    A wedding is for two people to do any way they like, the entitlement ends right there


  • #60
    paw patrol
    Registered Users Posts: 2,314 ✭✭✭paw patrol


    of course its the B&G choice.

    But as a guest who has 3 kids - I'm dropping a few quid to be there.
    I want a day away from kids to enjoy myself


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  • #61
    zedhead
    Registered Users Posts: 601 ✭✭✭zedhead


    Treppen wrote: »
    I don't think anyone is berating anyone for not bringing kids.
    Problem is when you've no childcare.
    One of our friends ,or more specifically his fianceé, asked for a "no kids" wedding (except their own of course!)
    We had no childcare available, I told the groom that if it was no kids then we couldn't go. There were a couple of us in same scenario, so eventually he said don't worry about it and bring them along.
    I dunno if the bride got the hump or not, in any event we took it in turns to mind the kid in the room , next morning the child was pottering about our feet and not really bothering anyone. So didn't amount to a hill of beans after all that kerfuffle.
    eviltwin wrote: »
    No need for a sly dig at that poster. Finding suitable child care isn’t always easy. Not everyone has kids who will settle with a sitter or has people they can call on. And sometimes if you do they are going to the wedding too.

    But surely if childcare was such an issue then only one parent would need to decline the invite. If it was myself and my husband, whoevers friend/family member it was would go and the other stay home. Do both need to stay home with the kids?
    Plus the implication that it is a bridezilla always dictating the terms of a wedding is strange. When planning our wedding, I wanted our nieces and nephew around longer than my other half did- he wanted them gone after the ceremony. He was far more ardently anti children at weddings than I was. We decided together what suited us both.
    Niner leprauchan wrote: »
    Not everyone attends an event intending to get ****faced and if its not your child, I fail to see why you would be running around after them.

    Kids at my wedding, it went on until 7am with the guests that had kids leaving earlier. No one objected and the kids werent under any feet.

    It probably depends on the crowd there, but if there are going to be people getting drunk from early on - i wouldn't feel its appropriate to have kids in that environment, even if the parents stayed sober and so I would not invite children. Again, depends on the crowd


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