A baby on the way...

LegacyUser

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So i go to the doctor last week wondering why i was feeling sick all the time. I was thinking i just had the flu or something, but nope, turns out i have a baby on the way and a bad case of morning sickness. Turns out im over 1 month pregnant, almost 2. I guess that would explain my moodyness. So im like in that 4% of people who get pregnant while on birth control, wonderful. After the shock wore off i took it pretty well. I acually was kind of got excited. I mean i want 4 kids, but of course i pictured myself married and older...guess im just getting started super early.

Well the thing is iv had 2 miscarriges. They both when i was young, but it still made me conceredned. So I went to my doctor so we were talking and i told her about the miscarriges and she said she was a lil worried about my health if i carry the baby full term. Shes worried that if i carry the baby full term its going to be a huge strain on me my body, plus when i was a lil i had hip sergury and shes worried about my hips not spreading, then there was a few other things she was concerned with that pertain to my health. So she said she was going to send me to another doctor one who specalizes in at risks births or some crap like that. Great so now im under the catagory of "at risk births" how comforting. So that freaked me out, i was already scared of loosing this baby, now she made me feel 20 times worse. God i love doctors.

Now this is the bad part. Ever since iv found im pregnant iv been having the worst nightmeres about me loosing this baby, or the worst one is where the other babys i lost come back and kill me and my baby. Stupid as it seems its scaring me. And i have the worst feeling that im gunna loose this baby. Its horrible, im already like the worst mother ever, the baby not even born and im sitting here thinking its gunna die. I feel guilty, but i cant help but feeling like im gunna loose it. Is that a normal thought? I dont think it is, but all i can do of think of the other 2 i lost and now im scared, and the stupid doctor didnt help me, she only made me feel worse.

Then theres my b/f, havent told him yet. I know, i know, i shoulda told him. But i dunno how too. Were broken up, and iv moved out. Well acually we say were broken up but hes over here almost every other night, and we still act like were together, bacically we are, just were not living together anymore, i dunno. But im not scared to tell him becasue i think he will be upset, its just the oppisite. I know he will be excited. He wants kids more then anything, and we talked about what we'd do if i ever got pregnant before we even ever had sex, and he said if i ever got pregnant "that would be the best thing", ughh. Anyways i cant tell him. Im scared im going to get his hopes up, then i'll loose the baby, then he would be crushed, id feel guilty or something. I tried to tell him the other night, but i couldnt. I need to, and i will, but i just dont know how to. I mean **** it took me like a month to tell him i loved him, and now i have to tell him something 20 times bigger then that. Aghhhhh, i dunno how. He's gunna be all excited, and get me all excited, then what if i go to the doctor next week and they give us bad news? What of they tell me i cant have the baby? I dunno, i was thinking about waiting till i go to the doc next week and see what they say, then telling Dustin...i cant decided if its better to wait or if i need to tell him now. Ughhhhhhhhh! I dunno, i dunno! I feel like im going insain. I have all these crazy thoughts, and i thought i just sort everything out b4 i told him, but that plan isnt working.

There is really no question or point to this post. I dunno, acually i was wondering if me having all these thoughts of loosing this baby is normal? I mean did any of you mothers out there have bad thoughts like that or is it just me? Plus how do i tell Dustin? Do i wait, or tell him now? I dunno. I dunno anything right now, i cant even thing straight. To top this all off i almost drank the other night, how pathetic is that. Im pregnant and almost drinking, wow im smart. I stopped myself, but i went as far as to even order the drink and everything. I dunno what got into me. I feel so weird. Its like the worst part of my life is replaying all over, but the thing is this time its like the best guy ever, and i want the baby more then anything, but i cant stop myself from freaking out.

Ughh sorry this is so long. I got a lil carried away. Anywho thanks for putting up w/ crazy talk.

I am confuseded

Gordon

Not that it should matter but how old are you? Are you still sleeping with "Dustin" your ex? When did you break up with him anyway?

odee

Read your post, and remembered....
Any advice is ****e, but you must know that every woman goes through the same worries, even if the pregnancy is unplanned.
You are only just pregnant, the obvious thing to do is tell everyone, but it's not always the best way.
Tell people you trust,even though it's tempting to have people to share with.
That way, if the worst does happen, there are many less people you have to tell.
Only you know how you feel about it all,and you are the most important person at the moment.
As for drinking and stuff, I would say that most women only discover they are pregnant after a few months,and drink in that time, don't worry too much.

Good luck

Victor

Well first off congratulations, if you feel it’s appropriate. You sound like someone who is not quite alone in the world, but still unable to find someone to talk to.

I suspect the doctor is preparing you for the worst. Just because you have had a pattern of miscarriages doesn't mean this pregnancy will also miscarry, although I understand there is a pattern (my sisters friend has had several miscarriages but has four children now). He wants you to talk to the specialist because he is being prudent and careful. Just like my doctor sent me to a specialist for my liver and no doubt you will be referred to a gynaecologist and an obstetrician in due course. It doesn't mean the worst is happening or will happen, he is just evaluating the situation.

Many people have nightmares and the like as their body goes through change from hormones and the like (which you are doing in preparation for birth). Pre-natal depression, if that is the case, is not unheard of.

Regarding someone to talk to, try a female friend or sister or mother or other relative first and then work up to the boyfriend. If you have severe problems with this ask your doctor to recommend a counsellor or try cura or similar organisation. By telling your boyfriend early, you can both prepare for any eventuality. He is more likely to understand if you tell him early as it gives him times to adjust. Telling him afterwards may make it emotionally difficult for him.

While I don't know the case for "at risk" pregnancies, the general maternity rates in Ireland are among the best, if not the best, in the world.

Note you can get some financial and practical assistance during the pregnancy and after the birth from the Department of Social Welfare and your local Health Board and community groups.

PM me if you want in confidence.

Nevyn

Congratulation


They say pregnacy is one of the most wonderfully things that can happen and you can bet it was a man that said that.

Now getting totally stressed wont help your condition and with your history you will worry like hell i know i did but after it all i have my two angles (bratz depending on the day )

If you are not happy wiht your Docs advice change doc, better yet get an early appointment with which ever hospital you have been or wnat to attend they have a lot more experince then your gp.

Also the hospitals have lists of councllors if you dont feel comfy talking to someone from Cura.

You will have several mnths to sort things all out. there are a lot o people out there how get told by doc that they are not up to the strain of carring a child but nature has her ways. Maybe you are in a better life place then you were before and that could be part of it.

I wish you the best through all of this, you and your impending bump.

Beruthiel

I'm wondering what age you are if you've already had two miscarriages? or is it just you have very skinny hips? either way, you won't be the first skinny woman to have a baby and as you are already 2 months pregnant you are nearly out of risk!! (3 months being the most risky time for every woman)
Don't worry too much about all the doctor says, s/he is just covering all angles and that's a good thing for you! There is no harm whatsoever to have as many checkups as possible, it will settle your worries and it means that there will be less risk when the baby comes to term.
There is no point to worry, it will not help, try to relax about it for now, after all, ALL births can be at risk one way or another and 99.9% of the time nothing happens and a healthy baby is born.
When I was pregnant, I also was freaked about how she would be, as her father had a mentally handicaped sister, you can imagine what was running through my mind for 9 months! But everything turned out right in the end.
My sister found out she was pregnant after a month and she was also freaked as she had spent that month basically partying like you wouldn't believe. She gave up the smokes and drink then, but she had worried about that first month all the way through, once again, a normal healthy baby was born.
The odd glass of wine is no harm for the baby and you shouldn't worry too much about that, if anything, it's the ciggies that are the worst.
As for Dustin, if your doctors appt. is next week and you feel you need to wait to tell him, then wait.
It's your decision what you do right now, and what you feel comfortable with. However, you have said he will be excited about the whole thing, if you are comfortable with him knowing, would it not be better to have him there for support? or is it a case of, you'd prefer he wasn't?
Try to decide what imput you want from him and then tell him. So what if it get's his hopes up? it's his baby too and if you have to go through all these feelings, why can't he? is this not what every couple goes through one way or another since the dawn of time?

PM me if you have any questions you need answers to.
Once again, try to relax and decide what it is you need from others around you, be selfish in your needs and stop worrying what and how they might feel, this is your time and it's others that should be taking care of you, not the other way around!