Top 8 people of 2002

Ronaldo

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!! In Modesto,California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.(hellllllooooooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE (I LOVE THIS ONE!!!) Last summer, down on Lake
Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER... THIS
IS TRUE ... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the
trailer

hussey

how about putting all the jokes you got from e-mail/some joke site in one thread called 'Loads of jokes'

Instead

The Reaper

no time to read all a dat!

JohnK

#2 & #8 are brilliant

TomTom

I've seen those around for years.

Ronaldo

what am I supposed to do ?? Check with you all to see if you've seen it before ?? you don't have to read it if you don't want, hopefully some people will enjoy it.....

McGintyMcGoo

It's funny because some people seem to want all of the jokes in the same thread, yet some say that they are too long to read.

You know what they say, "you can please 6 of the people 37% of the time, but you can't make a horse drink champagne"

Some also say that the devil is dead and buried in Killarney,
more say he rose again ..... (old ballad)

Ronaldo

my sentiments entirely !!!

McGintyMcGoo

No, I think that if you check closely, you'll find that they are my sentiments entirely!

Ronaldo

yes, but if you check even closer you will see that I am Ronaldo, the world's greatest footballer and like the Pope, I am infallible, so therefore anything I post on this site just oozes with class and is mine all mine....the message icon is a pen pic of my goodself having scored the 2nd goal against the Germans in the WC Final

Pugsley

rofl at the Getaway... only in America