Has anyone here been sterilized under 30?

watsonandcrick · 13-04-2021 1:02pm #1

I'm in my 20s and have felt childfree sentiments ever since I was 12. I've heard however that getting sterilisation (vasectomy for a man or hysterectomy/tubal litigation for women) is damn near impossible if you're under 30 in this country.

Even people (especially women) over 30 have been told "You don't have kids, you're too young, you'll most likely change your mind".

R.D. aka MR.D · 13-04-2021 1:36pm

I gave up asking. I think in total, I've asked 8-9 times. Since I got married, they have said it is better for my husband to have a vasectomy. We're over 30 but they were ready to book him in.

Since abortion was legalized, I stopped being so worried. Have always since I was 17 doubled up contraceptive methods but you hear horror stories! Never had a scare but the thought of going to England and the whole rigmarole had me very stressed at the possibility. Since the 8th passed, I figure it isn't worth the hassle of begging and pleading.

magicbastarder · 13-04-2021 1:43pm

'do no harm' seems to be a general medical principle - in this case i suspect it's 'don't perform an operation which has potential risks, when there are less risky options'. so they may regard advising someone to go on the pill - while that carries its own risks, the risks may be less permanent.

(not that i know what i'm talking about here, the above is mainly supposition).

[Deleted User] · 13-04-2021 1:43pm

watsonandcrick wrote: »

I'm in my 20s and have felt childfree sentiments ever since I was 12. I've heard however that getting sterilisation (vasectomy for a man or hysterectomy/tubal litigation for women) is damn near impossible if you're under 30 in this country.

Even people (especially women) over 30 have been told "You don't have kids, you're too young, you'll most likely change your mind".

Seems crazy a lady in her 20s or 30s can't decide for herself. It is a case of the public system just 'flicking it over to private??

[Deleted User] · 13-04-2021 1:45pm

Should read " is it"???

Mrs OBumble · 13-04-2021 1:52pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Seems crazy a lady in her 20s or 30s can't decide for herself. It is a case of the public system just 'flicking it over to private??

She is free to not have penetrative sex, if she doesn't want to face the consequences.

But having any surgery comes with risks. If the risks outweigh the benefits, then a doctor will likely decline to do the surgery.

shesty · 13-04-2021 2:14pm

I recently went looking for a longer term contraception (preferably not hormonal).We are 100% finished having kids and I am in my late 30s.

My GP was helpful and I did get sorted but I saw a couple of GPs in the practice as I went through the process.The first line out of all them was "the easiest thing to do is for your husband to get a vasectomy".

There was no question of me being able to get my tubes tied or anything similar, even though I have had kids and I know my own mind.I have to rely on his procedure and/or hormonal drugs for me.

I have to say I felt rather resentful, even though I know there are also medical implications to having tubes tied, and that was driving their reason too.Even reading up on the tube tying operation, there are a lot of hoops to jump through as regards consultations and it comes across as making sure a woman is in charge of her own mind, which really bugged me.

Dial Hard · 13-04-2021 3:10pm

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

She is free to not have penetrative sex, if she doesn't want to face the consequences.

Yes, because that's a reasonable solution for women looking for long-term, non-hormonal contraceptive options.

I also call bullsh*t on the "The risks outweigh the benefits "logic". If that was the only concern cosmetic surgery wouldn't be a thing.

[Deleted User] · 14-04-2021 7:27pm

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

She is free to not have penetrative sex, if she doesn't want to face the consequences.

But having any surgery comes with risks. If the risks outweigh the benefits, then a doctor will likely decline to do the surgery.

2 words to debunk that nonsense, cosmetic surgery

Gormal · 19-04-2021 6:14pm

I had my tubes clamped at 24 in Scotland. I had a child at 20 and knew that I didn't want more. The first line is always for the man to get a vasectomy. I was a single parent so that argument went out the window.

I was very persistent with my GP (2-3 years) and he wrote the Gynaecologist a few times. When I finally saw the Gynaecologist he started on about the coil, at which point I have to say I lost he plot with him. Then he started laughing, as it was a test to see if I knew my own mind, I was furious.

A simple procedure done through your belly button (at least back in the 90s). 25 years on I have no regrets in my choice. It was my choice and I think we should all have it, even if we have to be sat down and talked through it to be 100% certain.

notsoyoungwan · 29-04-2021 9:28pm

I had it done at the age of 40. I had asked a gynaecologist when I was in my early 30s and he said no. I struggled with hormonal contraception for the next few years, hated it, put up with awful side effects and then eventually one day decided I was no longer taking no for an answer.

I found another gynaecologist and went to him. It was so refreshing- he simply asked me what else I’d considered and tried, asked why wasn’t vasectomy an option (and didn’t bat an eyelid when I said I wasn’t in a steady relationship- I had anticipated that being a stumbling block) and then went through the procedure, risks etc. Next thing, he said “my secretary will ring you to organise a date for it” and I said “ehh, so that’s it?” and he asked what I’d been expecting. I told him I had come prepared for a fight and he laughed and said that I was 40 years old and he was sure I knew my own mind. I was so overwhelming relieved that I burst into tears, which the poor man wasn’t expecting at all! 4 weeks later I had the procedure and the peace of mind it brings is tremendous.

bunny_mac · 06-05-2021 5:04pm

https://www.tiktok.com/@rachelandrue/video/6951561192322174213?lang=en&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v1&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6959207308972246533

This is brilliant. (I'm way too old to be on TikTok but whatevs.)

eviltwin · 06-05-2021 5:12pm

My husband got the snip when I was 32. Its grand and all but I'm still fertile and if things with him went south and I ended up in a new relationship I'd be back to square one.

It annoys me because I asked about it and was fobbed off, not for costs or health risks but because I might change my mind and regret it :rolleyes: He on the other hand got the snip no bother, no questions about his motivations and what would happen if he wanted another child.....

Anyway I'm still fertile and it annoys me a little because while its nice to know he can't get me pregnant I'd like to know that I can't get pregnant.

banie01 · 06-05-2021 5:16pm

I had the snip at 27.
It was quite a battle to get a referral from my GP but once I'd gotten it, it was a quick process.

A caveat I would add though is that I did have 1 child at the time.
Doctors are loathe to permanently interfere with reproduction if they can avoid it.

Mrs OBumble · 06-05-2021 5:18pm

DaCor wrote: »

2 words to debunk that nonsense, cosmetic surgery

Spoken like a man who's never had gynaecological surgery.

JustAThought · 06-05-2021 5:29pm

Eg - what would happen if the existing child died. would people change their outlook then. Or if their spouse died and after a few years they had a new partner they adored but no children became an issue.

lots of issues with fertility & so young.
situations can change - other than ‘just’ minds

eviltwin · 06-05-2021 5:35pm

JustAThought wrote: »

Eg - what would happen if the existing child died. would people change their outlook then. Or if their spouse died and after a few years they had a new partner they adored but no children became an issue.

lots of issues with fertility & so young.
situations can change - other than ‘just’ minds

What if someone gets pregnant with a child they don't want? What are they supposed to do in that situation?

It works both ways.

banie01 · 06-05-2021 5:36pm

JustAThought wrote: »

Eg - what would happen if the existing child died. would people change their outlook then. Or if their spouse died and after a few years they had a new partner they adored but no children became an issue.

lots of issues with fertility & so young.
situations can change - other than ‘just’ minds

Spouse did die, not long before I'd started seeking the snip actually

Post snip,I remarried, no change of heart.
It was made clear early in my new relationship that not only was I not interested in more kids, I'd had the snip so if it was a deal breaker for her, that would be the end of it before she got invested.

Already having a child played very little part in my decision.
Nor would I seek to replace him if he died, kids aren't commodities tbf, not to be traded, upgraded or replaced.

I am the eldest of 8, I'd spent most of my childhood and a large part of my life still raising children, even before I had my own.
I was done, worn out and knew my mind.

Sometimes, surprising as it may seem.
People are fully aware of the consequences of their decisions.

PuddingBreath · 06-05-2021 5:46pm

Maybe it's good old fashioned Irish sexism. They think the husband is more likely to cheat than the wife? Or maybe they realise that women are far more likely to change their minds than men on the subject of having more children. I know a couple that are on the same page, but there's other relationships where the woman gets broody and wants more while the men are just along for "the ride"(pun intended).

[Deleted User] · 06-05-2021 6:01pm

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Spoken like a man who's never had gynaecological surgery.

Your blindingly obvious pointless statement aside, I'm not wrong

Mollyb60 · 06-05-2021 8:14pm

I asked for it in my early 30's and my GP refused. Tried to fob me off with a referral for the coil and a suggestion that my husband get the snip instead. He's vehemently against unnecessary surgery as he reacts really badly to general anasthetic. I was more than a little put out that he wouldn't even consider it but it's his choice so I didn't push the issue. I'll be asking for it again once I turn 40 in a few years.

Igotadose · 10-05-2021 9:13am

Mollyb60 wrote: »

I asked for it in my early 30's and my GP refused. Tried to fob me off with a referral for the coil and a suggestion that my husband get the snip instead. He's vehemently against unnecessary surgery as he reacts really badly to general anasthetic. I was more than a little put out that he wouldn't even consider it but it's his choice so I didn't push the issue. I'll be asking for it again once I turn 40 in a few years.

Find another GP that'll administer the surgery. Against surgery but o.k. to go through pregnancy, that's bad science. And who is the GP to decide based on his *own* experiences with anasthesia? Laughable - had this been the US he could be struck off.

A good site for childfree resources though nothing in Ireland, a bit in the UK: reddit.com/r/childfree

Mollyb60 · 10-05-2021 9:58am

Oh sorry, I maybe wasn't clear about that. It's my husband who is against the anesthetic. Not the GP.
It seems to be a common enough thing for GP's to refuse women when they request this so I wasn't too surprised. And I didn't know enough about it when I asked so I didn't push the issue. I'll be getting it done once I turn 40 though. I won't be taking no for an answer.

Padre_Pio · 10-05-2021 10:12am

Mollyb60 wrote: »

I asked for it in my early 30's and my GP refused. Tried to fob me off with a referral for the coil and a suggestion that my husband get the snip instead. He's vehemently against unnecessary surgery as he reacts really badly to general anasthetic. I was more than a little put out that he wouldn't even consider it but it's his choice so I didn't push the issue. I'll be asking for it again once I turn 40 in a few years.

Am I right in saying you don't need a general anesthetic for a vasectomy?
It's an outpatient procedure.

I presume GPs are recommending vasectomy as it's a simpler, cheaper procedure with less recovery time.

Igotadose · 10-05-2021 10:14am

Padre_Pio wrote: »

Am I right in saying you don't need a general anesthetic for a vasectomy?
It's an outpatient procedure.

I presume GPs are recommending vasectomy as it's a simpler, cheaper procedure with less recovery time.

And, why listen to the wimmins, amiright? Their wants have always been subservient.

Mollyb60 · 10-05-2021 10:30am

Yeah I think it's a local rather than a general. He's still too nervous to get it though and I'm not gonna force it.

banie01 · 10-05-2021 10:34am

My vasectomy was local anesthesia, In a GP's surgery.
Procedure itself was perhaps 15minutes.
The local itself was the worst part, other than that.
No pain but you aware of the pulling and the cautery leaves the room with a lovely smell of crispy bacon.

A couple of days rest and ice along with one dissolving stitch.
The follow up was 2 clear samples, for which youre provided 2 test tubes and a lab address.

Very simple and straightforward solution to the male side of the equation IMO.

Gormal · 12-05-2021 2:53pm

JustAThought wrote: »

what would happen if the existing child died.

Exactly the question my GP asked me, before getting my tubes clamped. Having had 1 child. I told him I would not have a 'replacement child'. Quite horrified at the thought of that.

My mother lost her second child at 2 years old, I was a replacement child. My big brother is 6 years older, so was 4 when he lost his sibling. I can tell you that neither Mother, nor my brother dealt with the loss. There was no bonding with my brother as a child, my mother was distant and my bond was with my father (who was at sea a lot and passed away 20 years ago). There is a lack of attachment between us because of this and took me a long time to understand why I was excluded and isolated as a child.

[Deleted User] · 15-05-2021 6:58pm

I (man) asked my GP about it when I was about 28. He said that he didn't recommend it, as, although people act like you can reverse it easily, that this is not the case, and it should be treated as a permanent operation.

He said he didn't recommend it, because of my age and that I'm at a time in my life where my opinion could change in the short term. He said if I come back to him in a few months, and ask again, he'll put me down for it, but he wanted to ensure that he knew i had taken time to consider it.

Since then, I've had 4 beautiful babies... nah, I'm just joking, I didn't have any, and still don't want any, but I actually never pursued the issue with him further. I do feel comfortable now though (at 32) that if i say it to him again, it'll be fairly straight forward.

Has anyone here been sterilized under 30?

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