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Men with kids?

  • #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18 ✭✭✭ SeXi Sadie


    Always wanted to see a male standpoint on this one seen as the focus is usually on the woman
    So lads What changes for men when they become dad's?
    In terms of relationship, day to day life, thoughts, goals wants and needs?
    All the good bad and ugly?


Comments



  • I feel like this is a survey question, but it's also too hard to put it down in writing what changes. Everyone is different.




  • I feel like this is a survey question, but it's also too hard to put it down in writing what changes. Everyone is different.
    No its not a survey question just always been curious because everyone asks women! And men don't typically pipe up or chime in on the topic from my own experience, I hear you about it been hard to put it in writing though




  • SeXi Sadie wrote: »
    No its not a survey question just always been curious because everyone asks women! And men don't typically pipe up or chime in on the topic from my own experience, I hear you about it been hard to put it in writing though


    What?
    Who asks women?

    I've never ask a woman what changes. seems like a silly question to be asking someone.


    But since you are asking.... lol
    I found my short term memory is not as good as it was. Not an age thing as the effect was immediate and hasn't corrected.
    Possibly related to sleep deprivation for the 1st 3 years

    There are a bunch of obvious ones that would be common between men and women:
    fatigue, joy, not having a moment to yourself, not knowing what to do when you do have a moment to yourself, the house feeling odd when kids aren't there, etc etc.

    As the person responsible for a lot of the DYI jobs, I find it very hard to get around to them now.




  • ArrBee wrote: »
    What?
    Who asks women?

    I've never ask a woman what changes. seems like a silly question to be asking someone.


    But since you are asking.... lol
    I found my short term memory is not as good as it was. Not an age thing as the effect was immediate and hasn't corrected.
    Possibly related to sleep deprivation for the 1st 3 years

    There are a bunch of obvious ones that would be common between men and women:
    fatigue, joy, not having a moment to yourself, not knowing what to do when you do have a moment to yourself, the house feeling odd when kids aren't there, etc etc.

    As the person responsible for a lot of the DYI jobs, I find it very hard to get around to them now.

    I know I thought it wasn't the best thought out question either but I find it comes from people
    That don't have kids.
    It definetly takes a toll I read an article not so long back how they can rate levels of happiness and depression based on certain life events such as weddings and funerals.
    Thought it was interesting as they considered life satisfaction to actually decrease for some time after having kids.
    I think your most likely right though that there's common changes between men and women




  • SeXi Sadie wrote: »
    ....Thought it was interesting as they considered life satisfaction to actually decrease for some time after having kids.
    I think your most likely right though that there's common changes between men and women
    Pure speculation on my part, but I can imagine that for someone who has been and is used to being focused on something outside the home (Work, sport, "serious" hobbies, etc) bring children into the mix would be a challenge.
    There are expectations that may not be possible to fill which could lead to decrease in satisfaction. one might end up with the feeling that there are competing responsibilities not being meet??

    This could be either sex too. But I guess it would be more common among men.
    Also, I've seen plenty of mums that wont allow the dad to take an active role.
    I don't know how that effects men who are in that situation. On the surface they can think that its great - less responsibility. But I know a lot of my satisfaction as a dad comes from that responsibility.


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  • SeXi Sadie wrote: »

    What changes for men when they become dad's?

    They become very grumpy and are inclined to blow a gasket whenever they see someone misusing an apostrophe. :mad:




  • Portsalon wrote: »
    They become very grumpy and are inclined to blow a gasket whenever they see someone misusing an apostrophe. :mad:
    Haha I'm sure I've caused men to be grumpy for worse 😅 point taken my grammer is not the best. I am open to correction though




  • ArrBee wrote: »
    There are expectations that may not be possible to fill which could lead to decrease in satisfaction
    Also, I've seen plenty of mums that wont allow the dad to take an active role.
    I don't know how that effects men who are in that situation. On the surface they can think that its great - less responsibility. But I know a lot of my satisfaction as a dad comes from that responsibility

    That's interesting I agree with that a lot of my mom friends seem to want to be boss of everything as "mom is considered most important"
    I find there's a lot of gender roles to this day however in terms of parenting. None of which I personally agree with
    Does not seem to be the case for yourself though as you said you actually enjoy the responsible aspect of it.
    Women still tend to take on the bulk of the housekeeping duties, appointments and signing off on things. Keeping up outside activities and life before kids is almost unachievable certainly in the early days and I suppose that depends on the level of support from family and friends too and obviously how many kids you have
    All my female friends think there relationships have gone down the pan after having children.
    But men are definetly easier pleased I reckon in that department




  • But OP, what is your view point ? Are you asking as a (prospective) parent, as a partner, or just an observer ?

    Then, on the point you're bringing about satisfaction decrease, tbh I think kids would have nothing to do with it: bringing up a child is one of the most genuine selfless act the two parents can do, so having kids should rather increase life satisfaction.

    Note, the economics of bringing up children anywhere is a different thing all together.

    - Another interesting aspect is how for either parent, some of own friendships might be evolving after the kids: as things seem to get easier to organize around children's social events, whoever doesn't fit a certain profile might be de-prioritized. Not always, but it does happen.
    https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/sep/14/a-letter-to-my-friends-with-children?CMP=soc_56




  • I have four kids and found I Ioved the baby years but it's gotten more difficult as they entered their teens. Don't get me wrong I love them all to bits and have no regrets but sometimes the constant bickering and sniping among them would absolutely drain you mentally. It's true their mother is better at managing the daily routines of who's going where and doing what as regards activities but that has hugely expanded her friendship circle, much more than mine. But I think we both contribute more or less equally with the parenting role in the long run. Me as the bank of dad and the resident taxi driver ;-) Herself more so for the day to day emotional support etc. Wouldn't change it...


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