Australia

Wook

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism
Website and obviously the answers came from an Aussie Customer Service rep
(sic).

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it

rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: Actually, we import all plants fully grown and then just sit

around watching them die.


2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking


3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the

railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...


4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.


5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of

places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.


6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send
me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What exactly did your last slave die of?


7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
Australia?(USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does

not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.


8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees.

Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.


9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.


10.Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which

is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna BoysChoir plays every Tuesday

night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.


11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No, WE don't stink.


12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of

youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.


13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?


14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female

population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.


16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)

A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.


17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers.

Milk is illegal.


18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can

dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All

Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and

make good pets.


19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I

forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out

of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them,
although you

personally should be safe enough. If you are still worried you can scare
them off by

spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.


21. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the

girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to pay her by the hour, just like last time.


22. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

hells angels

Lol some very good one's there....

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees.

Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Pugsley

19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them, although you personally should be safe enough. If you are still worried you can scarethem off byspraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

rofl! that ones great, some real good ones there, been posted before ages ago , forgot most of em tho.

JohnK

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking

lol