My partner suffers from manic depression

TheDuke

Hi there,

I am a frequent user of boards.ie and just stumbled across this section by accident. Having read a few it seems like the bulk of the replies are quite genuine so I thought I'd give it a bash.

My partner suffers from (rapid cycle) manic depression. We have been together for over many years and she has suffered from it since I met her. Following the birth of our first child she also suffered from post natal depression.

As her partner, this puts me under incredible and even unbearable physical, mental and physiological pressure. I do not have any relatives near by and most of these, including my friends just could not comprehend what this actually means so any support ends up being patronising (those with partners suffering from depression will know what I mean).

My partner works very hard at controlling the illness and is in general quite a successful person, including professionally. But I do not really want to discuss all the treatments as this is something I am heavily involved in every day but never really get any space to talk about myself.

Even after the entire storm has passed and the emotional well being of the home is re-established (this happens allot faster now since I do not take any of the verbal abuse to heart - which I did in the past) the finances are usually in a mess.

So it is like living in cyclical crisis to the next and I find that unbelievably tiring and pointless.

I am not thinking of taking any drastic actions, and in fact I would not want to live with another person, but I am interested in how others out there are coping.

The Duke : ))

thedrowner

um,not very supportive of me to say but i went out with somone like that and i couldn't cope.

but one thing i will suggest is visiting a councellor to talk about it coz it helped me deal with that, and the councellor had some helpful stuff to say about the situation (or end of it). perhaps if i'd gone sooner it would've lasted but i didnt realised how down it had got me until it was too late.

Silent Grape

hey, im sorry for your situation.

my boyfriend has a hard time dealing with me sometimes but couples therapy helped a lot. maybe you could suggest it to her if u havent talked about it before.

having ur own support system is really important (but imsure u know that). is there any way u could create ur own support by picking up a new hobby or anything (im SO sorry for being so cheesy) but u knwo what im getting at

u can only take care of ur partner once uve taken care of yourself

best of luck x

mia

RapierX

I know two manics, one is completely legit. However I think the other person is someone who cant handle life at all and lets it get to him every now and then - basically he does whatever he wants, when he wants. His manic depression is a cop out. Even if you are a legit manic, there is still always a massive comprehension behind what u see do and hear. I'm not suggesting your partner is the first person or even the second, I'm stating a view. People high as kites on drugs often are not beyond the realm of cop on and sanity. However it is much easier for them to act and 'be' so. There is an alternative you are over-looking, I'm optimistic in saying that.

Annasopra

Aware have support groups for relatives of people suffering from depression

Details are available here

http://www.aware.ie/supgroup.html


They also have books available

http://www.aware.ie/literat.html

Hope this helps

TheDuke

thanks a mill for the feedback. RapierX, you might explain your point a little as I don't think I got it.

As I said, this has gone on for a long time. Through the years I have put up with allot (of course I had problems of my own). We went to councelling before but because there is such a huge stigma arround depression I heeded my parterns wishes and did not dicuss it with anyone as she would have been mortified. Thus, all of the storm was usually in the privacy of our homes, or phoning me 10 times a day and screaming down the receaver so loud that my work collegues could hear it. It even went as far that physical attacks where becomming more frequent. Now, all of this is under controll but it leaves one exeptionally shell shocked as at the end of the day it is an illness and I just happened to have stumbled into the cross fire.

I know allot of the cycles by now, the arrive in a slow three week rise then go into a rapid cycle of two weeks (i.e. speaking to herself, night mares, memory loss, in short... some really scarry ****!), and then it is three weeks back to normal. Usually these cycles coincide with the winter seasons.

Re. the note from TheDrowner, I've felt like that allot of times but under this illness she is one of the most outstanding individuals I have ever met.

Re. Silent Grape, no need to be sorry, it's just one of those things - and I made a choice to stick with it. You mention support groups, I, from my past experience, have had troubles with that. As I said before, in respect to my friends and familiy, they just can not comprehend what it is like - they may even know someone who is passive depressed, which in comparision is tame (no disjustice intended here, but I am taking about the impact it has on the partner and not on the sufferer). I once attended a self help group, without professional guidance, and (my appologies if I offend) where broken spirits feeling sorry for them selves. Although, I am going to give the Aware Session for Spouses a shot and see how it goes. Also, I am trying to find out how exactly to take care of myself between work, kids, home, study (part time distance), finances and my partner. Something gives somewhere!

The only one to date that I could properly talk to is her mother as she is about the only one I know proplery understands the issue having been on the recieving end just like me, but then again it is not fair of me to put further pressure on her.

It is only in the past few months, now after years that she has finally accepted the severity (and indeed I fully understand the severity) am I discussion this openly... so maybe over time something might develop.

Thanks again....

The Duke : ))