User Advice

Canaboid

Excuse the formatting

1. When a tech says he's coming right over, log out and go for coffee.

It's no problem for us to remember 2700 network passwords.

2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it

buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals,

dried flowers, and trophies. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply

moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

3. When tech support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete

it at once. We're probably just testing out the email system.

4. When a tech is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and explain

your problems(s) and expect him to respond immediately. We exist only to

serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.

5. When a tech is at the coffee machine or outside having a smoke, ask

him a computer question. The only reason why we drink coffee or smoke at

all is to ferret out all those users who don't have email or a telephone

line.

6. Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and

flags it as a rush delivery.

7. When you call a tech's direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual

greeting that says he's out of town for a week, record your message, and

wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the director

because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common

courtesy.

8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's

electronics in it, right?

9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer

support. We can even fix telephone problems from here.

10. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a tech's

chair

with no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love

a good mystery.

11. When you have a tech on the phone walking you through changing a

setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO anything;

we

just love to hear ourselves talk.

12. When we offer training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother

going.

We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.

13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times.

Print jobs frequently just disappear for no reason.

14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job

to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.

15. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.

16 If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go

around and update the network drivers for you and all your co-workers.

We're

grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am fixing them.

17. When you have a tech fixing your computer at a quarter past one,

eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy.

18. Don't ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!

19. When a tech asks you whether you've installed any new software on

this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your

computer.

20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your

dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were

designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.

21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the

mail

upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of crumbs, nail

clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.

22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?", click on that

Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be

doing it, would you?

23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing

about that computer crap". It never bothers us to hear our area of professional

expertise referred to as crap.

24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call tech support.

Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and

Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional

engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.

25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your

secretary

to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a

third party who doesn't know jack @#$# about the problem.

26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a

high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and

processor capacity on that mail server.

27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller

chunks.

God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the print

queue.

28. When you bump into a tech in the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a

computer question. We work 24 hours a day 7 days a week, even while at the

grocery store on weekends.

29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on

the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there

for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access

database flip out.

30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at

the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get

back to playing DOOM. We'll get right on it because we have so much free

time at the office. Everybody knows all we do is surf the Internet all

day anyway.

BossArky

Originally posted by Canaboid:
Everybody knows all we do is surf the Internet all day anyway.

So true.

Nice one though.

Shiminay

heeheehee It's funny cause it's true!!!

It truely is amazing how many people actually do All (and more) of the above...

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
My page of stuff

Lump

Yea, nice one ;P

John

Stephen

Weh weh weh

lechifre

Amen brothers!

lechifre

Amen brothers

Monty - the one and only

And I wonder why I sometimes miss my old job,(I used to be a techy)

Dave

do i detect a hint of sarcasm

well maybe its just me

Nice One

Izzo

Originally posted by Canaboid:

9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer

support. We can even fix telephone problems from here.

I know the feelin, I work in Aol tech