What to do about family member endangering my eldery parents?

#1 · 03-01-2021 5:53pm #1

My sister works as a frontline worker with the HSE and is out in the community every day, she attended an illegal house party for New Years with her partner, she has had visitors over to her house several times during Xmas. My mother is in the absolutely highest risk category going. She was hospitalised before Christmas for two whole months with respiratory problems and spent a month in a coma. We honestly are very lucky she pulled through.

I returned home to my parents in mid-December after a two week isolation period and getting tested as my wife went back home for Christmas to her family abroad and won't be home until mid-February.

I am minding myself, I was last out to Aldi on Dec 28th to do the last big shop, I got a Tesco home delivery since. My father's health is good but with enough underlying conditions to make him extremely high risk also.

I told her already not to be coming in as she has a history as an asymptomatic carrier all her life including infecting me with ChickenPox as a child but never catching it herself.

I told her to stay away for a few weeks for safety as we already nearly lost my mother once recently. She comes in everyday usually to eat whatever is cooked or take a dinner for her and the partner or else she will land in to dry clothes in my parents just because they get a few free units power as OAP's. Her latest stunt was she commandeered my mothers car during my mum's illness as she seized the engine in her own as her own car rarely saw a service. It all blew up today when I caught her with her big horrible dog in my mothers nice clean car.

It is elder abuse, I am only here to help my parents temporarily rather than spend over 2.5 months alone and I'll be gone again in early Feb back to my own house with my wife when she returns. I'd get up and cook breakfast, light up the stove, bring in wood, run the hoover, order groceries online, post letters typical errands for my parents.

My biggest fear is that she will bring in Covid due to her at risk job but no she won't stay away.

Sam Quentin · 03-01-2021 5:56pm

She sounds like a free spirited nut-job...

Borderfox · 03-01-2021 5:56pm

Change the locks? As a first measure

After that I'm not sure but to be firm in what your doing to protect your parents

Stihl waters · 03-01-2021 5:59pm

What have your parents to say about it, are they against her calling to the house or do they mind

CIARAN_BOYLE · 03-01-2021 6:00pm

Your parents have to make the call.

bigmac3 · 03-01-2021 6:05pm

We’ve seen this sort of sh1te in our family too.

Brother decided to get work done on his house during lockdown, and moved his wife and 3 children into our elderly parents. Basically told the parents it was happening and gave them no option. Then when the children were close contacts of other children, confirmed with Covid, him and his wife turned on the water works. They were literally crying to the parents about how sorry they were about potentially bringing coronavirus into their house. Pair of entitled pr1cks.

Then to make things worse because brother 1’s children were living with granny and grandad, brother 2 and his dopey wife took exception to this and insisted on visiting every 2nd day at least.

Selfish horrible people.

9db3xj7z41fs5u · 03-01-2021 6:06pm

What is most upsetting, apart from the obvious risk to your mother, is the fact that she is exposing all the patients that she encounters to Covid. Healthcare workers wouldn't wilfully smother a patient. And yet she risks passing on a potentially deadly respiratory pathogen to vulnerable patients. Shameful on her part!

Professor Moriarty · 03-01-2021 6:08pm

bigmac3 wrote: »

We’ve seen this sort of sh1te in our family too.

Brother decided to get work done on his house during lockdown, and moved his wife and 3 children into our elderly parents. Basically told the parents it was happening and gave them no option. Then when the children were close contacts of other children, confirmed with Covid, him and his wife turned on the water works. They were literally crying to the parents about how sorry they were about potentially bringing coronavirus into their house. Pair of entitled pr1cks.

Then to make things worse because brother 1’s children were living with granny and grandad, brother 2 and his dopey wife took exception to this and insisted on visiting every 2nd day at least.

Selfish horrible people.

Friends are God's apology for family.

POBox19 · 03-01-2021 6:10pm

That is a dreadful story. You're and your parents are going to need professional help and soon.
There is help and advice available from a GP, the Gardai and the HSE.
The HSE helpline is 1850 24 1850. Also search the HSE website (hse.ie) for Elder Abuse and Safeguarding.

[Deleted User] · 03-01-2021 6:14pm

Landyn Colossal Papergirl wrote: »

What is most upsetting, apart from the obvious risk to your mother, is the fact that she is exposing all the patients that she encounters to Covid. Healthcare workers wouldn't wilfully smother a patient. And yet she risks passing on a potentially deadly respiratory pathogen to vulnerable patients. Shameful on her part!

That could all occur even if she did nothing but stay at home and go to work. She is working in an environment that actively cares for and treats covid patients.

If anything, she should be worried about taking it home to the parents as the OP is. The people that attended parties obviously dont care anyway so **** em

Downlinz · 03-01-2021 6:17pm

Explain your concerns to your sister suggesting she shouldn't visit and to your parents suggesting they shouldn't allow her to visit, that's all you can do.

You can't control the situation or dictate to others what levels of risk or responsibility they should assume in their lives. If they both want to keep the visits going then you should respect that, even if you think it's foolish.

9db3xj7z41fs5u · 03-01-2021 6:28pm

Niner leprauchan wrote: »

That could all occur even if she did nothing but stay at home and go to work. She is working in an environment that actively cares for and treats covid patients.

If anything, she should be worried about taking it home to the parents as the OP is. The people that attended parties obviously dont care anyway so **** em

True. But generally speaking, there is a high-level of precaution taken in the hospital setting, with PPE, etc. It is highly unlikely that she is solely encountering or treating patients with confirmed C-19. The patients without a confirmed diagnosis are being put at risk by her. Also, her fellow colleagues will be at risk from her. I doubt they were wearing PPE at the party.

xhomelezz · 03-01-2021 6:28pm

CIARAN_BOYLE wrote: »

Your parents have to make the call.

True to that, but old folks can be easily influenced for good or bad.

roofer1988 · 03-01-2021 7:01pm

Cant see how talking to grown adults would work. We being told to stay at home and avoid visiting vulnerable people since March. Thats 10 months every single day and yet people still cant grasp it. Few pucks into the head might be worth a try

milli milli · 03-01-2021 7:27pm

OP when you say your sister is a frontline worker, is she a nurse/doctor/carer or does she work in an admin role for the HSE?

If it’s the former, her behaviour is shocking to be honest. (Although not everyone in a caring profession considers it a vocation, I’d imagine most would?) Considering your poor mum was already in hospital and is at risk, your sister’s behaviour is just not on.
If it was my own parents and having a reasonable conversation wasn’t making a difference, I would take more drastic measures. I would be having a word with her employers about her selfish behaviour.
Really what kind of a person knowingly puts people in her family and under her care (if she is in a caring role) at that kind of risk?

JP Liz V1 · 03-01-2021 7:33pm

You'd think as a frontline worker she would have some cop on

9db3xj7z41fs5u · 03-01-2021 7:49pm

JP Liz V1 wrote: »

You'd think as a frontline worker she would have some cop on

People are human first and foremost. I feel sorry on the non-Covid patients she treats and her colleagues in the tea room.

marcusgunn · 03-01-2021 9:07pm

Lighten up man.

Louis Friend · 03-01-2021 9:08pm

The parents need to be educated around the risks and they need to put a stop to the risky behaviour.

Munsterman12 · 03-01-2021 9:31pm

Your too nice. This is a life and death circumstance.

trixi001 · 04-01-2021 4:21pm

theguzman wrote: »

My sister works as a frontline worker with the HSE and is out in the community every day, she attended an illegal house party for New Years with her partner, she has had visitors over to her house several times during Xmas. My mother is in the absolutely highest risk category going. She was hospitalised before Christmas for two whole months with respiratory problems and spent a month in a coma. We honestly are very lucky she pulled through.

I returned home to my parents in mid-December after a two week isolation period and getting tested as my wife went back home for Christmas to her family abroad and won't be home until mid-February.

I am minding myself, I was last out to Aldi on Dec 28th to do the last big shop, I got a Tesco home delivery since. My father's health is good but with enough underlying conditions to make him extremely high risk also.

I told her already not to be coming in as she has a history as an asymptomatic carrier all her life including infecting me with ChickenPox as a child but never catching it herself.

I told her to stay away for a few weeks for safety as we already nearly lost my mother once recently. She comes in everyday usually to eat whatever is cooked or take a dinner for her and the partner or else she will land in to dry clothes in my parents just because they get a few free units power as OAP's. Her latest stunt was she commandeered my mothers car during my mum's illness as she seized the engine in her own as her own car rarely saw a service. It all blew up today when I caught her with her big horrible dog in my mothers nice clean car.

It is elder abuse, I am only here to help my parents temporarily rather than spend over 2.5 months alone and I'll be gone again in early Feb back to my own house with my wife when she returns. I'd get up and cook breakfast, light up the stove, bring in wood, run the hoover, order groceries online, post letters typical errands for my parents.

My biggest fear is that she will bring in Covid due to her at risk job but no she won't stay away.

This is not your call to make - its your parents.

Covid has been around since March - and you say you are spending 2.5 months with your parents, does that mean you haven't seen them before this?

It may seem to you as if your sister is using you parents for food etc, it may seem to her that you are you are using your parents for company when your wife is away.

Before you came to stay, who ran the errands for your parents ... your sister?..

Maybe you parents know the risks but have decided they don't want to not see their daughter for the duration of this..They know she is a frontline worker, they know there are risks

mohawk · 04-01-2021 5:45pm

OP what do your parents want. Do you presume because they are older that they cannot make their own decisions. At the end of the day it’s your parents call.

No one should be going to parties especially frontline workers but I have seen enough videos that makes it clear plenty of people have been partying.

If it was my sister I would call her out for being selfish but the decision to see parents would not be my call.

Mrs OBumble · 04-01-2021 6:32pm

POBox19 wrote: »

That is a dreadful story. You're and your parents are going to need professional help and soon.
There is help and advice available from a GP, the Gardai and the HSE.
The HSE helpline is 1850 24 1850. Also search the HSE website (hse.ie) for Elder Abuse and Safeguarding.

But make sure that your parents actually have a problem with things, before you go accusing anyone of anything.

There are at least two sides to every story, and you could easily be seen as the one in the wrong.

ShineOn7 · 05-01-2021 12:12am

POBox19 wrote: »

That is a dreadful story. You're and your parents are going to need professional help and soon.
There is help and advice available from a GP, the Gardai and the HSE.
The HSE helpline is 1850 24 1850. Also search the HSE website (hse.ie) for Elder Abuse and Safeguarding.

I'm not sure any of those are legally applicable are they?

It's a domestic issue

OP: your sister sounds like a horror show of a selfish human. I know the type well

gozunda · 05-01-2021 12:17am

Professor Moriarty wrote: »

Friends are God's apology for family.

I must have a very horrible family indeed

greasepalm · 05-01-2021 12:24am

Fine if she wants to visit parents a comfy chair will be provided outside the window and chat through that and new saying is treat everyone as a positive case and stop spreading it.

NewHope21 · 26-01-2021 7:50am

Borderfox wrote: »

Change the locks? As a first measure

After that I'm not sure but to be firm in what your doing to protect your parents

Or keep the latch on. She might one day also need to provide a negative covid test to enter.

Ficheall · 26-01-2021 8:28am

Presumably the parents' most relied upon source of info is their daughter who works in the hospital. They might have the wool pulled over their eyes as to how serious it is.

What to do about family member endangering my eldery parents?

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