Navy jokes

Victor

As a crowded airliner is about to take-off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an older man in the uniform of a US Navy Chief begins to make his way up the aisle.

Stopping the frustrated mother's upraised hand, the white haired, courtly, soft-spoken Chief leans down and, motioning toward his collar, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.

As the Chief slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me Chief," she asks quietly, "could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?" The Chief smiled serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my anchors, service stripes, and battle ribbons, and then explained to him that they entitled me to throw one passenger out of the plane."

~~~~~~~~~~~

A young Ensign approaches the crusty old Senior Chief and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias. "Well," replied the Senior Chief, "the insignias for the Navy are steeped in history and tradition.

First, we give you a gold bar representing that you are very valuable but also malleable. The silver bar also represents significant value, but is less malleable. Now, when you make Lieutenant, your value doubles, hence the two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over the military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you are, obviously, a star. Does that answer your question?"

"Yes Senior Chief" replied the young Ensign. "But what about Lieutenant Commander and Commander?"

"That, sir, goes waaaay back in history - back to the Garden of Eden. You see we've always covered unimportant things with leaves."

~~~~~~~~

A Petty Officer Second Class, First Class and a Chief are off the ship together for lunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first!" says the Petty Officer Second Class. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, a beautiful woman at my side and not a care in the world. " Poof! He's gone. "Me next!" says the First Class. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and a beautiful woman." Poof! He's gone. "You're next," the Genie says to the Chief. The Chief says, "I want those two back on the ship right after lunch."

~~~~~~~

"The Chief and the Gunny"

An old Chief [Navy] and an old Gunny [Marine Corp] were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career.

"I did 30 years in the Corps," the Gunny declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade.

As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire.

Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a fire fight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"

"Ah," said the Chief with a dismissive wave of his hand, "all shore duty, huh?"

superconor

ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ... s

sorry not very funny. if you are in the nave i suppose mebbe different...

oeNeo

3rd one was ok, the rest weren't. :P