The EarthQuake in Limerick

Joriain

MAJOR EARTHQUAKE, MEASURING 4.8 ON THE RICHTER
SCALE, THAT EPICENTERED ON
LIMERICK'S NORTHSIDE, HIT IN THE EARLY HOURS OF FRIDAY
31st JANUARY 2003

The Earthquake decimated the area, causing
approximately EUR30 worth of
damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from
Santa Ponsa and the
Spanish Costas were damaged. Three areas of historic
and scientifically
significant burnt out cars were disturbed. Many were
woken well before their
dole-cheque arrived.

Victims could be seen wandering aimlessly muttering:
"What the F**k's going
on sham?", "Wha?" "Hey Bud, me tackies are ruined",
"Some scobe has wrecked
the gaff", and "What's your problem ya ghoul".

Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come
to terms with the fact
that something interesting but not involving e, dope,
AK-47s or samurais has
happened in Limerick. One resident, Kylie-Shakira
Mullins, a 15 year old
mother-of-three said "It was such a shock, little
Chardonnay-Mercedes came
running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two,
Tyler-Morgan and
Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still shaking when
I was watching Kilroy
Silk the next morning."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did
carry on as normal.

The Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates
of Sunny Delight to
the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers
are still searching
through the rubble and have found large quantities of
personal belongings
including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke
at Argos and bone
china from 'Pound City'.

HOW YOU CAN HELP?
This appeal is to raise clothing and food parcels for
those unfortunate
enough to be caught up in it. Clothing is most sought
after. Items required
include: - Fila, Baseball Caps, Kappa Tracksuit tops
(His and Hers), Shell
Suits (Female), White Sports Socks, Nike Air
Basketball Boots and any other
items usually sold in Penneys, Dunnes, Remix or the
market.

Food parcels may be harder to put together but
necessary all the same.
Required foodstuffs include: - Microwave meals, Tins
of Baked Beans,
battered sausages, Happy Meals, Ice Cream and cans of
Royal Dutch or Special
Brew.
Remember, EUR4 buys chips for a family of four. EUR10
can take a family to
Foynes or Bunratty for the day. EUR1.68 pays for a
return bus ticket to the
countryside where they can pick magic mushrooms to
feed the family. 22c buys
a biro for filling in a compensation claim.

Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of
"posh" housing is
unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of
Kileely, St Mary's Park
and De Ilend Field.

Mr E

Jeez... another Cork joke edited into a Limerick joke.

I suppose its more topical these days.

Carbiens

up the kingdom:p

Joriain

Does Limerick still exist..or is that a joke in itself....but don't quote me on that one..or wait do so if you can?!