How long befour I.L.U. ?

Doc · 10-02-2003 2:09pm #1

I was just wondering how long you people take befour you tell your girlfriends / boyfriends that you love them?
Do you let them say it first? Do the words scare the crap out of you?
If you realy liked a girl or guy from the start and thought you loved them how long would it take you to tell them?

Kell · 10-02-2003 2:17pm

When you are absolutely, and in no way uncertain, sure that you mean it. Brandishing those three little words around off the cuff can do a lot of damage and you need to be sure that you can deal with the fallout before you open your mouth and say anything.

Typedef · 10-02-2003 2:19pm

I was just wondering how long you people take befour you tell your girlfriends / boyfriends that you love them?

Wait until the time is right, no rushing young grasshopper.
Maybe never...

Do you let them say it first?

That is up to you.

Do the words scare the crap out of you?
No

If you realy liked a girl or guy from the start and thought you loved them how long would it take you to tell them?

Depends, it doesn't matter who says it 'first', I think, more that, both parties are of the same opinion, as opposed to paying lip service.

logic1 · 10-02-2003 2:23pm

Whenever you think the lie will get you laid.

.logic.

Typedef · 10-02-2003 2:24pm

Originally posted by logic1
Whenever you think the lie will get you laid.

.logic.

My god... so blunt... so direct...

I like it homes.

Mercury_Tilt · 10-02-2003 2:41pm

This post has been deleted.

thedrowner · 10-02-2003 3:36pm

ive said it twice.

i said it first the first time 3 weeks into a relationship er.... because i was drunk (and i texted it) (i am such a baaaaad person). and i didnt actually love him at the time....i think i did love him a lot later on in the relationship but then i ended things when i didnt feel those feelings anymore. i feel so awful over it coz he thought the relationship was a lot more long term than i did.

the second time i *knew* i was in love after a week. but i didnt want to say it so soon (even though i kind of feel that when you feel something so important, you should say it). he officially said it me after about a month together (but i suspected he did ealier on coz it kind of slipped out in conversation). it was really nervewracking saying ti that time. we're not together any more though.

Chada · 10-02-2003 5:27pm

lol logic, its funny cos its true

hedgetrimmer · 10-02-2003 5:33pm

Fully, 1000%, what Kell said, though I do admit to bandying the phrase about in my youth far too much (ir oder to get laid, yes, I am a bad man, aren't we all until we grow up)

Victor · 10-02-2003 8:17pm

Originally posted by Doc
I was just wondering how long you people take befour you tell your girlfriends / boyfriends that you love them?
Do you let them say it first? Do the words scare the crap out of you?
If you realy liked a girl or guy from the start and thought you loved them how long would it take you to tell them?

You could fudge it with "I really like you" or "I wub u" or the likes, then check out the vibe.

smiles · 10-02-2003 9:32pm

Well anything under a month would make me run away screaming. lots.

Jesus, it does all depend, just wait until you're sure you love her, not just like her.

<< Fio >>

Riamfada · 10-02-2003 9:34pm

I have said it, but my last girl never said it too me.. auch. We broke up, suprisingly?

DriftingRain · 11-02-2003 5:26am

I think you should never say it, unless you mean it. Those three words are very powerful. When a guy tells them to me for the first time I always get nervous. I always start with something like.. "I think we have gotten so much closer in the past BLAH BLAH BLA" It has usually worked out to be the crusher or the maker of my relationships. And it don't matter who says it first as long as it was said truthfully!;)

Doc · 11-02-2003 9:58am

I would never say it unless I meant it but in the last relationship I was in I said it pretty quickly (after about a week and a half) we did stay together for nearly 2 years but I always thought that I had said it too soon despite the fact she said it back to me strait away.

In my new relationship we have become very close very quickly and have pretty much said everything but "I love you" too each other. It is going really well but I dont know what people think is a "safe" period of time to be going out with someone before you say it to them. Dont say when you feel like its safe because I already think it would be safe to say it and that she would say it back, I just dont want to come off over keen and pussing for her to say it too soon.

Sposs · 11-02-2003 3:53pm

it really depends on how well you know them,my girlfriend sayed it to me drunk after a week but the difference been with knew each other four years before we got together,it really is diiferent for everyone so i dont think you can put a timescale on when is the best time.

hedgetrimmer · 11-02-2003 3:59pm

to be honest, if you are questioning whether you should say it or not, then you shouldn;t say it, IMHHO.

Funny story. I was going out with this girl for like 3 months, she gave me a gold watch with the line "This is what we do where I'm from in order to get the man to propose". She wasn't kidding. And her daddy had a gun....

Fun times, fun times

Riamfada · 11-02-2003 4:35pm

I LOVE ALL OF YOU

Victor · 11-02-2003 8:20pm

Originally posted by Grimes
I LOVE ALL OF YOU

Slut!

TenLeftFingers · 11-02-2003 9:44pm

I fell in love with my current girlfriend within a month. I told her and she said ' I hop you don't mind that I didn't say it back'.

Everything was good, and I loved her more for that.

About two months later, she ILU'd me. Were still together. Der u hav it.

Ixidor · 11-02-2003 11:04pm

I love you to grimes!*

*terms and conditions a apply

monument · 16-02-2003 10:24pm

Originally posted by thedrowner
ive said it twice.

i said it first the first time 3 weeks into a relationship er.... because i was drunk (and i texted it) (i am such a baaaaad person). and i didnt actually love him at the time....i think i did love him a lot later on in the relationship but then i ended things when i didnt feel those feelings anymore. i feel so awful over it coz he thought the relationship was a lot more long term than i did.

What every about saying it, if after some time you’re not in love and know you will never be, you’re right to end it.

So you shouldn’t feel awful, you done the right thing

Kell · 17-02-2003 12:13pm

My heart is just brimming over here with all of this emotion (Wipes eye with corner of hanky) I love you all too. Lets all have a group hug.

By the way- whens the píss up and where? Did somebody mention the 21st?

parasite · 17-02-2003 12:45pm

i blame t.v. (grr...) for making it into some seismic event that must be overcome
mostly 'friends'

heh hehe

HJ Simpson · 17-02-2003 4:05pm

I said it to my current girlfriend after a few weeks while pissed sort of mid arguement. I had known her for a while and 5 years later we are now living together. I have to say I wouldnt recommend saying it to soon if you dont mean it.

AngelAine · 22-02-2003 8:18am

I said it to my boyfriend after about a month. We were in bed and I just said it...The thing was he never answered me and I was in bits....felt really insecure because I had never said it to anyone before let alone feel like I loved someone....

He later admitted that he wasn't quite sure what I said (i kinda muffled it under the duvet) and didn't want to ask me and embarrass me...I don't know whether that was a cop out but he ended up ringin me up (about one week later) in a druken state telling me he had something to tell me when I got home (I was in Spain at the time) and then screamed I LOVE YOU down the phone.

19 months later....we are still together....

Wickhmar · 24-02-2003 3:22pm

Don't say it till she does. In fact, wait till she says it twice. then you can start thinking about using it, but use it wisely you must.

It's your Ace in the sleeve fellas, use it when you've really f*cked up, it'll get you out of trouble.

The reasoning behind this is the (under 35 year old) woman's incredible ability to get bored/scared if the relationship seems like it's working. remember that old saying; men marry women expecting they wont change, they do. Women marry men expecting they'll change, they don't.

Women love a challenge (don't deny it girls). If you don't present a challenge, you won't hold onto your girl very long. Why do you think 'nice guys always finish last'? I'm not saying you need to be a jerk. You need to strike a nice balance. I can guarantee you that if you run around with her on a pedestal brandying the words"I love you" every five minutes and putting her above yourself, your familiy and your friends the next thing you know you'll be getting the 'you're such a sweet guy, let's just be friends' treatment. Here are two choice quotes for all you Romeos out there:

"Don't say 'I love you'
Although a serious commitment is what you want, there is no need to pressure her early on. Saying, 'I love you' prematurely is a big no-no, as your girlfriend might feel forced to respond or may even reject you on the spot. Any talk of the future, like laying out plans for marriage and kids, can scare a woman off more than your rampant back hair.

Show your affection by reaching for her hand as you walk in the mall, touching her arm as you converse across the dinner table and making eye contact when she is talking to you. Don't feel that you have to display your newfound love right away -- at the beginning of a relationship, it's all about taking things slow."

"You have to be strong and resist saying those three little words. Don't worry about scaring her away; you'll be fine, as long as you show your love through your actions. But save the "I love you" for a rainy day."

Just my two cents, I'm sure at least some of this applies to the girls out there too.

- D

coco · 04-03-2003 9:55am

I said it to mine after bout 6-7 months!

Big Chief · 04-03-2003 10:20am

a few of you have said it after a week?

either you wanted to get laid or you just cant tell the difference between love and lust..

Big Chief · 04-03-2003 10:22am

USE THE FORCE LUKE!! THE FORCE!! *

*apologies but i really wanted to use that last post aswell... no wait, ive been wanting to do it for ages and just could never find a good place for it until now

yossarin · 04-03-2003 1:23pm

I said it accidently after 3 months and it scared the crap* out of my gf. She returned it after another month.....4 years on we're saying it instead of hello.

*Metaphorically speaking

Typedef · 04-03-2003 1:45pm

Say it when you mean it.

Don't play any games, because, for me anyway, I don't know when it is I will die, maybe, I'll get killed or maimed in a motor accident or contract a terminal disease tomorrow or (n) random things may happen, and if I died without exponenciating myself and being truthful to myself then I would die a stupid and inhibited man.

My life in such circumstances would be summed up as a list entitled "Things to do", one of which would be to tell the woman I loved that it was so.

However, if you want to play a game with it, then perhaps you are happy to go to your grave, with frivolous interpersonal relationships as a paradigm for your life ™.

I am not, so I don't **** around.

Even if 'she' (or he) doesn't reciprocate, for me, that's not the issue, you, I, one, must live your life as if it was your last day on earth (or at least try to), in case ™ it "does" turn out to be your last day.

Long fingering your self or your feelings is a recipe for a life lived waiting for (n) things to happen.

Tell it to the Grim Reaper kids, I'm done with that, in so far as I can make the decision to do so.

So, for me, what that means is, I follow what I want out of this life and sometimes I fail and sometimes I suceed, but, at the very least, I die (literally) trying.

Heavy posts ™ are a function of barometric pressure.

Big Chief · 04-03-2003 1:54pm

typedef = hold in left alt then press (in this exact combination) 0153

which will give you

Big-Chief ™

[ edit - you must use the keypad numbers btw ]

Big Chief · 04-03-2003 1:55pm

just felt the need to explain that as i see alot of your posts recently with the (TM) soz

Typedef · 04-03-2003 2:04pm

Big Chief.

Quite obviously ™ you have gone mad.

Peace pipe?

Praetorian · 04-03-2003 3:44pm

Come on loike ™

It obviously depends on the couple.

Although saying it just to get your fella / girl into bed is just wrong

mooman_00 · 04-03-2003 3:58pm

Originally posted by Praetorian

Although saying it just to get your fella / girl into bed is just wrong

never heard of any girl having to say i love you to get a fella into bed

thedrowner · 09-03-2003 2:39pm

Originally posted by Typedef
Say it when you mean it.

Don't play any games, because, for me anyway, I don't know when it is I will die, maybe, I'll get killed or maimed in a motor accident or contract a terminal disease tomorrow or (n) random things may happen, and if I died without exponenciating myself and being truthful to myself then I would die a stupid and inhibited man.

i completely agree
i felt the need to tell someone once but i also felt that it would be looked upon as stupid to say it so early into a relationship...so i did wait a bit more but looking back, i feel that when you feel someone like that you really should let people know.

rymus · 10-03-2003 11:27am

Definately a firm believer in only saying it when you mean it™

I said it after about 36 hours... She said it right back. It was (if you'll forgive the hollywood sentimentality) 'the most magical moment of my life'.

karma kabbage · 19-03-2003 5:16am

generally a pessimist at heart..love is the one force i can't question. so important....

typedef...i truly love your mentality...do you live so intently all the time or just when you remember your mortality?

i was walking home from a night out with my boyfriend after five months together and we stopped in the light misty rain, in the middle of my empty village at nearly four in the morning and kissed a bit.... as supremely corny as it indeed is....i looked up into his eyes and knew with every fibre of my being i loved him. When you know you know....no way around it. If there is doubt it's not really love. You just know

When i finally told him it was two months later (i'm a wuss). we were actually sitting watching a dodgy film with some friends. i took his hand and wrote 'i love you' in biro on the palm of his hand and let him read it. his face went all gooey and he whispered in my ear he loved me too. No fireworks..we didn't even kiss, but it was great.

Typedef · 19-03-2003 11:07am

typedef...i truly love your mentality...do you live so intently all the time or just when you remember your mortality?

Hmm, I recently had a near death experience in a motor crash, in fact, I'm amazed I'm alive, so much so, that I realised, had I died at that particular moment in time, there would be perhaps four or five big, important things I hadn't done in my life, that I just really need to get done, before the day.

This recent 'life-changing event'™, is perhaps one of five major events in my life thus far.

It kind of puts things into perspective, to come so close, to being a red amorphous mass of what used to be Typedef, mushed by a car. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Suzuki, who had the forsight to manufacture motorcycle's with guard cages around the engine... thus saving Typedef™ from one Mitsubishi Galant causing death or significant injury, travelling at a modest speed relative to the troll in question.
I'd like to thank Mitsubishi for making a crumple zone on the front of the 1997 Galant and I'd like to thank all my fans, for their dedication and love... this is your troll... give yourselves a round of applause.

Seriously though, when you realise that in fact, it's only on TV, that people are invincible and immortal, you, one, (I at any rate) realise that, it is so very, very easy, to long finger important things or to say that for example, "Yes I love my girlfriend, but <random reason not to make the effort> ", when in fact on evaluation <random reason not to get shít done>, doesn't help you a tap when you're dead.... all you have then is regrets.
Also, people who say, "I'd have no regrets", are full of it. Who can honestly say, if they were to die right now, that you'd be a peace with the world?

I used to spout that "I'd have no regrets" nonesense, until, I realised, I was quite lucky to be alive and that life was not to be squandered. I'm not going to justify my existance or rationale here... I'm at peace with my motivations at least.... all that remains is to get shít done, asap.... time's a wasting.

Capre diem... etc,etc.

So, since I don't read the tarrot and I™ have no iota of an idea, when it is I may die, I, actually believe that I should expolit, the most precious resource I have available to me, in so far as I can remember to keep doing so, and to live my life, each day, without compunction and with trueness to myself and where I need to be.

That means I tell my girlfriend I love her, even though, it's quite complicated and difficult to do so, maybe it would be easier to pretend I didn't love her, but, if I did that, I'd be lying to her and to myself and this concept doesn't jibe too well with the whole being true to myself concept, I have just proposed. Truth be told... I love her to bits.

damnit.

rymus · 19-03-2003 11:36am

Originally posted by karma kabbage
i took his hand and wrote 'i love you' in biro on the palm of his hand and let him read it. his face went all gooey and he whispered in my ear he loved me too. No fireworks..we didn't even kiss, but it was great.

Awwwwwwwww *sniff* excuse me I have something in my eye...

/me runs off for a box of tissues

How long befour I.L.U. ?

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