GAA humour, bleedin funny

Yavvy

This was posted in another board but its so funny I thought the nice people that visit the humour board would enjoy this.

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Some Famous Micheal O Muirheartaigh quotes

... and Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, i'll tell ye a little story. I was in Times' Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a newsstand and I said 'I suppose ye wouldn't have the Kerryman would ye?' To which, the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said 'do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?'... he had both...so I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet..."

"Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down - his people are undertakers"

"I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them, the priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! 40 yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Ciaran Whelan goes on a rampage, its a goal. So much for religion."

"Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. Its over the bar. This man shouldn't be playing football. He's made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn't kick points like Colin Corkery.

"1-5 to 0-8.. well from Lapland to the Antarctic, that's level scores in any man's language"

"Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motoring well now ... but here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail ...... I've seen it all now, a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!"

"I see John O Donnell dispensing water on the sideline. Tipperary, sponsored by a water company. Cork Sponsored by a tae company. I wonder will they meet later for afternoon tae."

"Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy"

"Danny "The Yank" Culloty. He came down from the mountains and hasn't he done well"

"He grabs the sliotar, he's on the 50......he's on the 40......he's on the 30..........................he's on the ground"

"In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball"

"He kicks the ball lan san aer, could've been a goal, could've been a point.............it went wide."

"Stephen Byrne with the puck out for Offaly....Stephen, one of 12......all but one are here to-day, the one that's missing is Mary, she's at home minding the house.....and the ball is dropping i lar na bpairce...."

"Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar, I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns ands prints for goal, the dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide..... and the dog lost as well

"Sean Og o Hailpin.... his father's from Fermanagh, his mother's from Fiji, neither a hurling stronghold

"Teddy McCarthy to John McCarthy, no relation, John McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation "

Yavvy

The Gaa Lingo
Lamp - a good thump - eg. "I swung for the ball, missed by 3 feet and lamped their fullback"

A Crowd - A gathering of people that watch a match and hope for random acts of violence eg. "that crowd from Meath are a right shower of ****es"

Schkelp - To remove living tissue in the absence of surgical procedures eg - "That ****e from Tipp took a schkelp out of my leg"

Hatchet Man - Mountainy type, uses hunter/gatherer instincts.

Bullin' - angry - eg "the centre half back was bullin' after I lamped him"

Bull thick - very angry - eg "the centre half back was bull thick when I lamped him again"

Joult - a push - eg "I gave him a joult and he has to wear a neck brace for two weeks"

The Comm-a-teeee - Local GAA bull****ters in general

Bushted - an undefined soreness eg. "Jayz me arm is bushted"

The Bomber - a very popular nickname for a fat, hairy GAA player

A hang sangwidge - consumed with tay on the sides of roads after matches in Croker or Thurles, usually contains half a pound of butter.

Rake - A great amount of anything, usually pints of Guinness the >night before an important match

Namajaysus - What was that for, referee?

Ya-bollix-ya - Corner back's formal recognition of a score by his opponent

Leh-it-in-ta-****-would-ya - Full forward's appeal to a midfielder for a more timely delivery of the pass

Mullocker - untidy or awkward player released for matches

Burst the Bollix - Instruction to tackle your player.

Row - Disagreement involving four or more players

Massive Row - Disagreement involving both teams, including goalies, substitutes and supporters jumping fences

Running Row - A massive row that continues out in the parking area and or dressing room areas usually resolved by the Gardai

Victor

Originally posted by Alany
Schkelp - To remove living tissue in the absence of surgical procedures eg - "That ****e from Tipp took a schkelp out of my leg"

I like the surgical reference bit.

Ixidor

They are Bloody good...
i love thoughs crazy GAA players