Remember this one! Tis Brilliant

Baldy

NORTHSIDE LEAVING CERT

MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN THE NORTHSIDE OF DUBLIN

NAME _________________________

NICK-NAME ____________________

GANG NAME ____________________

1. Deco has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Vinno for
300 quid and 90 grams to Tomo for 90 quid a gram,what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

2. Anto pimps 3 brassers. If the price is 40 quid a royde, how many roydes per day must each brasser perform to support Vinno's 500 quid a day crack habit?

3. Whacker wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 quid, to make a 20% profit. How many grams of strychnine will he need?

4. Christy got 6 years for murder. He also got £350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends £33,100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out of the 'Joy?

Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Christy get for killing the slapper that spent his money?

5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square meters and the average letter is 1 square meter, how many letters can be sprayed with eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free?

6. Liamo steals Eamo's skateboard. As Liamo skates away at a speed of 35 mph, Eamo loads his brothers armalite. If it takes Eamo 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Liamo have travelled when he gets whacked?

SOUTH SIDE LEAVING CERT MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN THE SOUTHSIDE OF DUBLIN

NAME______________________________________________
(if longer, please continue on a separate sheet)

SCHOOL____________________

DADDY'S COMPANY___________

1. Julian smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and killing three people. The old man asks his local TD to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y.

The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Julian driving now?

2. Chloe's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Chloe doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?

3. Roly fancies the arse off a certain number of tarts, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two-thirds?

4. If Savannah throws up four times a day for a week she can fit a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up three times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce et Gabbano. How much does liposuction cost?

5. Alexander is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When does his Sunday Independent column start?

COUNTRY LEAVING CERT

MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS OUTSIDE OF DUBLIN

Name: Paddy/Mary _________________________

1. If Paddy Joe Murphy drove a Massey Ferguson through Paddy Johns turnip crop at 10miles an hour . What colour was Paddy Johns tractor?

2. If John Joe likes Mary and Mary likes Paddy, how much is a pint
of stout in O'Briens at the crossroads?

3. Paddy Joe Mahoney has 25 sheep, 10 cows, 12 hens, a cockrel and 6 geese. John Joe has 12 sheep, 18 cows and 12 pigs. How much does Paddy Joe offer to John Joe for a dowry for Mary?

4. If it takes Sarah Jane 20 minutes to walk 12 miles to O'Briens
on the crossroads for the ceile contest and it takes Mary Murphy 20 minutes to walk 14 miles to O'Briens, which girl will end up in John Joes hay barn?

5. If Paddy Joes prize hen can lay 4 eggs every morning and his other hens can lay only two each the odd morning, which one will he have for Sunday dinner?

LoGiE

3. Roly fancies the arse off a certain number of tarts, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two-thirds?

Jebus...ROFL:)

Thanx 4 The Fish

Got that before in German, seems that there are Northsiders there too

John2002

A blast from the past but still had me (and the whole office) in stitches!

Carbiens

Originally posted by Baldy
On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners.

rofflmao christ thats funny

Space Coyote

Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit !