Liverpool FC

Zoot

For all you Liverpool fans............



Gerard Houllier was caught speeding on his way to Anfield today.
When questioned he said, "I'll do anything for 3 points".


A man hands over a £50 note to the turnstyle operator at Anfield.
Man: Two please.
Turnstyle Operator: Will that be defenders or strikers, sir?


How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they're all happy living in the shadows.

Why do Liverpool fans put team stickers on their cars?
So they can park in the handicapped spots

A man desperate at Liverpool's current situation decides to top
himself.
In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full Liverpool kit as his last statement.
A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police.
On arrival, the police quickly remove the Liverpool kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man,totally confused asks why. The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice Shouts out "Liverpool are good enough to win the League." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

Apparently, Gerard Houllier offered to send the Liverpool squad on an all expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.

What do you get if you see a Liverpool fan buried up to his neck in sand? More sand.

Name three football clubs that contain swear words?
Arsenal, S****horpe And F*****g Liverpool

Police recenlty quizzed Emile Heskey about an alleged attack on a Pregnant lady.
When asked why he attacked the woman, he replied: "I never Realised she was pregnant, I thought that it was a 50-50 ball that she had up her jumper!"

What is the difference between the Elephant man and Emile Heskey?
The Elephant Man has a better chance of scoring.

Gerard Houllier was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket Car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping. He Stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" to which the old lady replied, "no way you got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"

A bloke goes into the John Lennon Airport and manages to eventually get into the departure lounge where his flight home is being called. All around him there are overturned tables, smashed windows, computer terminals broken, upturned chairs and crowd control barriers lying on the floor.
"Christ, what's happened here?" he asks one of the ground crew. "Oh yeah...", he replies "Absolutely hopeless .... we had the Liverpool players in here this morning filming the new Nike ad".

A fella is going through the park one day when he sees a child being attacked by a large Rottweiler. Fearing not for his safety, he leaps on the manky beast and after a struggle manages to break it's neck and kill it. Now this violent scenario was witnessed by a reporter for the Daily Record, Who approaches the man to offer his congratulations.
He asks if he can run The story of great bravery in the paper next day. Our hero agrees to this. The reporter then asks if the man is an Everton supporter. When told no, he says "that's a pity - I would have used the headline 'Toffee Man Saves Tot'.... The reporter then asks if the fella is by any chance a Newcastle supporter.
Again, unfortunately the answer is no ..."you see I could have used Magpie Saves Bairn"...When asked which team he actually does support the rescuer replies "I'm a Liverpool Follower"..... "Ah, I see. Well sir, tonight I'll see what I can do with that", comes the reply.
The following morning, the headline on page 2 of the Daily Record reads:-
"ANFIELD BASTARD SAVAGES FAMILY PET"

Don1

Oh me likey very muchey! Then again anything anti-"Scouse B*stards" gets my vote. eg Lock Stock..... class "Gary mate, bahck in d cea!"