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Cork Fiction

  • 11-12-2002 12:08pm
    #1
    hussey
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,240 ✭✭✭


    I seen this when I in first year (4yrs ago)
    stil funny(ish)

    The Scene: John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson sitting in car talking
    (Pulp Fiction music fades off...)

    S: Ok, so tell me again about the Corkonians

    J: Whaddya wanna know?

    S: Beastiality is legal there right?

    J: Yeah, its legal but it ain't a 100% legal. I mean you can't just walk into a field, pick up a sheep and start pumpin' away. They want you to shag sheep in your home or certain designated places.

    S: And those are valleys?

    J: Ok, it breaks down like this: its legal to buy a sheep, its legal to own a sheep and if you're a farmer its legal to sell or loan sheep, its ILLEGAL to **** sheep in public but...but...but that doesn't matter 'cos, getta loada this, the police in Cork are too stupid to notice you've got a sheep hanging off your dick. I mean that's the intellect the police in Cork DON'T have.

    S: Arrr man. I'm not goin', that's all there is too it, I'm never ****in' goin'.

    J: Nah man, you'd hate it the most. But do know what the funniest thing about Cork is?

    S: What?

    J: Its the little differences, I mean they got the same kinda people over there as we got here, but there they're a little different.

    S: Example.

    J: Ok. You can walk into a Movie theatre in Cork city and order a lump of manure, and I'm not talkin' about no paper cup, I'm talkin' about a LUMP of manure. And in Middleton you can buy manure in MacDonalds. Do you know what they call a 1/4 pounder with cheese in Cork?

    S: They don't call it a 1/4 pounder with cheese?

    J: Nah man, they don't have fractions, they wouldn't know what the **** a 1/4 pounder is.

    S: So whadda they call it?

    J: A (assumes Cork accent) -Hang end Cheese Sangwhichch-.

    S: A Hang end Cheese Sandwichch?

    J: That's right.

    S: And whadda they call a Big Mac?

    J: A Big Macs a Big Mac but there they call it a Big Mecc liiiiike(accent again).

    S: (immitating accent badly) A Bich Mechch liiiike?

    J: Ha ha ha

    S: Whadda they call a Whopper?

    J: I don't know, I didn't go into Burger King....... Do you know what they put on French Fries in middleton instead of ketch-up?

    S: What?

    J: Manure.

    S: Arrr man...

    J: I,ve seen 'um do it man, they ****in' drown 'um in that ****.


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