Am I being unreasonable? I need some perspective.

BeamMeUp

I've been going out with my gf for about 4 months. We get along very well and we are always honest with each other...
...she tells me occasionally about a guy she is in college with that she is great friends with...that he is really nice and we (myself and him) should meet up because we'd get on great.

But last night in bed she told me that she would definatly "do him if we weren't going out". She obviously saw the expression on my face and said she was just being honest with me, that she loved me. (You have to understand that we have a "thing" bout being honest with each other).

I believe her, but...I feel they are flirting. Even if it's harmless, why on earth would I want to meet this guy now!?
I don't even want to hear his name. I get pis**d off when he rings her mobile. She tells him she's not doing anything, as opposed to saying she's with me.

I have more thoughts/feelings on this but Im all muddled at da mo.

Am I right to be a pis**d off?

Thanks,
BeamMeUp (Can't use ma real name!)

LegacyUser

That guy your on about, i was once him....started off great friends, used to ring her a lot and talk to her...listened to her problems told her mine.

Went to college with her and we went for dinner together, spent evenings together swore not to do anything with each other. Came close to it a few times but held back having 'him' in mind.

Then one night she stayed over in a harmless sleepover (4 of us in d room) but one thing led to another and we couldn't keep our hands of each other.

There is no advice here like, you can't ask her to choose like thats just not fair if their really good mates and she'll just hate you for it. If your relationship is strong he will not be a problem unless you let him be tho, if you give her anything to tell him about you make sure its good...treat her well, tell her what you feel for her, dont b a bad ba*tard and things will be fine.

My opinion on meeting him tho is feck that!

I'd give better advice but my head isn't in the best of shape at the minute!

fluc.

DriftingRain

A toughy but a goodie. If you lover her alot and she loves you all should be well. I think if you want to check this guy out, this is what you do. Surely you have seen what jealousy looks like. Arrange for this meeting to take place. Be the perfect boyfriend in front of him, make her feel like a total princess all night in front of him. Bring her flowers, call her honey, baby...so on... Be watching for that look from him! If you see it then you will know what he really wants from her. If you don't then you will know he is just being a good friend to her. This is the best way you can really score points with her, for not being a weenie about meeting this guy, and showing this guy that you'll not be lettin him run of with your lady! Good Luck to ya! I'll be anxious to hear the outcome!:D

BeamMeUp

Thanks for your replies, I've been sleeping on it.

Im supposed to go to their social in a week or two, but I've been thinking, her classmates are going to be thinking 'poor fellah doesn't have a clue'. I reckon she's taking the mickey out of me big time!

Obviously were both going to find other people attractive, but this is in a league of its own. I don't think she even sees it that way or she wouldn't be so open about it.

I think I'll tell her that if she thinks I want to go and watch them flirt for the night she must have a screw loose. I'm so mad now I don't really care if it blows up in my face.


BeamMeUp||

logic1

She messing you about man. Go to her social meeting tear the guys ****in head off then dump her and ride her best friend.

You'll feel so much better afterwards.

.logic.

BeamMeUp

By the sounds of things, this guy IS her best friend. So should I ride him after I tear his head off?

Gordon

Originally posted by BeamMeUp
I'm so mad now I don't really care if it blows up in my face.

Then so be it.

I'd go along for the craic. See how she is with this guy, see how you and him are together, and have a look to see if there are any nice ladies you can flirt with just for fun! heh. Warning bells shouldn't be when you don't like hearing his name - it should be when she is calling you by his name!

As for the - ride him after taking his head off... the body would probably be warmer without an acute loss of blood therefore more pleasurable!

logic1

Originally posted by Gordon

As for the - ride him after taking his head off... the body would probably be warmer without an acute loss of blood therefore more pleasurable!

Listen to the voice of experience (yes i feel this needs a double smiley)

On a more serious note I think you're probably feeling a little insecure, maybe u have low self esteem and verge on the jealous character type? It could be a totally harmless relationship your gf has with this guy. Then again she could just be a **** and you may be totally right. It's a hard one to judge. I stick by my first post.

.logic.

BeamMeUp

I forgot to mention this earlier but two of her friends were chatting about who the next couple would be to emerge from the class, and one of them nameed my girlfriend and "himself". ( She told me this herself btw ).

But I do know she loves me. She burst out cryin when she told me, and called herself a 'soppy bitch'.

I think my main problem is that she should have more cop on than to be making me look like a twit. If I'm wrong it's because I misunderstand thier relationship. I think they are just flirting. But I think that the fact that she's telling me about it as if I'm supposed to find these stories as funny just dissapoints me a little, because I always saw her as rock steady and level headed.

Now I'm starting to see her as a sort of 'silly' person. Hmmmm.... know what I mean?

logic1

Originally posted by BeamMeUp
But I think that the fact that she's telling me about it as if I'm supposed to find these stories as funny just dissapoints me a little, because I always saw her as rock steady and level headed.

Now I'm starting to see her as a sort of 'silly' person. Hmmmm.... know what I mean?

Yeah I know exactly what you mean. You know at the start of a relationship when you really fancy someone you cant stop talking about them and will bring up stuff they do or have said to anyone that will listen....

Sound familiar?

Maybe I'm just stoking the fire here but looks like your gf is thinking about this guy as a little more than a friend.

I reckon if you sat her down, non-confrontational style and just asked her to come straight with the real story and what her real feelings are toward this guy. Don't raise your voice at her and don't play emotional mind games. Have a totally straight conversation, get her total trust and hear everything she has to say, if after u hear it all you don't like it THEN STAMP EM BOTH THE **** OUT.

.logic.

DeVore

I think you're the silly one mate.

She's got a male friend. Hey maybe they even flirt!
Fnck it maybe they'd be screwing each other till their eyes bled if you werent around.

All the same: SHE CHOSE YOU.

She could dump you and be with him BUT she hasnt and in fact she's being quite open and honest and probably a little vulnerable with you. If she wanted him she could drop you like a bad habit and BE WITH HIM HOWEVER and lets just put this in big four foot letters:


SHE CHOSE AND CHOOSES YOU


Christ, if I met you I'd probably slap you. If she leaves you its because you're being a moron about this.


DeV.

logic1

I don't think you're getting the whole picture here DeVore, it's not a case of simply she could be with him or she could go with the other guy.

I think he's more concerned that she's with him *and* the other guy, or that she may soon do the dirt on him. Alot of girls like guys won't break it off before "choosing" someone else as I'm sure you're aware.

.logic.

Dont be at yourself

I disagree with DeVore.

She said that if she wasn't in a relationship with you, she'd be with the other guy. Now, you could take this to mean that she chose you over him.

But, you could take it to mean that the only reason that she is not with him is because of her relationship with you - ie. if there was no baggage attached to going out with him, she would.

I'd be a bit worried myself. They sound pretty close and there's sexual attraction between the two of them.

DriftingRain

He said to start with that they have this total honesty thing going...so maybe she just needed to tell him the truth to feel like she was being honest with him. I am in agreement that he needs to have a calm and honest talk with the way her feelings really are towards this guy. If she has declared her love in a soppy way you could really be making way to much o the whole situation and totally blowing it with her by being a weenie. But if I were you i would wanna know how she really felt about this guy you could always just break up with her to see if she does run and make it with him. If she comes back to you with out going to him first...then you'll have your answer. Good Luck

BeamMeUp

Yeah, a sit down is needed allright.

It gets worse too. To futher her qualification she'll be going to college in another county for two years, and guess who'll be doing the same course as her there!!

I'd better tell her (calmly) how I feel about the whole thing. It's very confusing.

Thanks for all the input. I'll be seeing her tonight but well have company so we won't be able to talk to her properly until thursday.

BeamMeUp

Whoops...should also have mentioned: she wants us to get engaged after she finishes college ( her idea, not mine ). Maybe I am being really stupid.

smiles

Jesus, relax.

I've guys who's really good mates, and my boyfriend doesnt throw a hissy fit (not that i've seen anyway) when any of them ring me up and talk to me.

Sounds a little like she wants you to meet him and see how they are together so you'll have no suspicions.

Ask to meet the guy, and have a chat with her and tell her that it makes you a little uncomfortable, and then she can explain herself.

If you see them together as mates that might just relax you a little.

Anyway, why would she bring him if she had something to hide... unless it was some bizarre double contradiction logic designed to confuse you....

G'luck

<< Fio >>

Typedef

Originally posted by BeamMeUp
I believe her, but...I feel they are flirting.

Ya think ?

Hey... maybe 'she trying to make you jealous'.

Seems to have worked a treat too. Now roll over and play dead.
The term "well trained" springs to mind.

Typedef

Originally posted by BeamMeUp
Maybe I am being really stupid.

Yeah, that'd be my take, have a gold star for random paranoia and blinkered jealously though...
.... it's obvious who wears the pants in your relationship.

(no pun).

ha

thedrowner

i kind of see both sides of what everyone is saying here. i do think that is she tells you honestly there is nothing going on then you should just leave it be and trust her, coz if you dont have trust you dont have a propper relationship, so talking to her about it is a good idea IMO. I can't believe she'd be that honest if she was up to anything with him unless she's one cruel bitch playing the stupidity card to put you off the trail. and you know yourself she's probably not that kind of person.

on the other hand, if she's flirting with him so much that people are talking about them and it's making you look/feel stupid about it personally, and in front of her friends, then you need to have a word with her about it because it's not fair on you. there's nothing wrong with a bit of harmless flirting but it ceases to be harmless when it's affecting you so much.

Kell

BMU- to answer your question, no I dont think you are being unreasonable. A few years ago my ex GF never shut the fúck up about her ex boyfriend. I mean she babbled about him constantly and it drive me up the fúcking wall. I am friends with a load of girls that I would like to jump in the sack with and vica versa however, I dont feel the need to point this out to my GF. I am just being sensitive to her feelings by not pointing it out and I think your GF should be more sensitive to your feelings about this as well.

I mean FFS, all who have come out with "You're a paranoid overbearing jerk" comments. If all of you were happily sharing an aprés shag fag in bed with the GF and she comes out and says "I'd be with this guy if it werent for you" do you think you'd be any different than BeamMeUp?

Go along to the social, put yourself through the torture. If theres lots of touching and stuff going on with your GF and yer man and she smiles at him more than you, get shítfaced, embarrass her and get caught shagging some fresher in the jax. That'll teach her.

bombidol

Id lose the rag if i was you man, Sounds bad i know but the comment she made about being with him if it wasnt for you is completly ****in unacceptable, If the shoe was on the other foot shed probably lose it altogether. Sit her down and tell her youre not comfortable with her flirting with another man while shes with you , cause lets face it if shes thought about not being with you and being with him how long is it before she acts on it , if theres no boundries god knows how far it will go

Victor

Originally posted by BeamMeUp
Am I right to be a pis**d off?

A little, however if you are so insecure that you can't tolerate him phoning her, I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with your gf.

BeamMeUp

Well first of all thanks for all the replies. We got time to talk over the weekend.

She felt bad for saying she found him attractive, and I explained that were both going to find ppl attractive obviously, and I don't actually care about whether she's attracted to anyone or not, just don't make a fool of me by making it so obvious.

That is, I asked her IF that was the case, I wasn't really sure.

She was a little dissapointed at first but as I refreshed her memory and she saw where I was coming from. Anyway, I'm happy. She's not doing anything that I wouldn't be doing with one of my female friends at college. There's genuinely no doubt in either of our minds that we love each other.

Thanks again folks, I really needed the input. I wasn't sure if I was making a mountain out a molehill!

BeamMeUp||