sex question (not for the uninitiated)

LegacyUser · 04-04-2003 10:02pm #1

right i em dont know where to start with this.

ive been seeing a guy for about a month now (female here _wink_) and things have gotten to the mattress mumbo.
all good and well and stuff, he has got the stamina of a young bullock but thats where the problem does come in.
we tend to have a lot of sex. this being good.
but he hasnt popped his popper.
generally we'd be away in a hack for about an hour, changing positions, and really enjoying it, until we both collapse exhausted. happy exhausted.

i kinda mentioned this to him and he said he could have but he was holding back, i dunno i guess i dont really believe him and im starting to think its me.

cause like the first time we started doing stuff and we were doing the foreplay thing and he just lost his errection and got really embarrased. but i kinda put him at his ease and we just kinda messed about and slept and stuff.

is it me? or is this normal? ive been with other guys and they never seemed to be able to hold back like that, if thats what he doing. or do you think it's me? what else can i say to him without implying that hes got a problem cause well it's fantastic sex, i guess i just want to know he's really enjoyin it

LegacyUser · 04-04-2003 10:04pm

ah yeah just readin that i come across like a 15 year old. im not. we're both 19.

pickarooney · 04-04-2003 10:21pm

You realise 150,000 odd women now hate you for having such a so-called "problem" ?

I dunno, get the old jaws working?

Doodee · 04-04-2003 10:35pm

Just a question, is he wearing protection.

and if so what kind. there are condoms that tend to give men the extra go, but i'm not sure to what extent that works.

LegacyUser · 04-04-2003 10:41pm

well my jaws work. and i employ them a lot. and i know im good at it as thats what really got other guys ive been with off. just he enjoys it but doesnt finish
this is with/without condoms depending on the time doesnt seem to make a difference

logic1 · 04-04-2003 10:44pm

He's jerking off too much. Ban him from **** for a week.

.logic.

DeadBankClerk · 04-04-2003 11:35pm

i concurr. from :much: experience

Falkorre · 05-04-2003 12:13am

lol

seriously tho' this is actually more common than most people think or will admit to.

first thing you need to do is talk about it, to him, maybe he is able to hold back, or maybe he does have this problem, but either way, I doubt the problem if it is indeed a problem is down to you.

if it turns out that he cannot function in this manner, then there are several ways to correct this, it is usually not a permanent disorder, and is usually a psychological issue rather than a Physical disorder that causes this.

Talking usually helps, also knowing and talking about each others turn-ons can help, trying many creative positions and scenarios also can be effective.

However, if none of this helps (but do remember it wont happen overnight usually if it works it will probably take a while, there are no majik solutions in this life), then it is wise to try to encourage him to discuss it with a doctor (remind him it dosent have to be with his familly GP tho

)

Aside from that, if I were you, i would relax, have fun, and keep talking, talking, and last of all, talking to him, that can sort out more than u think.

good luck, an remember, too much dosent make it drop off, and if I were you Id stock up on the massage oils, they can work wonders too!

(NB: if it *is* fantastic sex as u said, then it is just that, fantastic, why worry?)

B

daveirl · 05-04-2003 1:33am

This post has been deleted.

karma kabbage · 05-04-2003 1:58am

i may be just looking for the easy answer...but have you ever just told him women like it when their guys come too? i mean i know you've talked lots etc... great, but have you ever simply siad you enjoy when he 'enjoys' it too

vac · 05-04-2003 4:33am

Maybe hes gay.

Renton · 05-04-2003 8:32am

mabye you're gay.

sisob · 05-04-2003 8:46am

Don't forget that guys are more like women than a lot of people think. Well some guys at least.

Psychological stimulation might help you bring him over the edge. Check out www.women.com for some interesting/funny info about male fantasies etc...

Also, men benefit from foreplay too, not going to get explicit but try teasing him a bit before you go on your marathon shags. The more a person wants it the better it feels when you get it.

elexes · 05-04-2003 9:00am

dont worry every guy holds back tho not to the success rate he is . he seems to be n-joying it so why worry if he wasnt im sure he would not want to do it as often . it sounds like ur having a lot of fun but as was already said if it is that mutch of a problom i think you should talk to him about it as that can solve a lot of the probloms

Gordon · 05-04-2003 9:04am

I was like that consistantly with a gorgeous babe i once went out with. At the time I gained so much pleasure from trying to please her that I didn't want it to stop so I'd hold back as much as possible.

Looking back there could have been a partial reason of not wanting to open up to this woman but tbh I can't remember which woman in my past it was so I can't quite tell you if that is true or not.

I don't see it as a problem. Enjoy it for all its worth and if you have a beautiful relationship outside the bedroom then cool.

Dooom · 05-04-2003 9:50am

Originally posted by Renton
mabye you're gay.

LOL i know this's childish but does no one else find that funny?

i assume he was talking to vac? lol anyway

ferdi · 05-04-2003 11:03am

is he drunk most of the time?

a close...ehh...friend of mine, finds it difficult to get things going when he has any drink taken and getting to the "grande finale" is practicatly impossible for my...close friend, when he is in anyway drunk.;)

LegacyUser · 05-04-2003 11:12am

Coke and pills can have that effect too, but as responsible law abiding citizens I'm sure thats not a factor in this case.

LegacyUser · 05-04-2003 12:17pm

right well in answer to several things, teasing is a big thing for both of us. we spend hours in lectures just provoking each other, before heading back to his place. and sometimes we'd just meet and go for it.
massage oils have been heartily employed, only when theres no condom to be used - it eats them or something. but theres normal massages/teasing otherwise.
as for condoms desensitizing it for him, this happens even where theres no condom
i've told him that itd really make it for me if he came but he just says he prefers being able to go for hours and i dont want to end up in the "cum or else" situation
physchological stimulation? what'd ya mean?

hes not drunk all the time. sometimes yes. but a small bit of the time and hes not into drugs at all, cept tiny bit of weed, saem as me

daveirl · 05-04-2003 12:50pm

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser · 05-04-2003 1:07pm

patience and practice,he may be well able to do so by himself but in front of another person may take a little reassurance, if you know each othe rwell enuff then you can talk to each other about it, if not...?

LegacyUser · 05-04-2003 4:53pm

Can i give you one little tip that worked for me......get him to pee before ye head for the bed...don't know if it will work for him but it worked for me.

sisob · 05-04-2003 6:40pm

physchological stimulation? what'd ya mean? [/B]

well you seem to be pretty randy already - but just being kinky I guess - fantasies and stuff like that

zAbbo · 05-04-2003 6:48pm

Try inserting something into his ass, or rubbing between his ass and ball bag

...dont ask,

SuperGirly · 05-04-2003 9:10pm

I wish i had that problem with my boyfriend, he jsut cant seem to keep it up for sex. Its all well and grand when were fooling around. Hes good and up during the forplay but then when it comes down to sex his erection gos. It is the most frustrating thing ever. I really dont no what to do, he says its not me but i dont know.

pickarooney · 05-04-2003 11:12pm

Originally posted by bazH
Try inserting something into his ass, or rubbing between his ass and ball bag

...dont ask,

Ah, the old 'milking the prostate' trick. Never fails. Allegedly.

vac · 06-04-2003 4:17am

Ooooo renton, touche. This isn't your bird, is it?

Littletinyman · 07-04-2003 5:46am

-

mooman_00 · 07-04-2003 8:40am

happened to me for a while with a girlfriend of mine, didnt exactly last a month though a week or two at the most.....ive no idea why but its probably all in his head and it should pass, best of luck!........

Typedef · 07-04-2003 9:41am

Originally posted by is-it-me

is it me? or is this normal?

Look love, if you really want to finish your boyfriend off.

Mow the lawn.*

Regards
Typedef.

*Mow the lawn : Vernacular : oral sex.

Kell · 07-04-2003 10:43am

Thought I had a load of stuff to say- maybe not... ahem

Sposs · 07-04-2003 11:14am

Tell him to lay off the masterbating for a few days and dont have sex for a week and then he should come everywhere if not then you have a serious problem.

po0k · 07-04-2003 1:13pm

Originally posted by Typedef
Look love, if you really want to finish your boyfriend off.

Mow the lawn.*

Regards
Typedef.

*Mow the lawn : Vernacular : oral sex.

* Mow the lawn : shave your pubes
shlippity-shliayde, shlippity-shliayde

if you can, try some vaginal exercises, see if you "grip him"

Divine · 07-04-2003 2:16pm

well i think its because the girl is not good enough in bed cause if she can turn you on then you will cum cause like even remember your first time when you are the most nervous and you still do cum so i think its you or else he's a little bit gay. :-)

www.faceparty.com/sleekfx

spod · 08-04-2003 1:33pm

It might be a side effect of prescription medication. It's reasonably common with some treatments for stuff.

Typedef · 08-04-2003 1:44pm

Hmm.

Perhaps it is a case of you needing to take more initiative in bed.
If you are the sort who just sort of likes to lie on your back... and just sort of umm... lie there... immobile.... (aka you are lazy in bed), then perhaps if you were to try some more assertive things in bed, that might work.

You could :

Have at it in the shower.
Have at it in the bath.
Pour candlewax over your lover.
Roleplay.
Shock horror... have sex somewhere other then in 'bed'.

You could dig your nails into him when you have an orgasm... or let out a bit of a scream when you have one.

Any of the afore mentioned might get him going.

If the two of you are fond of getting drunk/stoned before sex, then skip that for a change.

Perhaps you could get some champagne... and drink it off of your lover's body.

If it were me........ that'd turn me on.

the fnj · 08-04-2003 2:23pm

I feel really sorry for your next boyfriend, has he got big shoes to fill.

DapperGent · 08-04-2003 2:48pm

Is it possible he's into the whole Tantra thing?

You know where you deliberately never come and sort of "internalise" your orgasm, you get all the pleasure associated with ejaculation but don't actually spew the porridge so to speak.

This so I hear allows for enjoyable marathon sex but at the cost of not ejaculating though apparently one's enjoyment doesn't suffer.

Good if you can manage it I guess. Sounds too much like hard work to me.

STaN · 08-04-2003 4:26pm

Originally posted by Typedef
You could :

Have at it in the shower.
Have at it in the bath.
Pour candlewax over your lover.
Roleplay.
Shock horror... have sex somewhere other then in 'bed'.

You could dig your nails into him when you have an orgasm... or let out a bit of a scream when you have one.

Any of the afore mentioned might get him going.

If the two of you are fond of getting drunk/stoned before sex, then skip that for a change.

Perhaps you could get some champagne... and drink it off of your lover's body.

If it were me........ that'd turn me on.

/me takes note

LOL i know this's childish but does no one else find that funny?

Yes hextrimely

======

Poster... you haven't mentioned if he ever came. Can he on his own? Has he ever with you at any stage?

Victor · 08-04-2003 6:33pm

Are you both happy to be together without him orgasming? For fear of being killed, is him not having an orgarm with you the end of the world?

Originally posted by is-it-me
massage oils have been heartily employed, only when theres no condom to be used - it eats them or something. but theres normal massages/teasing otherwise.

Try using talc - it shouldn't affect condoms, although you do loose some of the slippery effect. Not sure if there are water based massage oils.

Is he getting sufficient "friction" from you? Can you work on your vagina muscles?

Have you tried different types of lubricant? Tried pr0n?

And to repeat someone's question, has he orgasmed at all with you? Is it possible for him to get nearly to the point of orgasm and then you "take over"?

Gordon · 08-04-2003 6:46pm

Is talc not bad for the condom? I know oil based lubricants are bad for condoms as they can degrade them but... talc?

Victor · 08-04-2003 6:55pm

Originally posted by Gordon
Is talc not bad for the condom? I know oil based lubricants are bad for condoms as they can degrade them but... talc?

I think its safe, thats why i suggested it.

xx · 08-04-2003 9:08pm

Originally posted by is-it-me
right i em dont know where to start with this.

ive been seeing a guy for about a month now (female here _wink_) and things have gotten to the mattress mumbo.
all good and well and stuff, he has got the stamina of a young bullock but thats where the problem does come in.
we tend to have a lot of sex. this being good.
but he hasnt popped his popper.
generally we'd be away in a hack for about an hour, changing positions, and really enjoying it, until we both collapse exhausted. happy exhausted.

i kinda mentioned this to him and he said he could have but he was holding back, i dunno i guess i dont really believe him and im starting to think its me.

cause like the first time we started doing stuff and we were doing the foreplay thing and he just lost his errection and got really embarrased. but i kinda put him at his ease and we just kinda messed about and slept and stuff.

is it me? or is this normal? ive been with other guys and they never seemed to be able to hold back like that, if thats what he doing. or do you think it's me? what else can i say to him without implying that hes got a problem cause well it's fantastic sex, i guess i just want to know he's really enjoyin it

To answer the original question, I tend to do the same thing (I.m a guy, buy the way). For me, its a basic mechanical thing, I can shag for hours and not come because only having sex a certain way for me will make me cum. I think its to do with my foreskin or something (sorry for the yuck factor involved!). So, it could be this (which is deffo not your fault) or it could be the fact that he is just nervous about making you pregnant. Ok ok, he may be wearing a condom and/or you may be on the pill, but getting a girl preggers is a seriously genuine concern for some fella's, so while he is really enjoying himself, he may not be able to just 'let go' at the end. If its either of these, don't worry your head.

sceptre · 08-04-2003 10:08pm

Originally posted by Gordon
Is talc not bad for the condom? I know oil based lubricants are bad for condoms as they can degrade them but... talc?

Hmmm, dunno about talc - don't they make it out of something oil-based (like crude?)

I can however reveal (knowing someone who works at the CS desk in Tesco) that Tesco Dooradoyle sell six boxes (yes, 6!) of KY jelly every week. And it's available in a new sexy tube rather than the old toothpaste tube now apparently. Oil based though isn't it?

Not sure if there are water based massage oils.

Er, yes indeed there are.

Victor · 08-04-2003 10:42pm

Originally posted by sceptre
Hmmm, dunno about talc - don't they make it out of something oil-based (like crude?)

www.dictionary.com
"A fine-grained white, greenish, or gray mineral, Mg3Si4O10(OH)2, having a soft soapy feel and used in talcum and face powder, as a paper coating, and as a filler for paint and plastics."

Originally posted by sceptre
Oil based though isn't it?

I think its water based, thats why its popular as lube.

daveirl · 08-04-2003 11:36pm

This post has been deleted.

po0k · 09-04-2003 12:00pm

Fruit.

Play around with it.
And whipped cream.

The Clown Man · 09-04-2003 12:28pm

Next time you go at it try to dedicate the whole time to him. See what it takes, see what he likes. Ask him. Don't let him do anything for you. Just keep going at him until he realises that he's not getting away until he comes.

Sheet, if that doesn't get him started, the guy must be firing blanks.

Once he gets over the initial block you shouldn't have any more problems in the future. From a psychological aspect anyway.

cujimmy · 09-04-2003 9:33pm

could be retrograde ejaculation?

Retrograde ejaculation is where the semen travels to the bladder rather than out the urethra (the tube running from the bladder through the penis to the outside). A man will still have an erection and orgasm, but no ejaculate will be seen

Chucky · 09-04-2003 9:49pm

Did you ever think (or can u bloody notice) that maybe his foreskin could be tight? A tight foreskin can make it difficult to climax from what iv'e read. mayb he's kinda embarassed of this, and just uses the excuse of 'wanting to go for hours' to make his problrm less apparent to you.

Kell · 10-04-2003 9:02am

Let him take you in the ass and see if that works. The extra tightness might just do the trick. Be warned though. Use LOADS of KY for you and your partners sake.

K-

sex question (not for the uninitiated)

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