Things you know because of TV...

hells angels

Things you know because of TV...

- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

- All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

- It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

- The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

- You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of you sweetheart back home.

- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

- People of TV never finish their drinks.

- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

- The chief of police is always black.

- When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

- If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.

- Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

- During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

- Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

- Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

- Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

- A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

- If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

- Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

- Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.

- All single women have a cat.

- Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

- One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

- Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

- If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello?, Hello?"

- Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

- During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

- When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

- Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.

- Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

- Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.

- No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

- If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.

- You can always find a chain saw whenever you're likely to need one.

- Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

- Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.

- Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.

- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

- It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

- Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.

- Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.

- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps...

Pugsley

Been posted a few times before, but how very very true

- All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

Why cant they reverse the L from time to time?

hells angels

Originally posted by Pugsley
Been posted a few times before, but how very very true

Sorry my bad didnt realise..:(

Mewzel

oh the hilarity!

JohnK

Where would we be without the tv???

Sauron

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

u've outdone urself again hell...what with ur 2nd extremely long list of delightful info:D

Gordon

If you can't remember her number just try 555 with some more digits after it. You'll get there after a few thousand tries.

hells angels

Originally posted by Sauron16
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

u've outdone urself again hell...what with ur 2nd extremely long list of delightful info:D

I try my best....:D

Porn movie's = It's ok to slap your dick against her face...She like's it:D

EdBanger

Hey some women do. not a lot of them I'll admit but I know two that loved that sort of thing;)

milltown

And,

That grocery bag with the french stick in it will only ever burst when you are outside your front door. And it will always have about a dozen loose oranges in it.

de5p0i1er

T.V. has thought so many lessons to us all. where would we be without it.

David Robinson

A couple more:

When leaving a room, it is compulsory to say "I'll see myself out"

Before walking around the bedroom, women always rip the sheet off the bed and wrap it around themselves.

BTW Hell's Angels - as an engineer, I say the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. :cool: