One-Liner Jokes

MonkieSocks · 04-10-2020 03:04PM

My wife says she's going to leave me if i don't start supporting Trump.... I said "Biden"

MonkieSocks · 05-10-2020 06:40PM

Warning...Do not look at the sun through a colander, you will strain your eyes.

Capt'n Midnight · 05-10-2020 08:18PM

For sale.

Muhammad Ali DVD collection.
George Foreman grill.
Both boxed.

NewMan1982 · 05-10-2020 08:22PM

A lot of people don’t seem to know what a one liner joke is.
Look up Stewart Francis or Tim Vine and you’ll get the idea.

Uncle Pierre · 05-10-2020 08:33PM

NewMan1982 wrote: »

A lot of people don’t seem to know what a one liner joke is.
Look up Stewart Francis or Tim Vine and you’ll get the idea.

I don't get it.

New Home · 05-10-2020 08:37PM

It's also two lines, which is ironic.

coolhull · 06-10-2020 11:08AM

What is often referred to as a "Honeymoon Salad"?

Lettuce Alone

Uncle Pierre · 06-10-2020 11:36AM

I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.

Worztron · 06-10-2020 07:21PM

There's no place like '127.0.0.1'.

MonkieSocks · 07-10-2020 09:26AM

I dropped my phone in the bath. It's syncing now.

The Mulk · 07-10-2020 09:30AM

coolhull wrote: »

What is often referred to as a "Honeymoon Salad"?

Lettuce Alone

Or a "Honeymoon Sandwich"

Turnover and Lettuce

MonkieSocks · 08-10-2020 02:42PM

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

1990sman · 10-10-2020 01:29AM

MonkieSocks wrote: »

I stayed up all night trying to remember, the difference between insomnia and amnesia.

much like the dyslexic insomniac atheist who stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

1990sman · 10-10-2020 01:35AM

MonkieSocks wrote: »

I love Ebay....I sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month

did u kno pigeons die when they have sex? i didn't but my neighbour claims his does.

1990sman · 10-10-2020 01:36AM

was very sick last monday, laughing maniacally at microwaved kittens again.

1990sman · 10-10-2020 01:40AM

my wife and i have decided that we don't want to have children so tomorrow night at dinner we're going to tell them.

Capt'n Midnight · 10-10-2020 11:20AM

Just made the smoothie recipe Neil Diamond gave me: swede, carrot, lime.

Capt'n Midnight · 10-10-2020 11:21AM

My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.

Capt'n Midnight · 10-10-2020 11:22AM

Apparently Zoo owners give their animals names. Hugh Gnu?

Worztron · 10-10-2020 02:48PM

1990sman wrote: »

was very sick last monday, laughing maniacally at microwaved kittens again.

Seriously, WTF?

Capt'n Midnight · 10-10-2020 05:24PM

5 vowels, 12 consonants, an exclamation mark, a comma & full stop all appeared in court today. They are all due to be sentenced next week

chooseusername · 11-10-2020 09:25AM

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

5 vowels, 12 consonants, an exclamation mark, a comma & full stop all appeared in court today. They are all due to be sentenced next week

Twelve months, maybe!

edit;
does an exclamation mark count as a full-stop?

MonkieSocks · 11-10-2020 05:05PM

I was shocked to discover my first grey pubic hair today, though not as shocked as the other people in the lift.

Uncle Pierre · 11-10-2020 07:07PM

If anyone's missing a copy of The Chiropractor's Journal, I have back issues.

Capt'n Midnight · 11-10-2020 07:26PM

A clown held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice jester.

saabsaab · 11-10-2020 08:07PM

I asked my Doctor for advice as I believed I broke my arm in several places. He told me to stop going in to them!

MonkieSocks · 14-10-2020 04:47PM

I've been ill since having a Chinese meal last night. I knew it was Coronavirus, straight off the Bat

Capt'n Midnight · 14-10-2020 04:59PM

Did you hear about the ship carrying yo-yos ? It sank 537 times.

MonkieSocks · 15-10-2020 05:22PM

Say what you want about waitresses but they bring a lot to the table

saabsaab · 15-10-2020 06:32PM

My Doctor just told me I'd live till 60! I said I'm already 60. He replied 'See, what did I just tell ya'

One-Liner Jokes

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