how shallow is shallow?

WhiteWashMan

ok, ive asked this before here, but with the spate of guy/gurl questions coming out at the moment, i want to find out what constitutes as 'shallow'.

ive just seen the corinthian comment on girls being as shallow as guys, but what really constitutes shallow?

is it a bloke only interested in a bird with big títs?
is it a girl who is only interested in the size of a blokes wallet?

but at the end of the day, if someone knows what the want in a partner (he has to have a car, a well paid job and a huge knob), dont they have the right to go and get what they want without people saying they are shallow, and that you should only go for people who are 'decent' and have good personalities?

for example, i would only go out with someone who is good looking, who is not fat, who is intelligent, who i can trust, who has nice títs, who is funny and who doesnt have any really weird personality traits.
thats my list of things that i check off when i look for a woman!
does it make me shallow because i want a woman who is stunning?
or does it make sense?
should i go out with someone because she is all the above, except she is fat? should that be 'good' enough for me, and i should i stop being shallow?

or if im thinking of entering a relationship, should i ensure that the person i am going to spend a long time with, is someone i love an over level, including eye candy level and not fat?

is calling a woman a gold digger right becuase she has the forethought not to go out with some loser who is going to be unemployed for the next 10 years?
and if i demand my woman has nice títs and a great ass, doesnt a woman have the right to have a bloke with a donkey sized cóck?

seems to me the shallow people have their heads screwed on, and the not shallow people are the fat ugly poor people of the world.

what you reckon?

Typedef

If you are honest about your motives, then I don't think it's shallow to want what you want out of a relationship.

Pretending you like a girl's personailty and humour when you really just like the sway of her tits is shallow.

Pretending you like a guy for his personality/knob, when you actually like him for his wallet is shallow.

Basically, so long as you are honest, I don't think shallow enters into the equation.

The Clown Man

Shallow is an excuse for ugly people.

Either that or people who can't face that they do not have what is desired of them.

Some people want certain particular things in a woman/man. Whether you believe that they are right or wrong to want them is irrelevant. Shallow is a judgement of someone who doesn't understand/agree.

Some people have high expectations. They only want everything.

Some people want things that are important to them regardless of how everyone else sees them.

I have no problem with these people. Best of luck to them.


Personally, I think that the most important trait in a woman is that she is intelligent. Although I can't maintain a decent relationship with a girl that isn't stunning and great to show off to everyone else!

Beëlzebooze

I think the shallow factor only applies if you are looking at the package, not the contents.

WWM you have quite a few physical requirements that your partner has to live up to, but you also state that she must ne funny, inteligent and trustworthy. You have to sak yourself what is more important, the physical or the emotional.

if you decide that a dumd, boring, slapper, who has georgeos t!ts, scrumptious buns, etc. could be your GF, then yes you are shallow. But on the other hand, if you become attracted to a girl who is intelligent, funny, trustworthing, but does not live up to your physical expectations, I suppose you are not really shallow.

anyway, that's my 2cents worth.

Wook

i find it most annoying that girl -friends of mine sometimes moan and bitch because mr celeb-look alike doesnt fit their way of life. Is actually just dumb with a incredible sense of fashion and a good haircut.

to go on and on about how badly they are treated but yet.. they rather parade around with this person then dump him. (status symbol?).

and i agree, if your honest... it's ok to be picky. but dont say i like your looks and the 'Inner beauty' is the most important thing if you just wanne have a regular shag or need to parade around with your silly dumb doll.

Beruthiel

If you are honest about your motives, then I don't think it's shallow to want what you want out of a relationship

totally agree Typie!

also - as far as I'm concerned
each of us have opinions about what is shallow and what is not, and we tend to judge others on that basis
c'est tout!

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by Beëlzebooze
I think the shallow factor only applies if you are looking at the package, not the contents.

.

now this is my point.
i didnt say it was only about someones títs or arse, or legs. i said some people would find these things desirable ina woman and couldnt give a toss about the others. is it shallow to want a beautiful girlfriend, and if shes nice, hey, a bonus?

Originally posted by Beëlzebooze


WWM you have quite a few physical requirements that your partner has to live up to, but you also state that she must ne funny, inteligent and trustworthy. You have to sak yourself what is more important, the physical or the emotional.

why cant i have it all?
is it a fact you are only allowed 3 nice things about a person, and thats it?
am i only allowed to nice things if its physical and exclude anything about them as a person, and vice versa?
why cant i make the decision, and be picky and decide i only want a woman who will live up to my check list of many things?

Originally posted by Beëlzebooze

if you decide that a dumd, boring, slapper, who has georgeos t!ts, scrumptious buns, etc. could be your GF, then yes you are shallow.

why?
why is that shallow?
because ive actually admitted that i like good looking women, and not fat ugly women?
is that bad?
why?

Originally posted by Beëlzebooze
But on the other hand, if you become attracted to a girl who is intelligent, funny, trustworthing, but does not live up to your physical expectations, I suppose you are not really shallow.

.

why?
at least give me a reason as to why you say these things.

Originally posted by Beëlzebooze
anyway, that's my 2cents worth.

i want your 10c worth
i want you to explain your reasoning.
i didnt start a thread so you could call me shallow, i started a thread so i could understand why people are called shallow for wanting diferent things in a partner.

Beëlzebooze

read your post again, then read my reply!

I didn't call YOU shallow, I was making a comparison.

I was only saying that some people are ONLY interested in the physical goodies, they don't give a hoot about the "person". Others are way more interested in the intelectual goodies, them I would not call shallow.

YOU want it all t!ts, A$$ and a brain, so a good looking girl who is dumb a dung, would not be your choice, hence YOU are not what I would consider shallow, just hard to please. There is a difference.

Kell

Damn!!- there was I thinking that this was a thread about the size of womens boxes. Ah well-

I think my slant on it would be that my own definition of shallow is going out with someone as either a status symbol or something to show off while having little in common with them on a cerebral level.

In answer to your question, yes I would think that it would be shallow to have a beautiful girlfriend if niceness was a bonus. Would you go out with a beautiful woman who was a cow to you?

Gold Digger would be someone I would define as one who NEVER puts their hand in their pocket for anything and expects you to pick up the tab the whole time.

Oh and lastly, I think wanting someone for the packaging is sort of demeaning to yourself (not in the first person). I think that if I were to go out with a stunner with little personality, I would feel the relationship lacking and probably wind up dumping her (have a past record of it too).

Thats my 10c worth anyways.

K-

Doodee

should i go out with someone because she is all the above, except she is fat? should that be 'good' enough for me, and i should i stop being shallow?
[\Quote]

Well, tbh, you cant exactly go out with some1 who u are repulsed by, well u can, but u wont have a long term relationship.
That saying "Beuty is in the eye of the beholder" its very true.
Fact is, that if u have a girl/guy who can have an intellectual debate on whatever topic, make you laugh, cheer you up when your feeling sad, worry about you when your worrying yourselve ect ect, then you will find them beutiful.

taking people for face value is superficial. Just cause a woman has big cahoonas doesnt mean she wont be obnoxious and a money grabber.
And if a woman did go after a man just because of the size of his wallet, it wont last long when the guy cant maintain her "High Standards"

If your shallow, you'll end up being paired with some who is also shallow, and that will be an incredibly volitile relationship.

shallow for me is not taking into consideration the feelings of other, and like u said eamo, that would include being in a relationship for what you can gain, not what u can give.

what goes around comes around....

WhiteWashMan

i dont think there was gain mentioned there.

what im saying is that you set yourself a set of check boxes. and when you meet a person, you tick off thise check boxes when each item is satisfied. whether it be physical beauty (and yes, beaty is in the eye of the beholder, we wont even go into what is considered good looking! im just assuming stereotypical FHM beauty as a benchmark!)

people would class me as shallow, because i want a beatiful girlfriend. for me, how a woman looks is as equaly important as her other characteristics.
people keep making the assumption that beauty and intelligence ceem to be a sort of trade off!
and it isnt.

Beelzebub, i wasnt implying that you were calling me shallow as such, i was just responding in the first person.

and for the resord, if someone puts a big wallet or a nice pair of breasts above the actual personality of the person they are with, that is the same as saying that a good sense of humour is important.
its just different characteristics and traits wanted.
and i think thats my point really

kell, some people would like a relationship with a beautiful woman where there was not much intellectual interaction. and if both of you are happy with that, whats the problem?

Kell

Depends on the level of the relationship you want really. A lack of intellectual activity is fine, but I couldent see myself marrying someone like that.

Example: Recently hooked up with a reasonable stranger as fúck buddies. Outside of the bedroom there is no relationship and it suits fine but there is no long term viability.

The Corinthian

I doubt if either gender has a monopoly on shallowness. Also one may be shallow in one relationship (with a fsck buddy type, for example) and not for others. I’ll freely admit to being shallow in 95% of the relationships (relationship being a term I apply loosely) I’ve had.

Of course, there are those who can be classified as shallow because they don’t realize that they are shallow. Egocentric behaviour tends to be the common thread, where the shallow individual will seek and conduct a relationship on their own terms, not realizing that it takes two to... err... tango. It could be a guy who is looking for a trophy girlfriend of unfeasible, and generally unhealthy, dimensions or a gal looking for Mr. Right to marry her and whisk her off to the burbs.

In either case, they will be blissfully, and often self-righteously, oblivious of their condition. Fortunately they’re easy to spot and even easier to make fun of.

Originally posted by Kell
Example: Recently hooked up with a reasonable stranger as fúck buddies. Outside of the bedroom there is no relationship and it suits fine but there is no long term viability.

I thought you got back with your gf though?

Typedef

I thought you got back with your gf though?

Maybe that's what she thinks and

Example: Recently hooked up with a reasonable stranger as fúck buddies.

that's what he thinks.

Typedef : single right now and enjoying cynicism

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Typedef
Typedef : single right now and enjoying cynicism

Sorry to hear that...

Actually, you wouldn't mind if I gave you ex a call then..?

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by The Corinthian
Sorry to hear that...

Actually, you wouldn't mind if I gave you ex a call then..?

she cant talk right now anyway. its rude to talk with your mouth full.

/me pats on head.

but i digress.....

Kell

Originally posted by The Corinthian
I thought you got back with your gf though?

Sadly reached a sorry conclusion recently. You wont catch me posting on the aftermath though in case you were worried.

Cheers-

K

Kell

Originally posted by Typedef
Typedef : single right now and enjoying cynicism

You too? What is it with this time of the year. Might have a new job on the way too. So I guess she wont be moving over from France then?

K- (Life member of the sad single cynical club)

Typedef

Originally posted by WhiteWashMan
she cant talk right now anyway. its rude to talk with your mouth full.

/me pats on head.

but i digress.....

What Keeks?

Like the man said ****... she can't come to the phone right now..... for shame girls... for shame.

Lexie

I think being shallow and being honest are very similar.

Typedef

So I guess she wont be moving over from France then?

You mean Celine right?

Umm, unfortunately, for some 'wierd' reason, said alluring French chick doesn't think it's such a great idea to leave her life, family and studies on the strength of a seven week relationship with an baldy Irish man, "I" can't see why... shurg.

thedrowner

Originally posted by Typedef
If you are honest about your motives, then I don't think it's shallow to want what you want out of a relationship. Pretending you like a girl's personailty and humour when you really just like the sway of her tits is shallow. Pretending you like a guy for his personality/knob, when you actually like him for his wallet is shallow. Basically, so long as you are honest, I don't think shallow enters into the equation.

Well, tbh, you cant exactly go out with some1 who u are repulsed by, well u can, but u wont have a long term relationship.
That saying "Beuty is in the eye of the beholder" its very true.
Fact is, that if u have a girl/guy who can have an intellectual debate on whatever topic, make you laugh, cheer you up when your feeling sad, worry about you when your worrying yourselve ect ect, then you will find them beutiful.

i completely agree with what's being said here, and what wwm says here:

people keep making the assumption that beauty and intelligence ceem to be a sort of trade off!
and it isnt.

i think it depends on how satisfied you are in a relationship. you might find yourself with someone who satisfies both physical and mental requirements, and i don't see that as shallow, waiting to be with someone who is that 'perfect'. personally, i dont think it's possible to be with someone mentally inadequate, but absolutely stunning, i couldnt bear that, and no amount of good looks would ever make it better, but i do think it's possible to find someone who is ugly and them be made attractive by their personality.

if you're not satisfied with someone in a realtionship because they lack what you require for a long term relationship then why bother. but if you find yourself being satified by someone who doesnt fit these your usual requirements i think it'd be silly to throw it away. and if you can get the best of both worlds, then that's great.

it all depends on people's opinion of shallow too.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Typedef

Originally posted by Typedef
If you are honest about your motives, then I don't think it's shallow to want what you want out of a relationship.

That said, I think it is shallow to have a relationship with someone when you don't give a damn about them, in fact it's quite malovalent to do so, because at a fundamental level you have made a choice to exploit another person and undermine that person to your own advantage.... I suppose all is fair in love and war... *

In such circumstances, what you need is one night stands with random strangers (if your self-respect is low enough) or hookers.

*quote random German soldier circa 1945 : "I was only obeying orders".

The Sweeper

Wanting things a certain way isn't shallow. It's decisive.

But why do you want them that way? Why do you want someone to appear a certain way? Is it because that's what you like, or because you want to have something to show off?

I don't think you can help who you fall for. You may find yourself falling for someone completely outside your normal target range, just because there is something about them.

But if you were to rule out a relationship with that person because you couldn't get over your own snobbery regarding what you want in a partner, that would be shallow. Not dating a fat person because you're worried what your mates will think is shallow. Not dating them because you're not attracted to them is personal choice and completely your own right.

You may decide you want a partner who has an attractive face, a good body, a sense of humour, a high level of intelligence, a great sex drive, practiced carnal abilities and a secure financial background. That's fine.

But what in the hell makes you think that someone like that would want you?

Typedef

You may decide you want a partner who has an attractive face, a good body, a sense of humour, a high level of intelligence, a great sex drive, practiced carnal abilities and a secure financial background. That's fine.

But what in the hell makes you think that someone like that would want you? [/B]

A partner for me doesn't have to be rich or 'practiced', fidelity and love would take precedence for me.

God knows, in another life I transcended that line with girls, girls who truth be told I loved.

I suppose when I grew up and stopped being such a self absorbed waste of space, I got wise.

The thing is, women don't like nice guys, they say they do, but, they go for the jerks everytime, mostly because said chicks like the idea of taming a man. Sadly once partner (x) taims partner (y), the thrill of the chase is lost.

For me, I was besotted with this one girl, for ages. We were young and it wasn't uncommon for a group of our friends to mix and match as it were. That was fine (for me) but, by the time this girl had reciprocity of my feelings for her, I had already moved away from her. I think that when she sensed me moving away, it drew her closer.

Now, while this girl... oh lets call her Sarah (so none of the names get changed) did see me on and off and my friend (Mr Blank) on and off... to the detrament of all involved... by the time she and I got together 'seriously', I justified infedility to her, on the basis of her earlier (non total comittal)... a quid pro quo if you will.

Of course in love and war, it is men who ultimately have the instinct to do murder and transcend the bounds of acceptable behavour... (that is our nature after all)... and I got caught out on a trivial mistameanour of infedility (as opposed to the crucifiable offences I had comitted) and that was the end of Sarah and me.

Now since I have the benefit of experiences like this, I have learned that such acutal shallowness is in fact an anthema to what I fundamentally am as human.

For me, it seems, the women I see these days have no idea how much of an effort I make as recompense for my earlier life, penance if you will.

Ultimately my own shallow infedility led to me loosing love, not rejection, not miles seperating us, not (whatever), just my erroneous and extraneous shallow self important inept actions.

So these days, I let women have most of the control in relationships.... as a stopgap, to my seething inner bastard, lurking and waiting to get out. Mr Hyde waits, you see.... and while women may hurt me... it is ultimately because without me being in a position where a woman has the ability to inflict emotional damage... I would most certainly revert.
Yes my girlfriends have it good... and all I expect in return... is as good as I give. Love, good sex, respect, faithfullness *, and mutual independance and interdependance.

Regards
The Bastard.


*Typedef: proslatising since 1995.

Jak

Originally posted by Minesajackdaniels
You may decide you want a partner who has an attractive face, a good body, a sense of humour, a high level of intelligence, a great sex drive, practiced carnal abilities and a secure financial background. That's fine.

But what in the hell makes you think that someone like that would want you?

Because I'm worth it.

The Sweeper

Originally posted by Jak
Because I'm worth it.

Dja reckon? :P

Doodee

Originally posted by Typedef

The thing is, women don't like nice guys, they say they do, but, they go for the jerks everytime, mostly because said chicks like the idea of taming a man. Sadly once partner (x) taims partner (y), the thrill of the chase is lost.

*Typedef: proslatising since 1995.

I disagree type, it depends on the girl, some women yea, are like that, but if they act like that they aint exactly nuts about you, there only after the fact that someday they can boast about taming the beast.

If u ask me u just gotta keep em interested

thedrowner

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
So if a bloke went with you because you wore those nice breast enhancing tops... you would be cool with it if he met your criteria?

if someone went out with me for that that he wouldnt meet my criteria what i meant it to sound like was exactly how MAJD put it :

I don't think you can help who you fall for. You may find yourself falling for someone completely outside your normal target range, just because there is something about them.

and this too is something i agree with:

But if you were to rule out a relationship with that person because you couldn't get over your own snobbery regarding what you want in a partner, that would be shallow. Not dating a fat person because you're worried what your mates will think is shallow. Not dating them because you're not attracted to them is personal choice and completely your own right.

DriftingRain

I agree with DooDee on this thread. Well Put on both of your replies

Typedef

Originally posted by Doodee
I disagree type, it depends on the girl, some women yea, are like that,

I meant more me..... though I'm sure there are women like that out there too.... so in a way... we're talking the same language..

ahem

Cheez

Liking a girl thats attrative and intelligent is fine
whats shallow is meeting a girl and knocking off items
from your set list.
I want this this this and this NOW GODAMMIT
Its the objectivity,treating a women as an object for your ego.
thats shallow and so is the secure financial thing
you just sound very arrogant
All ur list is fine if ya just want a fuk toy in ur
objects as tools brain
how do u know women wit a little fat are bad lovers?
happy happy day happy happy day hey hey

Wolf

Im not shallow at all. I dont need a girl to boost MY ego.

I mean sometimes when i wake up in the mornings I just have to be realy glad that I was born me.

Gaffo

Personally I reckon being shallow is when you only concentrate on the superficial and make no effort to look any further and make no attachments to anything.