What if you/your partner got pregnant?

eviltwin · 05-06-2021 4:25pm #1

Just being nosy but given the lack of availability for sterilisation, the longevity of one's fertility and the fact no contraception will ever give you 100% protection what would those of you still biologically able to procreate do if the worst were to happen?

I'm saying this in the context of knowing we have repealed the 8th but the reality of not a huge amount of services on the ground for those who need them especially in rural areas.

Dial Hard · 05-06-2021 4:31pm

I'm single but even when I was married I'd have been straight on the boat/plane.

The only part that's changed if it happened now is that I wouldn't have to leave the country.

I've never even had a pregnancy scare, though.

dobman88 · 05-06-2021 4:32pm

We discussed that and we would just abort it asap. Fairly simple decision if you're comfortable with your decision to be child free.

nothing · 05-06-2021 4:58pm

Would definitely be seeking an abortion asap. There's no choice to it for me.

R.D. aka MR.D · 05-06-2021 5:26pm

Since I was 17, I've always had savings set aside in case I needed to travel for an abortion.

Thankfully I've never needed it but I wouldn't hesitate for one moment.

[Deleted User] · 05-06-2021 5:28pm

eviltwin wrote: »

Just being nosy but given the lack of availability for sterilisation, the longevity of one's fertility and the fact no contraception will ever give you 100% protection what would those of you still biologically able to procreate do if the worst were to happen?

I'm saying this in the context of knowing we have repealed the 8th but the reality of not a huge amount of services on the ground for those who need them especially in rural areas.

Why is being rural an issue when a service provider is within a 1 hr drive for probably 95% of the population at best and 3 hours for worst case.

Are you looking for abortion services in small rural towns? Because I don't think you will get that anywhere in the world. Maybe one or two places but I'd struggle to even guess at where they might be

eviltwin · 05-06-2021 5:38pm

DaCor wrote: »

Why is being rural an issue when a service provider is within a 1 hr drive for probably 95% of the population at best and 3 hours for worst case.

Are you looking for abortion services in small rural towns? Because I don't think you will get that anywhere in the world. Maybe one or two places but I'd struggle to even guess at where they might be

I'm grand thanks, my baby making days are well past me

Its no bother for a lot of people to travel but it doesn't suit everyone and why should they? Why shouldn't it be a service that a woman in rural Ireland has the same as a woman in the city? Its a couple of tablets ffs, we aren't talking invasive surgery here.

[Deleted User] · 05-06-2021 6:01pm

I'm single for the last 18 months, so there's no chance at the mo!
If it happened with my last boyfriend it would have been termination, he already had one kid and didn't want anymore, I didn't want them, so we were on the same page.

I have been pregnant, but had an ectopic pregnancy, it was an emergency and I hadn't known I was pregnant, it wasn't planned and all I felt after was relief!

If I ever actually bother with another boyfriend, I'm guessing I should be nearly over that chance!

notsoyoungwan · 05-06-2021 6:38pm

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Since I was 17, I've always had savings set aside in case I needed to travel for an abortion.

Thankfully I've never needed it but I wouldn't hesitate for one moment.

Same here. Even as a student, I always had the funds for an abortion, should I have needed it.

I’ve always been religious about contraception and thankfully never had a pregnancy scare.

Last year, aged 40, I finally had a sterilisation. I burst into tears when the surgeon agreed to do it- I don’t think the poor man was expecting that!

Faith · 05-06-2021 9:02pm

I’ll go against the grain and say I’d probably struggle with the decision. I’m married, financially stable and capable of raising a child. I take every precaution to avoid pregnancy (and I have an iud so I doubt I could even have a viable pregnancy) but if I were to find myself pregnant, I think my husband and I would have to have a very serious conversation and I would suspect we’d land on the side of keeping it. Until very recently, it would have been an abortion, no questions asked, but I’m not sure it would be that straightforward any more.

notsoyoungwan · 05-06-2021 11:16pm

Faith wrote: »

I’ll go against the grain and say I’d probably struggle with the decision. I’m married, financially stable and capable of raising a child. I take every precaution to avoid pregnancy (and I have an iud so I doubt I could even have a viable pregnancy) but if I were to find myself pregnant, I think my husband and I would have to have a very serious conversation and I would suspect we’d land on the side of keeping it. Until very recently, it would have been an abortion, no questions asked, but I’m not sure it would be that straightforward any more.

Do you mind me asking why that is, Faith? Why have things changed?

Screwthebeast · 06-06-2021 8:24am

They would have done it on purpose

There is no obstacle to having a tubal litigation or hysterectomy, not doing so is leaving the option to have children open to them.

It's straightforward if they have left the doir open they want the option of having children

eviltwin · 06-06-2021 8:55am

Screwthebeast wrote: »

They would have done it on purpose

There is no obstacle to having a tubal litigation or hysterectomy, not doing so is leaving the option to have children open to them.

It's straightforward if they have left the doir open they want the option of having children

I’m not sure but I think getting a hysterectomy as a contraceptive procedure won’t be an option. It is major surgery which leads to menopause and all that goes with that. Good luck finding a surgeon who will do it

Same for tubal ligation, it’s not easy to access and is bloody expensive.

Keeping your fertility intact doesn’t mean you are open to having a baby. Can the bloke not get the snip?

Ave Sodalis · 06-06-2021 9:10am

Screwthebeast wrote:

There is no obstacle to having a tubal litigation or hysterectomy, not doing so is leaving the option to have children open to them.

There are many obstacles to both of those procedures. The major one being that most doctors will flat out refuse to do it for majority of women of child producing age.

Believe me, if my GP offered to refer me to get a tubal litigation, I would probably cry with happiness and have a celebration of some description. However, I'm in my mid to late 20s, single, and with no previous children. There is a near zero chance of me getting that procedure, even if I begged.

[Deleted User] · 06-06-2021 9:26am

Ave Sodalis wrote: »

There are many obstacles to both of those procedures. The major one being that most doctors will flat out refuse to do it for majority of women of child producing age.

Believe me, if my GP offered to refer me to get a tubal litigation, I would probably cry with happiness and have a celebration of some description. However, I'm in my mid to late 20s, single, and with no previous children. There is a near zero chance of me getting that procedure, even if I begged.

Would you still go ahead considering the side effects? Doctors aren't only denying the surgery because of the fear some may change their mind, but because of the life altering hormonal changes that can make life very different.

Red Silurian · 06-06-2021 9:29am

If my partner got pregnant, assuming it was discovered 3-4 months in we'd spend the next 5-6 months planning to bring the life into our world with as much support as possible

If I got pregnant I'd become the first man to do so and I'd expect our lives would be changed significantly due to the added fame

Ave Sodalis · 06-06-2021 10:04am

Chinese whospers wrote:

Would you still go ahead considering the side effects? Doctors aren't only denying the surgery because of the fear some may change their mind, but because of the life altering hormonal changes that can make life very different.

Yes. I'm a little confused about which part of my post makes you think I haven't thoroughly done my research on this?

eviltwin · 06-06-2021 10:15am

Chinese whospers wrote: »

Would you still go ahead considering the side effects? Doctors aren't only denying the surgery because of the fear some may change their mind, but because of the life altering hormonal changes that can make life very different.

That patronising attitude is part of the reason women find it so hard to get this kind of treatment.

Dial Hard · 06-06-2021 10:27am

Chinese whospers wrote: »

Would you still go ahead considering the side effects? Doctors aren't only denying the surgery because of the fear some may change their mind, but because of the life altering hormonal changes that can make life very different.

I think you're conflating tubal ligation and hysterectomy. There's no effect on hormone production from a tubal ligation, potential side effects are purely surgical (infection, etc.). Funny how very few people seem to have as many qualms about the potential effects of other elective surgeries.

A hysterectomy is MAJOR surgery with life-changing outcomes, as another poster has already pointed out, and is not used as a contraceptive procedure.

magicbastarder · 06-06-2021 10:30am

Red Silurian wrote: »

If my partner got pregnant, assuming it was discovered 3-4 months in we'd spend the next 5-6 months planning to bring the life into our world with as much support as possible

you're currently childfree by choice?

[Deleted User] · 06-06-2021 10:31am

Backs out of thread. Apologies to all.

Princess Calla · 06-06-2021 11:32am

Screwthebeast wrote: »

They would have done it on purpose

There is no obstacle to having a tubal litigation or hysterectomy, not doing so is leaving the option to have children open to them.

It's straightforward if they have left the doir open they want the option of having children

I really hate when people do this but can you show me the research in Ireland that proves this.

I know women in their 40's more than 5 kids beg for tubal litigation and be refused.

In my experience alot of Drs are very much on the hard no side of the fence for these procedures.

But if you can illustrate a hospital that carries them out on demand please share as I'll be first in the queue!

Faith · 06-06-2021 12:02pm

notsoyoungwan wrote: »

Do you mind me asking why that is, Faith? Why have things changed?

To a degree, yeah. We both spent the last 10-15 years doing various degrees and travelling the world, trying to get our careers to where we wanted them. That meant we were always on the move, living in small rental properties and broke. Now we’ve settled in one place, we’re buying a house, we’re where we want to be career-wise, we’re financially secure and we have family and friends nearby. I will continue to take every precaution against pregnancy, but if some kind of one-in-a-million event occurred where I ended up pregnant, speaking only for us as a couple, I think we’d take the position of “okay, this has happened, although it was never our plan, we can make this work”. I’d fret forever about the impact on our relationship and my level of anxiety and the fear of being a regretful parent, but that would be balanced against knowing everything is in our favour to be successful parents.

I’d bloody hope to never end up in that position though!!

TheQ_Man · 06-06-2021 12:07pm

When my ex got pregnant she was advised by family to get the boat, she didn’t. Now we are nearly a decade and a half into long, difficult and regular family law hearings. I’m due to become a father for the 9th time this month. All bar the first with the same woman. Abortion is definitely not something we would ever consider

Ave Sodalis · 06-06-2021 8:19pm

Dial Hard wrote:

I think you're conflating tubal ligation and hysterectomy. There's no effect on hormone production from a tubal ligation, potential side effects are purely surgical (infection, etc.). Funny how very few people seem to have as many qualms about the potential effects of other elective surgeries.

To be entirely fair, there is a rare chance of hormonal drop with a ligation (PTLS). Even accounting for that, I would get it done tomorrow if I could.

[Deleted User] · 06-06-2021 8:26pm

TheQ_Man wrote: »

When my ex got pregnant she was advised by family to get the boat, she didn’t. Now we are nearly a decade and a half into long, difficult and regular family law hearings. I’m due to become a father for the 9th time this month. All bar the first with the same woman. Abortion is definitely not something we would ever consider

It really, really doesn't sound like you two were making an effort not to conceive though! Which is really where the question was aimed.

TheQ_Man · 06-06-2021 11:06pm

budgese wrote: »

It really, really doesn't sound like you two were making an effort not to conceive though! Which is really where the question was aimed.

We were young. It wasn’t in my plans, it was in hers though. I’m referring to the first child with the ex

Jimmy Bottlehead · 06-06-2021 11:10pm

TheQ_Man wrote: »

When my ex got pregnant she was advised by family to get the boat, she didn’t. Now we are nearly a decade and a half into long, difficult and regular family law hearings. I’m due to become a father for the 9th time this month. All bar the first with the same woman. Abortion is definitely not something we would ever consider

Jesus, when the time comes to start a family, I need to find out what you're sprinkling on your Weetabix.

[Deleted User] · 06-06-2021 11:21pm

TheQ_Man wrote: »

We were young. It wasn’t in my plans, it was in hers though. I’m referring to the first child with the ex

Had you both decided that you never wanted to raise children? Because that's the context here.

In my own case I would echo Faith's post. If I accidentally, highly unlikely, ended up pregnant, we are in a situation where we are completely equipped to raise a child - we just don't want to. If it happened, though, I think the doubt would actually consume me for life if I didn't continue the pregnancy.

Completely pro choice here. Both of us. To be honest this question is totally hypothetical to us as the chance of facing it is so slim to nil.

Aisling(",) · 08-06-2021 11:54am

If I ended up pregnant we've both discussed it and an abortion would be the option for us.
We're late 20's,own a house and in stable jobs.We would be able to look after a child and provide a decent life but it's not what we want.

Its hopefully not an experience I'll ever have to go through.I wouldn't regret it but I'd rather avoid it.

BuboBubo · 22-07-2021 1:03am

In my 20s and 30s I had emergency funds stashed to get an abortion if necessary. I wouldn't have even told my boyfriend at the time I was getting one, my opinion being I would be the one "stuck" with a kid, not him.

Luckily my husband was on the same page as me regarding kids. I'm well over the hill now, and happy with that.

At least nowadays women have access to abortion services here rather than having to take the boat.

What if you/your partner got pregnant?

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