Other half flirting

LegacyUser

It has just been brought to my attention that my girlfriend (of a few months now) is a pretty big flirter when she is out without me. I havn't been given specifics but still, I'd be lying if I said that this isn't getting under my skin a little bit. But how do I bring it up with her without making it sound like I don't trust her? Or is it nothing? What should I do?

Doodee

tbh, u cant stop her from flirting, you could try something stupid like flirt with other girls when she is around, but tbh, i wouldnt go playing games.

best thing to do is just chill, if you know she wont do anything, then a bit of flirting wont hurt. if the fact is that you dont trust her, then you will simply have to talk to her, let her know it bothers you, and what happens afterwards depends on what she wants from your relationship.

gud luk

cournioni

Originally posted by Doodee
tbh, u cant stop her from flirting, you could try something stupid like flirt with other girls when she is around, but tbh, i wouldnt go playing games.

best thing to do is just chill, if you know she wont do anything, then a bit of flirting wont hurt. if the fact is that you dont trust her, then you will simply have to talk to her, let her know it bothers you, and what happens afterwards depends on what she wants from your relationship.

gud luk

I totally agree. Every woman flirts when they are already going with someone else. It's just in their nature to do it. Just try and trust her. If she doesn't do anything apart from flirt with them then there shouldn't be a problem.

seamus

I'm probably going to be eaten alive for this, but.....

Women seem to have a greater need to assert themselves than men. Men rarely need to be told they're attractive. As someone said before, most men have an inflated sense of their own attractiveness and so can usually get by, fairly secure as to where they stand on the attractiveness ladder. If he has a girlfriend already, then it's not really important if any other women find him attractive. It's nice if a women does comment to you, or come onto you, but you can live without it.

Most women however are the opposite. They usually rate themselves waay less attractive then they are, and have more fragile egos then men. A women will get frustrated and even break up with a boyfriend who doesn't tell her how gorgeous she is at least once a day. She may roll her eyes, and say "Oh, yeah right, look at the state of me, but she actually does really appreciate it". As Homer said "When it comes to compliments, Women are ravenous, bloodsucking monsters, always wanting more, More, MORE!", and never a truer word has been said.

When she's out with her mates, it's almost second nature for her to flirt with men. I wouldn't let it worry you. If you trust her, then there shouldn't be a problem. If you don't trust her, maybe you should have a look at why, and deal with it. There's a huge difference between flirting for fun/ego and serious flirting. Unless the people telling you about it are telling you that she's dancing crotch-to-crotch or nose to nose with men, or doing other blantant flirting things such as holding onto their arms for the entire night, then it's not really a big deal. She may even not be aware that she's doing it. If she's arty farty, or even worse, a thespian (as mine is), they tend to be very touchy-feely, and it shouldn't be interpreted as flirting or attraction. Some women are also naturally touchy-feely with everyone. It took me a while to get over that hurdle

YoungNastyMan

i agree with seamus,
women crave the attention.
example

---

One of my girlfriends mates, no longer goes too her regular club anymore, because the last 3 times she was there, she didnt get as much attention from random lads as she usally would, and she's been going there 4 two years.
probably a good thing though the place is a dive.

so In a Muddle dont worry about it, It's in her nature, she probably dose'nt even realise that she's doing it.

But if she goes any further than LIGHT flirting, (dump her) set her free into her natual habitat, of trendy disco bars with 3 floors, and some dj from a mediocre radio station, where there's drink promotions on WKD and smirnof ice, and th people are all the same..........im rambling now
good bye and good luck

ferdi

dont say it to her if its only mild, sure who is she going home with at the end of the night;)

YoungNastyMan

who is she going home with at the end of the night

i hate that saying,
My mates use it if there 'birds' are on the dance floor, with another fella.
They say ' I don't care as long as she's coming home with me at the end of the nite'

and im like DUDE, your girlfriends got another mans DiC.K in her mouth, and now the rest of the dance floor are forming a Que!!!



however it's relevant to the topic.
so il let that one pass

ferdi

yeah, it is quite a naff saying really

[edit: to remove the bull****. Ferdi this is the second post of your i've editted today that is just so off topic its not funny. Please stop. << Fio >> ]

Typedef

Yeah hello, get a grip.

If your chick is up for flirting with other fellas when she is out, then perhaps, she is up for more, you know, maybe 'sometime' she might feel neglected by you and do more then just flirt....... more to the point when you aren't there to supervise her... if your chick openly firts with men when you are watching her... what do you think might happen when she goes out with her mates on Saturday night (x)?

Are you really that gullable... if this thought hadn't occured to you, would you really be consulting the great cake right now?

If it were me, I'd ask myself why it was my supposedly monogamous girlfriend was flirting with other men..... then again... mine never do

Cuidado con el gato Nino.

ferdi

bastardo! es nino passe con spoucho!!!

Typedef

speaking in tounges hmm?

I have this effect on women... and interweb trolls... (sigh)....

CuLT

Originally posted by YoungNastyMan

They say ' I don't care as long as she's coming home with me at the end of the nite'

and im like DUDE, your girlfriends got another mans DiC.K in her mouth, and now the rest of the dance floor are forming a Que!!!
B]

ROFL.

Doodee

typie, you really dont trust women do you.

Like seamus said, they do like the attention, they would be lying to you if they said they didnt.

As long as she doesnt go past teh flirting then its ok, there is no problem, its just words. but like i said, it depends on what people want from a relationship.

If i was out and the other half was at home, and some girl flirted with me, I'm sure I'd flirt back, simply cause I like the attention and so do they, but the simple fact is I would not go further than that, and I believe that neither would the other half, your together for a reason, so unless your relationship is going down the tube, then i doubt you have anything to worry about.Jealousy is only natural in human nature, and its healthy aslong as people dont go overboard. Just go with the flow, your bird will appreciate you more for it in the long run.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Typedef
If your chick is up for flirting with other fellas when she is out, then perhaps, she is up for more, you know, maybe 'sometime' she might feel neglected by you and do more then just flirt....... more to the point when you aren't there to supervise her... if your chick openly firts with men when you are watching her... what do you think might happen when she goes out with her mates on Saturday night (x)?

sorry Typie, but that's total and utter rubbish!
I think you are well aware that I have done the odd bit of flirting myself, but it's all harmless fun and would never go further than that!
unless, of course, you think I'll be round to your gaf any day now to try out that whip

Wook

is flirting not a thing girls do , to test the water and see how fine it is ?
I personally hate it when they do it when i am around and will make a point of it to tell her. I am pretty upset if they do and would dump them easily.
Why would they chase other guys? do they really need that attention of being miss popular ? or is it something more sexual related ?

Typedef

Originally posted by Beruthiel

unless, of course, you think I'll be round to your gaf any day now to try out that whip

Is that an offer?

Maybe it's just I know how I am (or was).... and I transfer my own utter lack of principals onto the women I go out with..... maybe... I've just been trolling on boards too long tough*

*nah

sceptre

Originally posted by YoungNastyMan
They say ' I don't care as long as she's coming home with me at the end of the nite'

and im like DUDE, your girlfriends got another mans DiC.K in her mouth, and now the rest of the dance floor are forming a Que!!!

Now, that's funny:D

patch

Then again...... if my mates/gf's mates were telling me quietly that her indoors was flirting in my absence, I'd wonder why I was being told this???

Perhaps your supposed to now have your wits about you and spot the other 15 tell-tale signs that she's sharing the sweets around loike??;)

Samson

Originally posted by In a muddle
...my girlfriend (of a few months now) is a pretty big flirter when she is out without me.

She's a whore.
Get rid of.
Quick.

Doodee

Originally posted by Samson
She's a whore.
Get rid of.
Quick.

Err, not necessarily. Just cause she flirts does not make her a whore; if you flirt with another girl when you’re already dating does that make you a slut?

TBH, its really down to the person, I always look for the best in a person, and unless they prove me otherwise like to think of them in the best possible light. I stand to loose a lot of friends that way and also get hurt, but I also have made a lot of really good people and friends and sometimes "other halves" that way.

Gah, don’t think there’s anything else I can add that I haven’t already said.

STaN

Originally posted by seamus
Women seem to have a greater need to assert themselves than men. Men rarely need to be told they're attractive. As someone said before, most men have an inflated sense of their own attractiveness and so can usually get by, fairly secure as to where they stand on the attractiveness ladder. If he has a girlfriend already, then it's not really important if any other women find him attractive. It's nice if a women does comment to you, or come onto you, but you can live without it.

Most women however are the opposite. They usually rate themselves waay less attractive then they are, and have more fragile egos then men. A women will get frustrated and even break up with a boyfriend who doesn't tell her how gorgeous she is at least once a day. She may roll her eyes, and say "Oh, yeah right, look at the state of me, but she actually does really appreciate it". As Homer said "When it comes to compliments, Women are ravenous, bloodsucking monsters, always wanting more, More, MORE!", and never a truer word has been said.

LOL sounds like me. I'm a man but wouldnt go so far to break up with some1 if they didnt compliment me, but i like the occasionaly one. I must have at least SOME woman inside me

Seraphina

yeah methinks seamus got it right there. its the attention thing, its just nice to feel wanted

Doodee

Gh, bloody attention whores

thedrowner

well i think it is a female nthing but not all girls do it. some girls are just naturally very friendly, and flirty (guys don't really act like that). it gets mistaken sometimes by guys and they pick up wrong signals and think a girl is interested romantically when the girls isnt.

maybe the reason she's a little bit more subdued with her flirting when she's around you is because she's aware that how she acts could get up your nose....she she's calms herself a bit more around you yet when she's out she's acting like her natural self. nothing wrong with this, it's just a trait of hers and you'll have to cope with it if u want things to stay the way they are.

Kai

To be perfectly honest it cheapens her and it cheapens your relationship, the fact that people have said it to you means it isnt you being paranoid, it is in fact bad enough for other people to notice.
Flirting on its own is harmless but not when its done to the degree she is doing it, i wouldnt do that to my G-F because its not on and will lead to problems in the relationship for no reason [it already has in yours]. The bottom line is i wouldnt stand for it, knowing me id talk to her about it openly, but as women have a knack of taking minor criticisisms as major insults she would no doubt jump to the conclusion you dont trust her. but whats worse, her getting mad at you for mistakenly thinking you dont trust her, or knowing she is flirting with people when she is out.
Id say if she is worth keeping then she will understand why it bothers you and will make an effort to stop, if she doesnt then look for something better.
Harsh maybe but its better than finding out she running around on you down the road.

Seraphina

Originally posted by Doodee
Gh, bloody attention whores

speak for yourself

johnnynolegs

Originally posted by thedrowner
well i think it is a female nthing but not all girls do it. some girls are just naturally very friendly, and flirty (guys don't really act like that).

but then again some guys are just as flirty as any women i don't think it s a thing u can label just girls with

GuanYin

I wouldn't feel worried at all.

So she flirts, the fact of the matter is, she has chosen to go out with you. It doesn't mean that she has to become a nun though. She should still be able to have fun with her friends without you going postal.

If she is going to cheat, then she is going to and no "talk" you have with her about flirting will make a blind bit of difference, so until you hear otherwise, I'd assume its harmless flirting, feel flattered that a girl who is obviously attractive has decided to go out with you and stop being so paranoid.


And remember, if she has alot of single friends, they probably go out flirting and having fun. She will be alot unhappier if you deny her that and possibly cut her off from her friends...

Kell

Erm.......................... he has only been going out with her for a few months so not really long enough to develop trust in her I would say.

Depends on how far the flirting goes I think before he decides whether to open his mouth or not. I went out with a girl who was constantly talking about other blokes, flirting with other blokes and how if she wasn't in a relationship she'd be with x and it drove me up the wall until I told her to shut the fúck up talking about other blokes.

Personally I would agree with patch69 that if her mates were telling him she was off flirting loads that there might be something more than just flirting going on or flirting that might escalate into something else. I think muddles should wait until he witnesses first hand what goes on before opening his mouth.

His GF's mates obviously like him enough to tell him about their friends bhaviour so why doesnt he get them to tell him where they are going on a night out and happen to chance along and observe from a distance? Bit stalkish? Hmmnnn.... mebbe.

K-

johnnynolegs

Originally posted by In a muddle
It has just been brought to my attention that my girlfriend (of a few months now) is a pretty big flirter when she is out without me. I havn't been given specifics but still, I'd be lying if I said that this isn't getting under my skin a little bit.

he never said that it was his girlfriends mates who said it to him so how do you know muddle that you can trust the info.?

how do u know it is not some sh1t st1rrer?

uberwolf

If it was just the *ordinary* girl looking for attention flirting would ur/her mates really need to bring it to ur attention? cos i reckno that ordinary flirting is so expected its not even noticed by people...

Kell

Originally posted by johnnynolegs
he never said that it was his girlfriends mates who said it to him so how do you know muddle that you can trust the info.?

how do u know it is not some sh1t st1rrer?

Twue twue. Could be some girl looking for to get a shot of his love truncheon by driving a wedge between himself and the missus.

K-

Typedef

Yeah and girls who go out without their boyfriends, consume drink and flirt with other blokes are (a) up for it or (b) secretly crying for help via gossip getting back to the boyfriend?

Answer : 40% divorce rate, number one reason, infedility.
Welcome, to the world of Virgin Cinemas.

Typedef : Mean, when he's single... not much better when he's not. muhaha.

Wolf

The important thing is who she goes home with at the end of the night really.

Although I would also say that if this flirting is a problem for you then there is a problem. So you ahve to take it up with her otherwise youll never trust her.

Simple really.

patch

Nah, the important thing is that you don't trust her. so much so that your posting on here about it.

We all know what we want from a relationship, just because someone on here thinks different doesn't make it ok.....

You already know what you should do, it's black and white- your not pleased, tell her, judge from the answer if your supisions are correct. If you put your head in the sand your aiming towards a world of pain later on;)

pretty-in-pink

oh dear god! Flirting is jus something people do, shea with you ffs, but if you and the countless other virgin morons who think flirting is a sign of 2being up for it" why not form a secret society where you bitch bout women. christ what age are you?? 4?


GET A LIFE

johnnynolegs

good answer pertty i applaud thee

patch

Originally posted by pretty-in-pink
oh dear god! Flirting is jus something people do, shea with you ffs, but if you and the countless other virgin morons who think flirting is a sign of 2being up for it" why not form a secret society where you bitch bout women. christ what age are you?? 4?


GET A LIFE

well said. very intelligent. note to self....... must read all of thread before I reply* in future.



* Sarcasm included in reply. Little girls need not take offence.

thedrowner

Originally posted by johnnynolegs
but then again some guys are just as flirty as any women i don't think it s a thing u can label just girls with

yes i can and i will

but you don't really.....it's not a very masculine thing to be very touchy feely with people of the opposite and same sex. im not saying men don't do it....but i will say ive never seen guys do it, other than my gay mates. i take that back. i've seen one sci fi nerd do it. and he scared me. men and women flirt in completely different ways, and i think that's just basically why i think you see it in womn more, because it's more obvious....and then in osme women its more obvious than in others.

smiles

flirting is fun, some people do it naturally all the time, it could be an attention seeking thing, it could be a time passing thing.

I flirt with guys, *shrug* so shoot me, generally when I have a boyfriend i wouldnt seriously flirt with anyone, but there would still be flirtatious overtones in some of my conversations, or so i'm told, i barely notice myself, i'm just being nice.

<< Fio >>

johnnynolegs

ah but u did not say that drowny person u said women are just more flirty u didn't explain how u meant flirty

thedrowner

(bite me JNL...oh and i'm still waiting on a reply from you about deirdre o kane)

i'm sure u knew what i meant if a guy flirted with me the way women flirt with guys i'd be worried. i'm not really a flirty person myself, i dont think, im semi-touchy feely and i think when im out i'm less so. but some girls are unbelieveable. i have a mate who i just cringe when i see her flirting, and she has a boyfriend, and she's very goodlooking. i've slagged her over it a few times, and she doen't think she's flirting...she's so damant about it i reckon it's natural and so i've given up warning her about how some guys might misconstrew it.

The CowHorse

um patch69 and others who were not saying how sad it is etc that women flirt i wasnt talkin to you but to all the people who were going on like its d end of d world. Its an attention thng and lods of guys flirt to, or at least seek attention.
i read all the post and i know some of you have brains! flirting is natural and anyone who knows that obviously knows a lot, anyone who doesnt is just plain innocent.


that said there are times when its to much, i.e. handing out your number at a club, doin it on purpose to wind your partner up, sticking your toungue down someone elses throat etc.

In-a-,uddle..........talk to your girlfriend and try wotk it ot if its a serious problem. And dont believe everything you hear....its not always true. and even if it is she could have any number of reasons. Lokk at your behaviour too---problems are rarely all one persons fault

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Typedef

but if you and the countless other virgin morons who think flirting is a sign of 2being up for it" why not form a secret society where you bitch bout women.

Generally and I stress generally.... as opposed to blanking a guy... a girl lets him know her interest.

This communication of amourous intent is sometimes called flirting.

For example I am not generally speaking up for sex with men... thus... I don't flirt with them...

I am generally speaking up for sex with certain women... I flirt with those women....

Besides... it's much more fun to bitch about women in public... when you can get some of the more rabid ones to loose their cool.

go on... you know you want to.

Here have some bait:

Since you'd have use believe you are such an experienced lover (as compared to ... some of us...) .... why not share with the secret interweb dweller-types?

I charge €500 an hour FYI.

johnnynolegs

u wish drowny u wish

flirting is a very natural thing and people should not be pissed off by it

Samara

Hey In a Muddle, you've been told she's flirting but haven't been given specifics so you don't know if she's sitting on blokes knees, flashing at them, touching them, fluttering her eyelashes or just exchanging some light banter....not very much to go on really. Is the source of this very vague info reliable or might he/she have ulterior motives. Light banter is a form of flirting that I partake in myself as does my boyfriend, and it causes no problems for either of us. It's harmless fun. If it's a natural part of her personality there's not much you can do about it. If that's all it is, I can tell you now she will be far from impressed if you make an issue out of it!!

johnnynolegs

exactly samara i couldn't agree more